There comes a time in the life of any civilization – if it lasts long enough – when saving the universe becomes a higher priority than tackling obesity. Unfortunately, it is rare for the government of such civilizations to prioritize such a profoundly thankless task. They may invest gazillions on plans to hide, weather it out, and wait for the end of the universe to go away, but actually taking responsibility, grasping the giant star goat by the horns, and saving the lives of every living being in the cosmos is just too much responsibility for one political institution to undertake.

Of course the naysayers always have exceptionally good reasons for the decisions that they take, for example:

"It's too expensive, it would ruin the economy"; or

"It's not our fault, so it's not our responsibility"; or

"We've been to a restaurant at the end of the universe, so it's not going to happen"; or

"There must be a fault in the eschatonic calculations. Just because we can see a giant black hole devouring the cosmos doesn't mean it won't stop. There must be a decimal point out of place."

And so, in most cases where the fate of the universe hangs in the balance, these vast, all-powerful, star-spanning bureaucracies are forced to rely on an individual. An individual who, invariably, has no resource, no experience, no friends and no chance whatsoever of succeeding.

Of course, if he does succeed, the rewards are even less satisfying than if he hadn't bothered in the first place. One such individual, a scientist called Basil Upton Fosdyke from a small and insignificant blue planet called Earth, armed only with a not easily bent fleshy fold hanging over the orifice of the mouth, made just such a discovery. In return for this great service the Imperial Galactic Government responded by calculating the cost of continuing to run the universe beyond its previously projected life, factoring in population growth, inflation, additional fuel costs caused by the continued expansion of space, and value added tax, then presented him with the bill.

The lesson to be learned from Fosdyke's cautionary experience is a simple one. If you do plan on saving the world, be sure not to leave a forwarding address.