Chapter 1 Wedding Day
December 20, 2013
Haley stood in a small room on the second floor of a church getting ready for her wedding. She smoothed one last hair into place as she looked at herself in the mirror. The wedding dress that she was wearing was exquisite and fit her perfectly. It was a strapless mermaid gown made out of silk taffeta with a rouched bodice and a bubble hem. Brooke had done an amazing job—even though they'd fought like snarling pumas over how it should look. Eventually she'd won out because it was her day dammit, and for at least twenty-four hours things were going to be done the Haley James way and not the Brooke Davis way.
Speak of the devil. "Haley!" Brooke burst into the room, breathless and wild-eyed. "The caterer is finally here and so is the DJ. Don't worry about a thing, everything's fine and I ripped that French bastard a new one for being a whole hour late. What are the guests supposed to eat if he's not here? Some goddamn pigs-in-a-blanket? Pizza rolls?"
"Calm down. I'm supposed to be the one who's panicking." Haley couldn't have looked more serene if she tried.
Brooke felt herself relax. "Well, no matter what goes wrong with what I think might be the most cursed wedding ever—at least you know you're marrying the love of your life."
Haley felt a little teary. "Yeah. I can't believe that this day is finally here, you know?"
"Are you nervous?"
"No." Haley grinned. "I've never felt better."
Brooke smiled and held Haley's bouquet out to her. "Let's get down there then, Tutor Wife. All the guests are here and everything's ready."
Haley gave Brooke a brave smile and they stepped out of the room together.
Downstairs Nathan adjusted his tie again and again. Lucas saw how anxious he was and clapped a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
"Relax, man. You're beginning to make me feel nervous."
"I just can't believe that today's the day," Nathan said. He felt like he should go sit down before he passed out.
"I don't either little brother. I have to say that I'm a little upset that I'm not the best man, you know."
"Lucas," Nathan grinned, "I really had no say in it. You know I don't control who's picked for the wedding party."
His brother snorted. "Don't think I didn't notice your part in it though."
"Hey, if you could've been the maid of honor I'm sure Haley would have made you one. It's not too late to ask one of her sisters to step down and give you the privilege."
Lucas dismissed that idea, flapping an irritated hand in the air. "I would have made a great best man; you're the one who probably demoted me."
"Look, being a groomsman is an important part, you should feel . . . special."
"Whatever." Lucas fell silent as the Wedding March started up and he took his place behind Nathan.
Haley appeared at the end of the aisle with her father and Nathan had to fight for air. She was beautiful. Luminous. As he watched her near the altar he could feel his heart pounding in his chest.
As she made her way up the steps she turned her head and smiled at Lucas and then at him. She kissed her father on the cheek and made her way up the stairs alone to stand before the minister. Father Preston smiled at Haley fondly and raised his voice so that the congregation could hear him.
"We are here today to honor the union of Haley Elizabeth James and Mark Ascot Fowell . . ."
The rest of the man's words buzzed into silence as Nathan looked on; he kept a pleasant expression pasted to his face while his heart felt like it was being ripped out of his chest. He couldn't pretend anymore that Haley was his or that she would suddenly be struck by how much she wanted him so that they could run out of this church together. She didn't love him. She didn't even see him. She was marrying another man.
Nathan sat by himself, nursing his beer, while everyone around him had an incredible time. It had been a beautiful wedding, the reception was rolling with laughter and dancing, and right now the only thing that he wanted to do was to crawl into bed and never come out.
He was about to slip away when Mark appeared behind him.
"Nathan, I just wanted to say thanks for standing as my best man today."
"No problem, Mark." Nathan forced himself to keep his tone civil. "I know your brother must feel terrible about having to miss the wedding."
"I told him not to eat at that restaurant downtown but he just had to try the shrimp cocktail." Mark grinned. "Did you know that Hallmark actually has get-well-soon cards for people with food poisoning? I'm sending him one with a big piece of cake."
"Lucky him." Nathan's smile didn't reach his eyes. "You know, I'm not feeling all that well either, I think I might make it an early night."
"Are you sure? It's not even eight yet."
"Yeah, I've got practice starting up in a couple days anyway and I'd rather head this flu off at the pass."
"Sure." Mark shook his hand firmly. "Thanks for coming, Haley and I really appreciate it."
Nathan had shrugged into his coat and turned towards the exit when a hand grabbed his arm from behind.
"Where do you think you're going, Heartbreaker?"
Nathan turned around with a warm look in his eyes. "Haley."
"Mark told me that you're not feeling well." Haley stood up on her tiptoes to search his eyes. "Are you okay?"
"Fine, I just have that feeling you get right before you get sick."
