It needed to be written. What more can I say? (Hides in Billy's box)

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It was Valentine's Day, although you wouldn't think that to look at the Straw Hat Pirates. There was not exactly a romantic air on the ship; in fact, everybody was just going about their business as usual. However, this state of affairs would not continue for long.

After all, strange things often happen on V-Day…

(one)

Usopp strolled idly through the halls of the Merry Go, whistling a severely mangled tune. His stomach rumbled, so he slid into the kitchen with the intent of stealing a snack.

As luck would have it, Sanji was in there too. Usopp mentally prepared a bad excuse for coming into the chef's domain, but before he had time to make his exit, Sanji turned around and saw who the invader was. Immediately, a huge grin spread over his face.

"Usopp-chan!! I was just going to go look for you! Here, I made you something." Instantly, he produced a triple-chocolate brownie.

"Uh, thanks…"

Suddenly, Usopp's brain caught up with his mouth's autopilot.

Usopp-chan?

He looked back at the chef, whose cigarette smoke was forming into the shape of a love heart. Usopp said, "Mmmrmmfff." (Translation: Oh, crap.)

All of a sudden, Sanji drew him into a hug and started stroking his hair. Mentally, Usopp tried to think of a way to free himself from the embrace without whacking the cook somewhere on his person. Quickly, he swallowed his mouthful of brownie.

"Usopp-chan, your hair is so soft…"

"I gotta go!"

Sanji gave him a slightly hurt look.

"What? Why?"

"I, uh, promised Chopper that I'd help him, um, sort out his things…"

"Can't he wait?"

Usopp yelped, "No! It's very urgent!"

Sanji gave him a slightly hurt look. "Well, okay, I guess."

"Uh, Sanji. I can't really go if you don't let go of me…"

(one)

Usopp hurried away from the kitchen as fast as he could, mental cogwheels turning.

What the hell was that all about?

Sanji had never shown any romantic interest in him before, so why the hell had that just happened?

Usopp fervently hoped that this wasn't going to become a standard thing. If Sanji started treating him like a male Nami on a regular basis, he'd probably have a nervous breakdown or something.

Due to his introspection, he forgot to watch where he was going and ran straight into Nami.

"Can't you watch where you're going, Usopp?"

Ah. So Nami obviously wasn't in the same condition as Sanji. Good.

"Sorry, I was thinking about something else. By the way, do you think Sanji's sick? He's been acting really weird."

"No, he's acting like he usually does. You know. All Nami-chans and declarations of love."

"Oh. Okay."

(one)

Nami watched him walk away. She frowned. Come to think of it, Sanji usually declared something he believed to be romantic to her or Vivi around this time of day; however, the cook was nowhere to be seen.

She walked into the kitchen. Sanji was sitting in there, looking slightly dejected. He lifted his head to look at Nami.

"Nami, how long do you think it'll take Usopp to help Chopper organise his things?"

"What? He's not with Chopper."

"Wha- he's not?"

"No."

"He lied to me! He said he was going to help Chopper!"

"What did you expect? He isn't exactly the most honest person here."

Sanji stood up, an odd expression on his face.

"Why would Usopp lie to me?"

"Well, since we're talking about Usopp here…"

"Do you think he could be with Zoro?"
"Huh?"

Sanji strode towards the door. "What could it be? I must find out!"

He dramatically slammed the door on the way out.

Nami shook her head. Perhaps it would be a good idea to make Chopper check on Sanji's mental health…

(one)

Meanwhile on the deck, Usopp was feeling slightly relieved. Nami certainly wasn't doing a Sanji, so perhaps it was just that he'd got a bad head wound. Or brain damage. Or something.

Well, whatever. All he had to do was stay out of Sanji's way, and he'd be fine. Right?

(one)

Luffy looked over from his spot on the figurehead of the Merry Go and spotted Usopp. Right away, he ran down the figurehead, onto the deck and sat down beside him.

"Hi, Usopp."

He mumbled, "Hello."

Luffy looked over at him. He seemed a bit distracted. Perhaps he could cheer him up.

"Hey, do you think it's good weather for a swim?"

Cue loud sigh. "Luffy, you can't swim. You sink. Remember?"

Luffy frowned. Usopp sure was grumpy today. He decided to try out a move he'd seen Sanji use once.

Luffy gave a loud, fake yawn, pretended to stretch and put an arm around Usopp's shoulders. Immediately, Usopp stiffened.

Him too?

Luckily, or possibly unluckily, Sanji joined the party at that moment, thus saving Usopp from Luffy's awkward attempts to be romantic. However, this was probably not going to end well, judging from the first thing Sanji said.

"LUFFY, YOU TRAITOR! I TRUSTED YOU!!"

"What's the matter, Sanji?"

