Reality TV
Ch. 1
The Hokage giggled at her mischievous plan. Pein just smirked, this would be so fun.
"Do you think we're going too far?" Tsunade asked.
"No," Pein replied.
"OK, then…well, you get your men ready and I'll get my kunoichi ready but after this…we're enemies again," Tsunade said, her last line more serious. Pein nodded and disappeared with a poof. "SHIZUNE!" Tsunade yelled.
"Yes, Tsunade-sama?" Shizune asked, running into the room.
"Get Sakura, Ino, Hinata, Tenten, and Kurenai in her for a top secret mission…Pronto!" Tsunade yelled.
"Yes, Tsunade-sama!" Shizune said bowing and leaving.
"Itachi, get everyone else into my office as soon as possible," Pein said as Itachi nodded and left.
A few minutes later the whole Akatsuki were in the Leader's office, excluding Konan, who was out somewhere because she was not needed.
"All of you are to go on a mission….yes, Deidara?" Pein asked, annoyed that he was interrupted by Deidara's hand.
"Um...why are you sending all of us, un?" Deidara asked.
"That's for me to know. Now this is a special mission. You are not to wear your cloaks…just wear your normal clothes and NO weapons! I will drain you of your chakra if I have to. Am I understood?" Pein asked and they all nodded their heads, rapidly. "Good…dismissed...and one more thing," the Akatsuki stopped mid-step from leaving the room. "Do not attack anyone." They all left to go to their destination; Itachi already had the location in his head.
The kunoichi Tsunade asked for were all waiting in front of her for her to give her orders.
"I have a super important and secret mission for you girls," Tsunade said.
"What is it, Tsunade-shishou?" Sakura asked.
"I can't tell you. All I can tell you is the location. Now for this mission you can't have any weapons whatsoever and just wear and pack normal clothes like jeans and T-shirts. You won't be needing ninja gear," Tsunade explained and they looked at her quizzically.
"Um…OK, Tsunade-sama," Ino said, unsurely as they all slowly backed out of the room.
"Be back here in half an hour ready to go and I'll give you the coordinates!" Tsunade yelled as they walked out, nodded as they left.
Half an hour later all the girls were in the Hokage's office in Jeans and T-shirts with bags of other clothes and feminine products I'd rather not mention.
"Now, I don't know how long this mission will take but Kurenai's your team captain for the trip but really it's all for one and one for all once you get there. Kurenai, here's the coordinates," Tsunade said as she handed Kurenai a scroll with a map on it and a circle around their destination.
"Um…Tsunade-sama, this is only about a ten minute walk from the gates," Kurenai said.
"Yeah…just go!" Tsunade said as they left her office.
"She's being vague…" Hinata mumbled as the others nodded in agreement and started running off towards the location.
Pein poofed into the Hokage's office. "It's all set up," Pein said. "What about your kunoichi?"
"They left just a minute ago. I have a flat screen. What do you have?" Tsunade asked.
"A 12 inch," Pein answered.
"Then we're watching the show from here!" Tsunade cheered. Pein nodded.
"This is where we're supposed to go?" Hinata asked and Sakura shrugged.
"Yes, girls…let's just go in," Kurenai said as they opened the door and went in. The door instantly shut behind them. They instantly turned around and tried to open the door but it wouldn't budge.
"We're already in trouble and we just started the mission!" Ino whined.
"Let's just…look around," Tenten suggested as they all started looking around. Sakura separated herself from the group to search on her own. It was an ordinary house… An ordinary white house…if that didn't remind her of a song…It seemed like a mansion, though. There were at least ten bedrooms! If not more! Then she opened another door and when she walked in and turned the light on she screamed, loudly.
"What was that?" Kurenai asked.
"It sounded like Sakura!" Ino said as she looked back but didn't see her friend. They all exchanged glances and ran off in the direction of the scream.
"This is better than sake!" Tsunade said as she laughed, watching her pupils running towards Sakura's scream on the TV.
