Well boys and girls, after world's most annoying hiatus, here is a brand new chapter

Well boys and girls, after world's most annoying hiatus, here is a brand new chapter. Yay. I have had a mass of personal fun (read: insanity on the part of my relatives that constituted in relocation for a brief period.) It's much better now, and I imagine that none of you really want me to, in the words of a marvy movie, (see what I did there, the whole kind of rhyming thing?) GET ON WITH IT!

Next bit, some of you have been able to identify the movies. The first was The Boondock Saints. Those who guessed that one right were Lady Starlight So Kiss My Ass for whom the movie was picked, Denversheart and Onyx Angel Eyre, for which they get a cookie each. The second movie was Sid and Nancy, and Onyx Angel Eyre and Julielal got a cookie for that one. Yay to all. One thing about Sid and Nancy- Not super accurate, but lots of Gary Oldman in very revealing underwear and not much else. Fun!

Ah, and I am quite glad that a certain werewolf has learned not only to like sirry, but learned to like my strange story.

I have two dedications before the chapter begins, Lady Starlight So Kiss My Ass, for always leaving the most pleasing long reviews(insert hint here), and Onyx Angel Eyre, who gave me suggestion after suggestion for this chapter. Much love to the both of you.

Next up on my list of notes before I start… If anyone who actually has a right to sue is reading this…After I die of shock, I will profess the fact that I never claimed any ownership. All I own is the plot. And the lightning bolt tattoo.

"What's goin- OH!" Harry was finding that there were some definite plus sides to dating number 12's resident man-child. For one thing, Sirius made oddly good cookies. But one of his other talents was waking up people. Before he got together with Sirius, he had never been sucked awake. Though, in all fairness, he had never been sucked in any way. Rather unfortunate really, all that he had missed out on.

"Morning to you too." Harry was almost to climax when the door burst open.

"Hey Padfoot, Molly wants… Oh dear. Oh no. I… I'll come back…" Remus was the picture of unease and horror. If Harry hadn't been so very embarrassed, and quite preoccupied, he probably would have laughed. Though soon enough, the distraction had ceased.

Sirius shimmied up next to Harry, and waited for his younger boyfriend-ish thing to speak. This probably was unlikely to happen soon when Harry's expression resembled a gasping fish so perfectly. For a moment, he wondered if Harry would respond to Nemo, off of some muggle movie he watched, but figured that the timing wasn't great.

"Oh never mind old Moony, he's caught me in worse!" Harry thought on what could be worse, but decided he probably didn't want to know, for he was fairly sure it could lead to jail time.

"Well yes, but I'm quite sure he hasn't seen me in worse. And imagine what that will do to the poor man's psyche. Catching a former student, hell, someone he considers family like that. He's probably scared and confused."

"Greenly, shut up. Moony is a grown man. If he is really that confused, then Snape-a-doodle needs a talking to. Either that or we hire a prostitute. I like the prostitute idea myself. The less the greasy git is involved, the better, by my count."

"I know, I know… What if Remus isn't the one who bursts in without knocking next time? What if it's Hermione, or Ron? Or Mrs. Weasley?" Sirius shuddered as the thought of Molly Sirius shuddered as the thought of Molly walking in on him. "I think we need a new plan. Either locking the door better, or I dunno what else."

"We could always tell them. That might be an obvious idea."

"What if they don't react well?"

"Then we either ignore them or I start acting all parental toward you, and you act like the proper little godson. What do you think?"

"I think that at this point, I would have to ignore them. Or move to some nice island somewhere with cabana boys ready and willing to do my bidding."

"So single minded, aren't we?"

"I try. But really, at this point, I think we are past the lovely platonic relationship we may have once been able to have."

"Yes, once tongues become involved, nothing is very platonic anymore, huh?"

"You really aren't very bright, are you?"

"And you really do lack a sense of humor, don't you?" Sirius grinned as Harry shoved him out of the bed. "Oi! What was that for?"

