Set in the Summer between Becoming Part Two and Anne. About one month after Buffy has been gone.
Beware: This is Xander/Joyce filled and if that wigs you out back away now like I back away from Buffy/Giles. That is; run.
I really wanted this to be a smutarific fic but somehow it ended up being emotional and comfort based. Damn those characters taking control of the story. I've also tried to fit this into canon as much as I can. So I took into context the followings things.
1. Xander stating in DMP 'Well you did. You should have seen what you put her [Joyce through'. I mean how would he know unless he spent a lot of the Summer with her? Comforting her?
2. Xander says in The Zeppo that he had never been up with people before and he was in awe later about the fact of having sex which unfortunately meant no full on action between Xander and Joyce. (Hey, I have other plots in my mind so maybe that will come in another story. Teehee)
3.In DMP when they all run up the stairs away from the zombies is it just me or does Joyce seem to reach for Xander's ass? Perhaps at the last moment only remembering who would see. And he does seem perfectly at home and comfortable in her bedroom and being sat close to her.
I think this all makes the following story pretty reasonable. Enjoy and reviews are the food of life and you wouldn't want me to starve now would you?
The knock at the door. It had become the only sound that ever truly reached Joyce's ears. That and the phone. Those were the only two things that could possibly hold Buffy on the other end. It never did though. It was always someone else. It had been a month and Joyce had yet to hear one word from Buffy. One word. Mr Giles was flying all over the country looking for her and Joyce was positive he must be using up all his funds on plane fights, but if she was honest with herself she really didn't care. He had to find Buffy. He owed her that much.
The knocking persisted and Joyce got up out of her seat on the sofa with a sigh, trying to suppress with all her might the subconscious hope that it was going to be Buffy at the front door, returned from wherever the hell she had been.
She pulled open the door without peering through the glass panes and on the doorstep found-
"Oh, Xander, uh, hi"
He just smiled at her, that friendly smile of his that Joyce was sure showed he always knew more about what was going on than he ever let on to Buffy or Willow. The smile was reassuring.
"Hi, Mrs S. Can I come in?"
At this question, Joyce realized she had been letting the poor boy stand on the doorstep, not even attempting to invite him in, but her mind was elsewhere these days.
"Oh, yes, yes of course," She assured him, stepping aside to allow him into the hall.
"So uh still nothing from Buffy then?" He asked as she closed the front door and gestured for him to go on into the living room.
"No," She shook her head sadly, "All these thoughts keep going through my mind as to why she hasn't called. She could be trapped, in danger, hurt"
"I know you're worried Mrs Summers, but trust me no way could Buffy get trapped," He assured her, "I mean with her strength that's not really much to worry about there. Trust me"
"Her strength?" Joyce frowned at him.
"You know...her Slayer strength?" Xander prompted and then began to panic, "You did know right? Giles told me you did..."
"Oh I knew...I mean I've been told but- I didn't know you knew. How do you know? Mr Giles said this...Slayer thing was a secret identity or something just as ridiculous sounding so how come you-"
"Giles didn't tell you that part huh?" He guessed correctly.
"What part?"
"About me and Will?" He said, "Knowing. We've kinda known since the beginning..."
"What?" At the tone in her voice, Xander momentarily worried that the anger was directed at him but when she started muttering about Giles he realized it was the G-Man that was in trouble.
"How much exactly did he tell you?" Xander asked the woman carefully and she stopped her cursing as she looked at him.
"Just that Buffy is the Slayer, that that is some of super girl who fights vampires or something and that he's her...her Watcher"
"That's all he told you?"
"There's more to tell?" Joyce asked him and the way she looked at him told Xander he'd better answer honestly.
"Kinda...it's just sorta more complicated than Buffy Slayer, Slayer kill Vamps"
"Complicated how...?" Joyce asked slowly.
"Well, I mean there's demons...and apocalypses a-and-" He looked at Joyce and faltered, "And stuff like that..."
"Apoca..." Joyce sighed and walked over to fall into a seat on the couch, "Oh I'm not sure I even want to know anymore. I don't think I can take hearing any of this," She looked up at Xander, "Is this why Buffy left? Because of the...Slaying? I mean in her note she said some things, brief things, and they didn't really explain much. Just said she was-s," Joyce's voice started to break slightly, "that she was, s-sorry. Oh god," She blinked away tears, "I'm sorry. I'm an emotional wreck right now."
