The original characters of Bend it Like Beckham do not belong to me. They belong to Gurinda Chadha and Fox and all that. Enjoy. This is my first attempt at something other than Firefly so please, be gentle. This has been beta'd by Ereshkigalgirl. Many thanks to her; she's been busy and she had time for me.

I made it through University. I made it through homesickness, lack of good Indian food, late night study sessions, and college "soccer." What didn't make it through Santa Clara University? Jess and Joe. I know I was madly in love with him. I know he felt the same about me. But, it just didn't work. I went to parties and he got jealous. He went clubbing with his newly championed team and I got a bit jealous. Okay, a lot jealous.

It was a long four years at school 4000 miles away. We lasted three semesters. By the time I got home for Christmas during sophomore year we fought too much. So I went back to school without a boyfriend.

Today I graduated. My parents are helping me pack up my room so we can get on a plane and go home. I've cleaned out the mini fridge, checked the closet for stray shoes, I've finished going through my desk. The single bed has been stripped of its linens and mum is sweeping the last bit of dust off the floor into a dustpan. But there's a box of dishes, cleaning supplies, and odds and ends that I need to get rid of.

The envelope in my hand is the problem. It's an offer from the Hounslow Harriers Professional Football team. An offer with a lot of money attached.

He might not even be the coach anymore…oh who am I kidding? I know he is. My address is handwritten in his handwriting. He signed the offer. I'm sure he's just doing what's best for his team by making me an offer. Joe's not harboring any left over feelings. Surely. I saw him at Christmas in a pub with Jules. He was with Jules, but its fine. She came back and resumed her hectic dating schedule. College boys were good to her.

I dated a bit, had some fun. But, I didn't have much time for it. Jules didn't need to study; she excelled in school without much of that. I've always had to work hard for my grades, so when I wasn't practicing with the team, I was in the library revising.

Of course, what boy can measure up when your first boyfriend feels like your soul mate? None of them could hold a candle to Joe. I gave up trying after a while.

"Jessie," my father broke into my thoughts. "How could you accumulate all these things?"

"Dad I've been in this room for a year," it had been my first and only year without a roommate. "I needed stuff. I'm donating most of it to the student center. Don't worry I won't take the broom on the airplane."

"Ba ba we are almost finished," my mother chided. "We have to be at the air port in two hours. Go put these things in the car," she pointed to my bags. "I'll walk with Jessie down to the student center, come on dear."

I rolled the envelope in my hands. "What's that dear?"

"Just some mail," I told her and tossed it in my backpack.

I'll deal with it later.

"Jess!" Pinky hugged me "I missed you! I'm so glad you're home. Good flight, yeah?"

"Yeah, Teet gettin' the car?" I asked.

"Nah, he's home with the boys," she said. "I parked over there. Dad, you got the bags?"

"Yes butai, let's get going."

Unpacking my bags at home was easy, but a little weird. I was glad to be home, but I still hadn't decided what to do with my life. So filling my closet had a sense of foreboding. If you're Indian, you're expected to live with your parents until your married. Pinky had done it, but I'd spent the last four years living in dorm rooms, not with parents. This was going to be an experience.

Of course, I needed to decide on my career as well. I had completed the pre-law program at uni, but I didn't want to be a solicitor. I wanted to play football.

The league in America had been disbanded a year after I got to America. No one supported women's football in America anymore. There were a few teams in Europe, but none of them had any idea who I was. Except one, the one I didn't want to call.

I could go and check it out, ask around, see who was still on the team. Maybe Mel was still the captain. Sally and Mackenzie might still play for the Harriers. I might still have friends there.

I grabbed my back pack to pull out the envelope when Pinky walked in. "Livin' back in mum and dad's house is a bit weird innit?" she asked.

"Yeah," I put my bag down and smiled at her. "You survived, I guess I can."

"Won't be long 'fore you start sneakin' off to see boys," she winked at me. "Few new families moved in since you've been gone. Some really nice guys, Teet just hired a guy named-"

"Pinks!" I interrupted. "I've been home an hour, I'm impressed at your restraint, I really thought you'd mention something on the drive home."

She giggled then took on a more serious look, "You've had your fun at university, playing football, now it's time to settle down, innit? What d'you plan on doing anyway? Got any jobs lined up?"