"Mrs. Weasley wants us down for breakfast. Unless you intend on giving the old bat a coronary, which wouldn't be entirely unwelcome, put some clothes on."

"Oh, and what about you? Are you now the house's resident nudist?"

"I uh, well, I forgot about me."

"Ever so selfless. Now, go to your room and get dressed. Don't give me that look, I know you have clothes in here too, but it would look remarkably bad if we both came out of my room at the same time, no?" Harry rolled his eyes, threw on the invisibility cloak, and Sirius saw the door open and shut.

"Though I can say it would be nice if 'Mum Weasley' bit the big one, went to the big kitchen in the sky, so on and so forth, and various other euphemisms for death. Everything would be so much easier. Hell, Rocco could even come out of the closet. Though he was never really a Joe Straightly-Straighterson to begin with. Hell, he should just join the traveling company of the Village People and be done with it. So much easier that way.

"But then, he is so nervous about what people would think. Hell, this is a forward think society, not like those close-minded muggles at all. If Vernon was feeding him some filth, I am so going to hex him into next week. Great jiggly bastard that he is, he's probably so repressed that he zips off to some back alley bar each time Petunia turns her back on him." He heard a quiet laugh coming from one corner, and decided to have a bit of fun.

"Hell, with how many people have been coming out of the closet lately, it seems like there's something in the water. Hell, next'll be Molly… Though that's not much of a stretch judging from that one time at school. I need to tell Harry that story, though he's probably too young still."

"Hey, I'm old enough to sleep with you!" A disembodied voice that seemed to be approximately in front of Sirius spoke up in indignation.

"Hey Greenly, want to loose the cloak? Or is the whole ghost thing a new kink I'm not aware of?" Harry let the cloak form a small invisible puddle at his feet and stuck out his tongue at his far more mature man-child of a significant other.

"Now tell me the story."

"Over breakfast. We may have a chance of making Molly keel over yet. After you PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"

"You know, I find that a bit insulting. Do you not find me hot?" Sirius let out a long sigh.

"See? This is why one should never get involved with some who has the emotional maturity of a walnut. A dim walnut. That is especially not in touch with its emotions."

"Hmm, very true. Maybe I should start seeing Remus then?"

"That's mean. And yet clever. A plus. Now go get dressed or else Uncle Siri will have no story time." Taking one more chance to stick his tongue out at Sirius, Harry threw on the invisibility cloak and actually left the room.

Sirius grabbed his daily black t-shirt, he was quite unsure if he owned anything else, and began to pull it over his head, but paused as he saw the newest addition to his tattoo collection. He brushed the lightning bolt lightly before finally finishing getting dressed.

A few minutes later, Harry and Sirius were both sitting at the breakfast table being urged to eat more by Mrs. Weasley. Or rather, Harry was urged to eat more. If one didn't know better, they would think that she didn't much care about Sirius. Oddly enough, no one could as of yet be found that knew better.

"So Harry, Your mum was looking for Molly one day, I think they were supposed to go in a group to Hogsmead together, and she just couldn't find her. Eventually, she went up to the dormitories, and found Molly and Susan Bones' mum-" Molly clapped her hand over Sirius' mouth.

"That's quite enough Sirius. Do you think that Harry really wants you hear your fairy tales?" Harry began his best bobble head impression, but Molly just kept on, full steam ahead. "Of course not. If you keep filling the boy's head with lies I may be forced to action."

"Mrs. Weasley, are you aware that you sound exactly like Umbridge at the moment? Just so you know, that's a bad thing." Fred and George stepped into the kitchen just in time to hear their mother's and Harry's exchange.

"It's true mum-"

"You really do sound like Um-bitch."

"We're not sure what's got into you lately-"

"But it's quite unpleasant."

"And it seems to be directed toward Sirius-"

"Who is really a fine bloak-"

"So you should really stop attacking him so often."

