A/N: Once again, THANK YOU for reading and reviewing!

I'd like to point out that my storytelling often requires some reading between the lines. Quickly skimming through this story (especially the latest chapters) isn't going to open any doors of understanding. People always interpret things differently and I've purposely left some things open for these interpretations (probably causing some raised eyebrows), but my intension is to stay true to the complexity of the [human] mind. I hate black and white (i.e. good and evil), and try to find the grey zones...

Therefore, it's a complex (and difficult) task to write this particular story. There are no simple, straightforward answers.

Chapter Thirty-One

THE HEARING

He was back in the darkest corners of his mind, drowning in the onslaught of familiar visions. Fear – cold and merciless – gripped his heart and threatened to crush it.

He was back on the cold steel table in the Recon Centre. The mask was lowered to his face, but as it hissed shut, there was no oxygen.

Breathe...

You can breathe.

But then: Mustafar – unforgiving and relentless – was there as another cruel reminder. Padmé was begging him to stop, gasping for air as he slowly choked the life out of her…

NO, this was wrong. It had to be. He hadn't choked her… had he?

Breathe.

Breathe.

That memory isn't real...

But then rain was pouring down and he was standing in a field of debris and blood. Dead children were lying by his feet – empty eyes staring back at him...

NO, NO, NO!

He would never…

Palpatine's laughter sounded behind him – full of venom and contempt.

"You have failed, Lord Vader."

Lightning struck him again and again, and he was too weak to fight back.

He couldn't breathe.

The Emperor would win. Everyone would die because of him. He had failed.

NO. Just breathe...

He's gone. You killed him.

"Anakin?"

Her voice. Was it real?

His hands were released from their binds and slight pressure on his shoulders indicated that someone was trying to make him sit down.

A hand grabbed his flesh hand.

Breathe...

Slowly but surely the relentless drumming of his heart started to subside and air was flowing into his lungs again. Still, Anakin felt unable to do anything but concentrate on breathing.

He could feel Obi-Wan sending calming waves through the Force and this time he welcomed it. After what seemed like forever, he slowly opened his eyes and tried to focus on his surroundings.

"Anakin, can you hear me?" Obi-Wan's voice sounded beside him and he blinked.

"Yes." It was a whisper, but it was coherent enough for Obi-Wan to let out a relieved sigh.

"Good. Do you need something?"

"I'm fine."

Obi-Wan looked at the other Masters with a frown. "Perhaps we should cancel the hearing?"

Anakin reached out and grabbed Obi-Wan's arm. "No."

"Anakin…"

Raising his head, Anakin looked straight at his old Master. "I'll be fine... just give me a moment."

Obi-Wan just shook his head, which earned him an exasperated glare.

"It's none of your concern..."

"It is our concern, Skywalker." Mace Windu's voice said from the other side of the room. "Considering the circumstances, we could deem your resignation invalid."

Anakin shot him an angry glare. "Meaning?"

"That you're incapable of making such a decision right now."

Obi-Wan could feel the tension building in his old apprentice and quickly laid a hand on his shoulder. "Anakin, please… take our advice right now. You need rest."

"And a bunch of prescriptions you missed out on because you left Selonia." Padmé cut in with a sigh.

She sat beside her husband, unconcerned by the closeness neither of them had experienced in two decades. Anakin didn't seem to mind either, or then he was still too distressed to care.

Upon seeing Obi-Wan's worried look, Padmé continued. "He may need medication to prevent complications like infection and organ rejection, but the medics weren't sure because of his strong connection to the Force."

Anakin let out a soft chuckle while resting his head in his right hand. "He? I'm right here."

Padmé's grip on Anakin flesh hand tightened. "Still, his health should be frequently monitored… just in case."

Obi-Wan stood up and let out an exaggerated huff. "How long has it been? Over a month?"

"Fine." Anakin said with defeated finality. "My judgment is impaired. Happy? Good, let's get this thing over with."

Obi-Wan sighed, but he knew that it was pointless to argue with the man.

Begrudgingly, Anakin held out his wrists again but Obi-Wan made no move to put the force-binders back on. He simply glanced in Master Yoda's direction and, upon receiving an affirmative nod, clipped the binders to his belt instead.

Anakin frowned. "Really?"

Obi-Wan smiled ruefully. "Perhaps the alternative isn't such a good idea."

Anakin didn't argue with that. The Force was practically the only thing keeping him on his feet right now. And he had no intention to collapse in front of the entire Alliance leadership.

Anakin crossed his arms and turned to look at Master Yoda. "So, how much exactly do they know?"

-0-0-0-

As the rebels slowly filed into the room, Anakin impatiently waited for the proceedings to start.

This should be interesting...

When everyone had settled down and an apprehensive silence filled the room, Anakin stood up and walked to the centre, leisurely clasping his hands behind his back. His unchained state earned some questioning glances, but no objections were voiced.

Still, Anakin could practically feel the wary alertness among the rebels. Only Bail Organa and Mon Mothma seemed relatively at ease.

"Anakin Skywalker?" Mon Mothma began, locking eyes with the 'Hero With No Fear' for the first time in twenty-three years. "This council has been enlightened with some interesting news."

