Outside, near the back of his house, there was a pond. It was a small little pond full of those adorable little koi fish that always seemed eager to see him, probably because Tadase was the only one who cared enough to actually come and feed them. He watched them swarm at the water's edge as he dumped some food onto the surface.
Tadase was fond of the pond. He didn't really know why; he just was. And Tadase was comfortable with that. So he found himself sitting outside leaning against his rock when his feet were too tired to walk anymore. He'd never had a problem so big his feet actually got sore from how far he trekked. He supposed it was good for him, as it cleared his mind and was healthy for his body.
He watched the koi fish fight for food. It was sort of ironic to the blonde that the "love" fish were so aggressive. Love wasn't supposed to be aggressive. It was supposed to be nice and gentle and sweet and a feeling of utmost joy and sensation and... and yet...
Tadase frowned. Maybe he only had one experience to base his conclusion, but it was now becoming apparent to the boy that everything he'd been told about love was a lie. Especially what Ikuto had told him. He was going to have to completely redefine the word, as the foundation for his current definition was Ikuto. He hadn't been sure what the word meant or what it meant to actually be in love. Ikuto had. And he had shared. And Tadase had listened, wide-eyed and curious and so damn innocent.
The blonde ran his fingers through his hair. He didn't want to be innocent anymore. He wasn't innocent anymore, not after what he and Ikuto had done, anyway. He never wanted anyone to take advantage of him ever again. People told him he was a sweetheart. He didn't want to be a sweetheart anymore.
He kicked a pebble into the pond, watching indifferently as the ripples cut the smooth surface. He really needed to get a hold of himself. Breakups were difficult; Tadase knew this from his parent's divorce. His mom hadn't wanted his father anymore. And his father was desperately in love. And then his mom cheated to prove her point and took him away from his dad. He hadn't seen his dad since.
Tadase had never really been close to his parents. So it wasn't a dramatic event when he no longer saw his father. He never saw his father anyway, so it was barely a change. His mother was no different. Preoccupied with her work and her many boyfriends, she only paid him shallow compliments and tossed out a few pieces of advice every now and again. She had met Ikuto. She had liked the older boy. But that didn't really matter. She thought the breakup had been between him and some random girl.
But his parents didn't matter. The only thing that brought them into his thought process was that they weren't there. And that meant he had relied on Ikuto a lot more than he thought. And then Ikuto left. That sort of put the whole thing in perspective.
Tadase fidgeted as a cold wind blew by, snapping him back to reality. He had been so spacey lately. He figured letting his thoughts drift might help, but usually he tended to regret it. His thoughts just brought back memories. He pushed himself up from the dirt and cast a final look down towards the pond. And with that, he left and returned towards his house.
---
He was wearing one of Ikuto's sweatshirts. It was the black one, the one with the swirling pattern down the left arm and the openings for thumbs and the random words on the back, right side that Ikuto would claim to be staring at when he was checking out the boy's ass. It was too big. It always surprised Tadase just how tall Ikuto was compared to him. And Ikuto always caught every girl's eye, and yet he had been set on the blonde.
Tadase shook his head. No, he was wrong. Ikuto hadn't ever loved him. He squeezed his eyes closed. That was going to take awhile to drill through his mind. So Tadase kept walking, fingering the hem of the sweatshirt that was far too big for him. He saw the girls watching him; he figured he looked cute. He blushed at the thought; Ikuto always called him cute.
"I'm the sexy one."
"Oh?" "You can bet on it, blondie. And you, you're the cute one." "The cute one?" "Yes. The cute one. My cute one."
He should have seen it coming. Tadase wasn't sure how many times he was going to beat himself up for it, but he should have seen Ikuto's plot sooner. It was just hard to convince himself. Something had seemed so real. Ikuto's actions had been so real. He was either a phenomenal actor or Ikuto had really felt something.
Tadase shrugged the thoughts off and continued to walk. It didn't matter now, because Ikuto was gone and nothing was going to change because he had a girlfriend and he wasn't gay and that was that. End of story. Game over.
Until he arrived back home, at least. He had silently walked up the steps to his palace, at least that's what Kiseki liked to call it, and leaned against the locked door to pull out his keys. Except the door wasn't locked and as soon as Tadase leaned against it he tumbled inside. With a small sigh, Tadase pulled off his shoes while still sitting on the floor. Then he pushed himself up and headed down the hallway towards his room.