"We suspect underlying psychological issues-"

"That causes you to see Sirius as the enemy."

"Which is entirely unfounded."

"But then, what do we know?"

"We're just next door neighbors, after all."

And with that, the twins left the kitchen.

"When did those two get intelligence?"

"Harry me boy, I honestly have no clue. It's like they had a brain transplant each. Maybe it was a buy one get one half off sale. Would make more sense than they're finally growing up. I've made it this far, and I still haven't grown up, why should they?" Harry just rolled his eyes as everything he had every thought about the man was once again confirmed. "Now finish you breakfast. I'm bored."

"You're always bored."

"Well yes, but I also have to talk to you."

"Okay, okay." Harry took one more bite of his eggs, and just followed Sirius into the sitting room.

"Harry, I am quite bored. I demand you entertain me. Now go, make me entertained."

"Well, seeing as there isn't a lock on this door, I can't very well entertain you as I would like, but how about, hmm, a nice game of fetch?"

"I guess so. Maybe later you can entertain me as you'd like?" Sirius leered at Harry for a moment, before being replaced by a great black dog, with its tongue hanging out of its mouth.

"How anyone could ever think you were anything besides overly friendly, let alone 'grim' I have no clue." Padfoot barked once, and nudged Harry's foot with his muzzle. "Yeah, yeah hang on you git. Let me get a ball." After searching for a few moments, he failed to find one. Eventually he just grabbed a pillow and transfigured it into a tennis ball that would make McGonagall proud. He and Sirius were thus occupied for an hour, before they both grew bored again.

Padfoot jumped up on the couch beside Harry, and nuzzled into his side.

"Siri, do you know just ho disconcerting it is to see a dog running after a ball with his Prince Albert bouncing after him? That just messes with a guy's mind. Dogs should be loveable and have the whole innocent aura. And the nipple ring. That's a bit off putting too."

"You weren't upset last night!" In a flash, Sirius was off the couch, and standing in front of Harry, looking a bit put out, and also a bit cold. This may have been due to his lack of clothes.

Proving, yet again, that they had horrible luck when it came to the horrible sitting room, Snape and Remus chose that moment to walk through the door.

It was almost as if it was practiced, there was no other way they could all shriek at the same time, and even all with the same girlish pitch. Sirius immediately reached to cover himself as he rushed for his clothes that were lying in a pile on the floor.

"Someone please tell me that I am hallucinating. It is quite impossible that a naked Black was standing in front of Potter. I am also quite sure that this is a bad, bad dream. Remus, please indulge me. And possibly wipe my memory. Yes, that would be very much appreciated." Remus grabbed Severus' arm, and lead him to a very welcome looking chair. By this time, Sirius was finally able to both locate and put on his pants, and had sat down on the couch next to Harry.

"Well, so that's one less person that is in the dark." Harry was trying his best at being nonchalant. "Now the total is up to four."

"Who else already knew?" Remus looked up from the shell shocked Severus, quite surprised.

"Well you, obviously, and the twins who happened to walk into the room in an inopportune moment. You know, the amusing thing is that this time we weren't doing anything. We had been playing fetch, and he was just changing back."

"I should fucking well hope you weren't doing anything!"

"Sevvy! Language!"

"Remus, kindly fuck off."

"Severus Snape I will not have you speak to me in such a way. If you intend to speak to me with the respect I deserve, I will stay and help you deal with what must be a big shock. If not, yours shall be a bed most cold."

"Heh, you got told."

"Padfoot, shut up, and stop being such an idiot for once."

"But, but, he got told…" Remus had effectively both removed the wind from Sirius' sails, and burst his bubble, all in one fell swoop.

"Back to the matter at hand, if I may?"

"Yes Harry, you may."

"Thank you Remus. So Professor, is there any way you can just believe that all of this was a fever dream? Or do we actually have to talk about what was seen?"