Sadly, Sanji was not nearly so calm as Luffy.

"I TURN MY BACK FOR ONE SECOND AND THE NEXT MINUTE YOU'RE CUDDLING UP TO USOPP-CHAN!!"

In the background, Usopp choked on his brownie. Just how long is this Usopp-chan thing gonna go for?!?

"Relax, Sanji. I'm just talking to him."

"YOU WEREN'T JUST TALKING, YOU HAD YOUR ARM AROUND HIS SHOULDERS AND EVERYTHING!!!"

(one)

All the commotion woke up Zoro, who had been having sleeping in the next room over.

He sat up, an irritated look on his face. Couldn't those guys stay quiet long enough for him to have a nana nap?

He decided to go have a look at what all the fuss was about.

(one)

Out on the deck, Sanji and Luffy were engaging in a brawl. They were also shouting at one another as an interesting side activity.

"I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU, YOU TRAITOR!!"

"I'M NOT A TRAITOR!!"

Usopp suddenly had a brainwave. Perhaps while they were busy fighting, he could escape!

Quietly, he snuck away from the two brawlers. Now to hope that he could actually find a good hiding place…

He walked into the corridor and instantly stopped in his tracks. Zoro was coming out of the next room up. Usopp sighed. This was not his day at all.

He considered turning around and pretending he hadn't been going that way, but Zoro had already spotted him.

Okay, let's move onto Plan B.

Usopp tried to walk casually past the swordsman, but Zoro grabbed his arm and stopped him. "Hey, Usopp."

"Hi Zoro." Please, please, please let him be acting like normal.

"What's going on up there?"

"Sanji and Luffy're having a fight."

Zoro gave him a suspicious look. "What're they fighting over?"

"Sanji caught Luffy stealing from the pantry." That was a good lie. Nice and convincing.

Unfortunately, Zoro had got to be very good at spotting when Usopp was lying.

"So how come they're fighting on the deck?"

Usopp swore mentally. He'd been hoping that Zoro wouldn't spot that little plothole. Quick thinking was called for.

"Sanji chased him out of the kitchen."

Zoro gave him another suspicious look. Then his face cleared and he shrugged.

"Okay."

Usopp made another attempt at getting past him. This time, he actually managed it, although Zoro did decide to follow him. (Oh, boy).

As they walked, they started chatting about random things, like where they were going next. Sadly, although Zoro was not nearly as obvious about it Sanji and Luffy, he was still flirting a bit. Naturally, Usopp decided that he'd had enough. As they passed Chopper's room, he said, "Well, I promised that I'd help Chopper sort out his things, so-"

(one)

Oh dear. Did you honestly think he'd get away that easily? Well, he didn't.

(one)

Usopp was interrupted mid-sentence by Sanji and Luffy bursting through the door. Like a rabbit caught in the headlights, he froze up.

Sanji's train of thought went something like this: Usopp-chan plus Zoro equals (insert swear word here)!! Zoro must die!

Luffy's reaction was far simpler; he just grabbed onto Usopp's arm.

"Hey, Usopp-"

Apparently, today was the big day for interruptions, because Sanji immediately yelled, "Traitors!!" He then turned to Usopp and said, "Usopp-chan, why did you lie to me about helping Chopper?"

Zoro sighed. "Isn't it obvious, fool? It's because he doesn't want to be with you!"

Luffy decided to join in, so he said, "Well then, who does he want to be with?"

Immediately, everybody's attention shifted straight back to Usopp.

Zoro said, "Usopp, who would you rather be with, Sanji, Luffy or me?"

Time for Plan C: Create a diversion and run as fast as you can. "Well…" Usopp turned and ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction, yelling "See ya!" over his shoulder.

As one, the three ran straight after him.

(one)

Usopp sat panting in the hold, wedged between two barrels. After a lengthy chase, he'd managed to outrun Sanji, Luffy and Zoro for long enough to hide where they couldn't find him. It had been rather tiring, so his plan of action was to hide here and hope that nobody found him until that freaky thing had worn off. So far, it was working pretty well, aside from the boredom factor. But hey, it was better than being accosted by one of his male crewmates.

Suddenly, he heard the sound of footsteps. He tensed, then relaxed. It was just Vivi.

Vivi caught sight of him and frowned.

"Usopp, what are you doing?"

"I'm hiding."

"What are you hiding from?"

"Sanji, Luffy and Zoro."

A bead of sweat formed on Vivi's forehead. "But why do you need to hide from them?"

Usopp sighed. He was gonna have a really hard time explaining this…

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(Arg) Sorry about the (insert swear word here) bit and the (one), it's just coz of the stupid site not recognizing the symbols and lines.

If enough people review this, I'll write a sequel. Until then, I think I'll stay in Billy's box. Emo out!