Disclaimer:Numb3rs isn't mine and no possessions were wrecked in the process of writing this tale (except for the glass I accidentally (I swear) broke which sparked off this one-shot)
A/N: A shortie to keep me in the swing of things; plot bunny came up last week when trying to study for my History test. It figures.
Of Breaking & Entering
"Hold it right there," came the command from the opposite side of the door and Don paused in the act of opening the front door to enter his childhood home.
Aren't I the one who usually gives that order? he thought, his brow creasing in confusion before realizing that yes, he was, and since the command had come from a voice he was used to disagreeing with (his mind had registered it fully by now), Don felt no compunction in ignoring it entirely and throwing the door open wider.
Unoccupied space at eye level (at least, unoccupied by any breathing entity) had Don dropping his eyes south.
"Charlie, what the hell are you doing?" he asked his little brother who was crouched down next to the table in the foyer.
"Trying to stop my brother from stepping in and crushing the bowl even further, but apparently, he has a hearing problem," replied Charlie with a glare.
"Actually, it's more of a problem with authority," Don said as he took in the hazard scene or rather, the crime scene, surrounding his sibling. Scanning the vicinity, Don could see dots of white and green, all varying in size, throwing up a contrast to the white polished floor. Looking down at his own feet, Don could see the debris coming almost all the way to the door. Bending down, he picked up one white piece, pressing the ceramic between his fingers. Next to Charlie was the main chunk of the now wrecked green-fluted bowl, the round shape still discernable somewhat but with one side almost fully gone, and the young mathematician was filling it with its own remains.
"Oh, you're in trouble now, Humpty Dumpty," Don stated as he closed the door behind him.
Charlie lifted his head long enough shoot his brother another glare before immediately reaching out and grabbing one of the bigger pieces and placing it in the broken bowl.
"I'm not broken; it's the darn bowl that's broken," Charlie argued.
"Yeah, but you'll be joining its fate soon enough when Dad gets home. Where is he anyway?" Careful not to crush the ceramic littering the floor, Don carefully made his way over to his brother's side with difficulty considering he was wearing steel-toed boots.
"He's gone to the movies with Ray-Ray. Apparently, cars crashing and things being blown up makes engineers very, very happy."
"And broken bowls make fathers very, very unhappy," retorted Don as he helped his brother gather up the remains.
Pushing his curly hair out of his face, Charlie sat back on his heels and looked at his brother. "You know, technically, I've paid for the house. It's mine."
"But the possessions aren't. You think any condo of Dad's would be complete without this bowl carrying mail, fruit or what-not?" shot back Don.
Charlie sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I've led a good life, haven't I? But I haven't completed my Cognitive Emergence Theory yet. You think that fact would stop Dad from killing me?"
Don smirked. "If anything can, it's probably the fact that you are closer to giving him grandchildren now than ever before."
"Good point," said Charlie morosely as crawled a bit further out to grab some wayward pieces.
"Anyway, what happened here?" Don asked curiously.
"You know how they say clumsiness is a part of growing up? Well, let's just say that once it comes, it's very reluctant to leave," Charlie replied, not looking at his brother so as to avoid the wide smile that was probably breaking out any moment now.
"It's ok Chuck, clumsy or not, you'll always be a minuscule egghead to me," ribbed Don, poking his brother in the arm with one sharp piece before tossing onto the growing pile. Gathering up the mail that had fallen to the floor along with the bowl, he stood up. Charlie did the same, only he took hold of the bowl and its contents. Both brothers scanned the floor for any remaining debris and finding none, Don followed Charlie to the kitchen table.
Don pulled back one of the chairs and sat down, rifling through the letters as his brother placed the bowl on the table and began to rummage through the drawers in the dining room.
"What are you looking for?" asked Don somewhat distractedly.
"The super-duper glue that will put Humpty Dumpty back together again," muttered Charlie as he slammed one drawer close and opened another.
"Charlie, you're kidding right? There's no way you can fix that thing, it's too broken. Some of the pieces rival powder at the moment," Don argued.
"Where there is a will, there's a way, along with an unsuspecting father," replied Charlie.
"Normally, I'd admire your optimism, but there are other solutions to your problem," said Don mysteriously.
Charlie paused in his search and looked over his shoulder to his brother who had suddenly become very interested in the address covering one brown envelope.
"Really? And what would the other solutions be?"
"Solutions to what? Sorry Charlie, didn't hear you," asked Don with a completely straight face.
Rolling his eyes at his brother's act, Charlie asked, "How do I fix the bowl without gluing it back together?"
"You can't fix the bowl without gluing it back together," Don replied.
"But you just said we could!" Charlie protested.
"Is that what I said? And easy on the 'we' part, brother; I'm not an accomplice, simply an innocent observer."
Charlie thought back to what his brother had said, and realized what game his brother was playing. Correct answers would only come if the correct questions were asked.
"Alright. What are the other solutions to my problem other than trying to repair the bowl?" Charlie asked clearly.
"Well…," began Don, deliberately speaking slowly, "you could try and replace the bowl."
"Replace it? Before dad gets back? I don't even know how old it is, who got it, and where from. For all I know, Mom and Dad bought it together someplace special, which is why it's always right there, smack dab in the foyer like that," replied Charlie, his voice rising in panic as he considered the fact that he'd destroyed a special memento of his parents.
"Calm down, Chuck, before you give yourself an aneurysm. I'm here aren't I? That's what big brothers are for." Don's eyes glinted as he spoke again: "Of course, for a certain price that it."
"You make it sound as though I'm trying to hire you as a hit-man or something," retorted Charlie.
"That hurts Charlie. Fine. No hit-man for you," replied Don as he made his way into the kitchen through the swinging doors. He had barely opened the refrigerator door before the door swung open again to make way for his younger brother.
"Alright, whatever you want, you got it. But first, can we please get the bowl before Dad gets back and you're short one family member?"
Don grinned. Putting the unopened beer bottle back into the fridge, he closed the door. "Follow me," he said and made his way out of the kitchen. He had almost made it to the front door before his brother spoke:
"Where are we going?"
"Relax, Charlie, I'm not kidnapping you."
"Actually, you might want to if we don't find another bowl. But where are we going?" Charlie asked again as he grabbed his jacket from the hook in the wall and shrugged into it.
Don, who had stepped outside in the meantime, poked his head inside and spoke succinctly:
"IKEA. Dad got a set of two 'cause of a gift certificate given to him by somebody at work."
Charlie quickly reached out and grabbed his brother by the sleeve: "So why don't we just replace it with the other one? I'll order another set online as a back-up."
"We can't," said Don. "Now hurry up before the store closes and dad gets back."
Charlie followed his brother outside but before getting into the car he asked, "Why not?"
Don put on his sunglasses before replying tonelessly:
"Because I broke the first one last year and replaced it with the second one. Dad doesn't know. So let's get going before both of us get into trouble."
Khatum (The End)
Plot bunnies always seem nicer when you're trying to study. Oh, and fans of the bowl? Please don't kill me. I replaced it, didn't I:-)