"So it seems." Anakin responded levelly.

"Are you aware of the nature of this information?"

He nodded.

"And you understand why you were called before this council?"

Another nod.

"Very well. Let's begin."

Anakin waited for a bombardment of questions, but no such bombardment came.

Perhaps they're afraid that I'll silence them…

"Why did you break out of the med-bay if you had no intension to leave?"

Surprised by the less than relevant question (considering the purpose of the hearing), Anakin slowly turned to look at his son. "I most certainly had the intention to leave, but I suppose you could say that I had a change of heart."

"Why?"

"My reasons are my own." He responded seemingly unmoved, but Obi-Wan saw the secret glance in Padmé's direction.

Anakin's eyes then came to rest on his daughter and three seconds later he regretted it, for it was her voice that asked the next question – the one he had dreaded most.

"Could you have stopped it?"

Some members of the council gave each other questioning glances, but Anakin knew exactly what Leia meant.

Alderaan.

Anakin cursed in his mind. How could he answer that question truthfully? Tarkin had been the one man (aside from the Emperor himself) he couldn't touch, and it had angered him for years, knowing that he couldn't give the damn Grand Moff a direct order.

Still, technically, he could have removed Tarkin from the equation and stopped the destruction of Alderaan.

After what seemed like eternity, Anakin finally found his voice. "Perhaps."

As the silence stretched, Anakin tore his gaze away from Leia. How could he look at his daughter, knowing that he had held her back when her home planet had been destroyed?

On the other side of the room, Obi-Wan frowned. He remembered it all too well. The Millennium Falcon had been on its way to Alderaan and Obi-Wan had felt the massive disturbance in the Force when the entire planet had ceased to exist.

"Was it in your power to undo Tarkin's orders?"

Until Anakin's blue eyes penetrated his, Obi-Wan didn't realise that he had asked the question out loud.

To Obi-Wan's surprise, however, Anakin snorted. "Depends on what you mean by power. I most certainly could have choked the living daylight out of him, but I had no authority over Tarkin. He was following the Emperor's orders… and I wasn't aware of his intensions until we set course for Alderaan. And even then I didn't think he would be bold enough to blow up a core world."

"I thought you'd be." Leia said quietly, though loud enough to be heard.

Her words froze Anakin's heart, but as he met her gaze there was no contempt in her eyes. Just simple truth. She had believed him capable of such ruthlessness.

"I imagine you did." Was his simple response before Admiral Ackbar broke the tension between them.

"What about the battles of Yavin, Hoth and Endor? Were you following orders or giving them?"

Anakin cocked an eyebrow as he stared down at the Mon Calamari. "I don't simply give orders. I execute them."

Obi-Wan grunted a silent agreement.

"I was given orders to gather the Imperial fleet under my command. But in the end, I gave the orders…"

"And your invasion of Bespin?" Lando asked coolly. He still wasn't sure if he liked the guy or not.

Anakin's eyes narrowed. "That was hardly an invasion, Calrissian… but no, I had no orders to invade your mining business. I was there for the Millennium Falcon… and my son."

"What about the Jedi?" Bail cut in before Lando (or Han) could press the matter concerning Bespin.

"What of the Jedi?" Anakin asked with a frown, taken slightly off guard by the sudden change of subject.

"The purges. The attack on the Temple… all of it."

Anakin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This was it. The part that not even Windu and Yoda knew of. The part that made him sick every time he thought about it.

"Yes, as you know, my orders were to hunt down every surviving Jedi and kill them."

He glanced in Obi-Wan's direction, but to his surprise Obi-Wan didn't seem bothered by the coming revelation – as if he already guessed what the answer would be.

"It's been more than two decades since Palpatine declared himself Emperor. Up until the Rebel Alliance started becoming a threat, my sole purpose was to execute remaining Jedi… so of course I've got blood on my hands. Jedi blood."

At the last words, Anakin gave the Jedi Masters a pointed look.

"I tried to avoid confrontation when I could, but upon seeing a Sith Lord, some foolishly decided to be the hero... and lost. And like I said, it's been many years."

Luke carefully voiced the question on everyone's mind. "How many Jedi have fallen by your hand?"

"Many enough." Anakin said with regret. "Three at the Temple attack… and about a dozen over the years."

Sensing the horrified reactions in the room, Obi-Wan tried a different approach, trusting his instincts. "How about the amount of Jedi you encountered, but didn't kill?"

Anakin slowly looked up to meet his gaze. "I fail to see how that is relevant."

"How many?" Obi-Wan insisted.

"I don't know."

"Take a guess."

Annoyed by Obi-Wan persistence, Anakin sighed. "Half a hundred."

"Thank you."

"Your point is duly noted, Master Kenobi." Mon Mothma stated.

Anakin just stared at Obi-Wan with his jaw clenched, forgetting for a moment that he was in a room with a dozen people who either feared or hated him – or both.

"Don't paint me as a saint all of a sudden. Those deaths weren't just misfortunate, caused by hopeless circumstances. Some of those deaths were conscious choices… driven by the power of the dark side. Do you really think I never lost control?"