"Okay. Go home and feel better." Haley hugged him tightly and he squeezed her back hard, lifting her completely off the ground and making her laugh. "I'll see you when I get back."
Nathan's smile wavered. "Have fun in India. I'm sure you'll both have an amazing time."
Haley stepped back and was swallowed up by the party. Nathan watched her go and said good-bye to her again, silently, before pulling on his gloves and stepping out into the cold.
He shut his car door and started the ignition, waiting for the engine to warm up. Half an hour later he found himself staring at the dashboard blankly. He felt lost, like he didn't know where to go or what to do. He wanted to scream or cry or hit something but he could do none of those things. He just sat and watched the snow fall as he felt a coldness seep through his veins. Haley was married to Mark. Married. Maybe if he repeated that thought enough he could start to believe it.
His cell rang and he picked up. "Hello?"
"Nathan, it's me."
"Tim? Hey, what's up?"
"I was just wondering if you could hang out tonight."
"Aren't you in Washington?"
"No, business finished up sooner than I thought so I'm back in town."
"Haley's wedding is tonight."
"What, are you still there?"
"No, I just left."
"So, come on over. I've got booze and I don't feel like drinking it alone."
"Why not?" Nathan shrugged.
"So, how are you holding up?"
"What are you talking about, Tim?"
"How are you dealing with Haley being married?"
"She's happy, it's great. Mark's really great for her. It's great."
Tim looked at him evenly. "I hope that when the love of my life marries another guy I can take it as well as you have."
Nathan's head snapped around. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"How long have I known you, Nathan? You're so obvious that I'm really shocked the rest of your family doesn't see it. You've been an idiot over Haley for as long as I can remember. And don't give me that 'Mark is a good guy' crap. You fucking hate him."
"Mark is an okay guy, he's successful, loves Haley," Nathan took a swig of his beer, "and I fucking hate him."
Tim opened two more beers and passed one to his friend. "Let it out, man."
"I've loved her since before I can remember and now she's with someone else." Nathan's hand gripped the bottle hard. "It's real."
"I'm sorry."
He fell back onto the couch cushions, slouching low. "How did you know that I . . ."
"It's like I said. You're completely obvious."
Nathan was silent.
"So you didn't try and stop her?" Tim asked.
"Stop her? And tell her what? 'Haley, I've wanted to be with you since I was in junior high—even though you've never seen me as anything other than your friend's kid brother. Would you mind dumping your rich and successful fiancé to be with me?'"
Tim blinked. "Maybe you shouldn't put it like that."
"Wake up. Why would Haley ever leave Mark? He's perfect."
"Nobody's perfect. It's a shame. Sometimes when I see you and Haley together I can picture the two of you having something."
"Really?" Nathan perked up briefly but then slid back down. "What the hell am I thinking? She got married today and you're talking to me about how we look like we could be a couple. Come on."
"I'm sorry," Tim said again.
"No, I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. I just wish that things were different."
Nathan drank down the rest of his beer, hiccupping slightly before repositioning himself on the couch so he could lie down and close his eyes.
He'd been preparing for this day for months and now that it was finally over the cold reality of it was beginning to sink in. The nervousness and dread that had been fluttering around in his belly hardened into stone. In his mind's eye he could see Haley, images flashed through his mind from different times in his life like snapshots; starting from today and moving back to the first moment that he met her.
When his imagination wandered back into the present he could see her clearly: Haley was wearing her wedding dress and he was there with her in their honeymoon suite. He was unhooking the row of buttons that ran down the length of her back and as each one came undone more of her was revealed to him.
Nathan reached out one hand to touch her and he noticed that his hand wasn't his own. He blinked and then he wasn't in the room anymore, it was like he was suddenly a spectator, watching what was happening from a distance. The man with Haley, the man who was slipping her dress of her hips, the man who was kissing her, was Mark. Nathan struggled to shout or do something but he couldn't move. He watched as Mark took Haley's hand and led her to the bed.
Nathan came awake suddenly; sweat was pouring off him and he was breathing hard. He put his head in his hands and blew out a frustrated breath. He had to get out of Tree Hill; there was no way he could be here when Haley came back from her honeymoon. If he spent any more time around Mark he'd probably hit the man.
He pushed off the blanket that Tim had probably thrown over him and left quietly. As soon as he got home he'd pack a few things and get back to Durham.
Nathan got back in his car and as he was turning up his mother's driveway he resolved to make a clean break and try to move on with his life. He was going to try to forget her but a part of him couldn't even begin to see how. So much of his life was tied to her in some way. Over the past few weeks he'd spent more time that he should've thinking about her and how they met. Maybe if he let the memories come, instead of trying to shut them out, he could finally let go.