He heard voices coming from the living room, and his curiosity took control. He peeked his head around the corner and was alarmed to see the cat sitting in his living room with his mom making small talk and eating some cookies Tadase had made earlier that day.
Tadase, immediately drenched in nervous sweat, yanked his head back as fast as possible and pressed himself up against the wall, hoping they hadn't seen him. He was in no condition to see his ex-lover.
"Tadase-chan? I heard you come through the door, dear. Could you come in here please?"
Shit. Oh shit. He wasn't prepared for this. He was a wreck. He'd just taken a five hour hike around every place he knew in this town and it was Ikuto and he just wasn't ready for this. But he pulled himself together. His mom was there. As long as she was there, Ikuto couldn't do anything. So Tadase flipped his head back to get his bangs out of his face and pushed himself from the floor, walking into the living room.
He saw Ikuto immediately raise a brow. He blushed, looking away and shoving his hands into the sweatshirt pockets.
"Yes, mother?"
"Ikuto came to visit you, dear! Isn't he just a sweetheart?"
Tadase bit back his smile as he watched Ikuto roll his eyes.
"That's... great."
"Of course! Now, you two have fun. I've got to be off. It was nice talking to you, Ikuto-chan." She plucked her coat up from where it was neatly hanging off the back of her chair and slid it around her shoulders.
Tadase's mind was slow to process this.
"Wait. You're... leaving?"
His mother sighed. "Tadase, please. You two are old enough to be left alone. I'll be home later." And she was out the door.
And Tadase's mind still didn't register he was alone in a room with the cat until he felt the older boy's warm arms wrap around his waist from behind and pull him forcefully into a possessive hug.
"W-what!?"
And Tadase's eyes widened as one of Ikuto's hands tilted up his chin. Ikuto's lips were against Tadase's before he could breathe another word.
It was shock. Pure, complete shock. Tadase had not been expecting Ikuto to come back. Tadase had not expected Ikuto to be in his living room. Tadase had not expected Ikuto to kiss him ever again. It took a full minute before Tadase's brain snapped into action and the blonde ripped himself from Ikuto's arms and jumped across the room.
"W-What the hell are you doing in my house?!"
Ikuto didn't say a word. He just approached the blonde. Ikuto took a step forward and Tadase took a step back until finally he ran into the wall and Ikuto had him cornered.
"G-Get out."
"Make me." There was something in Ikuto's eyes. Something, but Tadase didn't know what. He could barely continuing breathing when Ikuto's hand began snaking along his side. He could feel the cat's breathe against his neck.
"Tadase."
"I said to get out."
"That's my sweatshirt."
"Get out, Ikuto. I swear to God-"
And then Ikuto's arms were behind his back and his face was tucked in Ikuto's chest. Tadase felt his heartbeat pick up.
"I told you to wear it if you were sad or lonely."
"I-I'm fine. Let me go!"
"No." Ikuto's arms tightened. "I need my dose of Tadase."
"W-what!?" Tadase struggled against him. "Lemme go, damn it!" Instantly, Tadase was slammed against the wall and Ikuto's face was inches from his own.
"You have never said that before. Ever."
"W-what?"
"Damn. I have never heard you cuss." Ikuto's expression was... worried? Pained? Tadase didn't know. And he was trying desperately not to care.
"That doesn't mean I can't. So get the fuck away from me, you bastard." And Ikuto's hands slid from his sides, sending Tadase sliding to the floor and Ikuto a few feet backwards.
"Tadase..."
"Don't even. Don't you even try."
"Tadase, I-"
A loud smack echoed through the house. Tadase stared at his hand. He had... he had just slapped Ikuto. Part of him surged with regret, the other thrived on vengeance.
As coldly as he could, Tadase glared at his ex. "I said get out."
And then he was against the wall again. Ikuto's lips were angrily pressed against his. His arms were against the wall, Ikuto's wrists forcefully clutching his forearms. Tadase fought. He attempted to bite Ikuto's tongue as it plunged deep into his mouth, but Ikuto wouldn't allow for that. The two boys slid down the wall, Ikuto straddling the blonde.
Ikuto pulled back and pinned both of Tadase's hands above his head with only one hand. Without a word he allowed the other hand to creep up Tadase's sweatshirt. Tadase cringed and flinched away, but the wall prevented him from getting far. Ikuto managed to get the sweatshirt off and planted a few well-placed kisses to the blonde's exposed neck.
