EDIT: 9/16/14=I noticed some wrong, inconsistent words in some parts. Sorry about that. I'll keep on correcting this when I have time. ^^

Terms beforehand:

Toudai= Tokyo University

Sakura=cherry blossoms (sometimes I interchange the English name with this due to laziness, sorry .)

OBE= out-of-body experience

XDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~

Sometimes words were like screws. If a wall did not have any holes for them, the former had to be hammered first, stabbed first. But the process didn't end by stabbing. To secure a screw, it had to be turned in the hole; it had to go deeper and deeper. And the wall should not give away so that the screw would not fall out.

Like a wall, I stood in front of Naru as his words stabbed a hole in my heart, and twisted and twisted until I did not only understand their meaning but also the feeling they evoked. But like a wall, I just stood still, enduring the torture of being screwed up.

How long did I stand staring at him? I would never know. It was only when the kettle made a rattling and whooshing noise that I so much as moved. Just a small flinch, but it had disrupted my stillness enough that I was able to spin around and turn the stove off. Then, I stood motionless again, regarding the dark blue kettle. Soot marked the bottom parts of it; the black becoming more evident and malicious as I looked longer at it.

"Did you hear me, Taniyama-san?" Naru asked in a low but steady voice.

My body felt stiff, but my voice sounded calm when I replied, "I did."

There was silence, but I did not turn around to face him. I did not even know what to think. My mind had blanked, and all I could do was stare at a kettle and memorize its features. But it seemed like I had found my voice. It seemed like I was an airplane on autopilot because, although the sound from my mouth sounded disembodied, I did not falter in my next sentences.

"Who...would brew tea, then?" I said, sounding as though I were far away.

"Yasuhara will do it," Naru responded.

Matter-of-fact. Flat.

Yasuhara, huh...

My eyes blinked. Since when did he—?

Then my face heated as though I were slapped. What else was the reason he's firing me if he hadn't been able to find a more capable assistant?! How stupid could I have been?

But still my idiotic mouth wouldn't shut up.

"Why…?" I croaked out, and then gulping, I added, "I'd like to know the reason. For firing me."

"Reasons, for that matter," he said, and another screw plunged me, and widened and deepened a hole somewhere within me.

And twisted and twisted.

I did not turn around, but I trembled. It was a little later that I realized my teeth were chattering, as though I were doused in a tub full of ice cubes. The base was not even cold…

But his words were, and they chilled me to my bone marrows. It's such a feat that I did not run at that exact moment. I did not even gasp or cry. I just stood shaking slightly, but I was still able to speak.

"...Reasons? Fine," I said with a strength I never thought I still had. My voice was as even as his, as flat as his. "Tell me...then."

And I didn't know what to feel. What I felt. I could not seem to feel anything after the passing chill. I thought Naru would not reply, but he did.

Of course he did.

He shuffled his feet. "Insubordination and suspected mild narcolepsy are among the few."

My eyes fluttered.

Insubordination. Narcolepsy. Among the few.

More holes. More screws. More twists.

He could have as well punched me right then and ended the jolts of his words within me.

"Oh, Naru-bou—Mai? You're here?" Bou-san's voice echoed loudly over the dingy gym, and my body lurched forward.

I grabbed the kettle off the stove and finally turned to face Naru.

His face was emotionless as usual, and it struck me that he would always be like that. The person who showed a worried face shortly, last night, was just an illusion. I could feel, then, my eyes dampening, but I swallowed and held my tears. I looked up at him straight in the eye.

I would not cry. I could not cry.

Not in front of him who wouldn't doff his lifeless mask.

I would not beg.

"Mai? Naru?" Bou-san's wondering voice echoed again, and I took a breath.

Then to Naru, I said, "This tea is just for me then."

There was pleasure in seeing his face looking bewildered and bemused, but I did not stay long to see it. I spun around and stomped off while holding the kettle with one bandaged hand. The kettle had some rubber on the handle, but with my unfeeling hands, I doubted I would even feel the heat if it had no heat defense.

"Mai!" Bou-san hollered when I passed by him, and he gripped the wrist of my free hand. "Mai, where are you going with a kettle? Your hands—!"

"Let her be," Naru's voice boomed. "From now on, Taniyama-san won't be working with us anymore."

I glared at Naru over my shoulder and corrected him coldly, "That's Kagami-san for you, not Taniyama-san. Get it right, Davisu-san."

My voice had dripped with venom, and Bou-san gaped at me. "Whaaa—?!"

I rolled my arm off Bou-san's clutches and traipsed out of there in quick steps, meeting Yasuhara, Lin-san, Ayako, Masako, and John along the way. My tears were going to fall unbidden, so when I heard shouts, I finally ran.

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~

I stopped running when I reached the second floor of my school building. Lunch had ended, it seemed, since there were no students in the hallway. I was lucky there were no teachers to see me because I found that I had been dripping tea on the floor. My shoes and my dress did not survive either. Now my legs stung upon where the tea had splashed while I was running.

But I continued to walk to the fourth floor, to the music room. Karin, Inare, and Honami were still there, playing instruments. Their shocked faces skimmed over my profile as I took a step inside the room, and then I slumped down, feeling limp. I put the kettle down beside me.

And as I stared at the mess of my skirts, at the tiny red splotches on my legs, tears finally dropped down my cheeks.

"Maika?!" my music club members exclaimed, and I heard them near me.

Their voices became indistinctive.

"What happened?"

"Why are you holding a kettle?"

"Shouldn't you be at home?!"

"Maika, what's wrong?!"

I gasped, and a sob emitted out of me. And then, like a child, I wailed.

I did not know. I did not know.

But I was such a fool.

Take care of your heart, Obaa-san had said, but I wasn't able to even heed what she said. I wasn't even able to shield myself.

And now my heart had holes.

XDXDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~

When I had calmed down, Inare, Karin, and Honami went back to their classrooms. I had tried to assure them that I would be fine, and they didn't ask any more questions about the reasons for my distress. As I was crying, they had treated and patched my leg scalds, and assured me that I would not have scars—nothing to worry about. My hands had been hurting since, but I soldiered on.

In retrospect, it was really a miracle that I did not cry in front of the narcissist. It was a miracle that I was able to stand my ground, and even steal his kettle.

As I sat before the grand piano, anger simmered inside of me. The words insubordination and narcolepsy rolling in my head. While I was being patched up by Honami, I had asked Karin, "Do you know what...narukorepsi is?"

"Narukorepsi...? Oh, you mean narcolepsy…? Hm…?" She had pointed a finger to her chin. "Isn't that what you call the disorder when you fall asleep during inappropriate times?"

"Inappropriate," I repeated. It did not make sense at that instance. My mind was far too tired.

"Inappropriate like during work or during meals," Inare had informed. "My uncle was diagnosed with it."

"Why?" Karin had asked me. "Do you think you or anyone you know has it? You don't sleep inappropriately to me."

"No..." I said. "I don't."

But I did sleep inappropriately in the present.

And in the past.

During work.

The term was familiar now. I'd been fired due to sleeping before, but I'd never known what it's called. It did sound familiar though; the public local doctor back in Tokyo had given me some medication to take for something-epsy. Back then, my English hearing was abysmal, deplorable, and that one doctor was very much a show off for using English words in a rush that even I could not understand what he diagnosed me of.

Narcolepsy...

For Naru to fire me because of it…

Insubordination, I could understand, but narcolepsy?

Sleeping, of course, was always unacceptable during jobs. The jobs I had before SPR, however, did not have significance to my dreams, or the other way around like in SPR cases. Naru knew himself that when I slept, I dreamt of something pertinent to the job. Now, if he couldn't really see anything, he should need me in the present case.

But he wanted me to leave, didn't he? He didn't need me; he was clear of that earlier. Why should I cry? Why should I even feel bad?

Narcolepsy, his narcissistic ass.

You're rehired, he had said not so long ago, and I snorted.

Liar.

You'll have no vacation leave for 26 years…he had warned me.

Liar, liar, liar!

He didn't want me to work for him anymore; that was the simplest reason. Everything else was just a lie. He'd kept on staring at my injury, and I'd thought he was concerned. But when did he ever?

Was he ever sincere?

I'd attained injuries in our previous cases; none too severe, of course, but what did they matter now? Perhaps Obaa-san said something to him last night. But I knew Obaa-san couldn't possibly have forced him to decide. When I had quit SPR before, it was after a lot of thinking. Obaa-san just added more reasons for me to quit. She did not command me to do it; she had persuaded me, at least the part of me that had no intention to, initially.

Madoka Mori-san was on another trip at that time. I'd called her, but I couldn't reach her. I had already quit the whimsical modeling job by then too.

If Obaa-san persuaded Naru to fire me, she would have told me earlier when she was in my room. When it came to the very important, she was not secretive, especially when she discussed something about me with someone. So if she asked Naru to fire me...She should have told me earlier. Obaa-san never delayed.