"Makes sense," He shrugged, hovering for a moment where he stood before deciding he would take the seat beside her, "But that's only really partly why Buff left"
"Is it because of what I said?" She asked sadly, "Buffy always did take things literally...I would never mean...I could never mean-"
"Mean what?" Xander asked, "What is it?"
"When...the night before she left. I had just...Buffy had just told me what she was. I-I tried to reason with her, she said she had to go...but, I wanted, I wanted her to stay, to explain, or to admit she'd...been making it up or something. But she ignored me, went to leave anyway. I was so desperate Xander...it just came out of my mouth before I could stop it"
"What?" Xander asked, but it was a kind asking not an urgent or prodding one, "What is it you said?"
"I told her that..." Joyce sighed, "I told her that if she walked out of this house she...oh god, I said she couldn't come back. And she didn't. She left. And what if that's why? What if she thought she didn't have a home to go back to? What if that's it?"
Unable to hold it in anymore, and feeling like all her emotions had been voiced and made vulnerable anyway, Joyce burst into tears, sobs that she tried to cover and sniffle back. She failed at this miserably.
Xander wasn't quite sure what to do. Adults didn't cry. Adults were...the non-crying type. Then again, this wasn't a normal situation and what could Mrs Summers be expected to do except, well, cry? He patted her gently on the shoulder.
"Trust me that won't be it," He told her kindly, "Buffy'll know you were just upset. And we all say things we don't mean when we're upset right? Buffy left...I think she left because of other things"
"What other things?" Joyce sniffled, looking at him and he looked awkward and uncomfortable.
"You really wanna know?" He asked, "I mean this might be more than you-"
"Please, just tell me," She told him quietly and sadly.
"Well...it was Angel. You know Angel right?" He asked and she nodded.
"Buffy's boyfriend. Or, I mean he used to be. She and...er...Spike were talking about him the night...the night we argued. Something a-about stopping him, I think"
"Yeah," Xander nodded, "Stop the big old psychotic vampire"
"A vampire?" Joyce asked, "He was a vampire? She was dating a vampire...but I thought...I thought she was meant to kill vampires. How could she...?"
"Well, see, he didn't always used to be evil," Xander explained, looking at Joyce warily to see how she was taking all this information, "There was this...curse...thing and it gave him his soul. A vampire with a soul. Personally, I didn't think it was that romantic but Buffy, well she totally dug it" He looked at Joyce again with a sigh, "Look, are you sure you wanna know this?" She nodded.
"Please, continue." She told him, "I think...I need to know"
"Okay...well, they were dating. He with his soul, helping her with his vamp strength and then...well-" He looked at Joyce, "You know that they erm..." He cleared his throat, "That they were tender right?"
She nodded in confirmation, a slight smile threatening to play at her lips at the term 'were tender'.
"Well, after that he sorta...well lost that soul. Some 'moment of perfect happiness' clause and seems his er...moments with Buffy were just that"
"And that's...when he changed..." Joyce gathered, "That's when...oh god, if I'd known what he was I wouldn't have...I wouldn't have talked to him, I would have just ran inside"
"Wait, what?" Now it was Xander's turn to ask the questions, "What do you mean? Angel spoke to you? Evil Angel? I mean Buff mentioned something about him drawing you sleeping or something but I didn't think he actually-"
"Drawing me? What?"
"Okay," Xander put his hands in the air in a 'whoa, stop' motion, "We're just confusing each other now. What do you mean you wouldn't have spoken to him?"
"What do you mean he drew me?" Joyce countered.
"I asked the question first"
"I'm older"
"I hate that excuse," He sighed, "Well, Angel when he's all la-la-la psychotic he likes...he likes to draw his victims before he kills them. He did it with Buffy, but didn't actually get to complete the deal. Then he drew you. While you were asleep. He left the sketch at Willow's I think. Buffy found it and..." Something clicked into place, "...and that was the night you talked to him wasn't it? God," He cursed.
"He was outside. One the front lawn. When I got home." Joyce explained, "He came over as I got in the car. Started saying things about Buffy. I just thought that he was...an ex that couldn't let go. I mean he clearly wasn't stable but I never thought..."
