Wow, if you're reading this I'm surprised. This is a very odd little story right here.

I would like to credit my inspiration to my friend (who shall remain anonymous) who did her final English project on the hundreds of different places someone can get a piercing. I was pretty surprised, and really grossed out. And then I wrote this story. I think the final punch line is a little weak and somewhat predictable, but I think the odd jokes throughout the story might make up for it. But then again, I have a really weird sense of humor.

This could be an AlxCa, (AlvidaxCabaji) but only if you like stand on your head and squint at the computer screen. It's not really meant to be. Though I actually have written AlxCa. They make for a great pairing, just not in this story.

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"Hey check it out Mohji," Cabaji announced happily. "I pierced my ear."

He proudly displayed the tiny gold hoop through his earlobe.

"That's great Cabaji," the first mate responded sarcastically. "Now you look even more like a girl. I'm surprised you didn't ask Alvida nee-san to borrow one of her dangly little pink heart earrings. I mean, between that long hair of yours, and now earrings--"

"Shut up." snarled Cabaji. "You're just jealous 'cause you wouldn't have the guts to get a piercing. And besides, who are you to criticize me on my hair? You're the one who's always borrowing Alvida nee-san's curling iron."

"That's not true!" Mohji yelled. "My hair has natural curls!"

"Are you two fighting again?"

Buggy strode into the cabin.

"Hey Captain, look!" said Cabaji. "I pierced my ear!"

"Just one ear?" said Buggy skeptically. "Not both?"

"How'd you do it anyway?" asked Mohji. "That whole thing where you stick a potato under your ear and just use a sewing needle, or something like that?"

"Oh no." said Cabaji nonchalantly. "I used a hole-puncher."

"No wonder the hole's so big." said Buggy, wincing.

"It only bled for a couple of hours." said Cabaji casually.

"Hah, now I bet you're ear's gonna turn purple and fall off!" laughed Mohji. "Or you'll end up looking like one of those island natives with their earlobes all stretched out and touching their shoulders."

"I don't know Cabaji." said Buggy. "This whole 'body piercing' craze is a little odd to me. I don't want you going punk or goth or emo on me. I mean, today it might just be your ear, but tomorrow it could be your eyebrow, or your tongue, or your lip…"

"Or someplace else." said Mohji, elbowing Cabaji in the ribs.

It took Cabaji a minute to realize what the first mate was implying.

"You sick minded freak!" said Cabaji, gaping at Mohji. "That's absolutely disgusting! Who in their right mind would want--?!"

"Someone with some real balls." said Mohji grinning. "If you know what I mean."

"You perverted little bastard--!!"

Cabaji knocked Mohji off his chair, and the two began to fight, while Buggy stood around oblivious to the meaning of "someplace else."

"I don't get it." he said, looking absolutely lost.

"Never mind Captain, you don't want to." said Cabaji, looking up from hitting Mohji. "Tell your first mate to keep his mind out of the gutter; it's been spending a little too much time it there lately."

"Well, as I was saying," Buggy continued. "I really don't know about this 'body piercing' thing. I mean, why would people want to make holes in themselves that weren't there in the first place? Seriously, if God wanted us to have holes in our ears, or our eyebrows, or our tongues, or our lips…"

"Or in other places" Mohji whispered to Cabaji, earning him a jab in the stomach.

"…then God would have given us holes in our ears and our eyebrows and our tongues and our lips."

Cabaji was seized by a sudden idea of Buggy getting his nose pierced, but thought it was probably better not to share it.

"Aw Captain, don't go all religious on us." groaned Mohji. "Talking about God giving holes in our ears, not another one of your theological speeches."

"I'm serious Mohji." said Buggy. "And it's the same with things like, I don't know, tattoos. If God had wanted us to have little pictures of ships, and daggers, and hearts and naked women all over our bodies, then he would have given us pictures of ships, and daggers, and hearts and naked women all over our bodies."

"Who do you honestly know that has a tattoo of a naked woman?" asked Cabaji skeptically.

"You'd be surprised some of the things Shanks thought I didn't know about when we were apprenticed together." said Buggy, grinning.

At that moment, Alvida walked in.

"Has anyone seen my curling iron?" she asked.

"No." said Mohji quickly and unconvincingly.