My mouth tasted bitter and metallic, as though between my teeth, I were trying to crush a stainless spoon. I stared at the ceiling of the music room, and I didn't know if I wanted to cry again or laugh at the absurdity of it all. By then, the others had probably known why I ran off with a kettle. He probably repeated those understandable and legit reasons for sacking me.

Being depressed for being fired with quite reasonable grounds would only make me more idiotic. It was easier to be angry. It was always easier to be angry when it came to Naru.

There I was yesterday, melting at his thumb on my elbow, on his look at my lips, in his embrace, his nearness. The day before yesterday, I was rehired, and then the day after, I was fired. I was happy that I was working with him again, with another case again. Just hours before, I was worried about not telling my dreams, worried about my uselessness.

Now...what? I would die before I return and face him again. I had enough humiliation...hurt for one day.

No. I would not let him see how badly I was affected by what he did.

Not when he would face me with such an emotionless face.

I would not cry anymore. I would not beg for the job back.

Just like before, I would move on. As though to illustrate, I started running my fingers on the piano keys. The anaesthesia had worn off. Moving my hands ached now, but they would heal. My heart needed to recover, but it would heal too.

It would. It would. I would make it so.

His face flitted my mind, and I slapped my hands on the keyboard—emitting a very bad sound and at the same time bringing excruciating pain.

I doubled over and trembled as tears began welling in my eyes afresh. But I sniffed and tried not to let them fall. I did not know what hurt more then: my hands or the thought that I was easily replaceable.

I imagined the piano keys as his face and used my elbows to pound on them. But soon, I grew tired. Tears still fell, and luckily, the piano keys were hard and durable enough to survive my abuse.

Why wouldn't tears stop? I was hurting all over, physically, emotionally…

I cursed at myself.

"Such an idiot," I muttered as I wiped my face with the back of my hands. "I should win a Great Idiot Award somewhere."

I'd been fired before, but it had never been so painful. I had quit SPR before, so what made this moment different? It was ridiculous. I did not even cry when I left my resignation letter at SPR headquarters last year. So why was I so affected now? I had survived without working in SPR, hadn't I?

But I realized with dread that, this time around, there was finality in it. Naru himself terminated me, and it all made the difference…

Because my feelings for him were growing. To what, I could not tell. But they were growing...and it hurt.

The SPR job seemed to be the only tether I had with Naru...to Gene, and now that it was gone, what could I do? Thicken my face and show up in the narcissist's office like a regular visitor? Be some kind of stalker?

I blew my nose furiously on a tissue. Then I exhaled and walked to the windows. In contrast to my stormy condition, the sky was so bright blue. No clouds at all. It was as though the horizon were mocking me. I shook my head.

No more! Enough of this sadness!

"Naru!"

I blinked, and even though I didn't want to see him, I still looked down at the ground below.

The one who shouted was Masako, and she was running to Naru. The idiot scientist was quite preoccupied, holding his cellphone.

"Naru!" Masako called again, and finally Naru turned to her. It was then that Masako tripped, and I felt sorry for her. She was running in her restrictive kimono and uncomfortable-looking geta, and those weren't marathon-appropriate for catching up with a narcissist with long legs and wider strides.

Anyway, Naru pocketed his cellphone then and swiftly approached Masako. As though I were watching a movie, he then held out a hand for her, to which the medium accepted while hiding her most likely crimson cheeks under her kimono sleeves.

Ancient jealousy crept up in me again. A lump in my throat formed, and knots were created in my stomach.

Naru and Masako...They always looked great together, didn't they? Intelligent, accomplished, beautiful, flawless...Their radiance could be so intimidating.

Disheartening.

Although Masako...might have used a lot of underhanded tricks to go out with Naru from time to time before, of course, Naru would overlook them. They'd dated a lot of times. They'd known each other—

Enough! my inner voice admonished.

My thoughts were swimming around me. I swiveled around and ignored the freefalling tears. Aimless, I hastily exited the music room.

The corridors were still empty, and when I thought I'd walked enough, I ran again. Directionless, I ran and ran, all the way out to the school's entranceway. The sight of cherry blossoms was overwhelming, but the falling of their pink petals seemed agonizing.

Pretending to be happy was useless.

I shut my eyes and succussed my head.

And that's when I bumped against someone and fell backwards.

I grunted and yowled as I smacked my hands on the ground. I keeled over and sobbed in pain.

"Sorry!" a familiar voice exclaimed. Then, "Mai? Is that you? Wah! Sorry—"

GRRRR

"Grr?" the voice said, and I, beneath my tear-streaked cheeks, felt a burning sensation.

My stomach had awful timing as usual.

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~

"I'm really sorry, Mai," the Toudai scholar, Yasuhara, said as he rolled new bandages over my right palm. "I was adjusting my contacts..."

"Mhmm," I murmured and nodded as I chewed the snack bar he gave me.

We were sitting at the infirmary, as I'd requested, and the school doctor had just given me another shot of anaesthesia a few moments before.

"I'm sorry," he said again, and I got the feeling that it wasn't just because of bumping into me that he was apologizing—

Yasuhara will do it, Naru had said, and pain slashed my gut.

Of course, how could I forget?

But Yasuhara was not to blame, so I said, "Sorry about my stomach too."

He blinked and gave me a smile in return. "It was quite loud."

I pushed out my bottom lip. "At least it doesn't rumble like Bou-san's."

We both looked at each other and burst out in laughter. Somehow, the pain in my heart was fading slightly.

"Yeah, his stomach is incredible," Yasuhara conceded. "You should hear him fart too. He's got this technique of shifting to the side and whistling—"

"Stop!" I giggled, and my stomach pained with mirth.

It took us a few moments to get ourselves together. By then, Yasuhara was bowing his head. And when he looked up at me, his expression was grave and apologetic.

"I know you're hurting, but being the damsel in distress doesn't suit you at all."

My face fell. My eyes must be red-rimmed and puffy. I looked away and closed my eyes.

"I know," I whispered.

"I could always resign and give the work to you instead."

I shook my head. "No! You don't have to go to that extent for me. It's all right." I sighed. "Naru has finally lost his nerve with me. I wouldn't have the strength to go back anyway."

Although he didn't look angry at all. He was just...emotionless, and it hurt more.

"Mai—"

My stomach growled again, now prolonged, and Yasuhara suspired.

My face seared. "Sorry."

"I guess we should discuss this later after you eat a proper meal." He stood up. "Will you be all right staying here for a moment?"

"I'll go to the entranceway and sit on a bench there."

The infirmary, though bright, was not really the most comfortable place. I had stayed in an infirmary in a haunted school before, and it hadn't been such a fancy experience. A consequence of working in SPR: making me fear ordinary places.

But then again, my school was haunted too, and by experience, day or night, anything could pop out and pounce on me.

I shivered.

No. I wouldn't stay long anywhere in school anymore now that I recalled the apparitions yesterday.

"What would you like to eat?" Yasuhara queried, and my face must have lit up in thought.

"Ummm, curry bread, melon bread, hamburger too, and, oh yeah, strawberry milk!" I replied sheepishly. I patted the pockets of my dress, and gasped. "Ah, I don't have my wallet! It's in my bag…"

Which I didn't have since I left the old gym.

Yasuhara smiled, and it felt serene to look at him against the splendor of the white curtains of the infirmary.

"It's all right; it'll be on me," he assured, and I hesitated, doubtful. "Haha, really, I'm serious. You bumped against me and got hurt, and changing your bandages wasn't truly enough. On the other hand, you won't mind me accompanying you, right?"

I shrugged. "Shouldn't you be returning to the base?"

Brewing tea in my place? Thankfully, I bit my envy down.

"Nah, there's nothing much to do anyway." He waved off a hand.

After I agreed and thanked him for his offer, we parted ways. Classes were still going on, and I'd hid at the sight of teachers every now and then. I just noticed that I still wasn't wearing my uniform, which was also in my bag. And while the school doctor just inclined her head at me, the teachers might not be so dismissive.

No way would I go back there to retrieve it...

I returned before the breathtaking sight of the cherry blossoms and tried to push away the thoughts of Naru. Of SPR. Of Liza. Noting a good spot, I slumped on a bench near the school gates.

"Below," a faraway voice whispered, and the wind warmed my ears as though someone breathed into it...It was a resonating sound that seemed near, but it felt distant.

I jerked my head up and froze.

A girl stood under a sakura tree, which was across me and on the other side of the school's entrance road. Her lips were moving fast, but her voice was inaudible. By the movements of her lips, she was saying a lot of things, but only the word "Below" kept on echoing all around me as though she were shouting it overlooking mountaintops.

No...! Not again!

But I couldn't look away. My curiosity had a way of propelling me to do anything, even the unthinkable. Besides, there was something different with the vision I saw.

Below...?

