"Near To You"

--He and I had something beautiful
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last
I loved him so but I let him go
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back—

I'm watchin' him again. His naïve outlook on everything working it's innocent way through our conversation. It's cold out tonight so naturally the rookie pulls out a cigarette. I smirk and pull him by the tie to throw him off guard. It works and the slender white stick of cancer is mine. My lips trace his and my tongue darts around the cigarette spinning it into my mouth. My hand is faster then his mind, and at the moment it steals his lighter.

I smirk and inhale the intoxicating substance. "Remember kid, the key is to be fast. If you're not fast they'll catch you." I tell him, a quick lesson in Turk etiquette.

Like a shot to the chest he interjected that harsh comeback. "Like how he caught you? Don't change the subject Reno. Tell me what you see in that guy!"

--Such pain as this
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss,
Still a little bit delirious--

"Wow.. You learn fast. I told ya. It was shear fantasy. We were bored." I shrugged him off but his words still rung in my ears.

"So are you just being bored with me then?" He mumbled.

I looked him up and down out of the corner of my eye but I doubt he noticed… He was glaring at the ground watching for our 'pay check' to show up.

I sighed and let the emotion pass. It wouldn't look too good if I yelled at him for being insecure. "You should know by now it's more than that. You're more than half the man he could ever be yo.." I hide behind my hand and the cigarette.

--Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.--

"Sorry.. I just…" He let out a sigh letting the sentence die off with the effort of trying. "Nevermind."

I quirk a brow, try to ignore it.. I'll get him to talk later. Lover's quarrels could wait until work was done. And on the pavement was our mission. I swallow and motion toward the guy in the hooded jacket. Rod nods and aims the sniper rifle. He peers through the scope and I lean over the guardrail ready to move. Once that shot hits I'm off.

Everything seems to slow down as Rod pulls the trigger, the sudden "click bang" makes the idiot on the street turn and it nails him square in the forehead. His body falls as mine slides down the metal ladder that leads to the roof. I hit the landing ungracefully but it doesn't matter. I jump off it and land in a semi barrel roll off the ground racing towards the body. Another shot was fired it makes me stop briefly staring at Rod. I shake it clear, knowing he'd never shoot at me. But if he's not shooting at me… then whose…

"SHIT! RENO! RUN!" His voice cuts through the dull noise of night. I speed up double towards our target and nearly fall over it trying to grab the envelop from his hands. Three shots ring out and I can hear the change in the gunfire. Those aren't from the sniper rifle. They're handguns.. Handguns aimed at me. "Reno you jackass get the fuck out of there!" Rod let's his position on the roof known as he aims at the one firing at me.

I book it back running from the target living up to my title as fastest Turk in the world. The handguns sound two more shots towards me and I feel one graze my shoulder. Fuck it stings.

I make it to the ladder and climb for my life. The fire escape on the building seems ten times higher then I remember. I hear more shots from the rifle and Rod comes rushing over to help me up. I grit my teeth past the pain as he pulls on the arm that's injured.

"Come on. We got it let's get in the chopper and go." I pull him towards my beautiful beast of a machine. Everything went well enough except the being caught part. But one more casualty isn't as bad as being captured. We got lucky.

--You and I have something different
And I'm enjoying it cautiously
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard
To get back to who I used to be--

Lucky. It was my life summed up in one word. I was lucky to escape my rift-raft life as a street punk. I was lucky to get into the Turks. I was lucky to escape as many times as I did. I was lucky to find him. I was lucky to be loved if only for the time it took for him to blink by him. I was lucky to learn from my mistakes. And I was.. No… am lucky to have found Rod… Lucky to be loved by my dopple-ganger and best friend…. For all it's worth I'm one lucky bastard.

I smile to myself in this thought… I glimpse over at Rod knowin' he's gonna yell at me for being an idiot and doing my job because I got shot in the shoulder. Such is life. As long as it means he's worryin' about me and payin' attention to me I don't give a damn what he's yelling about. Could be how popcorn doesn't deserve a jellybean flavour for all I care. As long as he's there, and he's with me, and it's just us… that's all I need.

It wasn't really like that with him… He was always about the sex. "Reno, come to my office." "Now?" "Yes now." "Tch.. Ok ok princess don't get your panties in a twist. Although that might be an improvement." A swift glare and a turn on the heel had me following like a lost puppy. Damn selfish bastard… Whatever. Hope Tseng's happy putting up with his bullshit now.