"Hm…where are my Akatsuki?" Pein wondered out loud as there was a scream of 'Fuck!' on the TV but no one on it. "Ah, that would be Hidan."
"How much does he cuss?" Tsunade wondered.
"A lot," Pein said.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck! That damn Pein-sama fucking trapped us in a fucking white house!" Hidan cursed.
"Cheer up, un. At least there's more than one bedroom," Deidara said. Itachi and Sasori rolled their eyes as they heard a scream travel through the house.
"Sakura? What's wrong?" Ino asked immediately but then she saw hearts in Sakura's eyes and she was holding something.
"Look! We have hair care products! Including a hair iron and curling iron!" Sakura fawned like a love struck teenager.
Tsunade and Pein were laughing so hard at Sakura's passion for her hair and all of the products that were there.
"This was the best idea we could've ever had!" Tsunade said through laughs.
"I agree," Pein said, trying to compose himself.
"We should try stuff like this more often!" Tsunade said.
"Only if the guys don't figure us out," Pein said as Tsunade nodded.
"I wanna fucking go to where that fucking scream came from!" Hidan exclaimed.
"Fine," Sasori said as they all went towards where the scream was. A few feet away they all heard girly sounds and once they looked into the room they saw girls fawning over hair items and other beauty items. Sasori's eyes landed on one individual. Sakura Haruno.
Sakura stopped what she was doing. Her eyes landed on Sasori.
"Haruno-san," Sasori greeted.
"Sasori-san, I thought I killed you," Sakura stated, calmly.
"I guess you thought wrong, now why are you here?" Sasori asked.
"We were sent on a mission. You?" Sakura asked.
"Mission," Sasori replied.
"THAT FUCKING PEIN-SAMA TRICKED US AND NOW WE'RE FUCKING STUCK IN A FUCKING WHITE HOUSE AND WE CAN'T FUCKING GET OUT!" Hidan yelled.
"Wow…he used more curse words than you do, Ino," Sakura said.
"Oh, yeah? I could beat him in a cussing contest!" Ino challenged.
"You're on!" Hidan yelled.
"How about…we settle this later?" Itachi suggested.
"Fine," Hidan and Ino said at the same time.
"Thank you," Itachi said, stoically.
"OK, so wait, let me get this straight…your leader sent you all here and our Hokage sent us here also and we all got stuck in here…" Sakura stated just so she wouldn't get things confused.
"Right, un," Deidara said.
"Weird…" Ino mumbled.
"And our leader told us something that confused us at the time but makes total sense now…not to attack anyone," Sasori said and the others nodded.
"YAY! We can throw a PARTAY!" Sakura yelled, enthusiastically.
"Haruno-san, you seem…different," Sasori said.
"She's just at that age when she's trying to find herself. She's already went goth, emo, punk, prep, and now she's trying to be a party queen," Kurenai waved it off, dismissively.
"Aa," Sasori said, giving Sakura an amusing look. She just smiled sheepishly and rubbed her head, nervously.
"Hey, you all do realize it's midnight, un?" Deidara asked and the girls choked.
"Really? We got here around six!" Hinata said.
"I'm going to go find a room, un," Deidara said as he walked into the hallway. "Um…guys, un! Some of us are going to have to share rooms, un!" Deidara yelled as everyone groaned.
"Do you actually think that this will make an alliance between us?" Tsunade asked.
"Possibly," Pein answered.
"Well, you're idea of some of them having to share a room is awesome!" Tsunade complimented.
"You choosed the right house. It has just enough room for all of them to fit comfortably," Pein complimented.
It was morning and Sakura woke up. She fell asleep on the couch after hearing everyone argue over whom would share a room but then she found herself on a comfortable bed. How did she get here? She rolled over and came face to face with a sleeping Sasori. She almost screamed but decided not to since she didn't want to wake him. She knew she was angry when someone woke her so imagine an angry Akatsuki member wanting to kill you. That would be scary…
Sakura rolled off the bed and tiptoed out of the room only to bump into an angry blonde. His hair was a mess and frazzled and he was glaring at a girl in front of him. Sakura looked over her shoulder to see none other than Ino.