"No," I huffed. "Well, maybe, I just gotta sort it out."

"What d'you mean?"

I reached into my bag, pulled out the envelope and handed it to her.

"What's this?"

"The job I can't decide if I'm going to take."

"It's from that football team your goreh ex coaches for," she noted.

"Yeah," I blew out a breath. "That's why I can't decide if I'm gonna take it. We didn't exactly part happily. It'll be pretty awkward."

"I had no idea you could make this much money playing football," she exclaimed. "That's almost as much as Teetu makes!"

"So you think I should take it?" I bit my lip turning it over in my mind. It would be nice to have Pinky make the decision for me.

"I don't know," her brow furrowed in thought. "It's a lot of money, but can you work with Joe?"

I rolled my head from side to side and held my hands over my face. "I don't know."

Dinner that night went just like my conversation with Pinky. My mum begged me to learn to sew and go out with one of her friend's son's. Father just smiled and nodded with my mother when she talked about how I should help her cook and clean until I got a job.

That kind of talk made me bring up the football offer from Joe.

"I thought you were done with all this childish football," my mother scolded. "You need to spend time making yourself ready to be a good wife like your sister."

I was shocked when Pinky stood up for me, "Mum, it's a good offer, she can make a good amount of money. Traveling could be good as well, she might meet more Indian boys that way." My mother pursed her lips but listened to Pinky. "This lot isn't really good enough for Jess anyway." Mum tilted her head in narrowed her eyes.

"That's true," she conceded. "There are not many who are as educated as she is, they are working toward it, but she's ahead of them. They might think she's too smart."

After dinner my father pulled me aside and spoke in hushed tones so that my mother in kitchen couldn't hear him, "Joe is still the coach. Did you know that? I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"I know. He's the one that sent the offer," I whispered. "I'm not sure about it just yet. I don't know if I can work with him."

"I know you didn't part on the best of terms with him," my father told me. "But, he's still very polite. Sometimes, when I really missed you, I'd go down to the pitch and watch them practice. He always allowed it, even though I think it made him uncomfortable."

"He always was scared of you," I said with a smile. "I think I'll head down there tomorrow, check it out, see who I know on the team."

"Alright," my father hugged me to him. "It's so good to have you home, but I'll still worry about you. You are a brilliant footballer and if this is what you want, I think you should try to work with him."

As I was encircled by my father's loving arms I sighed and relished in the fact that I was home. A new portion of my life was starting and it was probably going to start with a difficult conversation at a pitch I used to love.

I had a hard time sleeping that night. I was still jet lagged, but that isn't why I couldn't sleep. Joe's piercing eyes had a way of getting into my mind. When I slept I dreamt of him.

"You've gotten to be a sissy living in California," he hollered at me from across the pitch. "Out of breath already? It's not even that cold!"

He came running at me and tried to take the ball from me, but my feet were faster and I knew which knee was bad. I used it to my advantage and dribbled past him, kicking the ball straight into the net.

Suddenly I was lifted into the air by my legs, my body thrown over his shoulder. "No victory dance for you," he yelled.

"Put me down!" I screamed. He threw me onto the cold pitch and I thudded on the ground. "Cor, that hurt. I think you've bruised my arse."

"Shall I kiss it better for you?" he winked as he stood over me.

"No!" I pulled him down next to me. "But you may kiss my cheek," I smiled innocently and offered him my cheek. He pulled me onto his lap and squeezed my bum.

"How 'bout these cheeks?"

I smacked him playfully on the chest and rolled my eyes. He pulled me closer to him and kissed me. At first it was soft and sweet; then it was so heated I forgot to breathe. I pulled away huffing. He smiled and then he was gone and I was sitting on an empty pitch.

The lights turned hot and a crowd appeared and I had no boots on, no shin guards, and no kit. People started booing.

"Jessminder!" my mother scolded me in Punjabi and then continued in English, "It's past ten, you are going to sleep the day away."

On the way to the pitch I stopped at Tony's. His mother had died while I'd been at school, so he was on his own now. I was curious to see if he'd changed his mother's house to reflect a gay man's lifestyle. He hadn't.

The same gaudy wall paper and furnishings my parents had, he still kept.

