Conker's Good Fur Day
Written By: "PatrickSim"
Prologue
Berri's Message: Hi. You've reached, like, Berri's place. I'm not available to answer the phone, obviously! However, if you leave your, like, name and number, and sound cute,maybe I'll ring you back. Ciao!
"Hi Berri. Hello?......If your there Berri, pick up. Hello? Ok, anyways, look...I'm gonna be a bit late tonight..."Said Conker. "Met up with a couple of guys and they're gonna go fight some war somewhere tomorrow, I dunno..Well anyways, I'll see ya...uh...love you!
"Hey Conker, put the phone down and get over here," said a squirrel.
"Okay,...whose round is it?" Asked Conker.
"Yours!" answered everyone.
"What? Again? Okay..."
-Some Time Later-
"I don't feel so good now," Said Conker. "You guys enjoy yourselves and I'll see you some time next week. I'll go this way...no, that's to the toilet, I'll go this way then. Yup, that's better."
*Vomitting Outside*
"Sorry about that old chap. Gotta go," said Conker.
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Chapter One: Hungover
Conker wakes up and looks around.
"Oh no....It's gonna be one of those days..." moaned Conker.
Conker walks around trying to find out where he was. He walks past a scarecrow.
"Well hello there, you don't seem to be doing so well...may I be of some help you cute little thing?" asked Birdy.
"Oh hello, my name is Conker, and I need to go home to get some rest," answered Conker. "can you tell me which way to go?"
"Home? I don't believe I know where your house is you silly little thing."
"So you can't help me"
"Actually yes I can, maybe..."
"Um....ok...what's your name?"
"Birdy"
"Birdy? But you don't have a beard"
"I can get one if it means getting you sugar"
"Huh? Wha....?"
"Nothing, just step over here you sexy little thing"
"What?! Ok....if it means getting me home..."
"You see those buttons? They're called context sensitive."
*Presses B*
-Light Bulb appears over Conker's head-
"Oh yeah, there's a ting noise."
*Ting*
"That's it? How does that help me?"
"Err....go over there and press B again"
Conker stumbles over to the next "context sensitive" and presses B. Conker remembers that he had a bottle of Alka-Seltzer and puts one in a glass of water. He chugs it down and feels sober again.
"Wow, just what I needed. Well, I guess I'll be heading that way now.."
Conker starts walking up the path until he reaches to the top where he meets a smiling gargoyle.
"Hello handsome," greeted the gargoyle.
"Huh?" asked Conker.
"If you think your going this way, you can think again......unless you can beat me at Pokemon!"
"What? Your nothing compared to me, you'll be screaming for mercy like there's no tomorrow"
Conker and the gargoyle engage in a pokemon card battle. Gargoyle whip out a charmander and evolves it into a Charizard. Conker, not being a fan of pokemon, swiped a card from the gargoyle's shoe box when he wasn't looking. He drew out is card, which was a weedle.
"Ha! A weedle, you stupid little...."
In laughing, the gargoyle lost his footing and fell off the bridge.
Conker took all of the pokemon cards and went back to sell it to Birdy.
"Finally, now I can jack off to something other then digimon cards!" exclaimed Birdy.
"What?"
"Nothing.."
In doing that, Conker made a few bucks and procceeded. He walked up to the entrance where the gargoyle was guarding when a boulder fell on him, causing him to die.
-Death-
Conker is laying face down on the ground.
"CONKER! CONKER! CONKER!"
Conker starts waking up...
"YES YOU BOY! YOU'RE DEAD! DEADER THAN A DODO. DEADER THAN SPICE GIRLS. DEADER THAN....."
Gregg walks out of the darkness holding a megaphone as the megaphone malfunctions.
"I can't be arsed with these bloody ridiculous contraptions. Whose idea was this anyway?" said Gregg annoyinged. "Yes, right, hello...I'm Gregg, the grim reaper, and don't laugh!"
"Aren't you a little short to be a grim reaper?" asked Conker.
"Well how many grim reapers have you met before mate? What am I suppose to look like?"
"Yeah, good point, well made."
"Now let's see....Conker.....Conker...surname?"
"The squirrel"
"The squirrel....the....Oh bloody hell, you would have to be a sodding squirrel now wouldn't you?"
"Why? Is there a problem with that?"
"Well yes there is actually. It's like those bloody cats, such a pain in the arse....literally....you're one of those special cases..."
"Oh really?"
"Yes. Apparently according to the powers that be...I'm just doing my job. I do what I'm told. I don't even get paid very much. Apparently, squirrels can have as many lives as they think they can get away with."
"I see....so I'm not dead?"
"You're dead, but not quite.."
"Right, I'll be going now"
"Oh bloody...piss it all to hell, I don't have time to deal with smart-arses, I've got some cats to see....those bloody things, the way they meow and shit all over the place, and they smell bloody awful, all over the furniture,"
Conker wakes up to find himself at the entrance to "Windy"
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A/N: Well, that was it, other chapters are up, and they're funnier than this, I hope......R&R please....this is my first fic.
