Genre: Angst
Paring/s: -
Author's Note: Loosly based of My Walking Grave Warnings; Violence, minor swearing, there is death
Dear Sir or Madam
I'm sending in a formal complaint
Yes. I am aware you get a lot of these. Ah yes, and you probably won't even look at this… you'll probably throw it into the fire
But I'd just like to tell you and your people this;
YOU SUCK!
-Edward Elric
"Is.. is this some sort of joke?"
"I'm afraid not."
"A typo? Some error? Humour me here."
"I'm sure you'll fine that everything is in perfect order."
"No. This has got to be a mistake. This thing," he waved the sheet of paper in the man's face. "-must of come through a rip in time, because the last time I checked, I'm not even legal enough to drink."
"Fullmetal," quickly loosing what little patience he had, Roy rubbed his forehead. "I'm just the messenger. So stop prattling round my face, and get out of my office." Most of the Colonel's words wafted over the blonde's head, as he collapsed in the leather chair behind him, putting his face in his hands.
"Shit," he muttered, slowly re-reading the document on his lap. "… shit," not being able to find a better word to express himself, he ran a hand through his bangs, pulling strands out of his once neat plait. A small silence, then Edward tipped his head backwards and groaned loudly. Roy slammed his fit down on the table, making him jump.
"If you won't leave, then I'll be more than happy to escort you to my window, Fullmetal. If your so against this, you can take it up with somebody higher than me, other wise we're done here," he growled, dragging what looked like a whole tree's worth of paper towards him. "In case you've forgotten, I'm heading to the front lines as well."
"But you're old!" Edward yelled, making violent hand gestures. "Your life's pretty much over, Mustang, and I'll be damned if you're gonna get laid anytime soon."
A few nerves had been hit there, but Roy tried to handle it the best he could. Which involved totally loosing his temper. He stoop up, the chair grating on the wooden floor. "Hold your tongue, Fullmetal. Now get out!"
"No!" he yelled back, the paper screwed up in his fist. "It's not fair! What about Al? How the hell am I supposed to leave him, how can I do that to him?" his face contorted painfully. "And, God help me I never thought I would say this, I'm still a child."
Roy palmed his forehead, looking up at the ceiling with a pensive look. "I know," he said finally. "Unfortunately, you signed that way when you joined the military. Not only is your rank Major, you're a State Alchemist. Either of those guaranteed a ticket for you. I'm sorry. I can't help you."
"Your not sorry. I'm sure you'll be glad when my guts are splattered across the pavements. Then who'll be laughing," he sneered when his cola eyes left his face. There was a small knock on the door, and Lieutenant Havoc stuck his head round.
"Interrupting, Sir?"
"No. You're just in time to show Mr Elric the door," Roy said tartly, nodding at Edward to show that the discussion was very much over. Edward turned his nose up, and stalked over to Havoc, who opened the door a little wider.
"Your wrong, Mustang," the blonde threw over his shoulder. "I lost my childhood the moment I tried to bring my mother back to life."
Havoc shut the door with a sharp snap.
Dear Sir or Madam
Further more, you can go about changing a few things. If a homunculus shoots a kid, let's not start a war over it. Just reason with him. I'm sure he'll understand what he did was wrong
Thankyou
-Edward Elric
"Hi, nii-san! Welcome-"
"Going to bedroom," Edward cut across him. Edwards loud footsteps were heard, then the harsh sound of the door being slammed.
"-home?" Alphonse watched his progress with worried eyes. It wasn't that abnormal to see Edward in a bad mood after a call in from Roy. However, normally Edward would rant about it for a while, then go sulk in his study until Alphonse called him for dinner.
With a sigh, Alphonse threw down the tea towel he'd been using to wipe his hands with, and followed after his brother. Time to do what he did best. Being Edward's consultant. "Nii-san?" he called through the closed door, deciding to try the polite approach. Not surprisingly, silence was his answer. He turned the brass handle, finding it locked. Damn. He knew buying personal locks for their rooms was a bad idea.
"Nii-san, open up," he sighed. He was like a moody kid sometimes. "Come on. Don't make me break it down, because you know I can," he growled, resting his head on the wood. Still no reply. Alphonse back up, found the weakest point of the door, and lashed out. The lock broke clean off, and the door smashed to the floor, a bolt flying off the now broken hinges.
Edward was lying on his bed, automail arm covering his face like he was blinded by light. His other hand was limp as it dangled off the bed, a badly crumbled sheet of paper between his fingers. He hadn't even flinch when the door had caved in. The pose reminded Alphonse of some sort of puppet that had been tossed in the corner, and left to gather dust.
"Edward?" he asked quietly, his hands sinking down into the bed as he lent on it. His brother raised the metal to peer up at him, then flopped his arm back down, which must have hurt judging by the clank. The younger crawled across the bed, and sat by his head. Alphonse was almost falling off. It wasn't made for two people. He lifted his arm to speak to his brother's face, but Edward stubbornly looked away from him.
