Author's note: This idea came to me in another fanfic I wrote actually. It's a parody but it would make a lot of sense to make a more interesting longer and deeper version of the same idea and probably with a better ending. So this will probably be a little weird as a warning but keep through at least the first chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note

Warning: Spoilers

Rain poured from the heavens onto the streets like it always did on the second of November on the first year of Kira's existence. The downpour would not cease for at least another two hours and twenty-two seconds but that didn't worry Raito. He had fared worse than rain before.

Soaked in his long coat and boots he probably looked like some crazed drug dealer. Someone he would have killed in his younger days for deriving the world of its morale (As if this world could get any worse). It wasn't until much later that he figured out that justice like everything was just an illusion concocted by desperate humans searching for their meaning. How pointless.

Two headlights appeared through the rain. He looked up and smirked grimly, his ride was here. It only took convincing the fool to let him up that worried him. The truck pulled to a stop by Raito and the door opened. Grateful to get out of sight he hopped in and looked at the driver.

"Hey Raito, thought you might be late this time!" Earl hadn't changed at all. Still the same beer gut and five-a-clock shadow adorned his figure, not to mention the plaid shirt and overalls he adored so much. It made Raito sick every time he saw it.

"I'm never late."

"Of course you aren't Raito."

The man sighed and tapped the steering wheel.

"So how you going to get up this time?"

He was ready for this, this time he wouldn't fail. Funny when he was human everything had come so easy for him; it was only now that things were hard.

"I did Sayu's homework for her, I cooked dinner for my mother every night, and I did Light's studies for him, not to mention Sochiro's paperwork." Raito held up his hands and closed his eyes trying to feel the warmth he missed so much.

"Raito I know you want up and I'm saying this as a friend not as an angry-road-rage-hick-from-some-Mississippi-hovel. All that is paperwork, it's useless and time wasting! You did that before you wanted up so badly, and besides as a man of action you should understand that." The truck driver stared ahead at the empty road with a sorrow filled expression. Raito didn't need that kind of sentimental crap anymore.

"But you and I know very well that I can't just walk up and say 'Hello you're going to die in three seconds, you might want to go to a hospital before you croak.' I can't interfere with mortal life spans so how can I do anything but 'paper work'? Besides you never know one of those meals could have been the death of us all."

Raito stared at the man waiting for an answer to the problem that had troubled him for centuries. The man sighed again and rubbed what was left of his hair.

"That's the thing; you have to want it so bad that you can overcome the obstacles."

"You make it sound so easy." Raito glared at the older man apathetically. It would be impossible and even he couldn't achieve what was beyond logic. He'd known that even when he was playing 'God' for entertainment.

"Have you noticed how you're the only one left? Every one else gave up! You have been here for what now three-thousand years?"

"Two thousand five hundred sixty three years in counting."

"Right, well that's a real long time partner and you still haven't lost it. Nobody in this situation has ever made it, sorry bud but it's the truth." The man smiled weakly at Raito.

So this was his punishment for trying to be 'god of the new world'. He had always known that there would be something, some form of justice on God's behalf. But even with all his genius he had never believed in something after death, and now he was stuck.

"So I'm doomed then? No matter, your opinion's been flawed before. I will break this curse, just watch." If the man was offended he didn't show it.

The man grinned and gave a hearty chuckle at Raito's statement.

"That's what I like about you Raito! You never give up even when the rest of the world has! You know what; I think you might be somewhat optimistic." He laughed again.

Raito was immediately reminded of the arrogant fool he had once been, he had been called an optimist then too. So he still did have something in common with the arrogant brat…

"In my situation you have to be." responded Raito darkly, turning his head to glare at the empty bridge.

Earl took a can of beer from the cup holder and held it up to Raito. He motioned it off with disgust.

"Well I suppose that's all Earl, I'll see you in ten years. Next time will be it, you watch." He grabbed the door handle but stopped when he heard the driver stop him.

"No one I've ever seen has gotten this far, no body and I've seen a lot of people. I'm going to tell you something because I think even someone like you deserves to get to the tourist attraction they call heaven."

Raito let go of the handle and turned towards Earl with a vacant expression, hope was for those who still believed in miracles.

"I'm listening."

"The reason you're stuck here is not your bad deeds or whatever you think it is." Earl stated with authority that only a truck driving hick can muster.

"It's because the big man doesn't like you and you don't like him, part of the reason you picked up the damn notebook in the first place." Nothing he didn't know beforehand.

"Get to the point Earl."

"Anyways so he's given you an impossible task that you'll never succeed in no matter how hard you try."

"Obviously." Stated Raito sarcastically a little bored of being lectured by a truck driver.

"But there is a loop hole! If you can get someone from your past life time to recognize you and accept you for what you've become then poof you're good as gold!" Earl smiled at Raito.

"So basically someone has to fall in love with me despite the fact that I've been dead far longer than they've been living. Not only that but it has to be someone I knew. Impossible."

Earl racked his brains for anyone who would be a likely candidate, "What about that Mesa girl or whatever, she loved you didn't she?"

"Blind devotion isn't love; if it was I could just adopt a puppy." Earl sighed.

"Well I gave you another option; you'll need it before you know before you finally lose it. See you in a few years I suppose."

Earl gave a small wave then turned on some country tune. Raito jumped out of the car before it reached the chorus. Earl slowly drove out of sight and left him in the middle of the street staring at his one get away from the hell-hole people call Earth.

Slowly he walked towards the sidewalk and the house of his confinement dreading the next round of silence that awaited him. Love? Sounded too corny for the being that had condemned him to eternal solitude. Who would love him anyways, even he didn't love himself the way he used to.

"Why am I always surrounded by idiots?!" The air around him remained silent as always.

He sighed and dragged himself into the house.

Author's note: That probably made no sense right now but most of it get's explained later. I wrote half of this chapter while listening to Billy Joel's 'She's always a woman'.

Reviews are highly appreciated and needed.