Disclaimer: I do not own Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha, obviously.
Magical Babysitter Lyrical Zafira
Chapter 1
In which Zafira and Vice have an "adventure"
Zafira was approximately two-hundred-and-twenty-two-thousand-one-hundred-and-fourteen days old. He was one day older then Shamal (two-hundred-and-twenty-two-thousand-one-hundred-and-thirteen days), a week older then Signum (two-hundred-and-twenty-two-thousand-one-hundred-seven days) and a full month older then Vita (two-hundred-and-twenty-two-thousand-eighty-six days). Zafira knew this because he had spent the last three hours figuring it out. He had had time to do that because he hadn't had anything resembling an assignment in one-hundred-and-fifty-four hours. He'd spent the entire day sitting on the grass and counting time.
Zafira was used to playing play second fiddle to the women in his family. As a guardian beast this was what was expected of him, to protect and serve when needed, and stand back and allow them to grow when not. What he was not used to was being completely useless. At least in every other incarnation he was able to do something to help out, while yes, Signum and Vita had always been far stronger then him, at least then he had always been the only person available as backup, now they had a whole league of mages who outclassed him to fight by their side.
To keep Zafira from feeling too useless when Hayate formed Riot Force Six Zafira had been given an official spot on Long Arch, all papers stated that he was Hayate and Shamal's bodyguard. However, the truth of the matter was he was that in name alone. Hayate was a SSS mage she didn't need an outdated servant to guard her. As for Shamal, she stayed at the base ninety percent of the time, she hardly left enough for Zafira to be occupied.
So Zafira was left to entertain himself. This week he'd tried a variety of ways to keep himself from dying of boredom, none of them worked very well. On Monday he'd gone to the Infinite Library determined to count all the books, he got to Azzarzara's Book of Magical Alliterations before Arf informed him the Infinite Library was in fact infinite (he looked back at the books he had already counted and found that, to his horror, the bookshelves had actuallyextended). That Tuesday he tried to help the cafeteria staff out, only to delay lunch an hour by mistake, he was asked to leave. On Wednesday he tried to help Nanoha train the forwards, but they turned out to be able to take him easily as a team. On Thursday he decided to actually do his job and stay by Shamal's side the entire day. It went pretty well until about noon when Signum paid them a visit and told him she'd take it from there. While he'd done what she said out of respect for his leader he was indignant, what exactly could Signum do for Shamal that he couldn't? He'd spent the rest of the day fuming.
Today he had decided to just sit on the lawn and mope (and count). Occasionally someone would stop by and scratch his ears, or engage in idle chatter for a moment before they went off to do their important meaningful work. Zafira envied every single one of them. Twice Vita had stopped by and complained about paperwork and how lucky Zafira was because he didn't have to do it, but Zafira would have gladly switched places with her any day.
"'Oi Zafira. How you doing old dog?" Zafira looked up from his position on the ground. It was that the brown haired guy, the one who flew the helicopter. What his name again? Mice… Lice… no it was some sort of tool… hammer no saw. Oh wait it was Vice. Why was Vice talking to him? They'd met all of two times and actually talked only one of them. Zafira supposed it was because there weren't that many men around for him to talk to, Zafira rarely noticed the lack of men because he had spent so many years around way more women then men.
"Do you require something Vice-san?" Better find out what he needed immediately.
"Not really, but I was heading off to get a drink, wanna come? It's more fun to drink with a friend then alone," Vice grinned; Zafira didn't know how someone's mouth could be so big.
"You're going to drink in the middle of the day?"
Vice shrugged, as if it was no big deal, "I don't have any transports lined up today so I don't have anything better to do."
So Vice was in the same situation as him today, bored out of his mind, well he was right it was better to be together then alone. The blue wolf stood up, "I might as well."
"Great," though Zafira didn't think it was possible the man's grin grew larger, "Come on," he motioned for Zafira to follow him. They walked all the way to the garage in silence, Zafira wasn't exactly sure what to say to Vice.
"Stay here," Vice opened up the garage door and headed inside, "I'll go get my ride."
"What sort of car do you drive?" Zafira called into garage.
Laughter echoed out, "Not a car," Vice rolled his ride out of the abyss. "A motorcycle."
"M-motorcycle…"
"One of the latest models too," he patted the shiny red side, "this baby is my pride and joy. I nearly had a heart attack when Tia asked to borrow it. But it got back safe and sound."
"We're going to ride… in a motorcycle." Vice seemed to miss the fact Zafira was a wolf.
"Don't worry," Vice headed back into the garage, "I have a side car," he dragged the matching red attachment out and immediately got to work attaching it to his "baby".
"Is this safe?" Zafira eyed the machine wearily, he didn't particularly like machines. "It looks unstable."
"Don't worry!" He roughly patted Zafira's side, "it's perfectly safe and I'm a great driver."
Somehow Zafira doubted his words as he stepped into the rickety side car. "If I die it's your fault."
Vice laughed again as he mounted his bike, "Alright then I'll avoid that. Now hold on tight."
