I Don't Know
Chapter 1: Go Get Him
"I don't know," Hinata said rather shyly. In reality, she wanted to say no, but didn't quite have the nerve to say it.
"Hinata! You have to tell Naruto how you feel about him," Sakura said, sounding rather annoyed, but trying to be patient.
"I don't understand why you're trying to get me to say that to N-Naruto-kun," Hinata said, trying and failing to keep the creeping misery out of her voice. She didn't understand Sakura's sudden interest in trying to get Naruto and herself together. For the past nine years since Sakura had been placed on Naruto's team, she had felt that the pink-haired girl hadn't really noticed her. She hadn't even been aware that Sakura was informed of her crush on Naruto until just two days ago when Sakura had begun to pester her about asking Naruto out.
"Ino told me that Shikamaru told her that Kiba was complaining about the fact that you have liked Naruto for years and have yet to ask him out. I hadn't realized that you liked him! I mean, I noticed that you were shy and friendly around him, but you're always shy and friendly around most people," Sakura stated bluntly.
Hinata's face fell. She had always hoped that Naruto would just figure out that she had feelings for him, but if Sakura, the intelligent young woman that she was, hadn't figured out that she liked Naruto, how did she expect Naruto to figure it out? Then again, Sakura still couldn't quite seem to take the hint that Sasuke did not like her, so perhaps it wasn't as hopeless as she thought.
"I still don't understand why you want me to say something to N-Naruto-kun, though," Hinata said. Sakura rolled her eyes.
"He's too dense to realize you like him. You have to tell him! Once he sees he has a chance with someone else, he'll stop asking me out!" Sakura said. Hinata's face fell even more. Sakura seemed to realize that she had stuck her foot in her mouth and hastily continued. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that. What I meant was, I think the only reason he asks me out is because he thinks I'm the only girl that will like him. If he realizes that you like him, I'm sure he'll be thrilled," Sakura said earnestly.
"I don't know," Hinata repeated. She nibbled on her lip and pressed her two pointer fingers together as she wished that Sakura would leave her alone.
"I've got it!" Sakura said excitedly. "I'll tell him for you!" she said brightly. Hinata's face turned even paler than normal.
"No!" Hinata squeaked out. Sakura grinned at Hinata mischievously.
"I'll give you a week. If you haven't done it by then, I'll tell him," Sakura said, grinning widely. "Sasuke-kuuuuuuun!" Sakura called suddenly, waving her hand in the air as she spotted Sasuke walking in the opposite direction behind where Hinata stood. "I'll talk to you later Hinata," Sakura beamed as she called out for Sasuke again. Hinata watched miserably as Sakura chased after Sasuke, idly wondering if she really could see a vein throbbing in Sasuke's forehead from this far away as he stopped to turn down his female teammate's offer to go on a date.
It was weird that Sakura was pestering Sasuke like that. Hinata knew that Sakura had had a crush on Sasuke for years, but this was the first time since before Sasuke had left for Sound that Sakura had acted so – so – so fangirlish. It was a bit unnerving. Hinata felt like she had gone back in time, wondering why the usually intelligent, mature woman that Sakura had grown into had seemed to convert back into her twelve-year-old self. Something was definitely odd with the situation.
Shaking her head, Hinata began to walk back to the Hyuuga complex, still nibbling on her lip, a less obvious nervous habit than placing her index fingers together, but it tended to hurt her lip after a while. She sighed as she walked through the gates, thinking about what Sakura had said to her about telling Naruto about her feelings. Hinata really wanted to tell Naruto that she liked him, and maybe, just maybe she could finally do it with some encouragement.
But whom was she kidding? She had tried for years, and he didn't seem to realize her attention. He probably didn't want it either. Hinata bowed her head slightly. No, Naruto was a very popular shinobi now, a jounin, and it was quite obvious that he was favored to become the next Hokage. She couldn't help but smile at that thought, thinking about how far her beloved had come. Why would he want to go out with her, when he could have anyone he wanted? Well, except maybe Sakura.
And would she really be happy knowing that Naruto really wanted Sakura anyway? And that she was just second choice? Hinata lowered her head down further because she could honestly say that yes, yes she would be happy because she would be with Naruto.