My eyes blurred. What did she look like? I could not tell if I were scared or not. The fallen sakura petals began a strange tornado of pink that made me unable to see ahead, and my eyes hurt at the pinkness.

Was I dreaming? Awake?

I leaned my head on top of the backrest of the bench, and the sun's rays hit my open eyes through the gaps of the branches over me. I blinked and covered my eyes with my arm.

Below…? What did it mean? Who was it…?

Something dropped on my cheeks, and I stretched my free hand to wipe it away.

Rain? On this sunny day?

I uncovered my eyes and gazed at my hands, and a quiver of terror passed through me. More drops fell on my face, and I kept on wiping them until, much to my mistake, I tilted back my head to see the source. A girl with bleeding forehead stared at me intently; her torso was adorned with screwdrivers.

And she was sitting on a tree branch overhead.

I shrieked and bolted away from the bench and towards my school building. Halfway to the entrance, for the second time, I collided with something, someone, and I shrieked again.

Scrunching my eyes shut and screaming like a parrot, I put my hands to my ears.

Below! Below! voices whispered to me, and I demanded inwardly, What 'below'?!

Hands groped my shoulder and shook me.

"Stop it! Please stop it! Stop scaring me!" I cried.

"Mai! Mai?! It's me! Just me!" Yasuhara's panting voice went through, and I lifted my eyelids and tipped my head up.

"Ya-Yasuhara?" I said, doubtful, although I could see him clearly.

"Yes, it's me." His brows were furrowed, and his eyes squinted at me.

He probably couldn't see me well, and somehow, that relieved me. The blood...it was all over my face now—

I stared at my hands and saw nothing red.

Again...

Instead of relief, my stomach felt leaden.

They wouldn't stop. The spirits...They probably knew I was their only connection.

Why…? Why me?

"Mai? How are you feeling?" Yasuhara's voice intruded my head. "You were screaming so loud—" His eyes flickered. "Have you seen something in this broad daylight?"

I hesitated. Should I tell him?

His eyes softened. "Don't worry. I won't tell Naru. But before you tell me, let's go back to your school. I shouldn't have left you alone at all, although I can't do much ghost busting. But I did get your bag from Bou-san."

He swayed my school bag in front of me like a swift pendulum, and my eyes probably shone with gratitude.

"Thank you."

"Don't worry," he assured again. "We won't see anyone in SPR anywhere. Naru's probably back at the base also. He doesn't usually come to school when classes are held."

XDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~

We both stayed at the rooftop of my school without a sense of time. We hid from the glare of the sun under the eaves of a big block structure, from which we entered the rooftop. I sat leaning on one of the block's walls, beside the door. I just finished telling Yasuhara what had happened, and I was then munching on his treats.

"You sure eat a lot." Yasuhara slanted a glance at me.

"What can I do?" I responded. "I'm feeling an irresistible urge right now."

I didn't want to think about that stabbed girl...

I gulped down my food and tried to stop recalling what I saw a few moments before.

Yasuhara nodded. "You're not your usual self at all."

I frowned. "What exactly do you mean?"

I was not crying. Not anymore. Nor would I ever again waste my tears on something that couldn't be undone.

My life had always shifted from fortune to misfortune. And right then, I was still fortunate. I was already an heiress; I didn't need the money I would get—if I still worked in SPR—anymore. But even so, it still twinged to think I could not go back, even though it was me who left in the first place before Naru returned.

"Well," Yasuhara started, "when I first heard from Boss that he fired you and I'm going to be your replacement, I'd thought you've at least caused a ruckus or something to oppose him."

"I did. I stole his kettle." It was laughable now that I contemplated about it.

Yasuhara shook his head. "That's not a ruckus. Bou-san said you just ran away with it."

"How is that exactly not the usual me?"

"You're always fighting with Boss, with Naru." He shrugged. "You're often combative when he's such a prick, so learning what happened, I wanted to know and expected to learn that you kicked him finally after many failed attempts due to Bou-san before."

I gave him a look of disbelief. "You wanted me to kick him? Now, you're more bloodthirsty than me."

Although a part of me was currently considering of strangling Naru the next time we'd meet.

Anyway, Yasuhara just chuckled, and unavoidably, my lips twitched while I stifled a grin.

"But don't you think it's odd?" he inquired after some time. "Though he gave fair reasons for firing you, it was too sudden and out-of-place."

"Err—you do know I always sleep a lot during work, don't you?" I asked, curving my lips a bit. "And I always oppose him, as you'd said. I don't exactly have the best work ethic."

"Yeah, but that's not really convincing since your dreams are mostly productive to the case," Yasuhara pressed on. "Besides, if it's really a medical condition (though we all doubt it), shouldn't you be given a chance to treat yourself and still work? And if you oppose him a lot, it's just because he has always given you leave to do so. Yesterday was, like, the first time since you're rehired that you've slept on the job."

I had been thinking similarly, but I was exhausted of revisiting such thoughts.

"You could sue him for this," Yasuhara suggested while squinting his un-spectacled eyes at me, and I chortled.

"You. You're not used to wearing contacts at all, right?" I beamed, diverting the topic.

He blinked and loured, and gave a mock-exasperated sigh. "I'm trying to be serious here!"

I shook my head and gazed up at the cloudless sky. By what occurred, I could probably sue Naru indeed...I'd seen TV show trials between employers and employees before, battling with lighter or heavier reasons than mine.

But...

Then what? Make Naru famous? Make everyone know he's Professor Oliver Davis? How petty could I be for suing him because of his change of mind?

Revenge did not look so appealing at all.

So I shrugged and replied with the lamest excuse ever, "Well...from the start, Naru never relied much on my abilities."

"But everyone knows he couldn't sense anything now. We need you and your ability more than ever."

Yasuhara could be right, of course, but Naru was clever.

"He's probably thought it over..." I muttered. "He would always find a way out of his weaknesses."

I'd never been anything but fair—I remembered Naru saying that to me last night.

My anger resurfacing, I huffed.

You will know sooner or later, the narcissist had also said last night.

Now I knew what it was.

What a jerk.

And what a fool I was.

I pursed my lips. "I can't do anything anymore. I just have to endure these coming days of seeing him at Obaa-san's house and eating meals with you all. After that, I won't have the chance of seeing everyone again. Perhaps everything is meant to be."

"You sound like an old woman," Yasuhara commented.

"That's a funny view." I smirked.

"You can always visit us. We were all worried, you know, when we lost contact of you."

I averted my gaze.

"I'm sorry...I quit SPR before...because I found a better job," I lied. And because everyone else focused on their own non-paranormal lives while I was left empty. "And I've become an heiress, so I didn't really need to work..."

Garbage-filled reasons spewed from my mouth, and not one of them were true. I had quit SPR because it wasn't the SPR I'd known anymore…

Naru was the one who brought all of us together, as strange as that seemed. I had thought his stay in England would be definite. Without him and the SPR family he'd built, I had no one else. I had no other life before. I had no other family.

But Obaa-san gave me a new one, and it seemed like having both families, past and present, wasn't the best.

"I still don't understand." The space between Yasuhara's brows creased.

A surprised laugh emitted from me. "What is it that you don't?"

"Naru had been looking for you since last year," Yasuhara revealed. "We all were. Since your apartment exploded—"

"Exploded?!" I intercepted with a hand raised. "Wait a moment. What?!"

He cocked his head in an oh-you-didn't-know look. "In the apartment you'd lived in before Kagami-san's mansion...there was a gas explosion. We'd thought you died. It took some time for the medical examiner and coroner to identify the charred remains, but your things were still there that's why..."

He carried on, but there was ringing in my ears. I had always complained to the landlady about the gas tank for the stove, and to think I escaped the brush of death...

"The current tenant in your room...we thought it were you. It took a long time to know it wasn't you."

I had left the things I didn't really need, including some clothes. Obaa-san had bought me new things by then, including furniture for my room in her mansion. I did not leave any contact details to the landlady because she was a very opportunistic woman; she had exploited Obaa-san enough when I had settled my end of lease agreement. She had talked about unnecessary repairs that needed to be done before another tenant took over the apartment.

On the other hand, knowing that someone died instead of me...I shivered.

Death was so close. Always so close.

"So that's why…Bou-san and you made that face days ago?" I said, croaking. "That...sad look?"

He bobbed his head. "It was just a few hours before Naru arrived from England that the explosion happened. We huddled in the SPR lounge; we were already grieving when Naru and Lin-san arrived. Naru just passed by our glum faces and said, 'She's alive,' and then he stuck himself in his office. We asked Lin-san if it's the truth, and he just nodded before doing the same as Naru."

"And you all believed him?" I gaped at him, but at the same time, I felt odd.

Fluttery.

Damn it.

I should be angry at him, but I couldn't stay so. What if...the real reason he fired me...was because he was worried of my injury? But then, we'd experienced danger before, and Naru was never the one to decide things due to emotions he felt…

That was...he hardly did (except that one time in Okobu-sama's case)...If he did feel anything enough for him to do something about it...it was usually to patch up his wounded pride.

