Because it's easy to fall. To fall in love. For relationships to fall apart. Because it's difficult to get back up.

Falling (Part VI)

This way, I could finally leave the lie behind. This way, I could clear the weight off my shoulder. This way, maybe I could finally heal. Yet even so, it was so hard for the words to get out. Yet Ino didn't speak, still waiting for me to talk... and for a while we just stood there.

"I just thought I'd let you know that Naruto and I are no longer dating," I finally said, trying to speak as casually as I could, whilst maintaining eye contact with Ino. Because this was just meant to be general news, it wasn't meant to become a big deal.

Ino looked surprised. She wasn't happy, nor was she hopeful. I really couldn't hate this person.

I had to answer her question quickly. Hesitation would just make it worse.

"Eh? It doesn't really matter," I tried to brush it off softly.

"It does." Ino insisted. "You really liked him. I should speak with Nar-"

"No!" I cut her off, extending my hands as a sign to get her to stop.

She looked startled as I cut her off.

"No," I repeated, softer this time. "Really, it doesn't matter."

I turned away, breaking eye contact as the tears I tried so hard to hold back during our conversation began to fall.

"Wai-" Ino begun.

"Anyway, my bus is there. See you later Ino," I said, managing a half glance back at her, as I kept my head down so my fringe shielded my eyes.

It was better this way.

I didn't deserve happiness.

I was doing the right thing.

... but then why did it hurt so much? ...

I kept my head down in the bus, picking an empty seat near the front half of the bus - where there were less people. My bag was placed next to me, although it was not like anyone would sit there. The bus I caught had enough seats that no one had to double, unless they wanted to. For that I was grateful.

A person dropped into the seat next to me, almost on my bag, and I jumped in surprise, before I turned sharply to view the speaker. What was Sasuke doing here?

I suddenly became that I had been crying. I hated crying. They made my eyes red. They made my breathing difficult. I wiped at my cheeks. They were still wet. My hands dropped back to my lap, clenching automatically.

"Your knuckles are going white again," he commented in an off-handed way.

I loosened my grip so my knuckles weren't so prominent.

"I saw you speaking with Ino," he finally announced, so softly.

My breath caught in my throat but I remained quiet. I did not want to talk. I did not want to hear the sadness... the pathetic tone in my voice. I took a breath to make up for the one that caught. It was ragged. It hurt to breathe.

"I-I don't want to talk now," I said softly.

The rest of the journey continued in silence, the only movements were from when his hand stretched out to hold the rail in front in order to stay in place whenever the bus turned. It was finally my stop. Gratefully, I stood up, moving past Sasuke and to the front of the bus. To the exit. To escape.

I stepped off the bus and it was a moment before I heard the sound of the doors closing, and of the bus driving off.

"Can we talk now?" his voice came from behind me.

I spun around, so fast that my world spun for a moment. His arm came up to steady me. My eyes jerked up to lock on his. His dark eyes were so clear. So solid. Unlike the rest of my world that continued to spin. No, my world had always been spinning, ever since I had noticed the way Ino and Naruto looked at each other.

It spun due to the turmoil.

Spun because my world was broken.

Spun because I could not regain my balance.

Spun because I could not get back up.

Spun because no one steadied me.

But there was an arm gripping mine now. An arm rooting me back to the shattered pieces of my world. An arm that gently guided me to the seats at the bus stop.

"Okay," I whispered. I gripped his arm because if I feared that he would brush me away once I started talking. Once he started hearing about me. Once he found out how I really was. He would turn away in repulse.

The words tumbled out of me, like the water bursting from a dam, finally set free. With it came the water of tears. I told him about how I had told Ino the truth. I told him about the insecurities I had felt. I told him about the hesitation I had about breaking up with Naruto. I told him the true reason why I decided to break up.

It wasn't because I was selfless. I was not a selfless person. I only did that so that Naruto would not be the one to break up with me. I only did that so Ino would not end up disliking me. I only did it so that people would think of me as a kind person. I only did it because I told myself it seemed like the noble thing to do.

I continued to speak until I had nothing else to say. Everything was out now. It wasn't bottled up anymore. It took effort to release my grip of Sasuke. He would dislike me. Hate me even. He would find out how revolting my soul really was. He would think that I deserved what I got.

After all, that was what I thought of myself. I hated myself. I hated the jealous me. I hated the selfish me that tried to pretend to be selfless.

But I didn't want to be hated. He was going to hate me. Just like how everyone else was going to hate me if they really knew me. That thought just made the tears fall harder.

"It's okay," Sasuke finally said, as he stayed sitting beside me. "It's okay," he repeated.

And with those two words of understanding... of forgiveness, the weight on my shoulders lightened.

It wasn't as painful to breathe anymore.

... and finally the spinning stopped and I stood up again ...

"I'm alright now."

End Part Six

A/N (28/08/08): It's been a while since an update. This was typed up in a hurry. Haven't really checked through it. I'm surprised I manage to finish this chapter to be honest since I felt like I was over fanfiction. But from re-reading 'Confessions' which is an awesome story (It's in my favourite's list so I would suggest you read it), I had the urge to at least quickly finish off the rest of my stories.

Anyways the last italic bit... "I stood up again" refers to like... Up to now, Hinata had 'fell', not literally. But now she is finally starting the process of healing, or metaphorically speaking: 'standing up again'. Just to say, the story still has quite a bit of plot left (haha does my story even have any plot?) and well... I guess this chapter stands as a changing point. Hopefully I can write some more romance into it. And. I guess the pairing of this story must seem really un-obvious. I'm still vaguely .. over the fact that no one has added this to kamoku:ai haha.

Reviews are appreciated. Thanks.

-Demeterr