As I said earlier: I'm on a roll. Literally. Thanks to Katamari Damacy and its addicting gameplay and LSD-in-video-game-form atmosphere... I feel inspired. Don't ask. I just do. Also, thanks goes to Sage Quill for the idea of using hamsters as a weapon of mass-destruction. And...uh...I'm not very satisfied with how this ended up... or maybe that's just my OCD kicking in...

Warnings: you might be afraid of hamsters for the rest of your life. Read at your own risk!

Chapter 4: Hamsters!

Guadosalam – the city inside a giant organic, tree-like cavern. Home to the guado race. The place where you can enter the Farplane. A full list of the town's tourist attractions was kind of endless once you thought about it. One of them being the fabled Jyscal mansion. At this very moment of time, five particularly agitated guardians and a summoner were waiting in front of the estate's ornate door.

"Ooh, where is he?" a young summoner, who went by the name of 'Yuna', asked for the n-th time in a row.

As if on cue, a blond head popped up from behind a house. Not that anybody noticed, of course. Well, maybe Kimahri Ronso did, but kept silent about it (just like many other things). Naturally, he was a feline that kept his promises. Especially ones that included catnip as a form of bribe in exchange for his silence.

A few minutes passed and the group of six, finally tired of waiting for the boy from Zanarkand, departed towards the farplane platform. The coast was clear and Tidus finally decided to act. His plan was foolproof and highly effective. The creepy guado-maester was going to pay dearly for whatever words he whispered to Yuna. As far as Tidus was concerned – if they made the summoner blush and stutter... Eh... He decided against imagining that... Picking up the metal cage, which contained the 'stars' of this little revenge scheme, and whistling the 'Mission Impossible' tune, the blitzer began sneaking towards Jyscal manor.

When O'aka XXIII had suggested this particular method of revenge, Tidus was skeptical. Hamsters? How could hamsters be considered dangerous in any way? When the traveling merchant started mumbling something about plot-holes and 'some-complicated-word'-gate... Tidus, due to limited funds and lack of better alternatives (seriously, exploding garden gnomes?!)... Long story short: the blitzer bought the cage containing four hamsters that were supposed to be 'far more devastating than you can imagine'. At least that creep Seymour will have a rodent problem on his hands. Now that Tidus actually thought about it... 'Rodents' plus 'wooden building' equals what? Letting the little furry infiltrators out of their cage and through the slightly ajar front door, the blitzer wiped his forehead and went to dispose of the container.

Meanwhile, the hamsters found themselves in an unfamiliar environment. This place was so different from the usual magic-infused stone of their usual habitat. Quietly conversing among themselves, the little rodents ventured further into unknown territory.

The first room the four hamsters stumbled upon had 'jackpot' spelled all over it. Food. Tables full of delicious food. Without further ado, the furry brigade scaled the leg of the nearest table and proceeded to stuff their cheeks with anything that smelled edible. What they didn't expect was a high-pitched scream that seemed to echo through the whole mansion. The leader, nicknamed 'Hammy', sniffed the air and stopped munching on a cactuar-shaped cookie. The owner of the scream was nearby. Sitting up, Hammy surveyed his surroundings. An eccentric-looking human with hair shaped like a roach's antenna was staring at him with a look of pure disgust. Two pairs of eyes met...

"Boys, there's another one of those here!"

"What do you mean, boss?"

"Remember that group of weirdos that kept screaming 'Nibelung Valesti' and other nonsense?"

"You don't mean..!"

"Prepare for battle, men!"

Seymour, however, was oblivious to this rather intelligent conversation going on between the furry intruders. Rodents?! In his home?! Unforgivable! As soon as he dealt with these pests, the guado was going to severely punish the servants... and get some new rodent-traps. That merchant had tricked him, saying that they were one-hundred-and-fifty percent effective. This mental note to the revenge journal was interrupted by an apple seed hitting the Maester square in the forehead. And not just any seed. A full-powered projectile attack that could inflict significant damage to a person. Three more attacks followed, knocking the guado off balance.

"This is our chance for an all-out attack!"

"Let's do this!"

And so, the hamsters decided to use their trump card. The technique only available to them. A devastating tactic, capable of taking down the mightiest warriors. After a quick 'chant' (which consisted of a few extraordinary complicated words in ancient-hamsterian) the air right behind the furry brigade began to shift and ripple...

Meanwhile, in front of the farplane entrance.

"Auron, did you just hear something?"

"What do you mean?"

"Dunno, like... an earthquake or something."

"Hmpf."

"I'll take that as a 'no'."

Back at the mansion's dining room, a cloud of dust and loose fur had finally settled down, revealing a severely battered (and pretty much dead) Maester lying on the floor. The only other occupants of the room resumed their highly important task of stuffing food behind their cheeks...

And that's that. Cookie if you guess where the hamsters came from.