It was all an illusion yesterday, remember?

An infuriatingly huge part of me still wished it wasn't.

"Yes, we believed him." Yasuhara gave a rather melancholic smile. "It was all too strange for us, but he has always spoken things with certainty. It was hard not to believe him. And knowing his ability, we stopped doubting. I saw your letters, you know. The recent ones, the ones you sent after the explosion in your apartment. He'd forgotten to lock his office one time, so I peeked around."

My cheeks were now being scorched, although the sun's light did not touch them.

"He'd printed your e-mails. You never said anything about where you live now. They were always about the weather or your studies. You didn't even say you'd quit SPR. I only knew through Mori-san."

I nictated and furrowed my brows. "He said he didn't receive anything. Or rather...Mori-san didn't receive anything."

He cracked a smile. "Suspicious, isn't it?"

"That's..." I felt my blush again.

"There were maps too on his desk. Remember what you said to me after we found his brother? About the maps? He didn't need them anymore since then, but last year, until before we reunited with you, he was using them. Marked the places you'd lived before and the places you were employed."

I didn't know what to say. It was all too...unbelievable.

Why would Naru look for me...? He'd said he didn't need me…

So why…?

"Then there was his Mai disorder..."

"What?!"

"Bou-san and me termed it. Listen to this." He took out his cellphone and then pressed buttons and icons on the touchscreen for a moment. "Ok, here it is."

"Tea, Mai," said a voice from his cellphone.

I batted my lashes. "That's...Naru?!"

Yasuhara nodded and pressed buttons again. "There's more."

"That's all, Mai."

"Do this again, Mai."

On and on I heard Naru's voice calling me, admonishing me, ordering me, or responding with my name in the midst of the white noise.

"What...What was...?" Perplexed, I shook my head.

"Ever since, Naru has often mistaken me as you. Even Lin-san was called 'Mai' at some points."

My face must have exploded by then. "Yo-you're not making this up, are you? Ma-manipulated his voice?!"

Yasuhara showed me his voice records, including the date and time they were inputted; all was dated last year. Then, the Toudai scholar shunted his head side-to-side and put a hand to his heart. "It's the truth. Indeed, I was heartbroken every time. I even recorded his dialogues in one week and made a bet with Bou-san. Shall I tell you how many times he said your name? Let's see here."

He scrolled down and played all the recordings he did in said one week. All dated last year.

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

My heart was now stuttering. I should be angry at Naru. I should still be, but why was it so easy to forgive him knowing all he'd done because of me…?

I bowed and covered my heating face with my hands. My heart was melting. All of me was.

"That's what confuses me," Yasuhara said. "If he misses you too much, why would he fire you? This case is not the most dangerous we'd tried to solve...Although there was your falling, yes. Sorry, didn't mean to downplay that."

I shook my head. I was down to my last speculated reason why Naru would terminate me. "What can I do? I'm an idiot."

Yasuhara raised an eyebrow. "Are you?"

Taken aback, I blinked. "Aren't I?"

"If you believe that you're an idiot because you don't know a lot of things, you're wrong," Yasuhara said. "You're ignorant, not an idiot."

"Uhh..." I scowled. "Are you even trying to comfort me?"

He smiled. "Ignorance is simple to cure; you just have to know."

I sighed. "I don't think before I act. Usually. And haven't you guys said it before? I am usually saved without thinking at all."

"Uh...not thinking before acting...that's impulsiveness. But in the time we've known each other, I think you're more reckless. You know what will happen yet you plunge in. In a positive light, I think you are fearless."

I jutted my lower lip. "Positive light?"

He shrugged. "It can go either way."

"Moh!" I mock-punched him on his upper arm, and he chuckled with me. When he stopped laughing, I asked, "You really think...I'm not an idiot?"

"The common stigma about idiots is that they're mentally impaired. They cannot comprehend a simple situation as fast as the average person. I don't think you're an idiot in this sense. You think you are, but I see that you are not, after all. If I'd said you were an idiot before, you can kick me now because I know now that you're not. It's information you lack, not mental prowess."

I burst out in laughter. "And yet Naru calls me an idiot! I do admit I can be slower than average sometimes, you know?"

Or oftentimes...

"A few might call you an idiot, but there are more than six billion people in the world. The worldwide consensus will tip up your intelligence, and in the end, how does a few people's perception of you count?"

It sounded so amazing that I was grinning while shaking my head. Poking him on his arm, I said, "You. Has college made you a Buddha or Confucius?"

He didn't smile, but he inclined his head. "You're not an idiot, Mai. Stop thinking that you are. The rest of the world can go hang."

Another laugh egressed from my lips, but I didn't know what to say. In Yasu (as I now preferred to call him) or Yasuhara's words, Obaa-san's advice echoed in my head.

If you let what society says about you become the definition of yourself and, eventually, your whole life, you'd remain trapped by the limitations they dictate. Don't be trapped, Maika...

"You can still regain your position, Mai."

I lifted and dropped my shoulders before saying softly, "For what intelligent reason should I want to come back working for SPR?"

"You don't need to have a very intelligent reason," Yasu said. "You love ghost hunting, don't you?"

I stared at him and remembered what I'd said to Obaa-san just this morning:

I love this job...

How could I forget?

I exhaled and told him, "You're such a nice person, Yasu."

A spot on his cheeks darkened, but then his boisterous, playful self re-emerged. "You've just realized that now?"

If only I'd fall for someone like you...

Someone like Gene...again.

Beaming at him, I pointed out, "You usually fool around."

"But that's what's great about me." He winked, making me chortle. Nodding, he went on, "You'll see soon, Mai; Naru-chan won't last many days without your tea."

"Errr...he lasted quite a long time, didn't he? Before you got here?" I asked.

"True," he said, "but he usually went out of his office. I guess he's sitting around teashops in Shibuya. And I bet the tea shops he went to have teas of Mai-caliber."

"Mai-caliber?" I laughed. "What's up with all these terms involving my name? My brewing is hardly special. But as to the teashop-sitting he had to do...well..."

I grinned, and we both snickered as we imagined Naru's icy glare and irritated face while waiting for his tea. Somehow, furtively making fun of the narcissist was effectively tamping down the hurt.

"Still, doesn't that prove your tea-making is up to par with the teashops?" Yasuhara queried. "The fact that he rarely goes out for tea when you were at the office?"

"I don't know…" I grabbed a carton of strawberry milk and stabbed it with the straw.

"Feeling better?" Yasuhara inquired randomly.

Smiling my thanks, I jounced my head and sipped my strawberry milk.

"You're in love with Naru, aren't you?" Yasuhara asked, and I sputtered. He clapped his hands and mischievously━with eyebrows bobbing up and down━said, "Aha, did I hit the bull's eye?"

I coughed and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, and blurted, "How would you know?! I'm not even sure if I'm falling in love or already in love with him!"

Was I always so easy to read? How could others know while I couldn't? Besides, it had only been days...Surely...

Yasuhara gestured to his face. "Frankly, you wear your love on your face often."

Wah...!

I covered my face with the milk carton, and groaned. "Ugh. As I said, I'm not even sure!"

"All right, but don't run away, Mai."

I peeked above the milk carton. "Is that a piece of advice I should follow?"

"Yes," he replied firmly. "It's not like you at all to run away and give up. In love or life. And in ghost hunting."

I knew that, but...there were times when running away was the safer option.

The less hurtful option.

I put down the milk carton on my lap. "I...feel that I must give up at this point. It's been decided, Yasu."

He pulled a 'come-on' face. "You'll probably change your mind tomorrow."

"Huh...Who knows…?"

XDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~

Yasuhara took off when the bell ending another period rang. Shortly, I returned to the music room. I should've been afraid to be alone. The spirits usually bewildered me when I would roam solo. However, the music room….seemed to be the only safe place I could go to...or at least...There was always something about it that did not creep me out.

Karin left me some notes of new songs to sing earlier, but I had not practiced them even though she suggested it could make me feel better and distract me from my distress. She had nattered on about the student council presidents from Haitateki and Shountoku complaining about having just one song with lyrics; the latter wanted more songs to be sung, in different languages, to please the school principals of Haitateki and Shountoku and the board of chairpersons, who were multi-cultural supporters.

To kill time and to forget, I tried playing the new songs and figuring out how to sing them. Obaa-san had hired piano instructors for me, but reading notes was not an easy chore, and it always took me time to decipher if a note was E sharp or F flat or if it was slurred or tied. Fortunately my current piano instructor was on vacation, because if she saw me fumbling at the keys right then, she might have spanked me and gave me a thorough scolding. In the end, I resorted to just singing the songs in my own tempo and melody. My hands were not aching, but I couldn't control how soft and hard I could push the keys.