"Edward," Alphonse gritted his teeth. "Stop being so-" he was silenced as Edward brought his flesh arm up, and thrust the piece of paper under his nose. He read it; frown lines growing deeper the further down he read. Slowly, his expression changed to disbelieve.
"I.. I don't understand," he said, voice hardly audible. "You're going to war?"
Edward appealed.
Each time he did, he never won.
He would be shipped out to the front lines and fight for his so called country.
Saying goodbye to Alphonse had been horrible. He was still a civilian, and was unable to follow Edward. Edward himself had flat out refused anyway. Seeing the army vans had pretty much sealed his fate. The ugly things had camouflaged canvas stretched taunt to the truck sides. Already, men were crammed into the small space.
Edward hated the way Alphonse wouldn't stop crying, and he himself wasn't able to. Replaying every God damn thing that had happened to him still didn't start the waterworks. Alphonse knew, just like everybody else, that Edward Elric would not come back alive.
Alphose had clung onto Edward like his life had depended on it. Edward had rocked the larger boy, like he'd used to when they were small and they were frightened of thunderstorms or noises outside. Slowly, Edward had kissed every part of Alphonse tear streaked face that he could reach, wanting to remember what comfort would feel like in a few months from now. Smell, touch, taste, he wanted everything.
"Smile for me."
That was what made Edward break down. Where he was going, nobody would be smiling.
Dear Sir or Madam
It's been a week already. I'm scared of how fast the time goes, because I can never tell. It's always dark out in these frozen lands. Sometimes we can see the stars if the fighting hasn't been so bad. But not the sun
I asked one of the men who we were fighting. He said to me
'Does it matter? After a while, they all look the same'
I wasn't sure what he was talking about back then. Now I know. It's horrible. Everyday all I see are gun shots and explosions. The air is never clear out here, even with the frosts. I've never been directly involved with the shooting, I use Alchemy to build up defence. I dread the day I have to go out into the field
-Edward Elric
Dear Sir or Madam
I hate this lifestyle. Our bunkers need to hold over thirty men, yet are only big enough for eighteen. I think I'll go insane if I don't get my personal space. Sleeping outside is a death trap; the frosts have given many men frostbite. That's the only thing I'm thankful for with my automail
Speaking of them, I find it harder and harder to move the joints each morning. The mechanic says it's the cold. I have to wash it clean with water each morning, then again at night. If my limbs give out on the field, I'm dead
-Edward Elric
Dear Sir or Madam
I sometimes can't tell whose on my side anymore. We all wear the navy uniforms, but some of our enemies discards their old clothes and take our men's
Today a man came up to me, wearing our uniform. He was asking me to kill him. He looked half-insane. His pupils were dilated, and red. What looked like a bullet hole was in his shoulder. He was covered in blood
Ugh
I hate how I can write this all down and not throw up
Either way, I still freaked out. I'm not proud of that. I ran away from the guy, leaving him to what ever fate. I think Havoc found me later on, I can't remember. He told me I was in an abandoned building, in the lower basements, looking like I was trying to rip my hair out. I'm thankful that he understood
I don't think I can survive much more of this
-Edward Elric
Dear Sir or Madam
It's been a whole month. I can't believe it. The war is a strong as ever. I can't see how so many people just keep appearing day after day. Our army doesn't even have an objective. It's just kill or be killed.
The air is never quiet anymore. I'm finding I'm loosing sleep over the cries at night. Nobody shoots at night ( apart from raids ) but I can hear people… things.. moving about, near our camp, crying out for loved ones, or screaming in agony. Sometimes our men go outside, but they never come back. We're starting to think they just trick us into coming out to see if we can help.
The quieter parts are early morning. I find myself staring out over the horizon, trying to see the sun. I'm starting to forget what the sun even looks like. I can't remember what it even feels like on my skin Everyone looks horrible. Malnourished and with lack of sunlight, everyone's skin is yellow, pasty, sunken in. It's like we're walking skeletons. An army of the undead.