"That he was trying to kill you?" Xander guessed, "That's why Will did the de-invite. So he couldn't get in the house."
Joyce suddenly started crying again.
"Oh no-please, no don't do that," Xander begged, "It's me isn't it? I'm a terrible explainer. I just say things. You should get Will. She'd be nicer. Make you cry less"
"It's not you," Joyce assured him, mid-cry, "I just...all this Buffy had to go through, all these terrible things and I couldn't even be there for her. I didn't even..." She trailed off as she started crying more and Xander started up the comfort-patting of her back again and was rather startled when this prompted her to lean into him for a full-on hug. Startle over, he shrugged and put his right arm around her in the same way he did with Willow when she got upset over something. Usually though she was crying over the animal charity adverts while Joyce was crying over her daughter which, admittedly, was slightly different.
"And I just kept going on at her. Saying she wasn't trying hard enough, grounding her...and god, she had enough to worry about..."
"That wasn't your fault," Xander told her, meaning every word, "You were just being a good Mom. You didn't know" Okay, now she was holding his other hand in her own. She gave it a thankful squeeze.
"I'm sorry for crying all over you like this," She apologized, though she made no movement to lean up off of him despite the fact he had fallen back against the sofa because of it. Thinking on it, and looking, he thought this was a really weird way to be sat with your best friend's Mom.
"Not a problem," He told her, "People cry all over me all the time. By people I mean Will and Buffy. And Cordelia. Occasionally"
"Cordelia," She repeated, still holding his hand but now she'd rested her own on his thigh, "How are you two? Buffy...Buffy told me you two had started dating"
"Pretty good," He replied, "I mean most of our time together she spends insulting me, but that's Cordy. She's away on vacation now so I probably won't see her again till school starts"
"That's a shame..."
"Yeah, shame," Xander agreed but was a bit distracted that while she had let go of his hands, hers was still on his thigh and it was absently making light circles. And she was still leant against him. Yep, this was distracting. He looked at her and saw she was looking at the hand that was tracing circles on his thigh. Okay, so she was aware she was doing it. That was a little more distracting.
The hand movements felt nice. Nicely distracting. And her hair was nice. He hadn't noticed that much before. It looked nice though. Soft. He resisted the urge to stroke it as that, he believed, would just be odd. Not as odd as wanting to though.
She seemed to notice that he was watching her and she glanced up at him, her hand movements ceasing.
"Oh I'm sorry," She apologized, "I...didn't...well...I did but..." She sighed, looking at him, keeping eye contact, "You know you should probably go." She told him.
"Go?"
"I'm lonely," She explained, "And with Buffy gone and everything...I'm just...I'm really needy right now"
"Oh..." He said, not quite comprehending what she was telling him. She had nice eyes though. Brown. He liked brown eyes. He wondered whether she liked brown eyes also. He had brown eyes.
She maintained the eye contact, her eyes searching his face, seemingly taking in every feature.
"You're not going," She said to him,almost urgently as though needing him to leave.
"Well, you'd need to-" He was going to say 'lean off me' but he was cut off by the fact she was kissing him. Her lips on his. Mrs Summers' lips on his. Buffy's Mom's lips on his. Nope, no matter how he phrased it, the fact that it actually felt good over rode any concerns about who it was kissing him. Suddenly she pulled away, mid-kiss, not even allowing it to be completed and Xander was thrown by the feeling of disappointment that shivered through him. Did he really want her that much? The thought hadn't really occurred to him. Then he thought back to Valentine's Day and the dreams he'd had after that and realized the thought actually had occurred to him. Once or twice. Possibly more.
"Oh god," Joyce gasped, "What am I doing?" She asked, seemingly talking to herself, "Oh god, I'm sorry" She apologized, "I should..you need to go..." She told him, going to clamber up off of him but before she could she felt him take her hand and he pulled her back down onto the seat before he was kissing her again.
And this was a shock to her. It was one thing to begin kissing him out of neediness. Just wanting, needing someone to be there, to connect, to distract. But to have him initiate the kiss himself. Why on earth would he? She was his friend's Mother. All sensible thoughts such as this flew out the window though as the kiss progressed. A very impressive kiss; the boy had skills that was for sure she noted as his tongue danced inside her mouth, toying, almost tickling her own. Okay, this was wrong. She shouldn't be...tongues with her daughter's friend. He wasn't even legal age. And she was old enough to be his Mother...but damn, the boy could kiss. And why was he kissing her unless...unless he wanted to?
