Title: Zack Plus Crossover Equals Disaster

Author: Chibi Envy Chan
Pairing(s): Sephiroth/Zack, Genesis/Angeal
Warnings: shounen ai, male/male relationship, spoilers for Bleach, slight spoilers for Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core

Zack's Warning: Mass stupidity on his part and insane nicknames
Summary: As a way of redeeming themselves, Sephiroth and Angeal go through intensive training to become shinigami. Zack makes a mess as usual, but where has Genesis gone or for that matter the three clones?

Disclaimer: Chibi doesn't own any characters. They belong to Square Enix or Tite Kubo.

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"To think, I thought I had escaped this hell."

A muffled chuckle. "You know you can never hide from it."

A frown and a raised brow. "Why are you in my office?"

"Cause I can be."

"You have your own office and paperwork. Be gone."

This time it was a full out laugh. "For your information, I already finished my paperwork. Thank you very much."

"And you have nothing better to do than pester me?"

"Aw, you make me sound like a bug!"

"That's because you are one. Now some of us have better things to do than to waste other people's time." What he wouldn't do for a can of bug repellant or better yet bug spray.

"But Sephy-chan!"

"Zachary Knight Fair."

Oh crap, Zack was in deep trouble. Sephiroth never used his full name unless he was truly mad. Then again, he lived his life on the edge and killing him would mean more paperwork. So Zack being Zack cheerfully ignored all of the warning bells.

"It's not my fault you ended up with a… an unstable squad."

"And an equally unstable assistant," Sephiroth muttered, japing his pen hard enough on his paper to create a few ink spots. If he didn't keep his anger in check, he'd break his pen or maybe his desk.

Zack laughed. "Well yours isn't guilt ridden. I swear he's trying to compete with Spike in the emo department." He scratched the back of his head and grinned sheepishly.

"Hn."

"Anyways, I wondered what happened to your cute clones," the captain of squad three said, leaning back in his chair. He attempted to prop his feet on the desk but was intercepted. What a grouch.

"Who knows? Who cares?" Sephiroth replied. He glared at the remaining stack as he placed a finished report into the abysmally short outgoing pile.

The dark haired captain leaned forward, invading Sephiroth's personal space on purpose. "For one thing, they could be wreaking havoc, and you might have to clean up after them." He mentally celebrated when he saw the former General stiffen and turned his glare towards him. "And you know what that means, more lovely paperwork! The joy."

Sephiroth tapped his pen on his desk, thinking of something, anything. He had to be very careful. Fair had a way of throwing back people's words as both he and Angeal experienced first hand. "Guess who I'm going to request for back-up."

His jaw dropped. "Aw, Sephy, you wouldn't!"

"What do you think?" He growled. "How many times must I tell you, never call me that?"

"I dunno." Zack shrugged. He knew Sephiroth wouldn't kill him. Other people were a different story.

A knock interrupted their conversation. "Captain Sephiroth, Captain Fair, I have a message from the Captain General. Permission to enter."

"Enter."

The messenger opened the door and bowed deeply. "The Captain General has requested the presence of all squad Captains at the usual room in," he looked at his watch, "thirty three minutes."

Sephiroth nodded his head, dismissing the messenger.

"I wonder what that's about. Hey, you think all twelve of us will be able to fit in there?"

The fifth squad captain gave him a crossed look. "It was meant to hold thirteen of us so yes, it will."

"Feels kind of cramped to me, but whatever."

The paper weight looked very tempting. Sephiroth imagined what it would be when it made contact with Zack's thick skull, but it would be a waste of a good paperweight.

Let'sTryItAgain.IAmSupposedtoBeanInterestingBorder.See?

"Good afternoon, Captain Hitsuguya," Sephiroth greeted with a slight nod.

Before the tenth squad captain could respond, Zack interrupted. "Hey, no need to be formal, Sephykins. You're both captains."

"Sephykins?" Toshiro raised a brow.

"Don't ask," Sephiroth groaned. "Please, don't ask."

