Chapter 1
"Roy," The small male voice said from across Mustangs office. Mustang looked up from his paper work not believing his ears
"Ed…Edward?" Roy asked quietly and shaking his head.
The blond man standing in the doorway of Roy's office smiled, "Of course." Ed walked forward closing the door as he did.
"It's been so long." Roy said turning his swiveling chair.
Ed then straddled Roy's lap, "Too long, Roy. Too long." Ed whispered into Roy's ear, his lips brushing against his ear. Then their lips crushed against each other.
Roy's hands rested on Ed's hips, feeling the passion burning though his body Roy lifted Ed up and laid him on top of his desk.
Pulling off Ed's shirt then pinning Ed's hands above Ed's head Roy kissed Ed then nipped and bite a trail down Ed's neck.
Suddenly Roy's hand felt wet. Roy broke the contact of his lips against Ed's skin. Edward looked you questioningly, "Why'd you stop?"
Roy let go of Ed's wrist and turned his hand over, palm up. His hand was coated in blood.
"Don't worry about it. It will stop soon. Everything will." Ed said sitting up.
"You will die before it stops!" Roy stressed grabbing Ed's shirt and reached for Ed's hand.
"Don't!" Ed yelled out, startling Roy.
Ed wrapped his arms around Roy's neck. Roy gasped and cringed when he felt the warm blood soak through his military jacket and undershirt, then roll down his back.
"I want this." Ed said.
"No you don't Edward." Said.
"Don't tell me what I want!" Ed snapped, then with amazing speed his took Roy's gun out of the holster on his belt. "It's better for both of us! It really is." Ed said cocking the gun.
"Edward, don't please." Roy said lightly and feeling tears sting his eyes and his stomach churned as nausea set in.
With a smile Ed closed his eyes and held the pistol to his temple.
The room suddenly filled with echoes of Roy's scream and a gunshot.
Roy sat straight up in his bed. A cold sweat over his body, breathing in uneven heavy puffs. Roy felt nausea washed over him as he rushed to the bathroom. After emptying the contents of his stomach Roy sat on the floor leaning against the wall letting his tears lull him to sleep.
The phone ringing woke Roy up. Groaning and slowly standing Roy made his way to the front room to answer it.
"Hello," Roy's voice was raspy from vomiting and sleep.
"Roy? It's Jean. I was just calling to wake you up." Havoc said on the other line.
"Thanks, Jean." Roy said hanging up the phone then heading to the shower.
Jean hung up the phone and turned to Riza. "He sounded horrible." Jean said looking at the floor.
"He probably threw up again." Riza replied as she put her military jacket on.
"The stress of this is still doing that to him?" Jean asked.
"Yes sadly. It's been a year since Ed left, but he has these horrible nightmares." Riza said.
"Can't he get a stronger sleeping pill?" Havoc asked hopefully.
"He has the strongest they make." She said her voice low.
"Oh. I just wish Ed would come back to him."
"We all do. I just hope Roy won't be angry with him." Riza said picking up her paperwork and other things for work.
"He won't be. I now he wouldn't." Jean said kissing Riza before they walked to the car.
Roy was in his normal quiet daze as he did his work.
"Roy?" Riza asked.
"Yes?" Roy asked looking up at her.
"It's time for lunch. You want some?" She asked.
"No thanks." Roy said putting his paper work away as an idea hit him, and he pulled out Ed's old journal.
Riza gave Roy a look of concern and walked toward him, "Roy, me and Jean are here for you 24-7 our door, phone, and arms are always open for you. We love you." She said rubbing his shoulder.
Roy looked up at her his eyes baggy and a little blood shot, his skin-stayed pale his hair clean but yet had a messy look to it. "I know, and I love you guys too. I'm fine." Roy said.
Riza shook her head slightly before hugging Roy. "You should eat Roy."
"I will later ok? I promise." Roy said quickly pating her back.
"Ok" she kissed his forehead before walking out of the room.
Roy sighed and started writing in the journal. He had wrote a few things in that book, song lyrics, poems, whatever popped in his head.
Riza, Jean, and Roy sat in the office after lunch the other called out for various reason when there was a knock on the door.
"Yes?" Roy said.
A woman walked in, Roy recognized her from the library, "This came in the mail for you sir." She said handing Roy an envelope.
"Thank you." He said taking it and she walked out.
The envelope only had Centrals address and Roy's name on the front; no return address.
Roy was expecting it to be a military paper of some sort.
But what he pulled out of the envelope confused him; normal paper with scratchy handwriting that he recognized immediately.
Roy,
I shouldn't be doing this but, I'm still alive.