She put both her palms against his chest pushing him away gently yet forcefully so the kiss was broken and looked at him, searching his face for a single clue to what was going on, what he was thinking.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Uh...I might be wrong...but erm, you started it," He pointed out, looking slightly nervous as though he was now worried he had read into non-existent things and made the wrong move.
"Erm...yes, I know," She blushed, "But why are you...why are you continuing it?"
"Look, the thing with boys...we wonder about girls. Actually, that's all we do. Occasionally we think on food. But mostly; it's girls" He told her, "But there's...something else with women. If you ask me to explain it we'd be here all day, but there is. I mean, every guy has fantasies about their best friend's Mom...and it's kinda hard not to when they're as good looking as well, er, you" He grinned a lopsided grin slightly after saying that giving him the slight look of a puppy dog waiting sweetly for approval. He had evidently said the right thing though as within a short moment her lips were on his again only this time she wasn't holding back. And then she pulled away again. He sighed in frustration.
"Would you stop doing that?" He asked.
"Y-you want this...?" She asked him warily, "I mean I'm only doing this because I'm needy and..."
"Well, needs..." He said, reaching over and kissing along her neck which he found made her give an involuntary shiver of pleasure, "should definitely," More kisses, more shivers, "be met" He gently pulled her closer and for once, she didn't break off or pull away, as the two leant towards one another before their lips brushed one another's, falling into a kiss. Joyce did seem slightly reluctant at first, but then her mouth opened slightly to him and he teased her lips before plunging in, gaining entrance. And when she put her arms around him, gripping his back tightly with her fingers he knew she wasn't going to be pulling away anytime soon. Which was when he wrapped his own hands around her surprisingly tiny waist and guided her onto his lap.
"Xander...you're so nice..." She told him, looking at his chocolate brown eyes and dark hair that flopped adorably over his forehead and the sweet smile, before kissing him again. "So sweet..." She found herself toying with the shirt he had open over his tee, starting to push it off his shoulders. This was beginning to lead somewhere it shouldn't be led; he was just a boy, not even legal. But she found it so hard to stop and he didn't seem to be stopping her. But why would he? He was a seventeen year old boy; any chance of action and they went for it. But he'd said he'd wanted to. He'd said she was good looking. Hadn't he?
She continued to toy with his shirt, never stopping the kissing, before eventually pushing it down his arms and he shrugged out of the item himself as he kissed along her jaw bone. He began brushing over the buttons on her shirt and after a moment began to start undoing them. She stopped him with a hand on his.
"Xander...have you ever...?"
He shook his head. No, he hadn't. God, he hoped that wasn't going to change anything. He really didn't want this to stop. She felt so good in his arms, his hands neatly fitting into the curve of her back, and her kisses were definitely of the good. The very good in fact. And he hadn't been lying when he'd said about fantasies. And she did look great. Really great. He liked her in blue.
"Xander, I..." She started to get that look of uncertainty again. He really didn't want her to go down that thought path again, so instead he gently slipped his hand under her blouse, caressing the skin just under her bra, it felt so cool under his warm palms and for a moment he wondered whether he had been too forward, pushing a small opportunity too far, but she kissed him again before unbuttoning the shirt herself, shrugging the item aside. Kissing him again, she took his hand and gently guided him away from the sofa and across the room. He looked up the stairs, the direction in which they were going to be heading, and barely concealed a gulp. Go there and there was no coming back. Looking at Joyce and considering the fact that she was stood next time with a shirt no longer on, it was funny how that thought didn't really seem to bother him. Unable to hold back a second longer, he kissed her again, pushing her against the wall at the bottom of the stairs. Kissing her lips, her cheeks, her jaw line, her neck, down to her chest.
Joyce was amazed by how the boy moved. His hands being as agile and arousing as his kisses. For someone who claimed he'd never been with a woman before he certainly knew how to use his hands.
"You're way too dressed," She told him, "More so than me anyway" She added, pointing out her own topless situation before gathering up his t-shirt in her hands and pulling it up over his head, tossing the item aside, before letting her hands fall around him, low enough to reach his butt. She smiled as she cupped it, giving it a squeeze. Yep, that definitely felt good. And from the way Xander's eyes dilated even more, he thought it felt good too.
