Soft Words For An Addlepated Squeaky Corner

Jayne groaned. "No! Not gonna happen, jus' put it back!"

River shook her head. "Going on a safari, must have proper head gear."

"My hat aint proper head gear, anyhow."

"Closest match available. You should acquire some cranial protection as well. We are venturing into the wilds of the jungle."

"It's the gorram common area!"

"None the less, a beast awaits us."

Jayne's hand flew to his face, covering his eyes and rubbing at his left temple in an attempt to staunch the inevitable oncoming headache. "Whatever you say, crazy."

"Excellent. Forward march."

Jayne stomped sullenly along behind her. Why he got stuck with this particular chore, he knew he'd never be able to figure. River stalked forward across the cargo bay, light on her feet. She crouched down, placing her hands out to either side for balance, then out of nowhere, flung herself sideways to press herself against a wall. Jayne stopped dead in his tracks.

"What in the sphincter of hell are you doin'?" He asked, bewildered.

"Blending into the wall for camouflage, lest the beast become aware of my presence."

"You don't think the fact that you're wearing a bright yellow an' orange hat might tip it off?"

"Hush, young sherpa-boy!" She hissed, slapping his arm. "You are not trained in the ways of the jungle as I am. Respect my authority if you wish to maintain vital signs."

Jayne's eyes rolled upward but he sighed and nodded. He pressed himself into the wall as she did. Once she was satisfied, she crept onward, still plastered to the wall. Before they hit the stairs that lead down past the infirmary and to the lounge, River stilled. "We will need a capturing implement. Perhaps a net."

"Where do you suppose we're gonna git a net?" Jayne said, eyeing her incredulously.

"I suppose we will have to fashion one from spare parts."

"Spare…? Ya know what? Fine. But I aint got no clue what this 'we' is yer talkin' on. You wanna rig up a net, yer doin' it by yer lonesome."

River nodded. "Acceptable. The young sherpa-boy is inexperienced and would probably construct something faulty."

"Git outta here before this young sherpa-boy fashions his foot in yer ass, dong ma?"

"Wu dong." River muttered, creeping across the bay towards the airlock.

She managed to find a broom buried behind some crates and in one swift movement ripped the bristles from it. Jayne, in some weird moment of shared mental instability (was it contagious?), started to snicker. She was actually pretty gorram funny. She snuck about looking for something else to fashion to the end of what could only be the shaft of her soon-to-be net.

River sniffed the air thoughtfully, and her face lit up with an idea. Jayne watched with keen interest as she rushed over to the port side of the hull and ripped the secret panel they used to store illegal cargo off the wall. Before Jayne could really register what had happened, the feng le girl had dove in, and crawled back out clutching what looked to be… soft mesh netting. They had used it a few jobs back to hold the breakable stuff in place. Huh. Clever.

River spotted something on the other side of the bay and went full speed at it. She tripped halfway there, taking one truly spectacular fall and face planting right into the grating. Jayne lost it. He hadn't laughed that hard in a long time. Deep, belly laughter echoed out of him and around the bay. River looked up at him and shook her head reproachfully before flipping him off, which only seemed to make him laugh harder.

In the meantime, the girl genius walked at a more reasonably pace across the hold and into the armory. That had Jayne sobering right up. Before he could rush across and rip her away form the guns though, she had already emerged and locked it again. She floated back over to Jayne and he saw the stiff metal wire she had acquired from the supply section of the armory. She held the broom shaft, netting and wire out to him, then dropped the whole mess in his lap.

Jayne raised an eyebrow at her. "Thought the young sherpa-boy wasn't fit fer this." He said, smirking.

River nodded enthusiastically. "He isn't. But I require stronger hands and wrists than mine to bend the wire, and if you don't learn now young grasshopper, when will you?"

Jayne closed his eyes and shook his head. He didn't think he'd ever understand anyone less than this girl. River patted his hand and he set about trying to follow her heavily worded instructions to build the net. In the end, what he figured she was trying to say was that the wire was supposed to wind through the netting and get bent into a circle before wrapping tightly around the broom handle. She seemed satisfied with her tool and took it from him before patting him fondly on the head. Jayne, of course, gave her a look that said clearly to never do such a thing again. He didn't know for sure if she'd seen it though, as she was back in safari mode.

She clutched the net tightly and snuck down the stairs. Jayne, having no choice but to follow, stayed close behind her. The pair crept into the common area, where the whole damn crew was sitting, not doing a gorram thing to help. Mal looked up and let out a startled burst of laughter at them. Jayne glared in retaliation. Watching the Captain's face as River shushed him quickly was definitely better revenge though.

As they approached the corner of the common room, the squeaking could be heard. Damn mouse, creepin' out and scarin' little Kaylee. Damn Mal. "Help River catch the mouse Jayne, it'd do you two some good to have ta work together." Blah, blah, blah.

Jayne could hear the stupid little thing, squeaking away in it's happy little home in the corner of the common area. Well, the wall of the corner. River crouched about a foot away from the tiny hole in the floor that let the damn rodent crawl in and out.

"We'll have to lure it out. Is the common stereotype of rodents favoring dairy products true? Will we need to retrieve some cheese?"

Jayne laughed. "Let's do this part my way, huh?"

He got and moved to the wall, clenching his fist and delivering a mighty blow to the wall, just above the hole. There followed the unbearable squeaking and screeching of a frightened pest and the mouse scattered from its hole at lightening speed. River caught it with ease, swooping down at exactly the right moment to scoop it up into the net. Jayne had to admit, if only mentally, that he was a bit impressed with her reflexes his own self. He even caught himself making an approving facial expression, but cut that off right quick.

River beamed at him. "Teamwork!"

Jayne scoffed. "Yeah. Yay." He muttered gruffly.

River reached into the net and scooped up the little brown mouse. It quivered in her tiny hand. She made a very typically girly face and cooed at it.

"Lil' witch, don't touch that. You don't know where it's been."

"Same could be said for you Mal, but you don't hear the mouse pointing that out." Wash said, smiling. Everyone laughed except River, who was too busy petting the tiny creature and rushing over to Kaylee so she could see.

Kaylee looked a mite scared at first but eventually reached over to touch it. "Aw… he aint so bad. Though he was a bit startlin' at first, what with poppin' out from beneath the engine that one time."

"Looking for heat." River explained. "Gets cold on Serenity sometimes."

Kaylee nodded, now entranced with the tiny creature, who looked just about as scared as could be. The mechanic found this somehow adorable. Simon made a disgusted face.

"Make sure to wash your hands afterwards."

River rolled her eyes and cast a pointed look at Jayne, who nodded at her in understanding before he could stop himself. Kaylee took the mouse from River and cuddled it to her cheek. "Cap'n can we keep it?"

"Kaylee, what in the world would possess you to git attached to that damn sissy little pest?"

"Seems to me as though that a habit of little Kaylee's." Jayne said snidely.

"We can name him Simon!" River said happily, clapping her hands. Jayne laughed damn hard at that.

As it turns out, they did name him Simon. They bought him a cage and some pellets and gave him a heating pad and eventually he loosened up. In fact much quicker than his namesake did. Jayne laughs whenever he sees him. The mouse, not Simon. Well….