Disclamer: Not mine. Characters belong to Fox etc.

Summary: House & Thirteen from very beginning, story line is blurry yet.

1.

'So... what's the differential diagnosis for a guy, who's dead.' House sat at the desk in the conference room, playing with his cane. The one he stole from his patient, the guy wouldn't use it anyway, he was dead. He let it roll around his fingers a few times, before he noticed that there was something engraved on it. 'Best grandpa ever', House frowned, the guy couldn't even wipe his ass properly, he liked to drool a lot and had a very bad haircut, how he could be the best, let alone 'ever' if he was dead. He frowned again, the last part didn't make sense, even for him.

'Um.. maybe a deathly sickness?' House raised his head to look at the person who spoke. She immediately looked scared and embarrassed, House smiled at her, she smiled in return. 'Well, girl with obviously fake fun bags' her smile dropped 'I think we got that covered when I said that he was dead. You're fired.' girl was about to protest, when he quickly added 'and it's not because your stupidity OR your idiocy, it's because if I wanted a girl with plastic boobs in my team I would have hired a barbie or Holly from Playboy Mansion.' girl quickly stood and left the conference room as fast as she could. Man sitting next to her looked at him strangely. 'What? Don't tell me you don't watch 'E' or you're fired' the guy immediately averted his gaze, House looked around the room at the other doctors.

Cuddy said 'hire a team', she forgot to add 'three doctors' and 'you have a week', so it was her fault he was sitting in a conference room with thirty doctors, that were ready to diagnose their own mother for a deathly disease, just to please him. And he, of course being House, will take whole advantage of it.

'Any other brilliant ideas?' He stood and walked to the board. Silence welcomed him. 'Come on, I'm sure not all of you have fake boobs... in the other hand, that girl in the left corner should be blushing furiously now' every doctor looked in her direction, and girl in fact blushed a crimson red. House came around the board and started writing something on it.

'Can.. Could you tell us some more details?' the guy with british accent asked, bracing himself for an insult. 'Nope' House's head appeared from behind the board 'though, it would help a lot, wouldn't it?' he made a face and continued to write something on the other side of board.

'Was he old or young?' he heard someone asking, he came form behind the board. 'Why would that matter?' he asked the audience, he couldn't identify who asked him this question. 'Well...' the voice sounded again and it belonged to a very attractive woman in her late twenties, sitting in the second row 'it would certainly reduce still enormous number of diseases that likely killed him.' House nodded, it was a very simple but precise question. 'He was young, in fact he was seventeen years young.' The woman nodded never breaking the eye contact. She was gorgeous, she had big, beautiful eyes, which color he couldn't see from this distance, what strangely annoyed him, her hair had a beautiful shade of red and were cascading freely on her shoulders and there was this mysterious air about her... He mentaly shook himself.

'So! I suppose now, that you all know this specific detail about our dead son, you are full of ideas that I can mock.' he raised his eyebrows at the other doctors, mentaly memorizing to do not look at the mysterious woman to often. Some of the doctors opened their mouths, ready to try to impress House with their knowledge of all deathly diseases that come to their minds, starting with cold and finishing with malaria but House just rolled his eyes, 'don't care, check the reception for files of our lovely pimpled boy and someone page me when you're finished.' With that he cast another glance at the woman in the second row, who was watching him curiously with a ghost of a smile, he frowned again and limped out of the conferential room, firing the blushing girl in the process.

Remy Hadley sat with the other doctors in the conferential room with a file opened in front of her. It was a case about mysterious death of Lucas Murray. The boy was a perfect case of health, then one day he choked on a fry and died. Really, leave it to House to have a weird case. She heard about him, who hasn't. The badass doctor, one kind of a jerk but also a hell of a good diagnostician. The best actually. She imagined him to be a mix of Einstein, Mick Jagger and Woody Allen, but he turned out to be, well... more attractive. The rest fit perfectly, he was a sarcastic ass who took advantage of being crippled, thinking it gave him the right to be such a jerk to other people.

But still... she observed him from the moment he walked in the conference room, with an energy that a cripple shouldn't have he limped to the board and wrote 'everybody lies'. Then still not taking notice of any of the other thirty doctors in the room, he sat on the desk and started to play with his cane, frowning a couple of times, thinking hard on something. He wore some vintage band t-shirt, from the distance she guessed only that it was The Cure, some simple converse shoes and he also wore jeans low on his hips, which made him look even more sexy than she allowed herself to admit.