As Anakin spoke – anger slowly seeping into his voice – Obi-Wan could feel the power of the dark side grow in the room. None of the rebels sensed it, but Luke watched his father with concern and Leia was frowning (as if she sensed something but couldn't quite place it).

"Many Jedi have fallen because I have let the dark side take control. Sure, I've regretted those moments. I'll always regret them, but using the dark side doesn't come with a bloody switch."

"Yes… I can see that." Obi-Wan finally said, taking the given cue.

Anakin opened his mouth to give a retort, then stopped when he realised what Obi-Wan was talking about.

Shit.

When the dark cloud vanished, the six Jedi relaxed and Obi-Wan dared to speak again.

"Despite these realities, the fact still remains: you didn't let the dark side completely consume you."

"You can't simply wipe away two decades of... that!" Anakin responded quietly, shaken by the unconscious touch with the dark side.

"No." Mon Mothma cut in, forcing Anakin to focus on the present. "And that's exactly our problem. We can't wipe away all that has been done in the past... but condemning you for the crimes of Darth Vader wouldn't be fair either. And I believe the present members of the Jedi Order agree with me."

Surprised by the Chief of State's reluctance to see him as a war criminal, Anakin looked at her with a quizzical expression. "Then what do you want from me?"

And unbeknownst to himself, all previous coldness and bitterness disappeared from his tone, earning him more than a few surprised glances in return.

If Mon Mothma, however, was surprised by the straightforward question, she didn't show it. "Well, we need an official declaration of your defection…"

"Fair enough." Anakin stated without delay. "You have my word. I have no allegiance to the remaining Imperials. But, I'll be honest with you and say that I am reluctant to pledge the Alliance my services…"

"Why?" It was Leia who voiced the simple question – but to Anakin's surprise it held neither judgment nor accusation.

Anakin met his daughter's gaze. "I may owe the Rebel Alliance a favour or two… but that's not why I'm still here."

It took a moment for his words to sink in. When Leia finally understood their meaning, Anakin had already turned away.

The Chief of State studied the fallen Jedi in front of her, trying to understand the man behind the mask – the man who could bring the remnants of the Imperial fleet down in one sweep, or smudge the Alliance's reputation for good if he lost his way.

"Your knowledge and experience would be valuable to us." She finally said, eyeing the others to see their reaction.

No one objected. They all understood – even when they hated to admit it – that Anakin Skywalker was an asset they couldn't afford to lose.

"We could use your help. And to be honest, we can't just…"

"… Let me walk out of here." Anakin finished with a sigh. "I know. I wouldn't either if I were in your position."

"So you are willing to cooperate?"

"Yes. But the question remains: would you trust me?"

"Would we have reason not to?"

Anakin's lips slowly turned into an amused smile. "I suppose not."

"So?"

"You have my cooperation." Anakin said with a nod.

Mon Mothma took a deep breath and slowly let it out. She didn't even bother hiding her relief. "If there are no more questions then…"

"Wait." Leia cut in, even though she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear the answer. "I have one more question."

Anakin held his breath, waiting for another bomb.

"When you said that you regretted some of the things you had to do, you had something else on your mind as well, didn't you?"

Anakin frowned. "Why do you think that?"

Leia hesitated – not sure if she could trust her instincts. "I… sensed it. When you didn't answer the first question."

Anakin was silent for a long while before relenting. "Yes… there is something else."

"Your reason for staying?" Leia continued, surprised by the fact that her anger had slowly crumbled – bit by bit – during the meeting.

The hatred had been gone the moment she had learned the truth, but the anguish, disappointment and sense of betrayal had still been there…

Until she had sensed that flicker of a thought that Anakin hadn't voiced.

He was still looking at her, amazed by her perception. "It may seem trivial in comparison to everything else, but it's the thing I regret most."

Now Luke had perked in his seat as well.

"And that's losing the chance to be a father to you and your brother… and being apart from your mother. It's the one thing that has haunted me more than anything else."

Anakin paused, giving Leia a chance to speak and himself the chance to collect his thoughts. But Leia didn't speak and for a moment Anakin feared that his confession had made things worse.

"That's why I didn't leave… even though part of me was afraid of staying." At the last words he looked straight at Padmé. "Still is afraid of staying. It may already be too late, but if I throw this second chance away, I'll regret it for the rest of my life."

Padmé blinked away the single tear that had formed in her eye. It was a long time since she had heard Anakin speak anything but orders or cold facts.

On the opposite side, Luke and Leia couldn't take their eyes off their father. When he turned to look in their direction, Luke's face lit up in a grin and slowly but surely, Leia's lips stretched into a rare smile.

"Thank you. I have no more questions."

Speaking softly, Mon Mothma called the hearing to an end – declaring the case temporarily resolved (in confidence that Anakin Skywalker posed no threat to the Alliance) until an official course of action would be decided.

Whether or not there would be an actual trial, would still remain to be seen.

One by one the Jedi and the rebels vacated the room, leaving the four Skywalkers alone at last.