Tadase bit back his groan. Ikuto was nailing his weak points straight on the head. Ikuto frowned down at the blonde when he'd finally pulled his shirt off.
"I waited with your mom for three hours."
"You lie. She'd never-"
"Where the hell did you go?"
"That's none of your business. You aren't my boyfriend anymore, I don't need to answer to you!"
Ikuto slammed his shoulders against the wall. "Where did you go!? I looked everywhere...!"
"I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU-"
Ikuto silenced his shouting with another kiss and pulled away once he knew the blonde would be desperate for air.
"I swear, Tadase, what is wrong with you?"
"Get away from me!"
"No! Damn it, blondie! I-"
"Don't call me that! You don't have that right anymore!"
"Would you let me finish!?" Tadase shrunk backwards at the tone of Ikuto's voice. Ikuto had never yelled at him. He cringed and glanced nervously at the hands that were gripping his shoulders. What was Ikuto planning to do? Hadn't he done enough? What more could he possibly want? He'd won, damn it! He'd broken Tadase completely. The blonde boy was a wreck.
Tadase felt his eyes water. "Y-you've done enough, let me go! Please, just go!"
Ikuto's grip instantly softened. "Tadase..."
"P-please, I-Ikuto. Go. I... I don't want to be near you anymore." His voice came out as a whisper. Ikuto's arms pulled him against the older boy's shoulder.
"Tadase." Hearing his name had never comforted Tadase as much in his whole life. And being here, pressed against his ex-lover's chest, having to finally confront Ikuto- oh, he hated confrontation. It was just too much. The blonde broke down into sobs. His hands clenched the back of Ikuto's shirt, clinging desperately to the older boy.
Shit. He couldn't lie to himself any longer. He was completely in love with Tsukiyomi Ikuto. And he wasn't sure what to do. Tadase had no idea what to do. He was so exhausted from this. He hadn't slept well, he didn't eat well, and he got far more exercise from walking so much than he was used too. He just sobbed into Ikuto's chest until he was finally lulled to sleep by Ikuto's warm hands massaging his back and shoulders.
---
Tadase woke up the next morning in a daze. He blinked, his eyes refocusing on his surroundings. He pushed himself up drowsily, staring down at his pillow. He... he didn't remember going to bed last night. He wearily ran a hand through his hair and fell back down on his bed, hugging his pillow tightly. It smelled good. He yawned. And then his pillow moved.
Tadase stared down at it. And it came to his mind that his sheets were red. His pillowcase was red. This pillow was black. He frowned and poked it. What was wrong with him?
"Tadase?"
And it talked? He glanced around, his face falling completely at seeing Ikuto sprawled across his bed.
"I-Ikuto!?" He just gaped.
"Feel better?"
"... huh?"
"Do you feel better? You were upset yesterday." Ikuto's hand pressed against his forehead.
"Y-yeah. Why are you still here?"
Ikuto was now on top of the blonde, his head resting right next to Tadase's, which was now actually on his pillow.
"Because I can."
"I... I told you to go."
"I can't go."
"Why not?" Tadase huffed and rolled away.
"I love you."
Tadase turned to Ikuto with wide eyes. "W-what?"
"I love you, Tadase. I would do anything for you. I'd do everything to prove it."
"Then... If... What...? Why?" Tadase stared up, his eyes still wide.
And Ikuto kissed him. But Tadase pushed him away.
"Tadase..."
"No."
"Why?"
"I don't trust you anymore. Get out."
"Tadase-!"
"If you love me..." Tadase's voice wavered. "If you love me, you'll give me time."
"How much?"
Tadase just stared at his fingers, numb again. "I-I don't know. Long enough to..."
"To?"
Tadase pulled his knees up to his chest. "To trust you again. You didn't even tell me why you dumped me and now you want to hop back together? How do I know you just don't want to be sex friends?!"
"Sex friends? You mean fuck buddies."
"Ikuto, don't make it a joke. I just... time, okay? Please?" Ikuto was gone in an instant. Tadase sighed and flopped back onto his bed. He rolled over to glance at the time and paused. There, sitting on Tadase's end table, was the same fake rose he had left in his yard.
A/N: Omg! (huggles cute yaoi lovers) MARRY! I COMMAND YOU! xD;;;
But yes. Violets are Blue should be up eventually. I hope you enjoyed the first installment of this Flower-power yaoi goodness! xD; (i am a total dork. don't comment on that.)