"Well if you didn't snore I could've gotten to sleep, un!" Deidara yelled. Ino looked offended.
"I do NOT snore! Your constant tossing and turning made the bed so uncomfortable!" Ino shot back.
"I was trying to go to sleep because of your snoring, un!" Deidara yelled.
"Can you all save your yelling for when everyone's awake?" Sakura asked, quietly as both blondes turned their glare on her.
"STAY OUT OF THIS! (UN!)" they both yelled as they started bickering louder.
Sakura sighed and went to take a shower. In this gigantic house that had more rooms than anything they only had one bathroom and it currently possessed Hidan. Sakura knocked on the bathroom door.
"Hidan, hurry up! I need a shower!" Sakura whined.
"Fuck you, bitch!" she heard Hidan yell and she scoffed as she waited, impatiently.
After about half an hour Hidan opened the door and left with some wounds. What the hell did he do in there? Sakura turned to go in the bathroom and screamed. It was covered in blood! Sakura ran back into the room she woke up in, apparently deemed Sasori's room and slammed the door shut. She put her back to it and started to heavily breathe. She then slid to the floor, shaking with fear and disgust. How could one man do that to himself and on top of that how could he still live?
"What's wrong, Haruno-san?" she heard a voice from the bed. She jumped, forgetting that Sasori was there.
"L-L-Lots of b-blood," Sakura stuttered out.
"Hidan get his hands on a kitchen knife?" Sasori asked, standing up and going over to the shocked girl. She nodded. "Where is the blood?"
"The only bathroom in this whole house," Sakura mumbled and he chuckled, bending down to her height. She looked at him in the eyes.
"Now, Haruno-san, are you like this because there's blood all over the bathroom or that you have hemophobia?" Sasori asked. How was he so smart? He hit the dot!
"Err...is that a trick question?" Sakura asked and he gave her a look. "I'll take that as a no," Sakura mumbled.
"If you're afraid of blood just say so. Although I think it's quite strange that a kunoichi is afraid of blood," Sasori said.
"Hehe…I'd rather not say why," Sakura said, sheepishly.
"It's fine, by the way why did you fall asleep on the couch?" Sasori asked as he helped Sakura to her feet.
"I was just tired and everyone was bickering over where they would sleep and who had to share a room," Sakura said.
"I tried to wake you and your friends yelled things I'm not going to repeat, in your ear but you were out like a light," Sasori said.
"Yeah…I'm a heavy sleeper," Sakura said. Sasori nodded. "What are we going to do about my shower?" Sakura whined.
"Come on," Sasori said as he dragged Sakura off to the kitchen. Then he grabbed a mop and bucket and she followed him to the living room where the other guys were. He tossed the mop and bucket at Hidan.
"The fuck?" Hidan exclaimed.
"Clean the bathroom. There's blood everywhere," Sasori said.
"Why should I fucking do it?" Hidan asked, angrily.
"Because you're the one who got blood everywhere," Sasori said as Hidan mumbled a few curses and went to clean the bathroom.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" Sakura whispered only loud enough for Sasori to hear her. Sasori motioned for her to follow him back to his/their room. She looked at him with a questioning look.
"Ooh…this is going to get interesting! Why is he being so nice to my student?" Tsunade asked, totally fixated on the TV, she didn't even go to bed the other night just in case they got up and did something.
"This is…interesting. Sasori's never been one to be nice just because he could. He's not even usually nice to Deidara," Pein mumbled.
"Maybe he's changing," Tsunade threw in.
"In one day of being in a house with your girls?" Pein asked and she shrugged and turned her head back to the TV.
"Hey! Did you guys here about that MTV show? It's doing a special on some ninja!" Naruto exclaimed to the Rookie nine and Gai's team. Even their sensei's were there.