How she wanted to be with the one she loved so desperately, even if she was only his second choice!
Hinata walked through the entranceway of the Hyuuga complex, almost running into Neji as he walked out.
"G-gomen nasai!" she apologized as she side stepped Neji gracefully, blushing at their near collision. She began to move on, when his grip on her arm made her pause. She was almost frightened because of all the times in her youth when he had been cruel to her, but the feeling passed as soon as she saw the concern in his eyes.
"Hinata-sama, what's wrong?" Neji asked concerned.
"N-nothing," she stammered out, and slipped through his grip and headed inside the house. As she went past Hanabi's room on her way to her own, she heard some whispered murmurs, and she frowned. She knew that Hanabi was not allowed to have boys in her room (despite the fact that her little sister was now 18[1), but Hinata was not going to turn her sister in. Part of her actually hoped that Hanabi would get married first, and perhaps take over as head of the Hyuuga clan. Hinata entered her room, and slumped onto her bed, deciding she would go to bed early and wake up even earlier to train in order to clear her mind.
Hinata's internal clock woke her at around 3:30am. It was still dark out, and the moon's cycle had already passed in the sky. She had very little light to guide her to her usual training grounds by the river nearby, but she preferred it that way. She used her byakugan to guide her way.
Her solo training was one of the few times that she truly felt worth something. She knew that she would only ever feel worthy to be with Naruto if she was an apt shinobi, and it was the one thing that kept her going in order to be worthy of him. He believed in her. Her Naruto-kun believed in her abilities as a fighter, and she would not let him down. It was his belief that gave her strength, and she felt more powerful every day just by knowing that he thought she was worth something.
She trained for several hours before returning to the Hyuuga complex. The air was crisp and cool, and she enjoyed the way it felt on her as it cooled her down from her training. She jumped on the wall outside of the Hyuuga complex, half meditative as she watched the sunrise.
"You seem more flustered than usual," Neji said, drawing Hinata out of her meditative state.
"Neji-nii-san," she said in way of greeting.
"You also look tired. Were you training this morning, or did you just not sleep well?"
"Training."
"Were you training because you felt the need, or because you couldn't sleep well?" Neji asked.
"T-training because I-I always need to train," Hinata stammered, feeling as though Neji wasn't going to leave her alone. Clearly he had not been satisfied when she had told him that nothing was the matter yesterday.
"I see," Neji said, his voice maddeningly calm, and Hinata wondered if he knew that the tone of his voice made her want to spill out all of her concerns to him. Knowing Neji, he did.
"Do you need to train to be a better shinobi for yourself-"
"Of course-"
"-or do you need to train to be a better shinobi for Naruto?"
"W-what do you mean? I need to train to be a better shinobi for myself and for my village," Hinata squeaked out.
"From what I hear, Tenten says that Sakura has been harassing you to finally ask out Naruto," Neji said. Hinata looked down at her feet as they swung off of the wall.
"Does everyone know I like Naruto-kun?" Hinata mumbled.
"Everyone except for Naruto, I think," Neji said, his voice amused and his smile rather smug. "He's very good with getting people to like him, but he's not very good at seeing the obvious."
"Don't say that about Naruto-kun!" Hinata said, her voice defiant, finally raising her eyes to look directly at Neji. Neji's smile only grew wider.
"It's true. You just don't want me to say anything negative about your precious 'Naruto-kun,'" Neji taunted, but then his face grew more serious, and his tone became more gentle. "Hinata-sama, you must realize that as your twenty-first birthday approaches so rapidly that the clan elders will want to see you married. You have pined over Naruto since you were a child. At least take your fate into your own hands and tell him how you feel. You owe yourself that much."
"I don't know that I can. I've been trying for so many years, that I don't think I ever will," Hinata said sadly.