"He is far too old, and idiotic and immature, and Black-like to be with anyone, let alone someone who is still in school!"

"Oh bullocks. We actually do have to talk about this, huh?"

"So it would seem Bob."

"Ah, well then… Hmm… What exactly do I say?"

"I would go with long flowery declarations of love, myself Bob."

"Oh please tell me you don't love the brainless twit!"

"Uh… Hey look, a bear!"

"You have really got to get a new diversion technique, Rocco."

"Would you believe Chuck Norris with a B B gun?"

"I'm not falling for that one again. Do you think I'm stupid?" Harry gave a quick nod, and Sirius responded with a shove and a quick barking laugh.

"Wait, let me guess, Black happened to not mention the fact that he was only interested in having a bit of fun?"

"Hey! I take offence to that! I love Harry! Who are you to doubt my intentions? You greasy haired, pompous, egomaniacal rat-bastard!" Severus seemed quite taken aback at Sirius' outburst, but seemed downright disgusted by Harry's reaction. In all fairness, his reaction wasn't really all that scandalous: a hug and a quick peck on the cheek, but Severus was in a very delicate place mentally.

"Professor, I would prefer it if you not tell anyone."

"So one by one, all of the guests in the house can walk in on you and Black in the buff?"

"As fun as that may be Snivellus and as nice as that alliteration was, Harry wouldn't like it, and at some point you have to put the wants of the person you love above your own." Remus and Severus gaped at the statement, while Sirius was just awarded another squeeze.

"Potter, how in the hell did you ever get Black to act mature?"

"Well Professor, I find throwing things at him works, that and threats that you really need not concern yourself with."

"Ew." Harry let out a small giggle as Snape undoubtedly had many an unwanted mental image flash before his eyes.

"Told you that you need not concern yourself. But back to the matter at hand. You won't tell anyone will you?"

"I suppose. Besides, do you really think it would be pleasant for me to delve into the petty gossip that is the romantic entanglements of my students? Unless an unfortunate incident were to occur. In which case I would be forced to finish the job that curtain began."

"I'm not sure whether to be thankful or scared out of my wits."

"Just stay on your toes Black."

"Hey, I still know my way around a wand Sevvy."

"I'm going to pretend that your statement was not an innuendo, and go lie down. This day has been far more taxing that I thought it could. And Molly is screaming something about childish mistakes. I assume that was your doing?"

"You know what they say about assuming things, they make an ass out of you and me. And would you rather she was yelling at you, and not just generally at the world?"

"Hmm, too true unfortunately. It pains me so to agree with one whose mental capacity rivals a stump." Remus finally stepped in and grabbed Severus' sleeve, leading him out of the room before the daily insult fest grew to exchanging blows.

"Well, now what do we do?"

"Bob, that really isn't a hard question. I mean, peg 'A' into slot 'B' isn't that hard to manage."

"Your wit is just biting, you know? I mean do we tell others, or what?"

"The figurative ball is in you figurative court, you know, speaking quite figuratively of course."

"Straight answers are not your figurative strong point. I'm thinking of telling Hermione and Ron. And then, years from know, when she's on her death bed, tell Mrs. Weasley."

"Good plan. She won't be able to kill me then."

"Yes, I thought so. Now about this slot and peg business… I think the conversation could be better completed upstairs?"

"Harry! We need to talk to you!" Harry let out a groan as Hermione and Ron burst through the doors. Fortunately for all involved, Sirius was fully clothed, and nothing that could be reported back to Molly in an unfavorable light was seen.

"What do you want to talk to me about? If Ron thinks he saw death eaters in the garden stealing potatoes again, I'm not dealing with it."

"But they were there!"

"Yes Ronald, I'm sure that Voldemort's minions have nothing better to do than steal produce, especially when Harry is right inside the house."

"See! At least Sirius believes me!"

"Merlin, dull as a very dull thing, this one."

"Well, aren't our similes going down hill?" Harry said with a smirk.