"Look Alvida nee-san!" Cabaji announced as proudly as if he had just been given the lead acrobatic role in a performance Cirque du Soleil. "I pierced my ear!"

Alvida just sort of looked at him, her eyes going oddly wide.

"It…umm…it looks rather nice." she murmured in a strange voice. "When did you do it?"

"This morning."

"With what?"

"A hole-puncher."

"Nice."

"Very sanitary and professional equipment." said Mohji. "Nothing like do-it-yourself ear piercings with office supplies."

"Shut up." said Cabaji.

Alvida just continued to sort of stare at him, her seemingly getting wider and wider and turning oddly glassy.

"Alvida nee-san, are you okay?" asked Buggy, sounding concerned.

"I'm fine…just fine." she murmured, in a voice that said otherwise. "I just remembered, I um…left the microwave on. And I still need to find my curling iron. I better go."

With what seemed to be a poorly concealed sob, she ran off.

"What she talking about?" said Buggy. "We don't own a microwave."

Mohji's reaction however, was quite different.

"Cabaji." he said very seriously. "You made Alvida nee-san cry."

"What?" said Cabaji. "No I didn't."

"You so made her cry." said Mohji. "You can't upset Alvida nee-san, it's like, a sin. Now she's gonna hurt you. I bet she's gone to get her mace."

"But I didn't mean to upset her." said Cabaji desperately, envisioning Alvida in all her wrath about to crush him with her mace.

"You know what they say," said Mohji, pausing melodramatically. "Hell hath no fury like a woman spurned."

"It's 'scorned' you idiot, not 'spurned.'" said Buggy.

"Oh well, they mean practically the same thing." said Mohji rolling his eyes.

"But what did I do to make her upset?" said Cabaji. "I mean, all we were doing was talking about my earring."

"Maybe she was too upset about how ugly you looked with an earring that she ran off because she couldn't stand to look a you." suggested Mohji.

"Oh shut up." snarled Cabaji, whacking Mohji across the head. "Maybe she's just feeling a little, over emotional. You know, it could be, that time for her"

"What time?" said Buggy. "You mean like, lunchtime or something?"

"Never mind." said Mohji and Cabaji in unison.

"Well, maybe you should go talk to her, Cabaji." Buggy suggested.

"But you know what Alvida nee-san's like when she's upset!" said Cabaji. "I mean, what if attacks me with her mace!"

"Then you'll end up with a lot more holes in your body than just in your ear." said Mohji brightly.

"Thanks for the words of encouragement." Cabaji muttered.

He strode solemnly to Alvida's cabin, desperately trying to think of what he had said that could have upset her.

"Look Alvida nee-san! I pierced my ear!"

"It…umm…it looks rather nice. When did you do it?"

"This morning."

"With what?"

"A hole-puncher."

The only thing Cabaji could come up with was that Alvida had emotional issues with hole-punchers. Was she hiding some sort of tragic past? Scarred by some traumatic childhood experience involving a plethora of dangerous office supplies? Staplers, paper clips, thumbtacks and hole-punchers? Had he unwillingly brought back these horrifying and painful memories?

Somehow, Cabaji didn't think that was all that likely.

He stood outside her door, trying to think of what he was supposed to say.

"Alvida nee-san, um…hi. Please accept my most humble apologies regarding our conversation a few minutes ago. I had no idea my mention of a hole-puncher would have brought back such disturbing childhood memories."

Somehow, Cabaji didn't think that was going to work.

Finally, he got up the courage to knock on her door. Alvida's irritated voice quickly answered.

"No Buggy! For the millionth time, I do not want to go on a romantic mid-afternoon stroll with you! Can you not get that through your thick head?!"

"It's um…Cabaji." Cabaji answered quickly, noting that Alvida sure had guts to talk about Buggy that way.

"Oh…um…I'm sorry Cabaji. Just a moment."

Despite the door being in the way, Cabaji noted the difference in her tone of voice. It had gone all quiet and strange like before.

The door opened a crack and Alvida peered out.

"What do you want?" she asked, in what would have been a skeptical voice, had she not looked like she was on the verge of tears.

"I just wanted to um…make sure you were alright." Cabaji said quickly. "And to tell you Mohji has your curling iron." he added, in an attempt to gain favor.

"I figured." Alvida muttered. "Him and his damn lion. He's been 'borrowing' my conditioner too lately."

"But are you okay?" Cabaji asked.