"What're you up to today?" he asked enthusiastically.

"I'm heading down to the pitch," he sucked in air. I'd told Tony about the offer as soon as I'd gotten it. He'd already expressed his concerns about me working with Joe again. "I know, I know, but I think the money is worth it."

"It's a lot of money," Tony conceded. "And you'd be playing football. I wish I had a team courting me. Instead, it's off to Heathrow for me."

"Right, well," I nodded. "Guess I'll let you get to work and I'll continue on with my unemployed self. Walk the streets, be useless to society."

"You could be at home learning to mend clothes," he teased. "I know your mum's dying to teach you. C'mon, I'll drive you to the pitch."

"Have you thought about him a lot?" Tony prodded once we were in the car. "I mean, have you been remembering him?"

"Want to know if I've been regretting my decision to ditch him?" I asked.

"Yeah, he's good looking, he liked your family, didn't mind that you played football, didn't mind you were Indian. I can think of a lot of reasons you would regret it. I would regret the decision."

"Then you date him," I shot back.

"I would," he laughed. "But he isn't my type."

Walking towards the pitch, my stomach started to tie in knots. Part of my stomach rolled at seeing Joe, the other part gnawed for the thrill of the game, the friendships and the joys of first learning that I could really play.

The first summer I'd been back from school I practiced with the team. Who doesn't want to spend extra time with their boyfriend and play the game they love? It was fun to be back with the girls, as well. And I was in the best shape when I got back to school in the fall.

Joe had gotten special permission for me to play from the club owners. They didn't seem to mind that he and I had a relationship, but the summer tournament we'd won the year before was cancelled in favor of a men's tournament.

Since our breakup I avoided the pitch. It was my decision to end the relationship, but I still loved him. I was afraid I still loved him now. His offer was driving me mad, but my father was right. I shouldn't let him stand in the way of my football dreams. I could do this. I was an adult. I had a college degree. I'd played football at a college level. I dated a few boys since he and I broke up. I could do this.

Before I went any closer to the pitch, I pulled my hair out of the plait it was in. Running my fingers through my hair to style it, I began to stretch as I would if I were warming up for a game: pulling my foot up behind me, pulling one arm across my chest, stretching both arms back and forth. I'm sure I looked silly, but I wanted to be ready for anything. I pulled out the cell phone my mum had lent me and checked my teeth in the mirror on the front. When did I become such a girl?

I passed the women's locker room as I walked. I thought about going in, but I didn't feel like I belonged there, not yet.

Once inside, I found a spot in the bleachers and tried to lay low. I watched the girls practicing and I recognized a few faces, but there were mostly new faces. And new coaches. I noticed two old men in polo shirts directing the practice. That made me leery. Dad said Joe was still coaching and he signed the offer the Harriers had sent to me.

Frantically I scanned the pitch; I should be thrilled that he wasn't there. But, part of me wanted to take the job just to be near him. It was the first time I admitted it to myself, but it was true all along. Also, I didn't need him sneaking up on me, spying. I needed to see him coming.

No matter how many times I looked, he was not on the pitch. Glancing at the stairs that led to the bar, I saw him. He wore the white shirt typical to his working in the bar, not to practice. Being head coach of a professional team had changed his wardrobe, I supposed. He loomed over a folder, maybe it was a playbook. It had to be, his brow was furrowed and he bit his lip, he was concentrating. His head started to turn, whether it was in my direction or another, I didn't know, but I turned my head back to the pitch quickly. I didn't want to be caught staring.

Focusing my attention back on the practice, I slumped further down in my seat. Out of my peripheral vision I saw him glance toward me. Please, don't see me. I chanted in my head. Chanting wouldn't make it true. I noticed him tense and stay turned toward me. Damn, he'd seen me and now he was doing the same thing I'd done minutes before. I knew his eyes were examining me. Seeing how I'd changed since he'd seen me last.

He could make me turn to mush with those looks. I didn't want to be mush today. I wanted to be a world class, university educated footballer. I wanted to impress the team and him. But none of that would happen if he kept staring and I continued turning to overcooked aloo gobee.

The team broke off into a scrimmage and I continued to keep my eyes on the pitch. Joe didn't need to know I noticed him. Play it cool, I could do that. Watching the girl's play actually did distract me. I started to get excited and even cheered a bit. I noticed some of the girl's making mistakes, but on the whole, this team was pretty good.