"Wait to wh-ahhh!" Vice shot off. Zafira swore the motorcycle went from 0 to 50 in one second.There was only one conclusion Zafira could come to as they drove through the streets: Vice was a demon, that was the only way he could be smiling as they zoomed dangerously close to walls and cars. The ride was thirty minutes of sheer terror, Vice had single handedly taken a dozen years off of Zafira's life. Vice enjoyed getting as close to the edge of cliffs as possible, he also enjoyed making his bike jump up in the air and popping random wheelies.
When the devil finally stopped Zafira collapsed onto the ground, "You," Zafira glared at Vice, "you are not human."
Vice grinned, "That was a great ride huh? We hit a little rough patch on the highway but we got through it."
"At least I'm alive," he stood up, "Now where is this bar?" Zafira looked around, he had driven them to downtown Cranagan, like the rest of the city, and the planet, it was unbelievably clean and orderly.
"Right over here," Vice motioned for him to follow. Vice took him into a bar called The Sleepy Puppy, not the manliest of names Zafira noted. Even though it was the middle of the day the inside of the bar was dark, the no smoking sign in the window meant the haze in the air wasn't caused by smoke but Zafira couldn't imagine what it could be.
"Yo Vice," the bartender, a large, muscular man with a full beard and mustache, waved. "You want the usual?" Usual? So Vice drank in the middle of the day a lot of the time.
That grin was back, "You know it."
"Hey who's your pal?" The bartender leaned over the bar to get a better look at Zafira, "You want me to pour some booze in the toilet?" He laughed at his own joke. Zafira was not amused, the slightly annoyed canine hopped onto a bar stool. Vice sat down beside him.
"Make what you want but make it hard," Zafira looked the bartender in the eye, "and give me a straw."
Another laugh, "And he talks! Vice, where'd you find this guy?" He turned around and started to fix their drinks.
Vice rubbed the back of his head, "Tim this is Zafira, Zafira this is Tim. Zafira works with me."
"Well not really," Zafira corrected, "we just happen to be in the same unit."
Vice chuckled, "Are you always this literal?"
"Why wouldn't I be? There's no point in not saying exactly what you mean."
"Drinks," Tim plopped both drinks down in front of the two members of Long Arch. "Drink up!"
Zafira poked the tall class of amber colored liquid with his nose. "I asked for a straw."
"Here you go princess," Tim slid a straw into the drink.
Zafira shot a glare at the bartender before taking the straw in his mouth. Within a few minutes he had finished the whole thing.
"Pretty good huh?" Tim smirked.
Zafira shrugged, "Decent enough. I'll have another."
"You sure it's pretty strong."
This time Zafira smirked, "I can handle it." Actually Zafira was the only one of the Wolkenritter (Nanoha and Fate too) who drank on a regular basis; Vita would have but unless she wanted to bother with illusion magic she was hard pressed to find a place that would serve her. As for the others, after Shamal gave them all a lecture, complete with pictures and diagrams, about the dangers of alcohol they avoided the stuff (well it was probably more accurate to say they avoided it because they wanted to avoid Shamal's wrath).
"So Zafira, what exactly is it you do?" Vice put down his drink.
"I protect Hayate and Shamal."
"That's just your job description," He laughed, "But what is it you actually do?"
"I lie around and contemplate things."
"Aww man you are so lucky, you get to relax all the time," He ruffled the wolf's mane much to said wolf's distain.
"What about you Vice-san? Your job's simple enough."
"Hey I fly the helicopter! That's not easy! Once wrong move and I could accidentally send everyone to a fiery death"
"Don't forget spying on teenage girls you do that pretty well," Zafira chuckled.
"I was just looking after her!"
Zafira took another sip of his drink, "you're a pervert."
Vice looked away his cheeks lightly tinted red. "Tia's like a little sister. I just had to look after her okay."
"Little sister sure," he smirked, "little sister you want to date maybe."
"Hey what about you? You lived with a bunch of women for years and you call me a pervert?"
"Another," Zafira nudged his empty glass forward. He turned to Vice again, "I am a guardian beast, I do not have perverted tendencies."
"New one for me too," Vice pushed his empty glass to the side, "That's not what I heard down at the Infinite Library, I hear you're a real ladies familiar."
"Infinite Library?"
"Yeah it's like gossip central for the TSAB," He chugged his drink and placed it with his other empty glasses, motioning for another.
Zafira eyed Vice's glasses and slurped down his own, "So what exactly do they say about me?"
"Only that the ratio of female to male familiars is like 8-1 but you more then compensate." New drinks were placed in front of them.
"Those are just rumors," he shook his head. "By the way who exactly spread those rumors?"
Vice shrugged, "Who knows?" he knocked back another, "my source said some red-haired familiar told her."
That sounded vaguely familiar to Zafira, but his mind was too hazy to remember, "Hmm, that's not as bad as some of the rumors out there," he paused to take a sip, "If all the rumors were true all the women in our unit would be lesbians."