"Hey, bartender! Turn to MTV!" Neji yelled, keeping a bottle of sake away from Lee.
"I heard it's supposed to be the only thing they show and it's live," Choji put in.
"And it's supposed to last a few weeks," Kakashi said, really enthusiastic about the show. Naruto and Sasuke turned to him.
"You're hoping some of them have sex aren't you?" Sasuke asked and Kakashi blushed and pulled out his Icha Icha Paradise book. The TV turned on and they saw a picture of…
"THAT'S SAKURA-CHAN AND AKASUNA NO SASORI!!!! WHAT ARE THEY DOING TOGETHER?!!!?" Naruto yelled.
"Quiet, dobe," Sasuke said.
"You just intrigue me, that's all," Sasori said and Sakura got depressed. She had hoped he liked her or at least found her somewhat attractive. He was pretty good looking himself.
"Oh," Sakura replied, sadly.
"What's wrong?" Sasori asked.
"No-Nothing!" Sakura stuttered.
"OI! LOVE BIRDS! BREAKFAST IS READY, UN!" Deidara yelled from the kitchen as Sasori and Sakura flinched but walked out none the less.
"Getting in some five minute fucking, hm?" Hidan asked and Sakura blushed a very bright red. Sasori just stared stoically at the idiots.
"We were simply talking," Sasori replied as he sat down at the table with everyone else.
Sakura followed suit and sat between him and Ino. Next to Ino was Hidan, who she was currently having a glaring contest with while flipping off Deidara who was seated right next to Hidan. Next to Deidara sat Itachi. At the head of the table sat Kisame, downing a six pack. Next to him on the other side was in this order: Tobi, Hinata, Tenten, Kurenai, and Kakazu was at the other end of the table across from Kisame.
"Hey, fuck head!" Hidan exclaimed to his partner. Said partner growled.
"What?" Kakazu asked.
"Since the fish-face Kisame is at the fucking head of the table it must mean you're at the fucking butt!" Hidan yelled and Deidara snickered at his choice of words.
"Did you just say 'fucking butt'?" Deidara asked.
"Yeah…why was that…" Hidan started cracking up.
"Gross…" Sakura commented as she began to eat the meal.
"Who cooked?" Ino asked.
"Me," Hinata said, shyly and her friends gave her encouraging smiles.
"It tastes really good," Sakura commented and Hinata smiled. Sakura sneezed but covered it with her forearm.
"Catching a cold, Haruno, un?" Deidara asked, bitterly.
"No," Sakura spat out, glaring at him. He just shrugged.
"Yes, you are, Sakura. First a sneeze and then a cough," Ino said, eyeing her friend, suspiciously. Sakura coughed and covered it as well. She rubbed the back of her head and gave a nervous laugh.
"I told you not to go and skinny dip in 20 degree weather with Ino," Tenten scolded as all of the Akatsuki nearly choked and Sakura and Ino got redder than Sasori's hair.
"T-Tenten, was that necessary?" Sakura asked, mortified.
"Well you should think before you act!" Tenten snapped. Sakura sneezed three times in a row and got light headed.
"I'm going back to Sasori's room," Sakura mumbled as she left the table.
"Did you know your student went skinny dipping?" Pein asked, mouth slightly ajar.
"Nope," Tsunade said, shaking her head while her mouth almost hit the ground. They saw Sasori get up and follow Sakura back to his/their room.
"Hm…this should be interesting," Pein observed.
"Love will bloom!" Tsunade cheered, hoping her student finally found someone.
"Maybe…but she is sick. It's not like they're going to have rough sex," Pein said.
"You're right," Tsunade agreed.
"Who knew Sakura-chan went skinny dipping with Ino-chan?" Neji asked, slightly shocked.
"I do! I went with them last night!" Naruto said, grinning.
"Did you see anything?" Choji asked.
"No, it was dark and they jumped in too fast," Naruto said, disappointed.
In a village far away by the name of Amegakure a blue haired girl walked into a bar.