Written By: "PatrickSim"
Prologue
Berri's Message: Hi. You've reached, like, Berri's place. I'm not available to answer the phone, obviously! However, if you leave your, like, name and number, and sound cute,maybe I'll ring you back. Ciao!
"Hi Berri. Hello?......If your there Berri, pick up. Hello? Ok, anyways, look...I'm gonna be a bit late tonight..."Said Conker. "Met up with a couple of guys and they're gonna go fight some war somewhere tomorrow, I dunno..Well anyways, I'll see ya...uh...love you!
"Hey Conker, put the phone down and get over here," said a squirrel.
"Okay,...whose round is it?" Asked Conker.
"Yours!" answered everyone.
"What? Again? Okay..."
-Some Time Later-
"I don't feel so good now," Said Conker. "You guys enjoy yourselves and I'll see you some time next week. I'll go this way...no, that's to the toilet, I'll go this way then. Yup, that's better."
*Vomitting Outside*
"Sorry about that old chap. Gotta go," said Conker.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter One: Hungover
Conker wakes up and looks around.
"Oh no....It's gonna be one of those days..." moaned Conker.
Conker walks around trying to find out where he was. He walks past a scarecrow.
"Well hello there, you don't seem to be doing so well...may I be of some help you cute little thing?" asked Birdy.
"Oh hello, my name is Conker, and I need to go home to get some rest," answered Conker. "can you tell me which way to go?"
"Home? I don't believe I know where your house is you silly little thing."
"So you can't help me"
"Actually yes I can, maybe..."
"Um....ok...what's your name?"
"Birdy"
"Birdy? But you don't have a beard"
"I can get one if it means getting you sugar"
"Huh? Wha....?"
"Nothing, just step over here you sexy little thing"
"What?! Ok....if it means getting me home..."
"You see those buttons? They're called context sensitive."
*Presses B*
-Light Bulb appears over Conker's head-
"Oh yeah, there's a ting noise."
*Ting*
"That's it? How does that help me?"
"Err....go over there and press B again"
Conker stumbles over to the next "context sensitive" and presses B. Conker remembers that he had a bottle of Alka-Seltzer and puts one in a glass of water. He chugs it down and feels sober again.
"Wow, just what I needed. Well, I guess I'll be heading that way now.."
Conker starts walking up the path until he reaches to the top where he meets a smiling gargoyle.
"Hello handsome," greeted the gargoyle.
"Huh?" asked Conker.
"If you think your going this way, you can think again......unless you can beat me at Pokemon!"
"What? Your nothing compared to me, you'll be screaming for mercy like there's no tomorrow"
Conker and the gargoyle engage in a pokemon card battle. Gargoyle whip out a charmander and evolves it into a Charizard. Conker, not being a fan of pokemon, swiped a card from the gargoyle's shoe box when he wasn't looking. He drew out is card, which was a weedle.
"Ha! A weedle, you stupid little...."
In laughing, the gargoyle lost his footing and fell off the bridge.
Conker took all of the pokemon cards and went back to sell it to Birdy.
"Finally, now I can jack off to something other then digimon cards!" exclaimed Birdy.
"What?"
"Nothing.."
In doing that, Conker made a few bucks and procceeded. He walked up to the entrance where the gargoyle was guarding when a boulder fell on him, causing him to die.
-Death-
Conker is laying face down on the ground.
"CONKER! CONKER! CONKER!"
Conker starts waking up...
"YES YOU BOY! YOU'RE DEAD! DEADER THAN A DODO. DEADER THAN SPICE GIRLS. DEADER THAN....."
Gregg walks out of the darkness holding a megaphone as the megaphone malfunctions.
"I can't be arsed with these bloody ridiculous contraptions. Whose idea was this anyway?" said Gregg annoyinged. "Yes, right, hello...I'm Gregg, the grim reaper, and don't laugh!"
"Aren't you a little short to be a grim reaper?" asked Conker.
"Well how many grim reapers have you met before mate? What am I suppose to look like?"
"Yeah, good point, well made."
"Now let's see....Conker.....Conker...surname?"
"The squirrel"
"The squirrel....the....Oh bloody hell, you would have to be a sodding squirrel now wouldn't you?"
"Why? Is there a problem with that?"
"Well yes there is actually. It's like those bloody cats, such a pain in the arse....literally....you're one of those special cases..."
"Oh really?"
"Yes. Apparently according to the powers that be...I'm just doing my job. I do what I'm told. I don't even get paid very much. Apparently, squirrels can have as many lives as they think they can get away with."
"I see....so I'm not dead?"
"You're dead, but not quite.."
"Right, I'll be going now"
"Oh bloody...piss it all to hell, I don't have time to deal with smart-arses, I've got some cats to see....those bloody things, the way they meow and shit all over the place, and they smell bloody awful, all over the furniture,"
Conker wakes up to find himself at the entrance to "Windy"
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A/N: Well, that was it, other chapters are up, and they're funnier than this, I hope......R&R please....this is my first fic.