That and my piano playing was ear-cringingly discordant.

I only realized it was dismissal time when Karin, Inare, and Honami entered the room. By then, I was hoarse, so Karin just bid me goodbye and gave me some CDs for learning the new songs. They didn't ask questions about earlier, and I was relieved; I didn't have the strength to recall the hurt and sadness that had enveloped me.

By and by, I walked with my three fellow music club members out of the school building and until the school gates, where we separated. There were students also going home through the walkway beside the sakura tree , so I wasn't as scared. I did grip the straps of my bag when I passed by the tree where the girl appeared and the bench where blood dropped on my face, but afterwards it felt like nothing unusual occurred there.

Getting out of the school's premises made me breathe easier.

After separating with Karin, Inare, and Honami, I followed unknown schoolmates as they went down the hill and proceeded to the shops around school and before the suburbs. Their noises—their cahoots and whistles—were oddly comforting. I saw some groups of girls here and there, and I was reminded of Michiru and Keiko. The last time I saw them, they were too preoccupied with their boyfriends. I had teased them about it, but they just told me to get my own and see for myself how distractingly fun it could be. Since Naru went back to England, they had always wondered why I didn't go out with other boys; sure, some had asked me out before, but I was never interested.

Counting the steps it took me to reach a post with a street-name board, I momentarily forgot the earlier events of the day. While I peregrinated coffee shops and boutiques, I saw someone who resembled Naru, walking ahead of me. It would not be strange to see him in town, but at the same time, I could just be imagining it because of what Yasu and I had talked about. Smiling at the fun we had, I just willed myself not to wonder if the guy walking before me were Naru.

By the time I neared the railway crossing, my hands had started to ache, so I went in a clinic and asked for anaesthesia again. After showing my family insurance cards and other cards, I took a shot and immediately exited. I stopped in front of the railway crossing, which looked familiar. The yellow and black striped bar went down, and the red lights blinked━signaling a train would pass.

You love ghost hunting, don't you? Yasuhara had asked, and I pondered. Yes, perhaps, I had come to love ghost hunting more than telling ghost stories. I could now identify what was fake and absurd in those ghost stories I'd often told.

The air seemed suddenly stuffy, and my clothes felt tight. Fear and panic welled in me, but I didn't know why. My eyes blurred in and out. I shook my head many times, stared across me, and saw a girl on the other side. She wore a white shirt and brown skirt. Her eyes looked darker than black. Her hair was a shoulder-length burgundy. She appeared out of breath as she bent with her hands on her knees.

And...she had no shoes.

I felt strange. She felt familiar, but I'd never seen her before. For a second, my breathing stopped.

One of the dead girls?

But there was nothing to be afraid of. I was not inside the school premises anymore. The ghosts of the girls were trapped in the school.

They couldn't haunt me anywhere else...could they? There's a barrier after all...

The no-shoe girl met my gaze, and I saw fear and relief. I smiled at her and wished she could feel comforted. But then I saw her school's crest on her chest, and horror clicked in my head.

Great tremors passed through my body, and I collapsed on my knees first before the railway's bar. My hands shook; everything in me shook.

No...

The train's arrival brought an eerie howling sound, and the girl broke her gaze with me. I continued to shake on the floor.

No! Don't do it!

She gave me a bitter smile, and I cried out. But the train's sounds muffled my voice. Then she jumped on the railway tracks and was lost in sight. Blood spat at my face and arms, and I screamed, covering my face and desperately wiping blood. Yet I was probably spreading it over while I writhed on the floor. I must look like a fish out of water.

Why was I trembling so much?

A hand rested on my shoulder, and I screamed hysterical, still shaking violently. My head and body were feeling weird. I couldn't stop shaking everywhere.

"Miss! What's wrong?!" a middle aged man asked.

"Someone, call an ambulance!" a woman shouted.

There were murmurs all around, but everything became a blur. The eyes around me flickered with worry to suspicion to wariness. I wanted to go away from the pricking stares. But my body was shaking stiffly—absolutely uncontrollable.

"Below," that same faraway whisper reverberated. When I glanced at the railways, a hand threatened to reach out from the railway tracks to me, and I couldn't back away. Inwardly, I was shrieking and wishing to crawl out of there.

My head was weird, and I was panting. I engaged myself with all the noise: the cars honking, the crowd whispering, shouting, and murmuring, and the footsteps tapping on the paved floor. Hoping that the noise would drown me and hurl me into oblivion of everything else, I listened eagerly, but all sounds stopped. I could see people walking between the on and off flashing lights before my eyes, but I couldn't hear them.

Had I gone deaf? Where was I? What was I doing?

"Below," that same lingering voice, rasp and cold, breathed into my ears.

Something's behind me!

"Below," it repeated on and on, but I couldn't feel my arms, my body.

Stop it! Please!

I blinked. That voice wasn't mine!

My heart ached, and I lurched forward to meet the cold cemented pavement. If I were still shaking, I must have looked like a fish twisting on land.

To no avail, my vision plunged into darkness.

XDXDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~

"This is your fault, Naru-bou," was what I heard Bou-san say when I roused.

We were in the living room. John, Yasuhara, and Bou-san were standing before Naru. Bou-san stood with hands on his hips and a pulverizing glare at Naru. Naru, used to accusations, just stood with his arms folded and his back resting on a wall. Nobody noticed my presence, and I realized it was one of those unusual dreams or out-of-body experiences again.

"So you think I caused her seizure," Naru concluded calmly, and Bou-san nodded.

I blinked. Seizure...? I couldn't remember...When did I pass out? Where?

"Indirectly or not, yes," the monk replied. "She probably felt the tremors when you appeared before her."

"She was already on the floor when I saw her," Naru informed. "If she saw me beyond the crowd that gathered around her, she must have quite the sight."

Such provocative words were probably meant to be matter-of-fact, but as usual, Naru's way of saying things felt like insults.

"You may not be medically at fault," Ayako said as she entered the room, "but emotionally, you are. You've given Mai enough shock to handle for years. Honestly, don't you have any delicacy?"

Naru sighed, as though he'd heard it many times before (and he probably had). Somehow, I felt bad for him. They were probably cornering him with questions all day.

I knew...it was his decision to fire me. He's the boss after all. Recalling what happened, I felt a knot of gratitude inside. Although he'd fired me, Naru...had saved me again…?

But of course...he was not so indifferent in times of emergency, even if his face betrayed no emotion. If it were to save a lot of people, he would always go through such lengths.

"True, true," Bou-san agreed with Ayako. "I'm not knowledgeable of heart issues, but I have to say that, for a young woman like Mai, firing her from the job after hiring her back is enough to break her down, especially if she likes the job. I had thoughts you were concerned of her well-being last night, but terminating her now? It doesn't make sense."

Oh Bou-san...I sighed. In the end, I didn't know who to be angry at. Myself, for being reckless? Naru, for the suddenness? Obaa-san, who might or might not have persuaded Naru to fire me? The dead girls, who pushed me out the window?

"What's wrong with Mai? Do you know why she had a seizure?" Yasuhara asked.

"Apparently, she took anaesthesia at a clinic on her way home. The shot given to her was lidocaine with epinephrine while the ones I'd had her given had none; she does not react well with epinephrine."

"So it's not shock?" Yasuhara said and Ayako glared at him.

Then, Bou-san and Ayako said to Naru in unison, "You're still at fault."

"Now, now, Bou-san, Ayako-san," John intercepted Ayako, who was about to add something. "Please stop blaming Shibuya-san. We haven't even heard his reasons yet. Besides, I know it is sad that he fired Mai-san, but I think he'll employ her again after this case..."

Naru raised an eyebrow at John, and the young priest stuttered, "Err—I-I hope he would!"

Poor priest did not leave much impression, and the monk and the priestess just teamed up against Naru in full blast. Naru remained unperturbed and continued to ignore them until Lin-san came and announced that I was all right. Naru then pushed off from the wall and started exiting the room. Yasuhara, who'd been observing Naru all along, inquired, "Where are you going, Boss?"

"I don't have any other business to attend here," Naru said.

"Hey! You've got to apologize to Mai, you kid," Ayako snarled.

Naru glowered at her. "Taniyama-san left earlier without asking for my apology. If she believes I am to blame for saving her this afternoon or for her termination, she's free to confront me, as she always does immediately. Until she wakes up, I will not remain here catching flies when there is work to do. If you want to stay here, you're quite free to leave the investigation to more capable hands."

He and Lin-san then strode off without looking back.

"Wha—you!" Ayako motioned to strangle Naru, but was held back by others.

"Calm down, Oba-san," Yasuhara soothed, and Ayako growled at him. "We better follow the boss if we want to prevent Mai's guilt."

"Tha-that's right." John nodded and shrank a little at Ayako's slitting eyes. "Taniyama-san will just wallow more in sadness if she realized we were kicked out of the case because of her..."