"Bartender! One Bloody Mary!" she yelled and he nodded. She sat down at the bar and looked at the TV as her drink arrived.
"You heard of this new show?" the bartender asked and the blue headed girl nodded. "They mixed deadly criminals in with a bunch of kunoichi and one of them is already sick," the bartender said. She got interested. She glanced at the TV and saw Sasori in a room with a pink headed girl, she presumed was Haruno Sakura the medic…alone.
"Really? I've gotta go watch this in my hotel room…Thanks, for the drink," the blue headed girl said as she put some money on the counter and left. Her black cloak with red clouds on it floating behind her…
"Why won't you rest?" Sasori asked as he covered Sakura with the sheets.
"You're being awfully kind," Sakura said, chuckling but it made her head hurt so she stopped and groaned. Sasori grabbed a thermometer.
"Open," Sasori said as she complied and he stuck the thermometer into her mouth. "Now close," he said as she again did as told. "You're sick and shouldn't be moving around so you'll need help." Sasori counted a minute out in his head and pulled the thermometer out of Sakura's mouth.
Sakura was madly blushing. She was hoping he'd pass it off as just part of her being sick. She did NOT want him to know she was blushing because of the attention she was getting from him.
"Sakura," Sasori said, getting her out of her thoughts.
"Yes?" Sakura asked.
"I'm putting you on bed rest. You have a fever of 105 degrees Fahrenheit," Sasori said and Sakura groaned and started mumble protests. He silenced her by putting a finger to her mouth. She instantly looked up at him. "Sleep, if you need anything call. This house can't be that big," Sasori said, turning the light out and leaving the room.
Sakura was left in her own thoughts as she tried to sleep. She couldn't be that sick, could she? She felt totally fine! Sakura drifted off to sleep with those thoughts.
"IS SAKURA-CHAN GONNA DIE?!!!?" Naruto yelled, frantically. Sasuke hit him on the head.
"No, dobe, she's just extremely sick," Sasuke said and everyone sweatdropped as Naruto realized this.
"This isn't like you Sasori-san. Are you falling for this girl?" the blue haired member mumbled as her phone rang. "Hello? Pein-sama!" she said, shocked.
"Are you watching this, Konan?" Pein asked.
"Yes, Sasori-san is being kind. It's not like him but it suits him well. Those two look like a cute couple," Konan replied.
"Yes…you going to come to Lady Hokage's office when you're finished there?"Pein asked.
"Hai, I'll be leaving tomorrow morning…Fill me in on what I missed when I get there. This is interesting," Konan said.
"Hai," Pein said as there was a click and the phone hung up.
"So…how is Sakura-chan?" Ino asked.
"Fine…she's asleep and has an extremely high fever. I wouldn't be shocked if she was very irritable and overly emotional over the next few days," Sasori explained.
The next thing they all saw was a pink flash run passed them in a flurry. They all wondered what was going on until they heard the bathroom door slam shut and puking sounds.
A minute later Sakura staggered out of the bathroom, holding her head in pain.
"Sakura-san, do you need help getting back to bed?" Sasori asked, calmly. Sakura groaned in response.
"Pain…I never knew you could feel this much pain! I didn't even know you could feel pain in these places!" Sakura mumbled as Sasori took her arm and led her back to their room.
Once they got to their room Sakura fell against Sasori, whimpering at the pain as he soothed her back. Then he felt Sakura become somewhat stiff and he looked at her face as she tried to catch her breath. You know, she was sick so anything strains your body. Sakura fell to the ground and tried to breathe. That led to her fever seizer.
Sasori knelt beside her and waited for her fever seizure to stop. He gently touched her shoulder, trying to comfort her frightened form as she stopped having the seizure.
"You're fever's too high. You should rest if you don't want that to happen again," Sasori soothed gently. Sakura grabbed his hand and shakily got up. She used him for support as she went over to the bed and collapsed, exhausted. Sasori, again, tucked her in and went to turn the light off.
"Don't leave me," Sakura whispered, almost inaudibly but Sasori heard her.