I love you so much still. I hope you find this as a comfort or something, hell Roy I don't know why I'm writing this. I don't know what to write. I hope your happy. I read this a few weeks ago and it's haunting my head.
Oh I had a lot to say was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren't the same
Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me want to die
I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry I'm blue, I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all you're sounds, and baby the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry:
This time I think I'm to blame it's harder to get through the days
You get older and blame turns to shame
Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me want to die
I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry I'm blue, I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all you're sounds, and baby the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry
Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried it's never too late to make it right
Oh yeah sorry!
I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry I'm blue, I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all you're sounds, and baby the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry
Roy I read that the other day and I agree with it!
I hope you are ok. I'll never stop loving you!
Edward
Oct. 3
P.S. Believe this I wrote this as a comfort for both us and with my luck it'll hurt us more than comfort.
Roy dropped the paper and looked at the calendar on his desk. November 30th.
Roy put his head in his hands. Stifling sobs that wanted to break his walls.
Riza looked up at Roy's trembling shoulders. And she jumped up and ran over to him. She grabbed his wrists gently and pulled his hand away from his face then placed a hand on his face. "Roy…" Riza said sadly.
Jean hurried over to Roy and ran a hand through Roy's hair. "Hey, it's ok." Jean said hoping it was ok for him to say.
Roy wasn't hearing them he was barely feeling them; his emotions were so mixed. He just needed to see Edward so bad.
Roy looked up at Jean, "I need to go home."
Jean nodded, "We'll get you there."
They walked Roy to his car. Riza drove her and Jean's car behind Jean and Roy.
Jean was driving and Roy was staring blankly out the window his jaw trembling and the letter clenched tightly in his hand and the journal on his lap and playing with Edward's hair tie in the other hand.
Jean reached out and gripped Roy's shoulder in a comforting form, "I'm here for you remember that." Jean said pulling into Roy's driveway.
"I know." Roy said getting out of the car, Jean right behind him.
Roy walked into his house and laid face down on the couch. Jean kneeled down on the floor next to him placing a hand on his back. "Roy, let me see that letter." Roy just dropped it to the floor. Jean read it over, tears filling his own eyes at that. He couldn't even image if this was him and Riza.
Riza was standing back watching her husband comfort her close friend. When she saw the look Jean got on his face when he read the letter; it worried her.
Jean handed it to her then rubbed Roy's back and kissed his head, "We'll get you through this." Jean said. 'I hope. Edward get your ass back here.' Jean thought.
Roy sat up and looked at Jean, "I can't stand this anymore!" Roy bowed his head and brought his hands to his face and let all his walls fall and burn.
"Damn it I fucking hate winter! I hate December. And it's only the first." Ed yelled out in the empty street pulling his jacket closer.
"Damn it" Ed whispered and walked down another alley and looking around. 'Where am I?' he thought.
The alley looked familiar, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Ed walked to the back of the alley where it came to a dead end then turned around. 'Fuck me. Damn it, I'm cold, hungry, sore, need more cloths, lonely…' Ed's thoughts stopped. "Roy…"
The silver chain Roy gave Ed was still around his neck, and there it will always stay.
"Hope he is ok." Ed said his voice cracking. "He is ok, he is." Ed said.
"It's been over a year now. Damn it!" Ed lashed out turning and punching the brick wall and falling to his knees. Feeling his broken heart's broken peaces break over and over again.
"Hey Bitch!" A rough voice yelled. Ed looked up wipe his eyes and put a glare on his face. It was dark but he could still see the five guys standing in the alleyway.
"What the hell? I thought I told you to fuck off yesterday!" Ed yelled.
"You're on the wrong side of Central now pal!" one yelled.
"Central?" Ed asked as they walked up to him.
Roy put his pen and the journal down and lay down only to wake up again at three A.M. from a nightmare and nausea.
Walking out of the bathroom wiping his mouth again Roy heard a light tapping sound come from the front room.
Curious Roy went in the front room, seeing nothing he turned away, but heard it again. 'The door?' He thought. 'Three AM on this COLD ass December first!'
Roy opened the door and his nausea was completely forgotten about.
"Ed…Edward?" Roy stammered.
The blond man stood shivering violently clad in a ripped, bloody, thin sleeveless shirt and ripped jeans. His hair dirty and untamed and his skin blotchy. He's breathing was coming in unsteady shallow puffs out his noise made visible by the clouds of steam.
"Ye-yeah." Ed managed before he fell forward Roy catching the freezing cold blond.
(AN) Ok, So I'll be updating as often as possible, i have a friend that's on my ass about updating all the time so just read and review, i don't update till i have plenty of reviews. Thank you for reading!!
(1) The song in Ed's letter is Sorry by Buckcherry