Chapter One

"Damn it."

Jack glanced over at the Doctor when he cursed under his breath. They were hiding behind a couple of trees staring up at the imposing palace of the emperor Shak Mananak Balome, the ruler of the planet, Ruruluk. A man who was known not only for his ruthlessness, but also for his insatiable appetite for women. He had his hunters kidnap them from all across the galaxy for his harem and Rose had been his latest victim. Now, she was confined somewhere within the palace at Balome's mercy and the Doctor was determined to free her no matter what the cost.

"So, what do we do?" Jack whispered to him.

"Thinking, Harkness," he muttered.

"Well, think quicker, he could in there be raping Rose at this moment."

"Don't you think I know that!" the Doctor snarled at him.

He sighed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go off like that. I'm just worried, is all." He muttered to Jack.

Jack shrugged.

"Hey, not the first time someone's lost their temper at me," he said.

"If only there was a way we could get inside without being noticed," the Doctor said.

He scanned the palace grounds looking for any way they could get inside without being detected. The thought of his Rose helpless as someone raped her made his blood boil and it was interfering with his ability to think clearly.

While he racked his brain trying to come up with a workable solution, he suddenly felt a tap on his shoulder and looked over at Jack.

"Hey, Doc, how far are you willing to go to rescue Rose?"

The Doctor gave him a surely you must be kidding look.

"I mean, yes I know you would do anything to get her back even sacrifice your life. But, are you willing to do something totally outrageous and off the wall?"

The Doctor raised his eyebrow.

"Depends on how outrageous and off the wall it is, Jack," he said.

"Would you dress in drag to save her?"

The Doctor stared at him.

"Would I do what?"

Jack put his hand on the Doctor's shoulder.

"Doctor, are you willing to dress up as a harem girl and infiltrate the palace to save the one you love?"

The Doctor stared at him, hardly daring to believe his ears.

"You know Harkness, I'm as open-minded as they come," the Doctor said. "But dressing up as a harem girl is not something I would normally contemplate doing."

"You got a better idea?"

"Yes, let's keep our normal clothes on and just go barging in. That sounds far better than going in dressed like harem girls."

"Doctor, just trust me, I have a plan, but you have to be willing to dress in drag for it."

The Doctor stared at him.

"Um…just how long have you had this idea to dress me in a harem girl outfit, Jack? Because I suddenly have this funny feeling you didn't just think this up on the spot."

He stared at the lustful look in Jack's eyes and knew his suspicions had just been confirmed.

"Look, I know it'll be uncomfortable and a tad humiliating…"

"A tad?" the Doctor said.

"But time is running out and Rose needs us, we have to act fast!" Jack added.

The Doctor let out a defeated sigh.

"Alright, Harkness, anything to get Rose outta there. I just hope Rose doesn't blab to the universe that we saved her dressed as harem girls."

"Great, you got any harem girl outfits back at the TARDIS?"

The Doctor eyed him. He had said that a bit too eagerly for his comfort.

"I might, but I don't know if they'll fit us, Jack," he said. "Not to mention the fact that neither of us looks very feminine."

"There are ugly women."

"Uh…yes, but I'm sure Balome doesn't go for ugly women, Jack, and I really don't wanna die wearing women's clothes."

He sighed deeply.

"But, because Rose's life is on the line, I'm willing to try anything at this point so let's hurry up and get back to the TARDIS before it's too late."

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The Doctor groaned when they left the TARDIS dressed as harem girls. To his complete surprise, he had managed to find outfits in their size, which made Jack extremely happy. He already asked if he could keep his and the Doctor hurriedly said yes, trying not to get an image in his head of him or Ianto wearing the outfit while they were having sex.

They both were wearing long, sheer, black skirts with purple trim, matching purple bras that they had stuffed with copious amounts of tissue and toilet paper, a long, purple veil with gold trim and coins that covered their hair and went halfway down their backs, and a small, sheer black veil that covered the lower half of their faces. Black satin shoes completed the look. The Doctor stared at himself and Jack and thanked Rassilon that the Time Lords were all dead. If they had been alive and this had gotten back to the high council, he would have been the laughing stock of Gallifrey. He shook his head as he stared at Jack.

So, there they were, two odd looking harem girls walking towards the palace hoping that they would be able to get to Rose and rescue her without being shot, molested or raped.

As they neared the gate that led to the courtyard, they saw two guards dressed in black leather outfits standing on either side of it.

"Well, here goes nothing," the Doctor muttered to Jack when they were spotted.

"You there! What are you doing out here?" one of the guards said when they walked up to them.

The Doctor opened his mouth to speak, but Jack, who spoke in a high falsetto voice, cut him off.

"We were just out taking a walk," Jack said in a voice that sounded like he had been sucking helium. "Is that not permitted?"

"No woman is permitted to leave the slave quarters without permission," he said.

"Oh! Is that right?" Jack said in the falsetto voice. "I'm so sorry, we're both new and we had no idea it was against the rules to be out here."

"How did you get out here?" the guard demanded.

Jack glanced at the Doctor. The Doctor cleared his throat.

"This nice courtier let us out," he said in a falsetto voice.

The guards looked at each other.

"Who is this courtier? He must be arrested and killed," the guard said.

"Oh," the Doctor said. "We don't know his name, like Gorga said; we're new here so we don't know anyone's name yet."

"Gorga?" Jack muttered to himself.

"Well, what does he look like? He must be reported!" the guard spat out.

Jack strolled up to him.

"Oh, hon, don't fret none about him. It was an honest mistake. Burple and I were the ones who convinced him to let us go outside."

He stroked the guard's cheek.

"We won't do it again, love," Jack purred.

"Well, just…don't let it happen again!" he said quickly. "Now get in before someone sees you!"

"Thank you, sweetie," Jack said stroking his cheek.

The guard cringed and yelled at them to go inside. Jack blew him a kiss as he and the Doctor stepped through the gate.

"Okay, lover boy, now where do we go?" the Doctor muttered to him.

"Leave it to me," Jack said.

"Yoooooooooo hooooooooooo!" he called to the guards.

They looked at him through the gate.

"I'm sorry to trouble you nice fellas, but where is the harem at? We're new and we get lost all the time."

"Go up to the palace door and tell the guards there that you're lost, they'll escort you to your quarters!" the guard barked at him.

"Thank you, love,"

The guards quickly turned away when Jack blew them a kiss.

"There," Jack said as he and the Doctor turned and walked towards the gate. "Now we know how to get into the harem."

"You had better be right about this, Harkness, because if something goes wrong and Rose dies, you'll live to regret it!"