Title:Love in the Time of Cavemen
Author:PenisControl
Beta:Neighpony
Rating:M
Pairings:Top!Caveman!Harry/Bottom!Caveman!Draco. Side of Ron/Hermione, mentions of Lucius/Narcissa and Pansy/Blaise.
Warning:This is not historically, politically or literarily correct. This is SLASH also. Look out for excessive use of the word 'manstick'.
Disclaimer:I don't own any of the characters. Unless I spell their names differently. -shifty eyes-
Summary:Chronicling the gay adventures of the first two Cavemen to ever think of putting their manstick in anything other than a Cavewoman. Harry/Draco AU.

A/N:Seeing as I left out the imagery in this fic, imagine the beach as sandy, the forest as green, all caves as dark and grey and the Cavemen and Cavewomen with excessive body hair, bad odour, rotten teeth and bad skin. Now on with the fic!

Rule of thumb: All names must have at least one 'G'.

Harry - Haggy

Draco - Drago

Ron - Gon

Hermione - Heggony

Dumbledore - Duggdore

Narcissa - Naggigga

Hagrid - Hagid

Voldemort - Voggymog

Lucius - Lugus

Ginny - Giggy

Snape - Snag

Pansy - Paggy

Blaise - Blag

Lily - Liggy

Prologue Part 1/10

Haggy never had the life of a normal Caveman. Instead of growing up in a loving cavehold with his Cavemum and Cavedad, he grew up with some weird Cavepeople he didn't like much. He had no idea who they were and two of them were very large and couldn't move out of the cave without getting puffed. They forced him to hunt for all their food, and sweep all the dust and dirt out of their cave with a fern frond everyday. Unfortunately for Haggy, the floor of the cave was actually just dust and dirt so he was clubbed sometimes for not cleaning well enough, but not often because it would tire out the oldest fattest Caveman in the cave. These horrible Cavepeople had told Haggy all his life that his Caveparents were killed in a horrible cavebrawl that happened when Haggy was a little Caveman between caves 2a and 5d. Sometime later in his life, a giant Caveman called Hagid came along and rescued Haggy. He told Haggy his Caveparents were actually eaten by the evil Tyrannosaurus Rex, Voggymog and Duggdore had decided to put him in cave 4f with the mean Cavepeople because it had the best protection from Voggymog if he decided to turn up and finish his job off by eating Haggy. It was, after all, the only cave with beach access.

After that Haggy had gone off to Duggdore's giant cave to learn about caveart, hunting, cooking, cave design, and hide making. Haggy found out that his dead Caveparents had left him lots of furs and hides for him in the care of Duggdore, so he got a new black Jaguar loincloth and was very happy, as his bits didn't dangle in the wind anymore. He even met his two best friends at Hogwog (for that was the special name Duggdore called his learning cave). They were called Gon and Heggony, and they had much fun getting lost in all the side-chambers at Hogwog. Unfortunately, Duggdore was counting on Haggy to kill Voggymog so he had to be taught hunting much more than the other subjects.

When the time had come, Voggymog had grown strong from eating the sacrifices of the Cavepeople who worshipped him (known as Carcass Eaters) and Haggy and the rest of the crew from Hogwog ran at Voggymog and attacked him with spears. But the victory was bitter-sweet, as their mentor Duggdore had died from an infection earlier that season when he'd been bitten by Voggymog.

There was much rejoicing, and Haggy, Gon and Heggony decided to set up a cave (cave 7b) and live there for the rest of their lives.

Tbc.

A/N2: Hope your curiosity has been peaked. I'll probably be updating every second day from now. Peace.