Disclaimer: I own nothing. (sniff sniff)

Mystic: Another oneshot! This goes out to DragonOTDarkFlame who sent in my fiftieth review for my Tantric Ways of a Mage. I'm not going to tell you what Dragon asked for. You're just gonna have to read and find out. Any and all flamers will be sent to my angst fairy for emo-training.

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Sex.

Yes, you read that right. Sex. Look at that simple three-letter word and what immediately comes to your mind? Ignore that little pun, please. Well, I know what image most likely penetrates your minds, but what type of images? Do you prefer to make love outside in the open air? Many couples enjoy the feel of a cool breeze running across their naked and undulating forms. Are you the adventurous type? It is said that just about any homestead can be a sexual jungle gym with whatever furniture you have.

Or, are you like myself and my lovely wife Ruby? Every single sexual encounter is treated like an erotic ritual. Candles, incense, black bed, and black sheets. Would you expect anything less from a powerful black mage?

Yes, it's me! Vivi!

Ha! Were you expecting that Silver Wizard Kuja? Yes, he may have the whole Kama Sutra memorized. The ninth edition was even revised and edited by the tantric lover of Lady Hilda. They take sex spiritually. Even going so far as to see sex like the priest and the goddess. Lovemaking on it's highest spiritual plane.

Ruby and I take things just a bit differently.

For us, sex is dark. Sex is dark and it's mysterious. Pain and pleasure. Oh, yes. You need both for the ultimate sexual experience. Pain reminds us that we're alive and in the moment. Pleasure reminds us that we're loved. I don't really want to harm my dear wife. She's the mother of my many children. Yet, ritualized sex in it's dark form needs that necessary amount of pain. Many of you humans know it by another name.

S & M.

I won't go into detail about what goes on behind my bedroom door, but I guess this explains my many children after that interesting adventure with Zidane and Dagger. Ruby said that I was a "cute little guy" so, being an interested male, I looked her up when the world was at it's peace. Let's just say one thing led to another and we woke up the next morning battered, bruised, and very, very happy.

Hm, I guess some of Zidane's qualities rubbed off on me.

But like I said before. Sex is a ritual. It takes just one kiss to start and one powerful, earth-shattering orgasm to finish it.

And you guys thought I was just some naive little kid. Yeah, right. I'm older than you think (we black mages age differently) and I've done stuff to my wife that--Sorry, almost revealed too much information didn't I? I will say this though. Safety word? Hahahahahaha!

What safety word...?

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Mystic: My first Vivi fic and I feel a bit weird. Obviously, Dragon asked for something with Vivi/Ruby. This is what happens when I write this while listening to Nine Inch Nail's "Closer". And uh... the whole 'Kama Sutra 9th edition--edited and revised by Kuja' came from a fellow author in his review for one of my other fics. You know who you are college guy! So, yeah. Leave a review if you don't care. I hope I didn't disappoint DragonOTDarkFlame!