So entranced was I by the score, I forgot about Joe. That is, until he sat down next to me. He was careful not to touch me. It was very much like the first time we sat and talked in the bleachers. Trading scar stories and getting to know each other seemed eons ago. And it was. Four years was a long time.

"Number twelve is your show off, yeah?" I had to break the uncomfortable silence, best to do it with football and not, "You're turning me to mush."

"Yeah, she's a bit of a ball hog," he agreed professionally. "If I can't break her of it, I'll have to get rid of her."

"Mel could break her of it," I offered, finally looking at him. "Where is she?"

"She had a baby last week," he turned and gave me a half smile. This might be as hard for him as it was for me. "She was out all last season and I'm not sure she's coming back after her maternity leave."

"I hadn't heard," I looked back to the pitch, embarrassed I didn't know what was going on with people who were once my friends. "Did she have a boy or a girl?" It was a dumb question, but I didn't know what else to say.

"I dunno," Joe chuckled. "They all look like potatoes to me. Except maybe your sister's son, he looked like a boy." We both tensed. He'd gotten too comfortable talking to me and now we had to acknowledge our past.

Trying to laugh it off, I continued, "It was all that hair, I think he had more hair than you."

"How are Pinky and the rest of your family?" he slipped back into being polite and professional.

"Fine," I answered quickly. "Your dad?"

"Fine."

We let the thick silence surround us for a few minutes. It never got any easier. So I was surprised when Joe spoke, "I'll understand if you don't take the offer." He lowered his head as if I'd already declined.

"My father told me I shouldn't let my relationship with you stand in the way of my desire to live my life," I said, looking anywhere but his face. "The life I want, with the profession I want."

"I'd hoped to attach enough money, making it an easy decision for you," he told me, still looking at the ground. "This team needs a leader and I think you'd be best for it. I tried to get Jules as well, but I guess South America is more exotic than Hounslow."

"Paolo is more exotic than the boys here," I smiled. "He's the flavor of the week and it just so happened that his father was a scout for the women's team in Brazil."

"Should've known," Joe looked at me and smiled, a genuine one this time. I smiled back wider. "College life suited her then? Boys and all?"

"Yeah, she enjoyed it. She liked that most of the guys respected her for playing, instead of being prats about it."

"And you?" his smile faded away as he asked.

"Nothing serious," I said. "I was too busy studying; my parents would've hauled me home if I'd gotten poor marks."

"Yeah, I haven't really had time for that kinda stuff," he replied quickly. "Me schedule's been full with the team and all."

"Right," I tried not to smile. "How's it been going anyhow? The team, I mean, what am I getting myself into?"

"You're right about Liz," he leaned back and put his feet up on the chair in front of him. "She's one for showin' off, doesn't like to share the ball. But she could be good, just got to take care of her ego problem. Sally's been trying to fill in as the captain, but you remember her, she doesn't have the face for it. She just can't be mean. Lilah and Trina are a team that reminds me of you and Jules," he pointed to a stout red headed girl and a tall blonde. "They came as a pair, right outta school. Sometimes it's hard to get them to concentrate on practice and not boys or clothes or whatever it is you girls talk about."

I smacked his arm and shook my head, "What do boys talk about?"

"Liquor and sport," he laughed.

"And loose women," I finished for him. It was an old joke we'd had. Whenever he'd get sick of the 'girl talk' that Jules and I might partake in. He'd tell us men only talked of important things: liquor, sport, and loose women.

Without thinking I told him I'd be back tomorrow for practice. I surprised myself and him as well. "We can do this, we're adults and we can be friends and work together, its fine. I can do it if you can," I explained.

"Of course I can do it," he boasted. "I wouldn't have made the offer otherwise. I'll see you tomorrow at nine. Don't be late. I'll have you sign the papers in the office and then you can suit up with the team at ten. Give my best to your father, I've got to go do some real work," he winked and took off toward the pitch.

I sat in the bleachers frozen. My pulse quickened and my hands sweat and I had the dumbest smile on my face. Watching him walk away I realized this wasn't going to be easy. I still loved him. My gosh, what was I thinking? Now I was really in it.