"Of course I'm okay." said Alvida, defensively. "Why wouldn't I be okay, I'm always okay, I'm better than okay, I'm…"

Her voice trailed off and Cabaji noticed she was staring at his earring with that wide-eyed, overflowing look.

"Can I come in?" he asked tentatively.

"I suppose." she murmured unsteadily.

Cabaji realized he had never been in Alvida's room before.

It was very…pink.

And lavender.

And purple.

It was very…extravagant.

It was very…sparkly.

It was very…seductive.

It was very…Alvida.

That was the only possible adjective that could describe it: Alvida.

Heavy perfumes hung in a musk over the air while an ancient phonograph cranked out old Broadway show tunes. And Cabaji couldn't remember the last time he had seen so many clothes. The room seemed practically made of clothes.

"So what do you want?" said Alvida, sitting down at a small table and picking up what looked like half a roast lamb.

"That's uh…a lot of meat." said Cabaji, gaping at the massive roasted animal.

"I ate the other half for breakfast." said Alvida tonelessly.

"Oh." said Cabaji, not sure what to make of this statement. He figured Alvida must have an incredibly high metabolism.

"What do you want?"

"To see if you were alright Alvida nee-san."

"Don't call me that. It makes me feel like an old maid instead of your older sister."

"Okay then." Cabaji continued. "It's just I wanted to make sure that we didn't upset you or anything while we were talking about how I had pierced my ear--"

Bu the moment Cabaji had said "pierced my ear," Alvida's already glassy eyes spilled over.

"It's not fair!" she wailed. "IT'S NOT FAIR!"

"What isn't?" said Cabaji, disturbed by this sudden outburst of emotions.

"How lucky you are!" she sobbed. "That you can pierce your ears!"

"But your ears are pierced, Alvida." said Cabaji.

"NO!!" she cried. "You don't get it! That was before!!" She absentmindedly tugged at her earlobes, almost caressing the little holes. "Before…I was cursed!"

"Cursed?" said Cabaji, completely lost.

"I ate the Devil Fruit you idiot!" she practically yelled.

Cabaji failed to see why this was such a big deal.

Alvida walked over to a mirror and surveyed herself.

"Every morning, I stand right here." said Alvida, brushing tears from her eyes. "I stand right here, and I look at my midriff."

Cabaji thought this was a rather odd thing to do of a morning.

"What do you think of my midriff, Cabaji?" Alvida asked, turning her swollen green eyes on him.

Cabaji had a sudden urge to bolt from the room. Alvida's midriff was a topic that made him rather uncomfortable and was not a subject his mind frequently entertained.

"It's um…rather nice." he said, hoping he didn't sound perverted.

"No it isn't!" Alvida wailed into the mirror. "It's so plain! It's so empty! There's nothing there! It's just my bare stomach!!"

Cabaji now wanted more than ever to bolt from the room. He had not exactly pictured having a conversation about Alvida and her bare-midriff. He had envisioned something more along the lines of…

"Oh Cabaji, if only you knew the horrors of my past! To me, a hole-puncher is a deadly instrument that means only fear and pain to me!"

"Hush now, Alvida nee-san, you'll get through this. Had I known I only known the trauma and horrors you had lived through! Can you ever forgive me?

"Oh Cabaji, I can always forgive you. There is always room in my heart for forgiveness, and most especially for you."

"Oh Alvida nee-san!"

But Alvida was still ranting on in tears about her bare midriff.

"I can't stand it!" she sobbed. "How much I want it! It's not fair!! Now that I've eaten that damn Devil Fruit, I can't…I can never…"

Cabaji then realized that the Sube-Sube no mi prevented its user from physical harm, and would obviously keep Alvida from piercing herself. But that made no sense…

"Alvida, I don't get it!" said Cabaji desperately. "You've already pierced your

ears, so obviously eating the Devil Fruit had nothing do with that! And what the hell does your midriff have to do with any of this?!?"

Alvida turned her bloodshot eyes to glare at him.

"You really don't get it, do you?" she said.

"No!" said Cabaji, in extreme agitation. "What is your problem?! What is this thing that you want?!"

Alvida stared at him, and then let out a hair-raising wail of anguish.

"Oh Cabaji," she sobbed. "I want…I want…"

"WHAT?!?"

"I want my belly button pierced."