"I never thought I would be able to feel a true part of the Hyuuga with the caged bird seal, but with Naruto's help, I overcame that. Don't you think that with Naruto's help, you could find the courage to tell him how you feel? Don't you owe him that much? Don't you think he deserves to know that someone has cared about him since the time that they were children?" Neji asked. Neji looked at the top of the rising sun. "It's strange to think how much he has affected this village, and how many people have been changed for the better because of who he is. But I think it's also strange how very few managed to affect him the same way. There are only five people that I have been able to determine that have affected him so deeply. The first is our old teacher, Iruka-sensei. From what I can gather, Iruka-sensei was the first to really recognize Naruto, well, besides you. However, since you never spoke up, I don't think he ever knew that."
"I-I don't think it would have mattered much to him if I had told him," Hinata mumbled out. Neji shook his head and continued.
"The second has to be Uchiha Sasuke. The two of them are very close, and they relate well with each other. The third is Gaara. They were both jinchuuriki, and they shared their burden alone and connected with each other through their shared pain. The fourth might be Lee. Naruto seemed encouraged by Lee's enthusiasm to want to fight no matter what and his inability to ever give up. The fifth person that I believe has affected him is you, Hinata-sama."
"M-me?" Hinata stuttered out. "But I never-"
"During the Chuunin exams, he rooted for you. He cheered for you against me, and jumped down to engage me in battle after you passed out-"
"He-he did?" Hinata asked breathlessly. Neji nodded.
"He dipped his fingers in your blood, and promised that he would beat me. And he did," Neji said. "That was something so important to him that he made a blood oath. Naruto has trouble seeing the obvious, but he's very attentive to the quiet suffering of others. I think he saw your suffering, but I think what caught his attention above everything else was how you dealt with your suffering. You used one of his quotes against me, did you not?"
"Well, yes, but-"
"And I think he was flattered by it. I might not need to tell you this, but Naruto does seem to like attention."
Hinata smiled in spite of herself. Yes, that was true. It was so obvious how he always used to get into trouble just to be noticed. Sometimes she wished she could have asked him to stop because it seemed to hurt him in the long run just for the cheap laughs. She wanted to tell him that she had paid attention to him; she paid attention to him all the time, even when he wasn't causing trouble: especially when he wasn't causing trouble because no one else was looking at him, and she didn't feel like if he caught her looking at him, he would just think she was looking at him for his silly antics. Still, she always wondered if he had caught her staring if he would have understood or cared. What did it matter if she was the one staring at him? Didn't he want Sakura to be the one staring at him?
And it was these types of depressing thoughts that always made Hinata never want to tell Naruto about her feelings.
"But it's not me he wants attention from nii-san," Hinata mumbled sadly.
"It's rather hard for him to know who you are when you're so quiet all the time. Change his mind. I'm sure you're capable of doing so," Neji said firmly. "Also, if I'm not mistaken, Naruto has not been chasing after Sakura as enthusiastically as he used to when he was still just a genin," Neji remarked, clearly realizing she was worried about Naruto's well known interest in Sakura.
"I-I don't know if-" Hinata said, but Neji interrupted her.
"You won't know anything unless you go after him," Neji said, his voice rising slightly in irritation, and Hinata didn't continue her point. She could tell that Neji was trying to help her, and all her negativity to what he was saying was clearly aggravating him. She couldn't blame him. Here he was trying to help her, and she was shooting down his attempt to give some encouraging advice.
"I'll talk with Naruto-kun," Hinata said, fixing her head up, and nodding firmly, hoping her resolve would last.
"Just think of your own insecurities as your enemy. Would you let your enemy ever hurt Naruto or yourself?" Neji asked. Hinata shook her head. "Then don't let them hurt you – or Naruto either." Neji left without saying goodbye, and Hinata sat on the wall for a few more minutes in contemplation.
"I can do this, I can do this," Hinata said, and she leapt off the wall in search of her precious Naruto-kun.
Next Chapter: Girls And Boys
[1 Hanabi isn't really only three years younger than Hinata, but please bear with the minor change in age as it is necessary for the plot.
Each chapter of this fic is/was written as my beloved watched over my shoulder. It is dedicated to him, as he encouraged me to write it, my precious Jim-kun.
(And this is just for my own personal gratification, but today, 2/6/08, is my seventh year on FanFiction dot Net! Happy anniversary to me, lol.)
Expect updates every Wednesday! - Jelp