Bou-san sighed and agreed, "They're right, Oba—"

"I'm not your aunt, damn you!" Ayako hissed.

"You know," Bou-san carried on, unaffected, "Mai will probably feel bad if she's the reason we slack off. If we laze about, wouldn't that be like pointing out she's truly fired, so we've become like this? It's like rubbing salt on her wounds."

Ayako pursed her lips, and after a few minutes, she huffed and went out the dining room.

"Hey!" Bou-san called her, and groaned. "Sheesh, that woman. Honestly."

"We should get going too, Bou-san," John suggested. "By the way, where's Hara-san?"

Yasuhara looked around. "Now that you mentioned it, I didn't notice her coming here with us."

"Perhaps she went back to school with the narcissistic brat." Bou-san ran a hand through his hair. "That missy is clingy after all…"

They exited the living room, and intrigued, I followed. It was the first time I'd ever eavesdropped completely on people (right in front of me too)—especially during an out-of-body experience. Since the Urado case, I'd never had an OBE until...until maybe yesterday.

But unlike last night, it seemed like I could move freely; it was fascinating. It was better than dreaming of sad and disturbing pasts after all.

Come to think of it, I should've followed Naru!

I shook my head..

No! No way would I pine for that guy. Even if I felt conflicted at the moment, I was not feeling so reconciliatory yet.

"What the hell?!" Bou-san's mouth fell open, and I swished my head to the empty front parking lot, where I had followed them to.

Bou-san's car was nowhere in sight, and the poor irate monk couldn't stop cursing the self-proclaimed priestess who probably used it without permission.

"That hag!" He clenched his fists and growled.

"Now, now, Bou-san. We should start walking before the 'narcissistic brat' knock the heavens out of us," Yasuhara-san said.

Dragging the infuriated monk, Yasuhara and John started their trek back to my school, sighing and muttering. I wanted to follow them, but before the mansion's gate, something pulled me back. It felt like my waist had been noosed by an invisible rope, and I couldn't go any further.

After many struggles, something pulled again from behind, but the unnamed force did not stop. Screaming, I was hurled backwards to the mansion, and my vision resembled a colorful paper entirely blotted out with black ink.

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~

"What's this? Noburesu—" A male voice jolted me out of the emptiness.

"Noblesse oblige," a girl's voice said, and I opened my eyes.

I was in the strange music room again, and Liza and Kazune were already there, sitting beside each other before the piano. On Kazune's lap was an open notebook, and Liza was bending over him and caressing the page that was visible.

"What does it mean?" Kazune said.

"It means using what you have in life to help those who don't have the same advantages as you do," Liza explained.

"You mean, like, if I were good at Chemistry, I should tutor others in Chemistry?"

Liza smiled. "You're not good at Chemistry though."

He frowned. "I passed, you know."

Liza laughed. "You're so—"

"What's this?! Why are you two still here?!"

We all whipped our heads to the hollering man, and saw Hoshimasa-sensei. Liza paled, but Kazune-kun just narrowed his eyes and gritted out, "We have the right to stay as long as we want to."

Hoshimasa-sensei's face contorted. "What will your dear mother say when she learns you violated the school curfew?"

Kazune just shrugged and looked at his wristwatch. "It's not yet even six o'clock."

It was still bright outside, but the sun was indeed low over the horizon.

"Students must be out of school by 6 o'clock. You should be out of here already. You've got a minute left.

Liza lowered her head, and I saw her...shiver. What was she feeling...? Encountering Hoshimasa-sensei again…?

"Fine, sensei," Kazune replied calmly. "Please don't make such a big deal about it. Besides, my mother will just say being punished because of a one-time offense is foolish."

Hoshimasa-sensei glared. "Such simple rules, yet you can't ever follow and get into your head. What would become of you young people?"

Kazune-kun just raised an eyebrow. "We'd behave better if adults don't entirely suffocate us."

"You!"

"Goodbye, sensei," Kazune-kun waved, and took Liza's hand and their bags. While Hoshimasa-sensei stuttered with rage, Kazune and Liza just drifted past him. Eerrily, Hoshimasa-sensei eyes bore at Liza's back and stayed.

Creeped out, I followed Kazune and Liza. I watched them change their indoor shoes and exit the school building. There was no rotunda outside. Instead of two walkways, there was just one. The cherry blossoms were falling under the traversing lovers before me, and when they were in a safer distance, Liza halted and turned to Kazune-kun. Uninhibited, I neared the two.

"Was it really all right for you to leave it all just like that?" Liza asked, gripping Kazune's arm. "Your mother..."

"It's fine," Kazune sighed. "But promise me, Liza, not to be alone with that guy ever."

Liza blanched and asked, "W-why?"

"That guy...has always been acting weird."

Brushing his hand on her cheeks, he carried on, "I'd seen him before. He was doing some weird rituals that involved blood sacrifices. 'Just animals for good health,' he'd said, but I'd never believed him. There was always something off about him. I think he's scared of something. He's quite paranoid. But still, I don't like him."

Liza smiled a little. "Me too."

A strong breeze swept the sakura petals on the ground. And then, like at school earlier, the petals covered the path before me. But it didn't stop. I swiveled around and found myself surrounded by walls of cherry blossom petals as though I were in the middle of a pink and white tornado.

And then I was falling through the cobbled ground.

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~

"Liza," a faraway voice called. "Liza!"

I winced and blinked at Kazune. "What…?"

We were sitting at a diner, waiting for our order, but I...I did not have any appetite. I did not have much appetite ever since I saw Hikari's death.

Yet no tears left me anymore. It was like my eyes had dried up the past two weeks I'd stayed out of school, afraid that Hoshimasa-sensei would kidnap me…

And kill me like in my dream.

I didn't want to die.

The day after I saw Hikari's death, a missing report had been filed. For two weeks, I stayed and grieved at home. Nobody would ever understand. They would all call me mad, and I didn't want to give notice to myself again. I was the reason me and my family moved all the time...I had been admitted to many psych wards...Been exposed to media scrutiny...I didn't want to ruin their lives again. So—

"Liza!"

I flinched and said, "Sorry. For spacing out."

Kazune didn't look at me with scorn or pity. Instead he put a hand over mine, and said, "We'll find her. She can't be dead. You know Hikari-san. She's a strong-willed person. She'll always find a way."

I nodded, but I knew very well it was useless. Staring at the black band around my wrist, I muttered, "I should have told her."

"Pardon?" Kazune-said, and I shook my head.

But my heart was filled with so many regrets. If only I'd told Hikari what Kazune told me before when I first met Hoshimasa-sensei in the music room…If only I'd told her to stay away from Hoshimasa-sensei.

If only...If only.

"Liza..."

I looked up and Kazune sighed.

"Don't bottle up your worries. You can cry."

I nodded, and at the thought that Kazune might hate me just like others who knew my ability...at the thought that if he knew, he would turn his back on me...If he knew I let Hikari die...

I didn't want to die.

Thoughts of my family...of my future...of what Hoshimasa-sensei could do burst open floodgates inside of me.

When I entered my room at home, I took a recorder and emotionally recounted the day. At some point, I might have fallen asleep because, the next thing I knew, I was in a very dark place.

"Miharu," a familiar voice whispered.

I turned and shouted, "Hikari!"

My voice didn't echo; it faded away into the abyss.

"Below," Hikari's voice whispered in my ears, and I whipped around in teary joy.

"Hikari—!" I hollered.

She was wearing our school uniform. The same smiling, confident Hikari.

Before long, blood gushed out from her head, chest, and stomach, and I stepped back and covered my face.

"Iyaaaaaa!"

"I'm below, Miharu," Hikari murmured, and involuntarily, I halted my shrieks and perked up. Hikari's body was gliding away from me, and stamping my fear and guilt, I followed her.

"Where?" I asked, but she continued to move away, and so I ran to catch up to her in the never-ending darkness. "Hi-Hikari, I'm sorry! I'm not afraid anymore! Don't go away! Where are you going?! Don't leave me!"

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~

I woke up looking at a camera-negative-like background, but unlike the past dreams, there were no will-o-wisps.

Nor was Gene there.

Pain stabbed me, but I slapped myself awake and looked around. The hallway...looked familiar…

When I looked down I saw Yasuhara…

Carrying me?! What happened—?

He was carrying me on a hallway…

I gasped.

Obaa-san's mansion! Of course, how could I have forgotten?!

Then again, it was not everyday that I got a bird's eye view—an x-ray-like bird's eye view—of the mansion I now called home.

Anyway, Yasuhara wheeled around the corner and saw what appeared to be my room, its door ajar. Hesitating for a few seconds, he decided to have a peek. While he was snooping, Naru arrived on the hallway and saw Yasuhara and me—or my body.

"What's wrong?" Naru halted behind Yasu and crossed his arms, and the latter winced and dropped my body on the doorway, on the hard floor.