"C'mon," She said, before kissing him again. She then took his hand and led him up the stairs.
He practically stumbled up the stairs as he watched her walk in front of him, leading him up the steps. She still had her pants on. Linen. Beige. And something he really wanted to take off. He wanted to take his jeans off too. Moments ago they had been perfectly comfortable, his favorite pair, and now he couldn't bear them and was desperate to rid himself of the item of clothing.
Once in her bedroom she kicked the door shut behind them before picking up where they had left off downstairs as she kissed him feverishly and Xander returned the passion, running his hands along her arms, holding onto her tightly.
As she kissed him, she ran her hands along his chest, feeling and exploring every contour and enjoying every bit of what she felt. With what he wore you would never be able to tell the muscle tone he held underneath. It was definitely a surprise of the pleasant variety, the same as his willingness.
The two fell onto the bed, both remaining sat up though as their kisses and ministrations picked up pace and passion it was suspected that the seated position wouldn't last for long.
God, she needed him so much, she clung at him and she was sure her fingernails were digging into his skin, but it didn't give him pause, in fact it only seemed to encourage him further as he trailed kissing down her front, over her chest, her breasts, and as he reached her stomach she flinched slightly. She knew that she wasn't terribly unattractive and everything was held together pretty well- and she had to admit that Xander's interest in her had definitely given her an ego boost in the looks department- but her stomach was a vulnerable place. It didn't hide anything, didn't fool. And although she was lucky enough to have far fewer wrinkles than any other woman of her age she knew- Carole complained about it often enough, in a friendly teasing way of course- but her stomach was not as firm as it used to be and would serve as a reminder of how old she actually was.
Xander felt the flinch as he reached her stomach and had a strong feeling he knew what her worry was. She seemed to be full of insecurities, ones he had never even realized she had before now she had hid them so well, but he seriously didn't understand why she had them. In his opinion, she was gorgeous and even he had to admit that seventeen year old boys had a tendency to be picky and shallow. So if he thought that of her, it definitely had to be true. If only she would just realize it.
Instead of saying this though, he decided to prove it in another way as he continued to gently kiss every part of her stomach and at the same time started to work on the side zip of her trousers, working it open slowly.
"God, you're beautiful..." He murmured, not even meaning to say the words out loud. She looked at him apprehensively before standing up slightly to step gracefully out of them. She motioned for him to stand up also and feeling powerless to whatever she asked, he did so without question. She stepped forward. Her hands reaching for the button on his jeans, undoing it, before slowly unzipping the rest, her hands reaching around the waistband and pushing them down to the point that they fell down of their own accord. He stepped out of the leg holes, before kicking the jeans aside out of the way.
Standing before one another, both in their underwear, it instantly made them equals,no other precedents or conceptions between them. And Joyce stepped toward him, wrapping her arms around his neck as he put them around her waist and the two continued kissing one another.
She needed this. She just didn't realize how much. She knew she needed something, someone to connect with, to distract her from everything going on, everything that was tearing her apart inside...but if she were honest she had always suspected it would end up being Mr Giles. Nearer her age, cute in a befuddled British sort of way, but no, it had been Xander. Seventeen year old Xander and her daughter's best friend. He just seemed to understand so much, and he was so sweet and caring, and kind, and cute and the way he had said she was beautiful...
They fell back onto the bed, this time lay down, and despite the fact he was on top he in no way exerted dominance, he continued to maintain a sense of equality between them, that neither of them was the dominant.
He was kissing along her shoulder whilst reaching under her to unclasp her bra when he felt her shake slightly and he paused in confusion and concern, sitting back up slightly to look at her and saw that she was crying. Again.
"Oh...Joyce, you're not..." He looked at her, "You're not crying coz of me are you? Coz really, if I'm that bad, just tell me and..."
She shook her head, turning on her side as she continued to cry and as understanding reached him, he reached up off of her and lay at her side.
"No," He said, "This is about Buffy isn't it?"
She managed a nod through the silent tears.
"Here I use you and say I need...and then lead up here and I find I can't think of anything but Buffy...I'm sorry..." She apologized as she cried and he rested his hand on her arm soothingly.