"Of course," Sasori said as he turned the lights off and walked, stealthily over to the bed. He sat down next to her and she felt the bed dip. She lulled herself to sleep as he rubbed her side. Sasori heard a soft knock on the door. "Come in."
"Hello? How's Sakura-chan?" Ino asked.
"Asleep. She just had a fever seizure…she's not doing too well," Sasori explained.
"It's odd that she got sick and I didn't. I mean, we both were in the water for the same period of time," Ino mumbled.
"Maybe you have a stronger immune system," Sasori offered and Ino nodded and left.
"Wow…my poor student! She had a fever seizure and I can't do anything about it!" Tsunade complained, rather dramatically and hysterically.
"Tsunade-san, she'll be alright. If I know Sasori, he can take care of it. He's already taking a big interest in her," Pein said.
"OK, I'll take your word for it," Tsunade said as her door was slammed open and a stoic looking woman came in.
"Konan," Pein greeted.
"What did I miss?" Konan asked.
"Sakura's sick and Sasori's taking care of her. She just had a fever seizure," Pein filled her in. Konan nodded.
Sakura groaned and held her head. "Sasori-danna, can I have some water?" Sakura said as she tried opening her eyes but the light was blinding her.
"What did you call me?" Sasori asked, shocked as he grabbed a glass of tap water from the bedside table and helped her sit up.
"Sasori-danna? I don't know! It hurts to talk!" Sakura said, irritably.
"Then don't talk," Sasori said, obviously as he put the glass to her lips and tilted it as she drank it all.
"Thanks," Sakura mumbled as she curled up to him.
"You're quite touchy," Sasori observed.
"Shut up. You're warm and I'm cold," Sakura said and he rolled his eyes as she fell back to sleep.
"How can Konoha's number one medic become this sick, un?" Deidara asked.
"Well, you can't heal yourself if you can't even think clearly!" Ino shot back at him. Hinata sighed.
"Do you two have to fight? I mean, Ino, you're either fighting with Deidara or Hidan whenever we're just hanging out," Hinata stated.
"Well, I don't get this! Why do we, loyal Kunoichis, have to get along with criminals! I'm going back to my room!" Ino yelled, storming off.
"That went…well," Tenten said.
"Hey, hey! When do I get to have my fucking cussing contest with that bitch?!!?" Hidan yelled.
"When she's not throwing a stupid tantrum, un!" Deidara yelled back at him. The three girls that were still in the room, sweatdropped.
"Wow…they all fight a lot," Shikamaru stated.
"No duh…we're all supposed to be enemies! Did you all forget that these guys are trying to kill me?" Naruto asked, loudly.
"Shut up, dobe," Sasuke said. "I'm trying to watch the TV."
"I still can't believe my student added the honorary suffix –sama to the end of his name! She has to really respect someone to do that! And believe me! She is a natural born teenager! She doesn't give me respect all the time!" Tsunade exclaimed.
"Exactly what is she like?" Konan asked.
"She doesn't like asking or needing help and she usually won't take it. She's a teenager and wants every ounce of independence she can get and since she's at that age, she doesn't get as much as she wants so I'm sort of doing this for her. She can do anything she wants…even though it'll be on TV and her parents might see it," Tsunade said.
"But she doesn't know it's on TV. None of them do," Pein threw in.
"How are we going to keep it from them?" Konan asked.
"Well I won't tell the rest of the Akatsuki if you won't," Pein said.
"Not them. I mean the girls' teammates. They might act weird around them…shocked, maybe and they might even confront them, Pein-sama. If those girls do anything or if this show goes how it's going then someone's going to have sex with someone and believe me, the whole village will be talking. They're going to know that either someone was spying or they were on TV," Konan said, wittily.
"Whatever," Pein said, not wanting to admit that Konan was right. Stupid male ego's and pride.
OK! This is just a funny romance-ish thing I came up with one night! It gets worse so if you have a queasy stomach I wouldn't read this story!!!