Diary of A Robot

Earth is a pretty place, but not always as nice as it seems. The flowers are pretty, sure, and the tacos are….taco-y. But the people here are weird. They kill other humans with their kaboom sticks and pointy things! Um…knives. I think.

I try so hard to put a happy face on everything. (Sometimes literally.) I pretend. I pretend so hard. But don't think I don't see stuff. Don't think I'm completely stupid. I know things. I don't know as much as-um…a lot of people. Especially Master. But even so…Master doesn't see the stuff I see. Maybe cause Master always struttin' around with his-uh…it isn't nose, Master doesn't have a nose…chin, maybe? With his chin in the air, then. Dib sees it. No, wait-….he doesn't. His eyes are always on Master. Trying to catch him. Us. Dib's pretty sister always has her eyes closed. (Which is a cryin' shame. Her eyes are pretty.) Always closed. Closed to everything.

That leaves me. (Sorry, pretties fans, Mini Moose doesn't count. He don't have nothin' 'tween his antlers.) So I see it. Everything. But I don't do anything. If I do something, that's good as admitting all that stuff has effected (affected? ) me. I can't let this stuff get to me, or I'll lose. I don't like losing. I hate it. Just like Master hates it. So I pretend. I pretend stupid.

I don't hate Earth. Earth is nice. It has tacos and moose and piggies and pizza and-and this list could go on forever. I don't like the people. Get rid of the people-sell them, enslave them, kills them, just get them away from the nice Earthy-and this planet will be perfect.

"GIR!!" Oh, it's Master. "GET DOWN HERE THIS SECOND, GIR!!" He in the lab again, prob'ly scheming against ol' Dibbers again. Keep everything I just told you secret, okays, Diary? I'm gonna go fall down the lab elevator shaft and laugh and giggle like the Gir that Master knows so well. Because stupid is what wins. And I told you. I hate losing.