"They're not?" Vice tilted his head to the side, sipping his drink.
"Not what?"
"Lesbians," Vice blinked, "I thought all of them were."
"I don't think so…" Zafira thought about it, "Caro's not."
"She's the exception. Think about it," he tapped the side of his head, "Fate and Nanoha sleep in the same bed."
"Well it's a very big bed," Zafira countered after he finished off his latest drink, "four people could sleep on it and never touch."
"Well then why not just have two beds," Vice glugged down the last of his and a new round greeted the two of them. "I mean it's not like we couldn't afford it."
"You have a point there but two lesbians does not an army make."
"Ah well what about Signum and Shamal?" he smirked over his drink.
"Hmm… Signum does visit Shamal quite often," Zafira was too wasted to be disturbed. "And they always lock the door when they're together…"
"Not to mention Tia and Subaru, I offered Tia the side car but she rejected it. She'd rather have Subaru hold on," he winked. "I'd bet money that Tia really likes all those things Subaru does."
"Sounds logical… but there might have been other reasons why she didn't want the side car," Zafira snickered.
Vice either didn't notice or didn't care, "Oh and what about Vita, is it just me or is she just a little too dedicated to Hayate. And what about Rein I can totally see a little three way fun how 'bout you." He nudged Zafira. "Huh huh."
Even in his hammered state Zafira could not imagine a situation in which Hayate, Vita and Rein had a threesome, he was very thankful to have a small imagination. "So your options are pretty limited?"
Vice sighed, "Yeah pretty much." His grin instantly bounced back, "But who cares when I get to be around Hayate's lesbian army!"
"Hayate's WHAT ARMY!" Both drunkards froze. They slowly and fearfully turned around.
"Submarine Commander Vita! I mean Sub Commando Vita!" Vice jumped and tried to salute only succeeding in whacking himself in the face with his hand and knocking himself out.
"Vita nice to see you," the alcohol had stopped Zafira from noticing the deadly aura radiating from his fellow Wolkenritter. "Want to have a drink they're very nice."
She eyed the rather large piles of empty glasses by the two, "Za-fi-ra!" Vita grabbed him by his mane, "You are drunk aren't you?"
He waved a paw in the air, "it would appear so."
Slap! Vita slapped the side of his face, "Snap out of it,"—slap slap, slap—"Hayate wants to talk to you."
"Vita?"
"Are you okay now?" Vita looked relieved.
"I think Vice might be right about you."
Vita's eyes narrowed, "'Oi bartender get me a very large, very cold bucket of water."
One hour and one very painful treatment later (Zafira had decided Graf Eisen was not a weapon it was a torture device) Zafira was outside Hayate's office (they'd left Vice with a note saying someone would come pick him up and he should pay the bill). Zafira's head hurt like hell and he swore never to let Vice take him anywhere again, no matter how bored he got. Zafira lifted a paw and scratched at his master's door, like a common dog wanting to be let it.
"Come in," Hayate's cheery voice answered him, "the door's open."
Zafira sighed and looked down at his paws then at the door knob, no thumbs, he shuddered and gulped before taking the door knob in his mouth. It was truly disgusting, but turning into a human for only the smallest things was pointless. He felt the need to wash out his mouth. "You wanted to see me?"
"Ah Zafira!" Hayate pushed the papers she had been reading to the side. "I asked Vita to get you over an hour ago. I'm glad she finally found you."
"Heh," he looked down, "yeah I was a little… busy."
"Well I'm glad you found something to do. But I called you here because I have an assignment for you."
"Assignment!" Zafira perked up.
"Yes it's of the utmost importance," She leaned forward looking him in the eyes, sincerity reflecting in her eyes.
"R-really?"
"Yes. You know that the forwards found a little girl when they were on their vacation."
Zafira nodded, he had heard about that.
"Well Nanoha and Fate are going to be taking care of her for a while." Zafira nodded again. "And Erio and Caro were babysitting her but they have to go back to training now."
Zafira nodded but he didn't see where this was going or what it had to do with him. No… no way, there was only one thing Hayate could be about to tell him but it was ridiculous. On a list of all the people in Riot Force Six best suited for what she was about tell him, he was pretty close to the last person, right above Vice. Except… all the people who were suited for it were busy… everyone was busy, everyone but Zafira.
Hayate leaned forward, "Zafira I want you to watch over and protect Vivio until further notice."
With a single sentence Zafira went from being Zafira the bored to Zafira the babysitter.
A/N: And so starts Zafira's career as a babysitter/plaything. Even though this is a fanfic focusing on Zafira and Vivio, Vivio not actually in this chapter, she will be in the next though. This story will be focusing more on the smaller characters (aka: everyone who's part of Long Arch) in StikerS (though all the Wolkenritter will be featured prominently (primarily Shamal)) such as Vice, who really only served to fly the helicopter, give Tia someone to talk to and get a very abrupt back story, though Zafira is the focus (he deserves some love). Please review if you get a chance and thank you for reading.