I originally started this for the KFM Valentine's challenge but I had a bit of trouble with the second half so I missed the deadline. Still I like the way it turned out for the most part. Thanks to Uilleand for betaing it and the suggestions. I hope I took care of some of the things you noted but I was bit stumped on how to fix the transition too :D. As always please leave me feedback so I can feed my poor muse.
Carth's skull felt like someone had driven a Corellian-class ship through the middle of it, a large one. He turned his head to one side and let out a low moan at the sensation. His pillow felt like it was stuffed with rocks. How many bottles had it been? Ten? Twelve? He decided Jedi Mind Trick whiskey should be renamed Sithspit; because that's what it felt like he'd been drinking.
He was on… Talus? Taris? No Talravin; that was it. It was a short shore leave he'd been forced into. Carth had wanted to refuse but Forn had made it abundantly clear that he could take shore leave or another psych eval. He figured it was the lesser of two evils, but not by much. At least on shore leave he could attempt to forget Telos. In a psych eval he was forced to do nothing but remember.
Carth froze as a soft snore sounded from the other side of the bed. Oh no… dammit! Slowly, to minimize the pain, Carth turned to look at the bed's other occupant. Blonde, they're always blonde.
The woman sleeping next to him was in her early thirties, with long blonde hair. Carth guessed she was about five foot ten. About the same height. Force he hoped she didn't have green eyes. He hadn't come across a woman yet who was tall, lithe, blonde and had green eyes. Somehow that seemed to make it better.
Carth began to slowly detangle his limbs from the sheets. He winced as movement brought the full brunt of his hangover to the forefront. He also realized he was completely nude. Of course you're nude, you idiot! He began to hunt down clothes as fast as he was able while still remaining silent. He wanted to be dressed and gone before his bedmate awoke. The last time this had happened, the woman had been very ... upset … at his leaving. Carth wanted to avoid any awkward goodbyes and he did have a ship to catch.
After Carth gathered his belongings he gave the woman one last look as he combed a guilty hand through his hair. They really did look alike… but then that was usually the case and the problem. He always had suffered a weakness for blondes and even more so when he was stinking drunk. Feeling like a cad, Carth ducked out the door.
It was at the loading bay that Carth saw her again. She had her hair neatly pulled back at the nape of her neck with her head covered in a uniform cap. She wore a baggy tan jumpsuit and heavy-duty boots. Apparently she was a dock worker. The blonde woman was doing some last minute checks on the shuttle that was to take Carth to the capital ship in orbit. He froze and almost dropped his bag as he realized he was trapped. The woman looked up from her data pad and gave a smile and wave. Carth's stomach dropped when she walked over.
"Captain Onasi, Carth, right?" she beamed at him.
"Right," Carth's smile and voice both came out forced. He suddenly realized he had no idea what her name was. At that moment he figured if she started screaming at him he probably deserved it.
"Well, she's all ready to go," the woman handed him the data pad. "Oh, by the way, thanks for last night," she grinned. "But you know I wouldn't have kicked you out without at least breakfast first."
"Ah…" he responded. "I ah… had to get moving. Shuttle to catch you know…" Real intelligent, Onasi.
She gave him a knowing grin. "Don't worry, Captain. I'm not going to ask you to swear undying love to me or anything. It was just a bit of fun," she gave a one-shouldered shrug. "Two ships passing in a remote system and all that."
The tech seemed to be amused at Carth's discomfort. "No worries. If you're ever on Talravin again, though, feel free to look me up." She gave Carth a wink.
"I don't think… I'm headed for a long tour…" Carth wasn't lying but all the same he knew it sounded like an excuse.
The woman's smile faded a bit and turned more serious. "Hey, like I said I'm not asking for anything. Just an open offer."
Carth looked away for a moment and then back at her. Other than her coloring and height the woman didn't really look like… "I appreciate it."
The blonde gave him another smile. Instead of innuendo this one seemed to be almost sympathetic. "Good luck, Captain."
"Thanks." This time Carth's smile was genuine, if relieved. He walked up the shuttle ramp.
"By the way," the blonde tech's voice floated up to him. Carth turned back. The tech was turned away as she bent over some crates. "That's a cute nickname: Sunny."
She turned back to Carth and her smile disappeared when she saw his face. "Did I say something wrong?"
"No," he whispered. "I'm… I'm sorry I have…" Carth swallowed and entered the ship without finishing.
On autopilot, Carth found his seat and buckled his restraining belt. He then buried his face in his hands; glad he was the only one on the shuttle besides the pilot up in the cockpit. His whole body shook at the tech's last words. The nickname brought the memory of his wife's hair to the surface. Not as he had last seen it matted with blood and dirt but shining in the Telosian sun. The light would bring out the golden highlights in Morgana's hair until it looked like she was made of pure sunlight. Oh, Gana… I'm so sorry.