"Bob, kindly shut up. Now go play with your little friends, I have things to do, and Moonys to bother."

"Just don't blame what ever mayhem that ensues on me this time."

"He wasn't all that mad…"

"He turned my hair purple. And my glasses looked those horrible ones the Skeeter woman had. And he wouldn't turn them back for a week! You call that not mad?"

"Harry, you and Sirius can argue later, we have to talk to you now." Hermione pinched the top of Harry's ear, and dragged him out of the room.

Once reaching the library, Hermione released her death grip, and Harry was allowed to sit facing his two friends. Once they had all settled in, a soft click of a lock slipping into place was heard.

"Uh, guys, why does this feel like the beginning of an intervention?"

"Because it is and intervention Harry. You haven't been spending as much time with us lately, and it's been worrying me- I mean us. Even at school you seem preoccupied, but now that we've come to number 12, it's even worse. It's like something has caught all of you attention. Those doors are staying locked until you tell us what's wrong."

"Hermione, do you ever feel like you are using the royal 'we', because, in your little monologue, I sure did. Though I wouldn't expect Ronnikins to add much to the 'intervention'. He seems to be staring quite intently out that window."

"The gnomes are up to something. Probably. But you can never be too sure with those gnomes."

"Ron, did your mum drink when she was preggers with you and Ginny? Because that would explain ever so much."

"My mum is a saint!" Ron's face was turning an odd shade of red as he grew more and more furious at the perceived attack of his mother.

"Yes, yes, we all know Ron. You've told us numerous times. You don't have to hex Harry to prove it." Hermione had begun to pat Ron's arm, and lead him to a chair away from the window. He was growing to have an unhealthy obsession with the garden and what nefarious happenings may or may not actually taking place.

"Harry, back to the matter at hand, what's wrong. You can tell us and we promise to understand. If it has you this distracted, it must be quite important."

"Mate, just tell her that you finally realized that Draco was up to something, we can go investigate, make his life hell, Hermione can punch him, he'll be cleared, and life will finally get back to normal."

"Ron, buddy, pal, DRACO MALFOY IS NOT UP TO ANYTHING! YOU HAVE TO LET IT GO! I hate to be quite so loud, but come on, not everything is Draco. One would think that you have an unhealthy obsession."

"Says the boy that went after him every single year with a focus that was almost scary."

"He is right about that Harry, as much as it shocks me to say it. But you seem to have a much healthier attitude toward slytherins this year. If you were still obsessing over Draco, I wouldn't be worried at all. But you aren't. There is no logical explanation that I've found. There's been no big occurrence, and yet since Christmas, you've been almost a different person. Why is that?"

"Hey look! Chuck Norris with a B B gun!"

"You aren't talking to one of the dimmer inhabitants of this house, Harry." Hermione's statement was slightly counteracted by Ron shout of "Where?"

"Why must I be surrounded by easily distractible idiots?"

"Because you really do want to go out with me?"

"Ron, I don't really understand why you persist in fantasies. I do not now, nor will I ever want to go out with you. I tend to only be romantically involved with those who are aware that there is no way that Chuck Norris could appear in a locked room in a house with anti-apperation wards." Ron looked a bit crestfallen, and yet Harry had the feeling that Hermione's answer would by no means be the end of Ron's obsession. He felt quite sorry for Hermione.

"So what is it that has you so distracted? Tell me, but not Hermione. She's being mean."

"Ron, somehow, I think that anything I would say would be far beyond your field of expertise at the moment. Seeing as Hermione is still shooting you down, smart girl that she is."

"Oh! You like someone!"

"Very good Ron, do you want a cookie."

"Actually very much. I think mum has some baking."

"Harry, ignore the weasel. What's the lucky girl's name?"

"It's a bloak actually." Harry spoke in barely a whisper, but in a quiet room with his friends hanging on every word, he was heard.