I grip the joystick tightly and grind my jaw just thinking about him… then a sigh escapes my lungs and I can't help but feel that fucking ache in my chest and the tears welling up in my throat.

"Just don't think about him…" Rod leans over soothing my nerves with his voice and brushing my hand softly loosening my grip.

I nod and lean my head on his that's now straining to lean against my shoulder. The gap between the seats was always too wide for my likening.

--He's disappearing,
Fading suddenly…
I'm so close to being yours
Won't you stay with me?
Please? --

Rod and I hop out of the chopper and take the envelope to its destination. I grind my teeth hoping he's off fucking Tseng in that fucking side apartment just so I won't have to see him.

I feel Rod's reassuring hand on mine briefly and he gives me an encouraging smile. I wish I could let him hand it in but I can't run away from it. I'm the upper Turk in this hand and I can't hide behind the bulk that is Rude to save me from his ice-cold blue stare.

We make it down to his office and I swallow the lump gripping the envelope like it's my resignation letter. I only wish… I think to myself ruefully.

"I'll just be a minuet… or ten. Which will probably seem four hours in interrogation… Fuck…" I mutter to him then give him a smirk knowing it'd have to come to this sooner or later.

"Good Luck…" He smiles and moves away to sit back in the waiting chairs by the secretary's desk.

I glance back at him and sigh wishing I could grab him and hold him close for one last ounce of support… or maybe just to reassure him that I'm with him now and that it's not like it was anymore…

--Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

Yet, I'm better near to you. --

I step into the office without introduction. I'm a Turk we're not technically allowed to do it but no one would question us on it if we did.

"Back so soon? Did you fail already Reno?" He doesn't look up from the stack of papers so annoyingly neat on the corner of his desk. I fight my urge to say something out of line. I fight the urge to smack him. It's not working very well.

I move over to the desk and slam the envelope down in front of his nose. The movement makes my shoulder twinge with a bit of pain. "Don't trust your Turks to do a good job Shacho? You should know me better than that." The words imply more then they sound.

He gives the obnoxious rich boy smile, looking me up and down. That always pissed me off when he was ramming me up the ass. Pissed me fucking off to no end. It always felt like he was mocking me.

"Good work. You and Rod can have the rest of the night off. Just don't come to work hung over tomorrow." He waved at me dismissively but just before I turn around he grabs my wounded arm and spins me into a submissive position over his desk pulling a yelp from my lips. "And be sure to change your uniform Ren... Blood stains are so unsightly." His voice is low and seductively cool next to my ear. His tongue flickers against my earlobe before he releases me and I pull back fist clenching to punch him wickedly hard. SO fucking hard that pretty boy smile is marred for the rest of his fucking life.

"Anything else?" You self-righteous cock sucking bastard? I add mentally knowing he's just trying to provoke me.

His face falls when he notes that I'm not too visibly shaken by his sudden outburst. "No. That is all." The insufferable glare starring me down as I turn my back to him.

I nod and walk out of the room without another word. The door shuts and I'm home free. I shove my hands in my pockets and motion to Rod. "Come on Rookie. We're outta here." I smile. At least now I can relax with Rod and let him take care of me.

--I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I am
Better where you are
I only know that I belong
Where you are—

We move to the elevator and his slender fingers push the P, which lights up for him more than willingly. I lean against the wall wishing I could pull the younger burgundy haired Turk into my arms and kiss him until his pushes me away to breathe. Boredom my fucking ass, I could never be bored with him around. It was so much more than that.

We move to the car and I'm about to start the ignition when I feel a hand on my knee. I look over at him and his eyes are shadowed but he's moving closer. He leans up and kisses me possessively. Jealous. I like it. I kiss him back, gently pressuring my tongue against his lips. God how I've wanted to do this tonight, I've missed this. I've missed him…

--Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
Though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on

Near to you, I am healing
But it's taking so long
'Cause though he's gone
And you are wonderful
It's hard to move on
Yet, I'm better near to you.

Yet, I'm better near to you. –

I think I miss him more now… Rod… If you're out there, smile for me. I'll know.

AN: I don't own FF7, Before Crisis, or any characters and events there of. Nor do I own A Fine Frenzy's lyrics. This fic is purely fan based from Reno's POV. And is held within the events of Before Crisis. Hope you liked it!

-Drifter-
(aka drifting-nightmare)

PS: For my Aibou… you know who you are.