"I won't."

"Be thankful you don't have one." Sephiroth eyed his former subordinate who was grinning like a madman. Oh crap.

"Tushy!"

The former General winced at the name while the shortest captain froze in horror. Both were rendered speechless for a moment.

Tushy? How degrading.

Toshiro glared at the dark haired captain. "My name is Toshiro, not…" he struggled to get the name out, "Tushy."

"Whatever you say, Tushy," Zack said in a sing song way.

Sephiroth rolled his green eyes, a rare occurrence around anyone save for a certain idiot. "Feel free to ignore him. I do."

"Hey!"

"Thanks for the advice," Toshiro said as they made a turn. Ten more minutes until the meeting started and they could traverse the distance in three minutes if need be. "Is there any trick?"

"No. It takes practice, and I recommend bringing a lot of migraine medicine. You'll also need to stock up on it."

"No fair," Zack yelled as he waved his hands wildly, looking very comical.

"Duly noted. You have my condolences."

"Thank you."

The third squad captained sighed in mock exasperation. "You know I'm here, and I can hear you." He pouted childishly and began sulking.

"If you're patient enough, this will eventually happen," the fifth squad captain said after a period of silence.

Toshiro raised a brow. Now if it would work on his assistant captain, he'd be able to actually get his work done. "Interesting. I'll have to try it sometimes on my second in command."

"They are so ignoring me," Zack muttered.

Neither of the other captains commented, but instead entered the room for their meeting. They weren't the last ones though close to it. The thirteenth captain had yet to show; however, considering his health, it was expected. The other captains glanced over to them and went back to their small conversations.

Zack quietly (which attracted the attention of the others) padded off to a corner, still sulking, but everyone knew he couldn't stay that way for long. He was too cheerful and optimistic for his own good. At times, he had way too much energy, according to some.

Minutes later, Jushiro entered leaning a bit on his assistant. He felt all eyes on him and smiled graciously. Seeing the sulking captain, he wisely chose to step aside, leaving his poor assistant at the mercy of a certain captain.

"Angie!"

"Oh gods," Angeal groaned before he was plowed over. He didn't even have time to brace himself for impact even though he knew what was coming. "Zack, get off!" The assistant attempted to shove the dark haired captain off and failed miserably. Zack had latched onto him and wasn't going to let go any time soon, much to the amusement of the rest of the captains.

Sephiroth felt an urge to bang his head against the nearest wall so he wouldn't have to deal with this. Fortunately for his former second in command, he walked over to the pile and yanked hard on Zack's ear.

"Ow, ow, ow! Seph, you don't have to be so harsh." Zack attempted to keep up with the taller man.

"Thanks," Angeal said, picking himself off the floor. He bowed to his captain and departed.

As soon as the assistant captain left, Sephiroth released Zack's abused ear.

"Meanie," Zack pouted. He hadn't seen Angeal for awhile as their duties dept them too busy to see each other.

Since everyone was present, more or less, the Captain General, Shigekuni, cleared his throat to get their attention. "As you have recently seen, we've acquired two new captains," he motioned towards Sephiroth and Zack, "and one new assistant captain; however, we're not up to full strength. We're still missing one captain."

Murmurs broke out amongst the captains. It was odd for someone to become a captain without spending time with any of the squads. They dropped out of the sky literally. Perhaps, the two had been an answer to their prayers, but it also could be dumb luck. As to why they had been made captains, no one knew save the Captain General.

"Enough, enough," Shigekuni said, tapping his zanpaku-to on the ground. He stopped as soon as they turned their attention back to him. "Back then, we had no candidate for the third captain seat until now. Someone has passed the test for captain as some of you know."

Zack and Sephiroth glanced at each other. They were confused by this. Had it been the same way with them? It was Sephiroth's chance of redemption as well as Angeal's. Somehow, Genesis wasn't there with them. Maybe his fate was worse than theirs. The dark haired captained wondered if this person went through the same treatment: crash course in being a shinigami, train in some other dimension until he mastered bankai, and then plunked him here. Or the person could be a girl.

