Titled: Who Knew
Author: wheretobe
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Sometimes You won, sometimes you lost
Authors note: R&R highly appreciated. Song is from Pink, who Knew.
Pairing: Huddy (sort of?)
Disclaimer: I don't own House or its characters Fox does tho, I just used them shamelessly for this snippet.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
You took my hand, You showed me
how, You promised me you'd be around. I took your words and I
believed in everything you said to me.
Sometimes when you decide to fight for something it works out. You win, step away from the competition with a winners smile, cash in the prizes and are happy.
Sometimes though, when you decide to fight for something, you lose. And you can't believe that everything had been in vain.
It happened to you quiet often. You've always been competitive and you've often lost and had to swallow down the feelings of anger, regret and humiliation.
With some fights though there is no humiliation. There is just that aftertaste of being sad and it hurts that this time you knew how this would end. Because it wasn't just you fighting against fate and time on the other side, fighting against you was he. And you realize now that fighting for him against his fate was like fighting against the natural current of the sea. As long as there was an ounce of power left in you you could keep up with it, against it. But as soon as the tiredness settled there was no question as to what would happen. You would drown.
If someone said three years from now you'd be long gone. I'd stand up and punch them out cause they're all wrong. I know better cause you said forever and ever. Who knew ?
Now that you're standing here, watching as Wilson lays down something, Ambers hand on his shoulder, you realize that you knew where this would lead. And still the pain is as if someone is ripping out your heart and walking over it. It had to come to this. Since you and Wilson had been the only one's fighting, fighting for his life while he was on the other side fighting to die.
For a moment you wonder if he was suicidal or plain stupid but as Jimmy calls your name, looks at you with tightly drawn together eyebrows, red rimmed eyes and Amber rubbing his back you shove that thought away.
It's too late anyways, don't cry over spilled milk.
Her mother had always said.
You step forward, your legs numb, your hand shaking as you lift it, stroking over the polished dark wood of the coffin. He would have loved the Rolling Stone's sticker Wilson had just put onto it, would have loved that his best friend had exchanged his daily cane for a black one with a silver devils head on it.
Devil doesn't know what he's bargaining for.
You almost laugh as you remember what he told you before he let you put him in a fake coma and, against his will, chopped a huge chunk of muscles from his leg. The pain that accompanies even that memory though stops you and instead of laughing one tear, one silent tear from hundreds, spills against your will and lands next to Wilson's sticker.
You compose yourself and a prayer for his well being forms in your head.
Remember when we were such fools and so convinced and just too cool. I wish I could touch you again, I wish I could still call you friend. I'd give anything.
With a shaky hand you pull it from your jacket pocket, it's the silver necklace with the Aesculap pendent on it, the one he's given you for your graduation, when everything had been better. When the sun had shone warmer, the grass was greener, and their friendship was deeper.
It clunks on the wooden surface as it unrolls from your hand and you can hear Wilson take a sharp breath and Ambers whispering, trying to calm him.
Very slowly you lay the chain down, your hand goes back up to your lips, you kiss your fingertips, cold from the October weather, and press them back down on the Aesculap.
'I will miss you.'
It's whispered and choked and once more you wish your hammering heart to quiet down, the tears to stay in, until you're home. Until you're in your own four walls where you can smash your expensive china while you scream your anguish out.
When someone said count your blessings now for they're long gone. I guess I just didn't know how. I was all wrong. They knew better, still you said forever And ever. Who knew?
It seems to take hours, the little service, for the circle of friends. His Parents didn't come, couldn't make it. The Ducklings had promised to be there after the shifts, the Board had send a floral wreath and his new Team was stuck in the Hospital with a case. So the only one's here were Wilson with Amber as moral support and you. The priest utters a few hollow sounding words, unconcerned with a man who wasn't Christian, not a sheep of his church.
Your eyes are closed against the pressure of your tears, the wind whipping around you harshly, the air going cold. And as the first raindrops hit your cheeks you feel free to let go of your tears.
Heaven cries with you and you let go, biting your lips and the inside of your cheek to keep the screams in, pressing your arms and hands down at your side, your hands forming fists, to keep them from clutching over your heart. Every of it's beats is painful now and you wish to rip it out, together with all the pain and the anger. You wish it would just stop, stop and let you go. But you're left behind. He's left you again and you're alone with the shreds of your life's and you have to deal on your own with the unanswered questions he's left you with.
It's then you know that you will never be able to forget your greatest defeat.
I'll keep you locked in my head until we meet again. Until we, until we meet again. And I won't forget you my friend. What happened?
'Lisa?'
His hand is heavy on your shoulder and you look up at him, his concern open on his face, Amber looking at you pitiful.
'Go James. I'll need...I want to stay for...just a bit more.'
He nods, leaving you to be alone with the man that has in the end killed you both.
'You'll be ok?'
'No James, no...'
His head bends low and then Amber pulls him away to leave you alone, womans intuition telling her it's for the best.
If someone said three years from now you'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out cause they're all wrong and that last kiss I'll cherish until we meet again. And time makes it harder, I wish I could remember. But I keep your memory you visit me in my sleep. My darling. Who knew?
When they're finally gone you look up from the spot on the ground to the coffin and before you know what happens to you, your fists are angrily thumping down on it until you're spend and the soft skin hurts.
And you stand panting and crying and choking on your own tears till you've succumbed to the pain and it's swallowing you like a black hole. The tirade of angry accusations dies on your lips and you swallow it back down.
Because you knew it would come to this.
I hope you guys liked my way of getting the anger out of me.