Disclaimer: I don't own any of the twilight characters.

Well! Here we are again after debating with myself on abandoning my first real writing baby. To be honest, this has been extremely difficult on me with losing inspiration, and all the things that I've experienced. I just think I want to be able to say I actually have finally finished this after all these years. I'm going to give this one last honest try before I just leave it be.

So If by chance you've been here before and read any of what's already been published, it'll all essentially be brand new. Same plot and all, just a different route of getting to the ending than the way I originally wrote it.

Jasper's POV

Do you ever just get this twisted feeling deep in your stomach that you just know something is wrong but you feel yourself getting even more paranoid and anxious by just listening to it? It's like this small voice in the back of your mind is picking out all of the 'red flags' in just the daily routine that has been your life for so long now. I'm experiencing this too often to be able to dismiss most of these things anymore. I don't want any of it to be true, especially not about my relationship with my delightful little pixie. Just even thinking about her now pulls at my heart strings, as if I can imagine the bond being stretched and pulled with every whiff of anxiety or deceit I get from her as she comes and goes these days.

See, the thing about Alice is that our relationship had just always been natural and easy. Alice had felt like that first sip of water when I've just spent the night in the desert. She had given me a family, a new purpose the day we met. She was so sure of our future and she was not willing to take no for an answer. I admired her spunk, and the way that I suddenly felt like a new man, as if she had always been in my heart and I was finally awake enough to feel her.

Maybe that's why I'm still here now, in our new home, after feeling dreadful over all the things she wasn't telling me. I had been in agony for the last six months because of the secrets that seemed to suffocate me as I sat in the kitchen. In a way I felt a profound sense of loyalty to Alice, like I owed her so much for even having something to fear losing. I told myself that I would give her time to work things out and come back to me. I told myself that when that happened that she would be ready to give me the truth I hadn't yet asked her for.

I know how sad that sounds, but I've never quite loved someone in this way before. As far as I was concerned, I couldn't just abandon our love. I still loved Alice, but every day I wondered if she still loved me and if she would still choose me. These days it seemed less likely to both of those things. Even thinking about all of these things sets me on edge immediately.

I had developed many suspicions over these last few months about all the secrets Alice was keeping from me. I haven't exactly caught her cheating on me, and I couldn't always prove that she was lying to me but I felt it more than anything. The space in our house was just filled with all the things that were being left unsaid. All of these things had weighed me down and now we lived alone in a small house in Oregon because I didn't feel I could any longer trust my brothers.

I knew something was going on and I just didn't trust anyone. Alice had been sympathetic at the time, she of course picked the house and decided this was the best decision for everyone. So far all that moving away from my family had accomplished was this permanent sense of loneliness creeping into my bones. Alice frequently went to visit and after I refused the first few times, she then stopped asking me to go. The end result was that I ended up feeling like I was slightly crazy and isolated from everyone that was once important to me.

Tonight was no different from any other night, and I was mostly compelled at this point by suspicions, slight paranoia, and pure adrenaline. It flowed freely through my veins every moment, if I had a heartbeat it would be pounding in my ears. I can hear Alice upstairs now, walking around upstairs and I could just feel her apprehension as if it were my own. I frequently wondered if she caught glimpses of how frequently I cycled through emotions and how drastically I'm sure our future would change because of it.

This pattern with Alice was growing all too familiar to me, and not in any way that you look forward to. There was always a moment of just silence, no emotions rolling off of her, which seemed just all too purposeful to me. She loved getting into this habit of making it seem like it had just occurred to her at that very moment to visit our family in Forks for the fourth time this week. My jaw clenches at the thought of her going into the Cullen household. I had my exact suspicion of who she was spending her time with. I tried not to think too much about it for fear that she would catch on to what I was planning.

That's the tricky part of living with someone who had premonitions, you had to make sporadic choices on the fly, for fear they'd always be one step ahead of you. Alice had so far evaded all of the things I wanted to know, all the questions I had for her and most importantly getting caught. Tonight I would play this differently, because I couldn't sit by one more night not knowing what was going on.

I tried to relax my body and my emotions as I walked up to the counter and poured myself another glass of whiskey. I took a sip letting the cool liquid soothe my mind, I couldn't afford to make any mistakes with the plan this time. I leaned against the counter waiting for Alice to come strutting into the kitchen to tell me that she was going back to Forks tonight. She would kiss my cheek and whisper her love and be as gone as quickly as she had made her presence known.

"Jasper..." my name was just a simple whisper from her lips, and I braced myself for the words I knew were coming. "I'm going to forks tonight, I'll be back later. I love you."

Alice seemed to almost linger in the doorway that led to the garage. I almost thought I felt some sadness, and then relief before it all snapped away from me again. This was the pattern that had become the lull of nothing that was our relationship. I almost changed my mind, I didn't want to lose Alice but I couldn't live in this fog anymore. I felt the depression sometimes creep back in, like an old friend waiting always on the sideline for me. I knew that I had to do this to set myself free, even if it meant I'd always be on my own.

I waited to hear the hum of her car and the garage door closing before I did anything. I couldn't figure out why she insisted on taking the car instead of just running to Forks but I was hoping this would make my plan even easier. Maybe she didn't think it would be so awful if she came home with clothes or new things for the house. I think this is how she could explain away these trips, and soothe her own mind. She insisted she hadn't been with them the entire time, saying of course she had been shopping. I would always nod my head like I understood but I just never believed it.

Now the day to follow her was finally here, and I was fighting myself internally. I had rehearsed this all fleetingly, in different places, randomly deciding on what I was going to do. Never once did I think about the plan in all its glory for fear Alice would realize what I was up to. I could never be sure how close of an eye she kept on my future. I slipped on a jacket I had stored away in the garage, and then I silently made my way out of my house. The moment my feet hit the pathway, I tried to shut my mind off the best that I could. Now I was sprinting, concealed by the darkness, and just trusting my feet enough that they knew where to take me. This was going to work, I was going to finally confront what I have known for the last six months.

I couldn't figure out where to end the first chapter! So I figured I'd do it before any of the real things unfold.