The definition of normal is?

A/N: I don't own any of the original Naruto characters...

Chapter one: about my brother.

The last week has been one of the most eventful of my life, and that is saying a lot. The whole thing started a week ago when I was expelled from school. The reason you ask? Well, to put it simply I hacked the school network and accidentally changed everyone's grades. The thing is I obviously hadn't planned enough 'cause I got caught.

Now getting expelled from school didn't bother me, I was getting bored with the place. I mean it was a boarding school, being stuck there all week for two years. It was probably a good thing, or so I thought, that I got expelled before I went insane.

No, what really got me was that my genius father decided to send me to the same school as my delightful brother. (I'm trying my hardest to be polite here; I doubt it will last, though.)

By now you're probably wondering who I am and who my brother is. My name is Akari and my brother is Hidan. We're only half related though, good thing too (he's a psycho).

See our father has trouble holding onto wives, he either drives them insane (that's if they stay) or they just leave. I would tell you why but the truth is, I don't have a clue, I mean I see the guy like once a month; he's always on some sort of 'business trip' (although I have my doubts about those there ain't much I can do is there?)

So today is my first day at my new school, I got a week off after being expelled; I think I should do that more often. The bastard teachers at my old school wrote that I wasn't to be allowed anywhere near a computer. Seriously, no one sane goes in between me and a computer, even my brother who is anything but sane!

So anyway back to the present I'm currently standing outside the house waiting for my dumb lazy assed bro (can't you just tell how much I love him?)

At least I found one advantage of going to the same school as him: he got his driving license two months ago and our father bought him a brand new BMW, lucky bastard! So at least I get to ride there and back with him, but it kinda cancels itself out 'cause it involves sitting in a closed space with him.

I was just getting deep into thought when our French maid stuck her head round the front door and told me we were going to be late if we didn't get a move on. All of this in French of course, I sure the bitch can speak English but just can't be arsed, then again that's just one of my theories. I got fluent French out of the deal in the end, not that it's any use apart from being able to talk in French lessons without failing. Not that I have trouble in school, I was forced into doing an IQ test when I was younger and it came out over two hundred (I don't tell anyone though it's annoying and you always get comments, I had to threaten Hidan so he kept his gob shut about it, which is VERY hard for him). This led to my third theory: He skipped the brain process in the womb and I got the leftovers although it's not technically possible since we don't have the same mother.

I heard a bit of shouting from inside the house along with a lot of swearing from my dear brother. Seriously, if you thought I was bad, you haven't seen anything yet!

A few minutes later he came out of the house a walked over to his car and got in I walked to the passengers side and joined him, reluctantly.

I don't know why but my bro has this habit of gelling his hair back, I've told him he'd look a lot better if it was normal but he listens to me about as much as I listen to him: not at all.

I also happen to know his pale hair color is not natural, he says it is but 1. I saw the bleach in the cupboard 2. No one has silver hair naturally, plus he was blond to start off with, I should know, I was stuck with the dummy.

And while I'm criticizing my brother I'll make a note that he always wears his shirt open, I mean I don't mind two or three buttons but he does up about five if you're lucky (and that would be on a cold day). At home they're either completely open or non-existent.

Well this could go on forever he has too many flaws to count or write. There are just a few more important things you should know about him: 1. He thinks he immortal (no, seriously) since he survived what should have been a fatal accident, he thinks he could survive something like having his head cut off (not that he uses it much).

2. He thinks the reason he survived was some odd god (rhymes, lol) named Jashin; I call him jasmine just to piss him off.

3. He thinks this fictional god requires sacrifices, so he not only draws weird symbols on the floors and carpet but he cuts himself and puts blood all over the fucking place (last time he cut too far into his veins and ended up passing out on the way to the hospital). Obviously, he was convinced he had survived because he was immortal and decided to make my life hell for about a month.

4. This is the last one, I so wish this one wasn't on the list but his sacrifices don't limit themselves to cutting himself. Oh no, he moved on to my pets (or anyone's really) a few years ago.

This resulted in me getting a bull terrier and training it to be very aggressive towards him.

Hmph, and I nearly forgot to mention he's sadistic and masochistic. I think this pretty much covers my brother, so on with the rest!

The way to school pretty much consisted of our usual exchange of "nice" words, Hidan insulting pretty much anyone else on the road, well actually he insulted anyone on the way there even the innocent pedestrians strolling along the side walk.