After a couple of minutes, he spoke and the sound of his voice only added to his sexiness. He had this deep voice, pure american accent that reminded her of Clint Eastwood's voice. As she suspected he almost immediately insulted and fired someone. She got annoyed after his showinistic comment about that poor girl's boobs, but really, what else she could expect, after all she almost caught him checking her out only she'd rather liked to think it was a pure curiosity. She didn't want to get involved, with anything, let alone with anyone. It is just a job, a well-paid job, a chance to learn something from a very good doctor, a chance to get her mind off...

'Daddy's home!' House walked in, causing a few doctors to hide their cellphones and ipods frantically. Really, they think it will make difference if they sit like a good trained dogs, waiting for him, waggling their tail. House raised his eyebrows at one particular girl who failed with hiding her cellphone in her tiny bag. 'You're fired' he made a funny face at her and limped to the desk. 'Oh, apparently it matters' she thought sarcastically.

'So, again, what's the differential diagnosis for a dead boy?' he looked into his own file. 'He's name is Lucas' someone said, House looked up and pursed his lips, then looked into his file again 'there is also written that he's DEAD and that he is a BOY. Lucas sounds lame, dead-boy works better, really.'

'Low blood flow could cause throat to close' a woman sitting next to her said confidently, she looked like a bitch if anyone would like to hear her opinion. Her features were cold and she had this strict air about her, she even had a pretensional accent, like she knew everything, 'Oh really? I just thought that the fry was too big... silly me.' Remy smirked, getting a very annoyed look from the woman in return. 'If we already got it covered that it wasn't just a very big fry that murdered our dead boy...'

'Tumors in his brain could cause some of the vital functions like swallowing, to stop working', Remy said, after she made sure to send an amused glance in the woman's direction. House turned his attention to her, raising his eyebrows 'and what makes you think that this is a neurological problem?' Remy shrugged 'nothing, but also nothing makes me think that this isn't a neurological problem' House stared at her, thinking. 'All right!' he took his attention back to the rest of the doctors and Remy felt a lot more relaxed. 'Daddy now needs to talk with mommy, so you can play with big toys later' doctors looked at him confused. 'I need to make sure that Cuddy knows absolutely nothing about the fact that we're going to stick a needle and other bigger objects into the brain of our dead patient' House looked ecstatic about the idea and limped out of the room leaving Remy satisfied and woman next to her with a murderous look.

Half an hour later, they heard a muffled voices that were slowly coming closer to the conference room. One agitated voice, belonged to a woman, second - mocking, it was House. 'This is going to be fun' Remy thought and smiled.

'What twisted, sick voice told you this time to act this unethical and, well, unethical?!' Cuddy's voice was now sounding very irritated and very close to the door. 'Wilson's' House quippied 'now shhh...'

'Don't shhhush me!' Cuddy said even more agitated. 'I said shhhh, you will wake up the babies...'

'What babies?!' door opened and very annoyed and confused Cuddy walked in. She looked at twenty-seven doctors that were sitting shamelessly in her conference room, a few of them even waved to her. 'What is this?' she asked weakly, turning to House. 'My interview, you said I needed a team' House explained slowly as if he was talking to a very retarded kid. 'Yes, a TEAM, as a small group of people and by small I mean three, not a dozen of doctors! What, you want me to build you your own building, so you can keep all of your insanities here?!' Cuddy's eyes were now bulging at him. 'That would be nice...' House scratched his chin thoughtfully, Remy smirked, Cuddy rolled her eyes and walked further into the room standing in front of the desk.

She smiled a very fake smile and looked at the doctors kindly. 'Welcome to the Princeton-Plainsboro hospital, my name is doctor Cuddy and I'm the boss of this hospital...' she stopped, noticing a few shocked, embarassed and amused faces. She turned slowly 'I should've known better' she thought closing her eyes with embarrassment. House opened the board and now was standing with a very satisfied face next to a big lettering: 'Cuddy's not wearing any underwear on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays!'

'Why dr Cuddy, today is monday!' House said with a fake-shocked voice to a very annoyed Cuddy, who was now leaving the conference room. Remy couldn't remember the last time she smiled so widely.

A/N: Because of the lack of HousexThirteen stories I decided to try and write something myself, the action is slow, there will be more HousexThirteen.

I'm aware that there may be some mistakes, and my only excuse is that I'm in the middle of english course. Also, I'm not a doctor, I suck at biology, so symptoms, causes etc. are fake and made up. I really don't have an idea if tumors have anything in common with throats :)

I also can't promise that this story will be updated frequently or yet alone finished. Just for your knowledge - reviews are a nice kick in the ass for me ;)