Before he could say another word, their leader ushered a brown haired you man who had three silver haired men clinging to him like no tomorrow. Said man glared at his three ornaments.

"Genesis!?" Both former SOLDIERs exclaimed simultaneously.

Genesis waddled over to his former comrades in SOLDIER. It was hard to drag three 'teens' despite his strength. They were heavy. He glared at Sephiroth and pried each one of the leeches off of him. "For the love of Gaia, take them." With that said, he pushed the three to him.

"But Mother!" the youngest one wailed.

"We love you," the two others chimed.

Meanwhile, the other captains didn't know what to make of this so they stayed quiet. No need for them to involve themselves in this convoluted mess. Really.

Zack clamped his hand on his mouth in an attempt to stop laughing. He failed miserably as he fell onto the ground, laughing so hard that he started to cry. It was funny to see the manly Genesis being referred to as 'Mother.'

"Shall I inform Angeal of what really happened to his gift?" Genesis growled, very tempted to strangle Angeal's former student.

Sadly, his threat fell on deaf ears. Sephiroth sighed a very long one. As for the other captains, they varied from bored (Byakuya) to amused (Kenpachi) with the rest in between.

"Feel free to ignore him," Sephiroth said, eyeing the three now clinging on Genesis. "Who are they?"

"You should know. They're your clones." Genesis sent pleading looks to the other captains who all took a step back. "Aw, come on."

"Mother. When are we going to have dinner?"

"Yeah!"

"Do we need to bring a fire extinguisher?"

"No, Yazoo."

Sephiroth gave him a quizzical look. At least, he knew the name for the long haired clone. The other two were a mystery.

"Please, take them." Genesis would not beg. It was unmanly, and he hated appearing weak. "Alll of them."

"Don't you love us, Mother?" the shoulder length haired cloned cried.

Genesis cringed. It made him look like the bad guy… again. "Of course, I do, Kadaj." He managed to grate out, which caused all of them to hug him tightly. "Loz, no using your full strength seriously."

By process of elimination, he figured out the clone with shoulder length hair was Kadaj and short hair was Loz. Who the hell named his clones? Well, whoever he or she was needed to be shot. Now. "So you've adopted them? I never thought you to be that type."

"Neither have I," Angeal said from the doorway. He felt the energy of his love and had to greet him. They had been apart for too long in his opinion.

"Father!" all three clones chorused before charging at him.

Genesis' draw dropped. "I should be the father. Not fair."

"At least, you weren't given a demeaning nickname," Toshiro commented. He really hated that name. "Welcome to the court. If you have any questions, feel free to ask any captain though I must warn you about the eleventh's squad captain. Do NOT ask him for directions under any circumstances."

"Gotcha. What was that nickname?"

"I'd rather not say," Toshiro added stiffly. He really didn't want the others to find out especially his assistant. He would never hear the end of it. When he looked down, he saw a certain someone grinning like no tomorrow, which spelled doom for him. "Oh no you don't!"

"Have a little fun, Tushy!"

That made Genesis feel a little better, even more so when Zack was being beaten with a sheath. This might be a fun place.

"Welcome to hell," Sephiroth finally greeted him.

Maybe not.

The End

In case if you haven't figured it out, here's the breakdown of the Final Fantasy VII character roles.

Zack Fair – Third squad captain

Sephiroth – Fifth squad captain

Genesis Rhapsody – Ninth squad captain

Angeal Hewley – Thirteenth squad assistant captain

Kadaj, Yazoo, & Loz – no designated squad

Poor Toshiro, Genesis, and Sephiroth, having to deal with Zack.

Well, Genesis deserved it. XD I was going to make Kadaj the captain of the ninth squad when Genesis hijacked the position so yeah… Kadaj decided to make his life a living nightmare by calling him Mother and managed to get the other clones to back him up.

Seph and Zack have a relationship even though it doesn't show. They have a strange way of showing it, at least Seph does.