After the first five minutes of this, I got bored so I decided to put the radio on, which led on to us fighting over the radio station: Hidan wanted metal, I wanted rap.

He won. But only because we nearly caused four accidents and, him thinking he's immortal, and his lack of common sense made me realize that if I wanted to get to school in one piece, I had better let him win.

In the end we made it to school alive, no thanks to dummy over here. He just pointed me in the direction of the headmaster's office and went off to god knows were, and by god I do NOT mean Jashin.

When I reached the office I saw a blond person standing in front of the secretary's desk, now I say person because they had blond hair down to their waist. I walk up behind him (I soon found out it was a boy, I didn't find it too shocking either I mean, I do live with Hidan). The secretary turned to me, she had short black hair and the tag on her desk said 'Shizune'.

"You must be the new arrival, Akari." She stated I didn't see the point in answering; she already seemed to have her information sorted out.

"We always assign a guide to new arrivals so they can get their bearings, Deidara here is in your class so it might as well be him. Any objections Deidara?" She asked while turning back to face him.

"None at all." He answered smirking at me; I just stared at him blankly.

"Well then be off you two, the bell will go off in a few minutes." Said Shizune as she virtually threw us out of the office.

"So, Akari was it?" Deidara asked grinning at me.

"Yeah, you're Deidara, right?" It was more of a statement than a question, I knew perfectly well his name was Deidara, but if he was going to help me around it might as well be in good terms.

"We've got five minutes to get to class, so we might as well get going. I'll show you around later."

"Sure." I answered not really bothered, I just wanted to get this over with and go home. I've never really liked school, it's just boring and useless if I want to learn something I'll do it myself, with a computer or a book, not with some stupid teacher.

A few minutes later we arrived in the classroom there were a few kids who had already installed themselves. Deidara sat down in what I assumed was his usual seat, and gestured for me to sit next to him.

As we waited for the teacher to arrive I studied some of the other kids. I now understand how my brother gets away with hi "eccentric-ness". Actually, he seemed pretty normal (in appearance anyway) compared to some of the specimens in this class.

In front of me was probably the "normal-lest" of the lot, she had brown hair put into two buns on either side of her head, next to her sat a girl with a hat and dark pink hair. Is there a special club in this school for people who dye their hair? Although I can't comment too much on that one I had red streaks put in my black hair, but I would never dye the whole lot pink. In fact I think I would rather die myself.

The brown hair girl turned around, she probably just noticed I was new.

"Hey, you new here aren't you?" So predictable.

I just nodded, let's face it, it would be obvious I was lying if I said 'no'.

"I'm Tenten." She said smiling then she turned and poked the pink hair girl next to so that she too would turn round.

"What the fuck?" she shouted, having been startled by the sudden prodding in her ribs.

"This is Tayuya. Don't mind her swearing, she does it all the time." Said Tenten pointing to her neighbor.

"Akari." I said too lazy to make up an unnecessary sentence.

"So how many people have you met so far?" Tenten obviously wanted a conversation; I don't blame her though, she could have been sitting here for a while. The bell went off but the teacher showed no sign of coming.

"Three."

She nodded and started pointing at people and giving me their names. When I spotted Rock Lee I had do a double take, I mean I've never been one obsessed with fashion but honestly, a bowl cut with tight green clothing...

She then pointed out the boy next to him he seemed annoyed at his hyperactive 'friend'. This boy had long black/brown hair tied at the bottom with a hair band, well at least he was dressed relatively normally or maybe it was just standing next to Lee? Anyway, his name was Hyuuga Neji.

Then she pointed out a group of five boys one standing slightly apart from the others. He had white chin length hair with a small part at the front: Kimimaro. Then she pointed to a fat orange haired kid. I'm not one to discriminate but I'm being nice here, fat was an understatement! I think his name was Jirobo. Slightly to the left, two identical boys stood, twins apparently. Sakon and Ukon. To be honest, I have no idea which is which. The last one had black hair in a ponytail. Something about him made me think of a spider, although I couldn't quite get what. He would be Kidomaru.

We didn't get any further since the teacher came in and requested silence.

A/N: I'm replacing all the chapters by their 'mistake free' version. Thanks to Kankuro'sPuppetGirl for correcting them all.