It's been a year.
A long one at that.
How it came about was a complete shock to me. You were so perfect and at peace with the world before that day – that mild Valentines Day. I believe you referred to it as "Single's Awareness Day" or something completely resigned like that. For some reason, when I handed you that simple card, your face brightened and you allowed me into your life. More than when we were simply Destined, more than when we were friends. You allowed me into your dreams, your thoughts and your wishes.
Why did you let me plague you like that? When you called me crying because of the fight with your family, I knew it was about me – about the fact that they didn't believe that I was good for you. It was different when they saw me as Ken Ichijouji, boy genius, star prodigy. By then, they knew me well as Ken Ichijouji, Digimon Emperor, slayer of innocent Digimon. You knew there was more to the situation than that, and screaming the reasons why tore you apart. I didn't want you to fight for me – it should be me fighting to be with you. It should be me who has to fight the odds to be with someone to clean, so pure that I break down and cry, begging for you to never think about leaving. Yet there I was, putting you against your parents.
What we didn't know was that was the beginning. You were so jealous of my "fangirls" – was that was you started calling them? I think you changed it to my "whores" when you reached your breaking point. It was hard watching you resist tearing at their throats, mumbling profanity under your breath and wishing bad things upon every girl who asked me for a signature or simply approached me. The woman you were then wasn't the true you – I am terribly sorry for having you go through that. You deserve so much more than that nonsense. But what could I do about it? They adored me because I was the emperor. They adored me because of the ugly in me. There was a simple respect I had for them, but then again, I pitied them. If they only knew what everything was really like, what it felt like to take the lives of so many innocent lives. They would most likely run away from me if they knew. If only they knew me the way you did.
Who brought it up first? I think it was you, but I've been afraid to tell you that. I think you were mad at me for not calling you and you made a remark, saying something completely absurd. I can't even remember what it was, but I'm sure you will remind me someday. I got mad and told you to calm the fuck down. Those were my exact words, "calm the fuck down." I swear, as soon as I said them, I wanted to take them back, but that was impossible. You had grabbed hold of them, inspected them, and then began to throw them back at me. I couldn't even shield myself from the onslaught of profanity, yelling, and words of hatred. All of it was directed at me, how I didn't care about you, how you were tired of my bullshit. I did nothing but what you wanted, I bent backwards so I didn't step on your delicate toes. If you were to leave me – all light would leave with you. Yet there I was, yelling back at you, mentioning how I guess you would have been better off without me, then.
When I turned to leave, you grabbed onto my hand. I wanted to be alone, I wanted to yell and tear things apart to rid me of this frustration that built up in my throat. I started too soon, and I turned around, my face red and I told you to let me go.
And you did.
That was my Valentines Day gift to you. Hopefully you can use it for all it's worth and get what you truly deserve.
So, it's been a while since I've posted. haha. I hope you liked this. It kinda just came to me. This version is very rough, so if you have any suggestions, send them!