There was a thud, and I cringed.

"Ah," Yasuhara said, absentminded for the first time. "Oh, damn."

He began picking me up again and felt around the back of my head. He must have noticed some bump because he winced.

Yasu, really!

Naru's dissecting gaze was also on my figure in the scholar's arms, and I felt heat pooling around my stomach.

Ugh. I should be angry at him!

But it was hard to…

Naru uncrossed his arms and neared. "What happened to her?"

Yasu placed one of my arms over his shoulder and straightened up.

"Well..." he started, "I heard a sound outside my room and saw her on the floor as if she collided hard on a wall. I tried to help her, but she looked awake and kept murmuring, 'Hikari, Hikari.' She stood up by herself and proceeded to the garden. I couldn't stop her. You know those studies about sleepwalkers? I read them, and I thought it was better to let her play out whatever she's experiencing while asleep—at least until she might hurt herself."

Naru raised an eyebrow. "And…?"

"Well, she just hugged a tree, but kept on whispering the same name."

"Hikari?" Naru inquired, and Yasu nodded.

Naru narrowed his eyes and looked pensive. A lot of gears in his head must be oiled and would be working overnight at that moment. His eyes glinted, his curiosity meter probably hiking up. And somehow it irked me that he would take advantage of my powers when he fired me...

"Did she say anything else?"

"No...Nothing else." Yasu shook his head. "Anyway, do you know where her room is? I don't know where I can find the 'hospital' room here—where she was before. She took her IV, but I'd need her settled first. I sleep on the 3rd floor, so..."

The glint vanished. "Her room is the one you've been peering at. If she wakes up and asks what happened, tell her she fell down her—"

Something pushed my back, and I stumbled forward, my breath leaving me. Flummoxed, I twisted around a little before I plunged below. There was no one behind me as I fell towards the hallway where Yasu and Naru were.

Towards my body.

I was face-to-face with myself before I shut my eyes.

XDXDXDXDXD~nya~

Noblesse oblige.

Such great words, yet so hard to accomplish. Since I was a child, I tried to be noble and generous and honest. But having these qualities did not always lead to joyful rewards. I'd tried to help other people with my ability. Trying to prevent their death, telling them that they should do this or that. In the end, I was the wrong one, the bad one in their eyes. The accuracy of my dreams, of my advices, frightened them, and my teachers and other adults had started zeroing in around me and my family.

Numerous psychologist appointments, trips to the psych ward, and police inquisitions had colored my life. So one day, I decided to just shut up. By then my sleep-drawing ability began. And although my memory was not bad before, my newborn ability prevented me from ever forgetting the deaths of the people in my dreams.

So when I went down to the kitchen and saw the morning news, I knew faultlessly that the girl who 'jumped' on the railway tracks at dawn did not actually jump.

The flash of memory left me staggering on a stool before the kitchen counter. Shuddering, I closed my eyes and willed my fear at bay.

"Girls missing, and now a suicide?" my mother said, her brown hair shaking along with her head. "It's so sad."

She served me miso soup and the usual fare of mackerel and rice, and luckily she was glued to the TV screen and didn't see me, immobile and possibly as white as snow outside.

The track and field girl. Suicide.

It would look like such, right? The snow came and went last night with as much fervor as it was frigid. Even when February was ending...so the culprit could cover his tracks very well.

It was not suicide, and knowing what happened, my throat itched. Something bitter rose to my mouth.

The reporters mulled over on the screen about how the girl did not have shoes, and my dream was entirely validated. I stood, the stool falling behind me.

"Liza?" My mother blinked, and I just spun around.

Masaki Noboru...Masaki Noboru...

"Liza! Miharu! Where are you going? You'll be late for school—"

"I'll just get something."

I ran upstairs to my room. I darted to my desk, grabbed my music notebook, and flipped the pages. When I got the correct page, I scratched out the name I'd written and scribbled 'Masaki Noboru.'

I'd been mourning for Hikari. I didn't go to school at the excuse of grieving for her. But truthfully I was scared. I'd dreamt of my death again and again since I realized Hoshimasa sensei might think I saw him murder Hikari. I was scared.

Scared for myself. Scared for my family.

Scared for the other girls who might die after me.

But hiding was enough. Being scared was enough. I turned on my computer, leafed through my music notebook, and pored over my first death-filled illustrations when I just transferred to Takushiro. Every time a girl was announced missing, I would write the girl's name on my newest illustration. I might have gotten them wrong at times, but I'd been keeping track...

Because only I knew what happened to them. And I hadn't done anything.

I was the worst...Just so I could protect myself...I let those girls die.

Saki Masaomi. Plunged by a pole.

Kaori Takegaya. Sandwiched by shelves. Gouged eyes.

Mikata Hideki—

So many missing girls—more than 20...He might have even killed more than that. Kazune had talked about blood sacrifices...

Even though I felt cold, I etched to memory the backgrounds and the sensations I had drawn and jotted down on the notebook. I might not know all the places where Hoshimasa-sensei killed them, but that would be the job of Sumerigawa-san.

However, there was one place that I could inspect but Sumerigawa-san couldn't: the place where Hoshimasa-sensei usually put the girls' bodies after murdering them...Somewhere near a pile of rubble of bricks...Bricks that resembled the ones in the club building at school.

And in the illustration of my death...the pile of broken chairs...

The chairs were similar to the ones in my classroom.

"Onee-san?" my younger brother's voice reverberated from behind me, and I hastily turned off the monitor and covered my music notebook.

I turned with a fake smile. "Yes?"

Chiaki or Claude, my younger brother, frowned. "Are you all right? Mum says your breakfast is getting cold."

"I'll be down in a minute."

His eyes shone with worry for a moment, but he soon bobbed his head. He was usually a very outspoken, sweet, and cheerful child...or 'young adult,' as he often corrected me, but these past two weeks must have been trying. I had been trying.

Everyone in my family had been distraught since they knew Hikari went missing. Moreso they were distraught because I acted as if Hikari was already dead. My parents...they must have known already that I saw Hikari die...or sensed that...my ability resurfaced again. But I couldn't tell them. I didn't want to come back to the psychologist or psych ward.

I didn't want to meet their despairing eyes.

I stared at a banner above the headboard on my bed. My father, Papa, hung a copy of it in all our rooms wherever we moved. I usually felt affronted by it because reading the words painted on the banner always brought back sorrowful days.

But at the moment, my soul stirred differently.

Noblesse Oblige—was what it read, and once more, once more, I decided to be noble and generous and honest—if not to others, at least to myself.

And gradually, I solidified my resolve.

I didn't want to be subjected to any kind of questioning. Instead I needed to take advantage of my abilities...of my memory.

To give justice to those girls...

Even if in the end, I would die in the process.

XDXDXDXDXD~nya~

Noblesse oblige.

The term was stuck in my head as I woke up. My cheeks felt wet, and I wiped them with the back of my hand. I felt a slight tug on my arm, and in wonder, I gazed at the sticking transparent tube or wire from the inside of my elbow.

I was connected to an IV.

I opened my mouth, but I felt too weak to speak. My throat was so dry, and I felt nauseous. My head felt like it was in front a slapping pair of cymbals—the vibrations of their sounds enough to roll my intestines over.

My head was awkwardly lying on the bottom right of my pillow, so I focused my view on the right side of my bed. I stared outside my window and found dawn splintered by the pinpricks of sunlight from below the horizon. It was another new day already, and I wondered how much of yesterday I had missed...

It felt such a long time with my dreams about Liza...

A grinding sound jolted me on the bed, making me turn a hard left, and once again, I found Obaa-san in my room. She was now crushing rice grains in the blender, and it was making quite a cacophony, hurting my already throbbing head.

Was she angry? Of what? Of me?

What did I do? What happened to me again?

As Obaa-san relentlessly ground rice to powder, I recalled Naru sacking me, Yasuhara comforting me, me eavesdropping on Bou-san and others, Liza's memories...

I glanced at Obaa-san. I thought about what Yasuhara had said; maybe it was because of Obaa-san that Naru fired me. She looked quite displeased with my handicap when she saw it at dawn yesterday (or was it the other day?), and I couldn't blame her. After all, I was truly careless. I had assumed that Naru could explain to her; I had depended on that narcissist more than I ever cared to admit. He's probably got the end of it after he tasted Obaa-san's wrath.

The grinding stopped for a second, and then resumed again, now with ice...

She's angry alright.

Burrowing my head on my pillow, I sighed and croaked, "Really, Obaa-san..."

When she halted grinding the ice, she finally said in a disapproving tone, "I told you to stay at home."