In my darker times, my mind flicks back to my little brother. I try hard not to think about him, it's like a constant ache in my chest. Then I perform badly on the field. I want to come back alive. But I'm so inexperienced, it's not going to happen
-Edward Elric
Dear Sir or Madam
I've been put out where the intense battling is
I can't handle it
Everywhere I turn, people are dying. Blood has become the ground I walk on, the sky I look up to. I've never realised how much blood can come from on human. Or how many ways I can kill a person. Or that humans are stubborn creatures, who just won't die sometimes
A man clutched at my leg the other day, and I screamed and repetitively hit him over the head with my automail, as I wasn't thinking straight. Even after ten blows, he was still breathing and speaking. His head was like a smashed pumpkin. Blood, tissue matter, it was erupting like a flower around his skull. The actual skull was caved in, and I could see parts of his brains. God's knows how many times I threw up
I was finally dragged away by Roy, who burnt him alive
-Edward Elric
Dear Sir or Madam
It's just getting worse
I thought I would get used to it
But I can't I don't go out of my way to kill people, like Scar did. God help me
-Edward Elric
Dear Sir or Madam
I've never believed in God. And now I'm even surer. A God would never let this happen. Let humans fight one another over something so pointless
I'm starting to hope that I will just die, and let it all end
-Edward Elric
Dear Sir or Madam
A raid attacked our camp last night. A lot of men died. I'd like to say that I helped
Instead I stood in the middle of the fighting, almost waiting for a stray bullet to cut me down. I can't believe how stupid I can be sometimes. Alphonse would of killed me instead if he'd found out. We if he does know, or is reading this now, you know that I'm a pretty crap big brother
In fact, I did get hit by two bullets. But they never touched me. Roy took them instead, and died because of it
Yeah. That's right. Fucking Roy Mustang died because of my stupidity
I hope you're all pleased, you bastards. You sent us to war, so you can choke on it now!
I'll be fair. That man did not want to die. Mostly because I wouldn't let him. The bullet was lodged somewhere in his throat, up behind the mandible I'd guess-
Wait… sorry I had to get some fresh air. Why is it so natural to talk about death in letters?
Yeah well anyway, the fighting was dying down around this point; most of the rebels had been gunned down. Roy had gone into a state of shock. I think the pain was to great, so his body was naturally shutting down. I suppose it would have been kinder if the bullet had killed him straight away
Roy was basically drowning in his own blood. The bullet wouldn't let the blood out, so it was flooding into his mouth. I'd learnt it was bad to move people when their injured, and very dangerous if I moved the bullet. By the time the paramedics had come, he was already dead. I'd got rid of the most of the blood ( you don't wanna know what I had to do, trust me ) but his body just wouldn't cope under the strain. If we had better conditions and medical supplies, he would have survived
Shit. I think I'm gonna thr-
Dear Sir or Madam
Havoc and Hawkeye.. there taking it pretty badly. They were both close to the Colonel. I don't think I've seen two more broken people in my live. I guess that's what me and Al must have been like when our mum died
I feel horrible
Roy died for me, what the hell was I thinking?
-Edward Elric
Dear Sir or Madam
You know when I said I was feeling horrible? I'm sick. Like, badly. I can hardly write straight I'm shaking so much. I feel hot and cold at the same time, I just want to curl up and die
Medical supplies are non-existent; I have to sweat my fever out
It's fucking agony. I've gone off food, we have no water to spare, and I'm always dehydrated. When I close me eyes, flies swam over my face. I'm being bitten alive by bugs. I'm surprised they can survive the cold. I've been shut off from my usual bunker, and sleeping in the women's. Hawkeye's looking after me, God bless her
Though she needs to look after herself too. Seeing her walking around like a ghost scares me. Where did all her confidence and fiery temper go? It probably went the same place mine did
-Edward Elric
Dear Sir or Madam
Hawkeye thinks I'm crazy, because I keep on writing to you. Sometimes, I forget whom I'm even writing to. So who ever finds these, I hope you're happy with what war does to people
-Edward Elric
Dear Sir or Madam
Fever broke an hour ago
I need food, but everytime I eat, I just throw it back up. What's wrong with my body
-Edward Elric
Dear Sir or Madam
Riza.. she died today. I'm still in shock. When she didn't come into the bunker, I knew what had happened. They didn't have to tell me
Me and Havoc, we're falling apart at the seams
He knows that good soldiers shouldn't get emotions over deaths. We're not soldiers. We're human
-Edward Elric
Dear Sir or Madam
I hate war. Hate what it does to you. Hate what it does to other people
I just can't stop crying
I really thought that all this would have made me harder. Instead it's just made me weaker than ever. It's terrible what war does
I don't think I can made myself stronger, then I'd changed into a person I don't like. Having these feelings still means I'm me, not a thing that grows to hate life. But I've gone beyond help
I'm writing letters to nobody
It's the thing that keeps me stable, knowing that I'm here, I'm still me. If I stopped, then I'd loose it completely.
-Edward Elric
Dear Sir or Madam
They're thinking of sending me home. I just can't take this anymore. And they're starting to see that now
A sixteen year old isn't made to be an ultimate weapon after all
I can't wait to go back home. To see a normal everyday street. Work in a boring office. Walk into a park, see the children playing, see something normal. And to see Al again. Just to be able to hold my baby brother again, that's all I ask. To feel warm and safe again, and know that everything's okay, I have someone to lean on and love
-Edward Elric
Shit
Who am I kidding?
I can't go back. I'm too far gone. It will never be the same again if I go back
Someone save me
-Edward
To Whom It May Concern
On the day he was discharged to go back to civilisation Edward Elric was killed. His death came about when he walked out into the camp clearing, and a hidden rebel shot him through the heart, killing him instantly
God have mercy on his soul
…
-Anonymous
END
-Ixi