"Dear Merlin, not another poofter!" Hermione smacked the back of Ron's head.

"How would Dean and Seamus and Neville feel if they heard you using that word?"

"Dean and Seamus use it as a bloody pet name!"

"Which doesn't give you an excuse to use it!"

"Are you ever not sickeningly PC? Honestly?" As his two friends were tearing each other various new orifices, Harry made use of the distraction, and tried a mad dash for the door.

After trying all of the unlocking spells ever granted to him by Professor Flitwick, Harry sighed in frustration. Hermione had bested him yet again. He wasn't especially surprised, she tended to spend her spare time reading up on new spells, and in the summer, spare time was in surplus.

A short laugh alerted him to the end of the argument, and the fact that all attention was again on Harry.

"Do you really think I'd use a charm you knew the counter to? Please give me a bit more credit. Now sit and tell us the name of your beau."

"John."

"Thank yo-"

"Paul. George. Ringo!"

"Great. Just great. You aren't going to answer are you?"

"Well, I may. I may not. I might just let your scarily smart brain figure out what happened right about when I started acting 'strange'. I think you're bright enough." Harry could practically hear the gears clicking into place as Hermione slowly figured out just who Harry was referring to.

"No! You didn't. He didn't. You couldn't have!"

"Uh, sort of?" Harry at least had the decency to look a bit sheepish.

"Harry, he is too old for you! And who knows if he's even is his right mind! Did you ever stop and think that this may not have been the best plan?"

"Merlin I'm tired of people saying he's crazy; he is rich enough to be called eccentric. Any way, I love him, and he loves me.

"Yes but-"

"You had your turn. Look, do you really think you can say anything that hasn't already been said by Remus?"

"Remus knows?"

"Well of course he does! He knew from the start. Hell, at this point the twins and even Snape knows. Not on purpose of course. I think Remus is off trying to calm him right now. He can do a far more affective job than anyone else. Though why someone as nice as Remus would subject themselves to Snape, I will never know."

"Why would you subject yourself to Sirius?"

"Wait, how does Sirius factor in to all of this?" Ron had finally jumped into the conversation, only to prove that he had no idea what the conversation was about.

"Ron, are you that dense? Come on, Sirius is who we've been discussing!" Hermione seemed to be completely devoid of patience for Ron's obliviousness by this point.

"Ew. You and Sirius? He's like twenty years older than you."

"Well yeah, but take into account his mental age. We're far closer."

"Yeah but…EW. How do you, like you know, do," He dropped his voice to a nearly inaudible whisper, "it".

"Well Ron, they-"

"Hermione please let me field this one. I've finally found a subject that I know more about than you. I want my turn to show off."

"Be my guest."

"Thank you. Well Ron, I'm assuming you mean how does it work when nether of us has a , uh, for lack of a better term, 'forward facing orifice', and we both have, again for lack of a better term, 'extroverted bits'. It's quite simple really. Very much an insert peg A into slot B operation. Quite simple really. I could get into more detail, of course." He didn't have to. Ron had fainted dead away.

Well then boys and girls, thus ends another installment of Home Coming. I have big, important plans for the next chapter. Hopefully that means that it'll come out by the end of the month.

Contest time boys and girls! The name my computer special contest is still on and will remain to be until I post the end of story drabbles.

Speaking of which, I need more drabble ideas. Give me anything. A word, a sentence, even a bloody color. Anything at all would be fine.

I also have a loverly Drarry banner for those of you interested. If you want it, I need an email address. I'm planning on sending it out a week from this posting date so act fast! Or you know, I'll send it to you later and be lightly abusive for not acting fast. Okay, okay, I'll probably just send it, and beg for praise.

And lastly, if you kindly readers ignore the kindly blue button, one of the order members will turn scab (cough Ginny cough) and the ministry will storm number 12 Grimmauld and arrest Siri. Won't that be fun? You readers are the only ones who stand between Siri and dementors. No pressure.