A/N: Yes! I have been abandoned by parents and roleplayers alike – LET THE PARTY BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Yes, I am high.)
Language warning. (Sexual) Innuendo warning. Stupidity warning. READ ON!
Please flame this. LOL. I don't care. Go ahead.
The Kraken was bored one day. So he decided he was horny. What's that I hear you say? A freakin' SQUID is HORNY? Why yes. Yes he was.
And I'm sorry to say, that when above and/or aforementioned horny squidcreature Kraken asked his master if he wanted to get down with it, Mr. Jones austerely and enigmatically – and quite possibly irritatedly – replied, "Oh god, no. Where the hell am I supposed to put-ah my tentacle?"
So, yes, this impatiently horny little Kraken could indeed have pleasured itself – what with the innumerable amount of tentacles and just one gaping mouth – alas no. The last time Kraken tried this, he ended up fucking his own mouth and to a lesser extent bruised his biggest tentacle.
Back on track, this Kraken was not one to accept "no's", but in this case, Davy Jones was his master(bater?). There was only one option left; to ask others if they wanted to "get down in deep" with Kraken.
Kraken slunk to land, the nearest land being Port Royal. This is because the author cannot be SCREWED to think of other places in which the Kraken could retreat to. And it's obvious. Port Royal is a MAY JOUR part of the Pirates fandom. So the Kraken gladly slunk over there.
"Dearest sir Governor Swann, will you do the honors and fuck me?" The Kraken asked as politely as it could without writhing in horny impatience.
Swann promptly fainted and, like daughter like father, toppled over the edge of the clifftop-parapet-stonepillar-whateverthehellit'scalled and landed with a
SPLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH plop
in the water.
It is to my horror and bemusement that I note: right at that moment, Kraken engulfed itself in such a rushback that he grabbed Mr. Pryce – Swann I meant, of course – and briefly molested him before he realized that the old man's age and lack of consciousness resulted in, ZOMG, impotence. Or incompetence. Whatever.
And it was so. But Kraken reach to the full degree of HAPPY! before throwing the freshly-molested and half-dead Weatherby Swann back onto the fort, where he landed atop James Norrington, who in turn shrieked like a poor baby and ran home screaming.
And so, with his and/or her horniness satisfied, the Kraken wandered off and ate Captain Jack Sparrow.
THE END, FOOLS! MUAH! HA HA HA HA HA!
A/N: Oh yes I RULE!!!!!!! VANILLA COKE THIS, BITCHES! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH.
Yes indeedy do. Flame it love it wrap it snap it tuck it fuck it screw it moo it I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! HAHAHAHAHA