Several years later…
Carefully Carth brushed away a stray lock of long brown hair. The hair had a slight wave to it but not the curlicue locks of… Carth took a deliberate large gulp of alcohol. Forget, he thought. The woman's blue eye… no they were brown… smoldered as her lips curved up in a slow smile. She had been attentive, forward, but most of all she made him laugh. How long had it been since he laughed? Not since…
Carth took a larger swig of whiskey to banish the thought. The woman said something else and Carth laughed again. She really was witty, if a little too tall.
"So you're working on the Restoration Project? Sounds… boring actually," she chuckled.
Carth had told her he was on Coruscant for the Senate session on increasing the budget for the Telos Restoration Project. Best of all to Carth, she didn't seem to know who he was. She had assumed he was part of the military entourage for the visiting Admiral and didn't correct her. "Oh yeah," he responded before another drink. "Most days I have to dig through paperwork just to find my rear just so I can go home at the end of the day."
The woman gave an appreciative glance at his previously mentioned backside, "Well don't lose it, hon. That would be a shame!" she laughed and winked at him.
She had a nice smile. It was big and lit up her whole face. He loved that smile. Carth took another drink, "I'll keep an eye on it for you, ma'am."
The woman giggled. Her voice turned low, "I'd be willing to help you with that, sweetie."
They laughed and drank. Carth drank some more until his vision blurred and then it was easier. They danced and drank. Carth had a good time. He deserved a good time. He was tired of being lonely. He was tired of a cold bed and empty nights.
"I won't ask you to wait for me."
Four years was a long damn time. Didn't he deserve a little happiness? Just a small bit? If after four years she hadn't come back… Carth took another drink and towed his companion back onto the dance floor.
"I can't ask you to wait for me."
At some point they ended up back at her apartment. It was a nice modest place in the third level of Coruscant. Nothing too fancy, but she didn't appear to be hurting for money. The two of them stumbled into the front room stinking drunk. As they stopped Carth looked down at her and smiled. Her eyes were almost blue in this light. Before he could make a move she wrapped her arms around his neck and perched on her tiptoes.
The kiss started softly, almost hesitant but quickly deepened into something more wild and passionate.
"Of course I'll wait for you."
But not for four damn years. She wasn't coming back; not if she wasn't back by now.
Carth felt her hands move under his open jacket and push it back. After the jacket fell to the floor he wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed the front of her body against him. The woman in his arms let out a low moan.
Carth took his mouth from hers and moved to her jaw line, working his way down her neck. She threw back her head and her breathing became more rapid. Carth lost himself in the sensation of her. The feel of her body against his; the small sounds she made and the way the ends of her hair tickled the back of his hands.
As Carth reached the spot where neck met shoulder a single word went through his mind: Beautiful…
"Oh I like that," the woman murmured.
Carth chuckled and made a questioning sound.
"Beautiful," she whispered with a smile in her voice, "You sure do know how to sweet talk a girl."
Carth froze. What am I doing? His face was stricken as he backed up. "I'm… I'm sorry I can't do this…" Carth grabbed his jacket from the floor.
"Oh hell you're married aren't you?" she asked. "Listen, buddy, I'm not into helping some guy cheat on his wife." She glared at him.
"No… no not exactly," he said as he put the jacket on.
"Girlfriend, wife, whatever," she pursed her lips and crossed her arms over her chest. "I think you'd better just leave." She pointed helpfully at the door.
"Yeah, I should," Carth turned around and hustled out the door.
As he made his way through the Coruscanti streets, the drunken haze began to recede as he reeled at what he had almost done.
How could I have been so stupid? How could I have almost…? Carth knew why. He was lonely and he was worried. He was also damn angry. Four years, Morii, and not one fracking word! He had begun to think she was dead. No, she's not dead; I'd know. Bastila would have told me if she was.
Carth ran an angry hand through his hair. He was tired of waiting. Every time he thought of Morii his gut would knot and twist in worry. Sneaking off in the middle of the night to fight Force knew what. What if she was in trouble? What if she was captured by… whatever she'd gone after? She couldn't do everything, dammit! Carth knew what had driven her away in the end was her own guilt. She said she wouldn't risk hurting anyone else she cared about.
Well too bad, Beautiful, because I'm sick of worrying and I'm sick of waiting. Carth exited to the top level of Coruscant and came to a decision amidst the glittering lights. He didn't want to lose her; couldn't lose her. He couldn't lose it all again and he didn't want to forget her! He was going after her. Not tomorrow, but soon. He still had this Exile to deal with. Gren had commed him earlier that day and said the Jedi Exile had shown back up at the station, with a new fuel contract of all things, and then took off again. Carth reeled when Gren described the Exile's ship to him. It couldn't be coincidence.
Carth looked up to the stars, but they were completely eclipsed by numerous speeders and bright signs overhead. In his more melancholy moments he liked to think she was doing the same thing. It gave him a sense of connection to her. He closed his eyes for a moment. He'd made his decision and felt a sense of peace he hadn't had in who knew how long.
And when I find her I'm going to make good on that promise of putting her over my knee… Carth walked over the tram to head back to his assigned apartment with a new lightness to his gait.