I shrank. Ack. I forgot. "I...sor—"

She started grinding ice again, and breathing out, I stared at the ceiling. I was feeling dizzy then, so I stayed still for a while. Remembering that I was sacked, I thought about Obaa-san's possible role in it again. Indeed, it seemed really likely that she persuaded Naru to fire me...but a part of me—my intuition perhaps—wasn't convinced at Obaa-san's involvement. For a year or so that I'd known her, Obaa-san was not a person of blackmail or any underhanded tricks. She's a very straightforward person, so I would've known she wanted me fired from the job from the start. Besides...now that I thought about it, why would she let Naru and the others stay with us during the case if she didn't want me to get involved?

Test her, an inner voice whispered, and I agreed quietly. But how?

While Obaa-san continued to grind ice, I formulated a test in my mind. When she finally stopped, I mustered, "Obaa-san..."

She arched her thin grayish brows, and I hastily said, "I'm sorry."

Obaa-san thinned her lips, but then shook her head and soughed. "Did you know you had a seizure?"

My mind blanked. "I did?"

I remembered Bou-san's conversation. I remembered a railway crossing...

Railway...? What happened there...? Seizure?

I couldn't recall; my head was pounding again.

"The anaesthesia you took at a clinic was not compatible with your body. If Kazuya did not bring you to the hospital on time—"

"Kazuya—?" I gaped at her. "You mean Naru?"

She shrugged. "Who else is in charge of this paranormal job of yours? He's the only one staying in this house with that name."

"We-well..." How could she be in first name basis with that narcissist?! Old people could be so powerful...

Obaa-san sighed deeply. "If you weren't so stubborn like me, I would have made sure you quit immediately."

"That's—" I stalled and nictated.

She didn't know, and relief flooded over me. I hadn't even tested her yet, but her replies...she didn't seem to know I was fired.

And it seemed she didn't persuade Naru to fire me? But still, a little doubt hovered, so I decided to stick to my test. If I were fired because of my own weaknesses, then I would like to make sure I wouldn't continue blaming anyone else, suspecting anyone else. Especially not Obaa-san...who's worried over me enough to come to my room again early morning or late at night. Even though walking around a lot at might tire her...

No...I might not like the truth, but even so...I still wanted to know.

So I pretended to huff and grin. Then I spoke with, hopefully, the most airy voice, "Naru wouldn't fire me anyway!"

I lifted my chin, but the lie lanced my heart. How cocksure I must have looked, for Obaa-san scowled and shook her head.

Oh Obaa-san...if only you knew, I thought despairingly, but I smiled and teased, "Are you regretting you adopted me now? I'm such an idiot. Falling over windows, getting seizures..."

Probably smitten with a narcissist. Getting fired. Getting depressed about it as though it were the end of the world.

Kami-sama, how could you tolerate such an idiot like me? No matter what Yasuhara said earlier, I knew the truth—

"Idiots are shallow people for me," Obaa-san said. "But I don't think you are shallow. You're neither an empty glass nor a glass half full. Neither are you a glass. You are the pitcher that fills up glasses. It's one of the reasons I adopted you, and I would never regret it."

It was such a great compliment that warmed me all over, but...it seemed too much of a praise. And I was not used to these kinds of praises. "Thank you...I...I'm always grateful that you took me in. But…I can be shallow...sometimes. Sorry."

"I'm not thinking of the temporary or the absolute. I'm thinking of the middle ground."

"Er..." I just tilted my head. Lost.

She sighed, which was comical because I was becoming an idiot, contrary to what she said.

"In what matters, you're not shallow, Maika. Never shallow."

My lips twitched. "That is...something."

Meaning, in what didn't matter, I was indeed shallow.

"Then again"—she shrugged—"idiocy is subjective. What I think an idiot is may not be the same for others."

I pouted. "So I am still an idiot in other people's eyes."

"Does it matter?" Obaa-san asked. "What people think will harm you only if you think the same as them. What others think as real will only be real to you if you think so. If I say you are an idiot, and think you are, will you believe me? Do you really think you're an idiot?"

Our convo was starting to be similar with Yasuhara's now.

"I...I..." I smooshed my mouth together and narrowed my eyes. "I think...I am, but perhaps I'm not? Sometimes."

I shrugged.

Obaa-san just nodded. "Then you're halfway there."

My eyes fluttered. "Halfway where?"

"In thinking for yourself." Obaa-san smiled. "In proving the rest of us wrong."

I opened my mouth, but I had nothing to riposte. My mind had become a jumble, but it was the kind of jumble that broke a barrier in me. It was as though I were a burger patty or sausage or fish being flipped over on the frying pan; a side of me was still exposed, but what was visible was different.

Was there never a time that nobody thought of me as an idiot, including myself?

What kind of world would I live in if I were not an idiot in anybody's eyes?

What if I thought I weren't an idiot...and aimed not to be?

I had not even realized I had grown silent until Obaa-san raised an eyebrow at me. My thoughts were noisy, always noisy...but I'd never given them voice usually, afraid they were wrong. That it would be idiotic.

What if I were to do so?

"Obaa-san..." I said, drunk on many possibilities inside my head. "I..."

I shook my head. I...what? I wanted to come back to SPR? To working with Naru? Naru...was as stubborn as a dog who pees at a place no matter how many times rebuked. Besides, he fired me. In the end, it was his decision.

Why would I beg? I didn't need to work without vacation leave anymore!

But...Noblesse oblige.

I recalled all my dreams, Liza's writing, her trying to find a way to save other girls...although she would die. Like her, I had an ability...It didn't matter if it were my own or Naru's supposed visions redirected to me. But still, I experienced those dreams, and they felt like my own.

"Obaa-san..." I let out a breath. Yes, why had I never thought of this before?

"What is it?"

Unlike before where I was just Mai Taniyama who couldn't think so hard to save herself, my brain...seemed to have improved within a year that I had stayed with Obaa-san. I was her heiress, and she had made sure to cultivate my mind, always made me take those extra lessons to sharpen my mind. I'd always thought they were a chore…

But right then I disagreed.

Noblesse oblige...

Ha, I even failed using what I'd learned as Maika Kagami, Obaa-san's heiress. I'd never...never took advantage so much of the privilege Obaa-san had given me.

I expelled a resigned breath. It was time. Time for me to act like a true heiress without shedding Mai Taniyama and her 'recklessness.'

So I held Obaa-san's gaze and slowly sat up. "I...I want to make a deal."

Obaa-san straightened and looked at me with interest. "What is it?"

Today, the world would change. It would change because I would think so.

Because I would change what I think.

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~

The next time I woke up, it was to greet the best morning of my life. It was just a few hours of sleep, but I felt reborn, as though the chaotic emotions of yesterday did not happen at all.

Like yesterday, I called for the maids to help me take a bath.

A disapproving Chihiru-san, stopped by while I dressed afterwards, to instruct me how to use the syringe. My hands without the anaesthesia were still painful when moved, but they were not as painful as to make me cringe and double over anymore. It was tolerable, or I thought it was. Nothing seemed to bother me that day, and the pain felt natural, although that didn't make sense. The parts where I was laser-stitched were healing nicely. I'd always healed easily, but seeing that my current wounds were going to be okay, I felt better.

When I was ready, Omamori-san took me to school. I was late for the morning classes, but Obaa-san had requested that I rest for the morning. She probably called the school already about my absence. On the way to school, I memorized the new songs I had to sing for the play, and at a glance, I must look like I were a carefree heiress—just memorizing trifles. Inside me, however, an excitement so deep ruffled and tickled my stomach.

I cared. I cared a lot.

When Omamori-san dropped me off, I traipsed around Haitateki's school building and went straight to the old gymnasium. Without so much as a breath, I opened the backstage door.

It was best to get it over with, and fast.

Everyone was there, and at my entrance and standing stance on the stage, it felt like I were in a spotlight for the very first time. I saw Bou-san gape at me and say, "Mai? Why are you here?"

A very good question.

Curious faces lit up and flicked to me then. There came uneasiness in the air, so palpable that the gym was thick with it. Unruffled, Naru lifted an eyebrow when my eyes fell to his. "What is it, Taniyama-san?"

Ignoring his rather condescending tone, I just smirked.

"I challenge you."

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~

"If we are ever going to see a paradigm shift,

we have to be clear about how we want the present paradigm to shift."

~ Gary L. Francione~

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~

A/N: YEEEEEEEES! I'm so happy I finished this! I'd been wanting to share this to you all in, like, forever! But I'd always had a lot of things to do! Family stuff and all the other things that keep life busy! I've also been busy with rough-translating GH manga and the light novel.

Due to my excitement, though, I might have made a lot of mistakes here. I haven't edited this enough lol. Sorry about that. But I'm really excited to just share this to you all! It was another hard chapter, which I didn't expect. But anyways, I'm so happy I'm done with it!

Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed! And for those who are wondering about my other stories, Unwritten and Cloud's new chapters are nearly done. Even Dreams. Sometimes it just takes me a while to get to the atmosphere I'd set up for all my fanfics because I'd always observed I wrote differently somehow for every story I make. It's like I'm a new person every time! Haha ^^