"Why are you sorry?" He asked, "It's understandable. I wouldn't expect you to be thinking of anything but Buffy right now..." He told her, "She's your daughter and you don't know where she is. You're worried. That's understandable"
She shifted around so so she was facing him, a hand reaching up to stroke his cheek gently.
"You understand so much," She smiled softly at him, "You're older than your years aren't you? You should let on more often"
"And kill the surprise?" He teased, prompting a small smile from Joyce but it was choked by another sob as she began crying softly again. He put his arms around her and the two lay there; Joyce curled into him against his chest, crying softly while Xander had his arms around her, holding onto her, offering as much comfort and support as he could.
Morning light poured through the slither of a gap in the curtain and Joyce slowly opened her eyes, awakeness reaching her. She was warm and cosy and felt safe. A man's arms were around her, holding her supportively, warmly. She snuggled against the man, the feeling was nice and reassuring. They were under the covers, though she didn't recall climbing under them at any point in the night. The man must have shifted the two of them under the duvet at some point. The man. Her eyes widened as the memory came rushing back to her of who it was. She craned her neck to look at the man behind and saw that indeed it was Xander Harris she was in bed with, his arms wrapped around her in such a...loving way.
Nothing had happened, she remembered. Well nothing 'all the way' had happened. Though she had kissed and undressed him enough to feel unprepared to look him in the eye again. Ever. And although nothing had happened they were both interlocked here, in her bed, under the covers, and both were only in their underwear.
He was a heavy sleeper, as most teenage boys were, so she was able to shrug out of his embrace gently without waking him. She slipped out of bed, grabbing the nightgown that was presently hung over the wardrobe. Most she had were silk but this particular one was red and that wasn't exactly the image she wanted to put across after last night. However as she heard Xander stirring she felt she had no choice as hurriedly she grabbed the item, wrapped it around her and left the room, going down the stairs as she tied the wrap.
She was busying herself in the kitchen, making herself breakfast- something indulgent and ignorant of her diet, pancakes- when she hear the sound of footfalls on the steps. Xander. She heard him pause at the bottom, no doubt picking up the t-shirt that she had folded neatly over the banister for him, having been unable to bear the thought of actually going back into her room and leaving it there for him.
When he walked into the kitchen she made sure her back was turned, focused on cooking.
"Uh...mornin'," He said simply and she forced to turned around and look at him. God, why did he always have to wear that grin?
"Hello," Was all she found she could say in reply.
"Are those pancakes you're making?" He asked, peering around her. He was trying not to focus on what she was wearing. He liked her in blue, yes, but he liked her in red even better.
"Yes," She smiled in relief, glad he had given her something to think about. Something else to think about, "Would you like some?"
"That is a question that never needs asking," He informed her with a smile.
"Xander," She said when she eventually handed him the plate of pancakes, not quite making eye contact with him, "I...about last night...I..."
"If you say sorry, I may not enjoy the pancakes," He warned her.
"What?"
"Look," He said, "You were upset, you needed...comfort, I gave it. I mean nothing happened"
"Well not completely, but I kissed you" She pointed out, "Undressed you. Attempted to-"
"And through all that I was unwilling?" Xander shook his head, "Trust me. There was nothing that I wasn't wanting myself okay. If anything, I should be the one embarrassed."
"You?" She asked.
"Well, yeah," He nodded, getting up out of his seat at the island, "You were vulnerable, you were the one upset, and I took advantage of that"
"Xander, no, I-"
"See?" He pointed out, cutting her off, "We could go in circles like this forever. Me blaming me, you blaming you. You needed comfort and I gave it you." He said, standing directly in front of her now, "And I meant what I said last night when I said you were attractive. Or beautiful. Or gorgeous. I had a lot of words in my head- not sure which one I said," He admitted, "And you know...if you need comfort again, I'm here, you know?"
"Comfort?" She looked at him warily.
"No action," He said with a slight smile, "I mean unless you like couldn't resist the Xandman." She laughed a little and Xander wasn't sure whether to take that as a good thing or a bad thing, "Just comfort"
"Comfort," She repeated as he gently tucked her hair behind her ears, away from her face. It was a loving and caring gesture, one she wouldn't expect fro someone so young. But last night she had said he was older than his years. An old soul with a young face.
"Comfort," He also repeated, before kissing her gently on the lips, "And maybe occasionally kissing..." He admitted.
"And occasionally kissing," She repeated.