Uchiha Sasuke never gets jealous. Haruno Sakura is never obsessive. Their friends know they are delusional.


I AM GOING TO KILL HIM.

KILL.

KILL.

KIIIIIILL.

I.

CANNOT.

BELIEVE.

IT.

(Actually, considering it's Naruto, I can.)

HE. WILL. DIE.


If you're wondering about this homicidal-ness, then don't. If you dedicate thinking time to Naruto, you're just going to end up worse off than you started.

Let's not worry about him anymore.

He's redundant.


Instead, let me introduce you to my sole reason of living:

Uchiha Sasuke.

(Cue the drooling.)

He makes life seem so pretty.

Yes. I think it's love.


To: all my girl friends (inobabexoxo, bun-gurl-02, hina-hina-chan, blonde bombshell)
From: the lovely cherry blossom (prettyprincess77)
Subject: INO-PIG, I'M LOOKING AT YOU

Who told Uzumaki Naruto about my being in love with Sasuke-kun?

Who?

Who?

WHO?

When I find you, I will murder you. Oh, and by the way Hinata, I still have your shoes that I borrowed. I'll drop them off later this afternoon, yeah?

Out,
Sakura-chan!

P.S––You, Ino, will be going down if it was you. BECAUSE I BET IT WAS. I mean, even if you don't crush on Sasuke-kun anymore, you are practically evil.

Remind me, why am I friends with you again?


To: prettyprincess77
From: inobabexoxo
Subject: Are you PMS-ing or what?

Relax.

I didn't tell fox-boy anything. What, you think I actually socialise with him? That's your thing. He probably figured it out by himself.

Hugs and kisses,
Ino

P.S––No offence, girl, but you are the most obvious fangirl I've ever met. Oh, sorry, I mean devotee.


To: inobabexoxo
From: the lovely cherry blossom (prettyprincess77)
Subject: NO! But I would really like some Ben and Jerry's

INO, IT'S UZUMAKI NARUTO.

UZUMAKI NARUTO.

The day he figures out anything even remotely romance-related by himself is the day I eat my entire wardrobe, including my favourite heels.

You know how convicted I am when I make threats against the heels.

I WILL MURDER WHOEVER IT WAS, THOUGH.

Hey, do you think it was someone with a grudge against me? Because now Naruto knows, I will never (and I mean never) live it down. I DIDN'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW. Except for my girls, of course.

But that's different.

I mean, Naruto?

Ugh.

Out,
Sakura-chan!

P.S––I AM NOT A FANGIRL. Fangirls are superficial. I, on the other hand, am completely in love with Sasuke-kun's looks and personality. He is practically suffering an emotional death. He needs a soul-mate to open up his heart and to help him explore the world and its endless possibilities!

…okay, I think I just went too far. I am in no way suggesting I am Sasuke-kun's soul-mate and I also think he's kind of an asshole personality-wise, but I am not a fangirl.

See what you do to me when you make me defend myself, pig?


So now you see what happened?

Now you see why Uzumaki Naruto is just not to be worried about?

(A fact: he is best friends with Sasuke-kun. He's also the school's loudmouth. He also bugs me to buy him ramen––he is obsessive––and when I don't, seeks to exploit me somehow.

But this time…

HE WENT TOO FAR.

His words: "So Sakura-chan, you got the hots for the bastard? I thought you were different. Guess not. I was told you were totally in love with him!"

Ugh.)

School is bad enough without the added pressure of the guys in my grade teasing me. I have never joined the Uchiha Sasuke Fan Club, so no one except my closest friends have ever known.

Um.

RIGHT.

Because while other girls are really freakishly obvious, I don't want to reduce myself to that. Because I want Sasuke-kun to notice me in a way that's not 'just-back-the-hell-off'-ish.

…my friends say I'm obsessive. But I'm totally not.

Sasuke-kun is 'worth it'.

And plus, he actually speaks to me, considering I am friends with Naruto and Naruto is like the only person he can stand!

(Which surprises me. A lot. Someone like Sasuke-kun isn't supposed to befriend someone like Naruto…

It just defies a lot of principles.)

See? See?

I am not a fangirl.


Do you have the answer for question three? –S.U

It's 53.5! (At least that's what I got. The book gives a different answer.)–Sakura-chan

Hn. The book doesn't give an answer rounded to a decimal place. It's wrong.–S.U

How'd you tell that, Sasuke-kun?–Sakura-chan

The question tells you to round to one decimal place. Obviously, that makes the book wrong considering it's a whole number. Therefore your answer's right.–S.U

Oh. Um, thanks!–Sakura-chan

I was just stating the facts, Sakura.–S.U


(See what kind of insightful conversations we have?

WE ARE INTELLECTUALS. WE DISCUSS INTELLIGENT THINGS.

Whatever. I know you don't believe me.)


5/7: sakura's domain and her own private hellhole

So I kind of ran out of space in my old diary, and had to get a new one. I know, I know, it's so lame-ish to have a diary and stuff. Well, I want something that's just…mine. Somewhere where I can share my stories without having my friends know about it.

(AND WHATEVER, YOU'RE AN INANIMATE OBJECT, YOU CAN'T TALK.)

And here's my compromise. So, I better start by introducing myself all over again, right?

I'm Haruno Sakura, if you haven't figured that out, and am attending GKA! The Grand Konoha Academy. It's actually not that grand. I don't even know why they call it grand. The full name? You want to know the full name? The Grand Konoha Academy for Respectable and Intelligent Young Men and Women.

But whatever.

(I think if I ever heard anyone seriously call it that, I would puke.

The name also makes me wonder how the hell Naruto got accepted. He's like the antitheses of respectable and intelligent.)

I'm fifteen, currently single (because, duh, Sasuke-kun is like impervious to flirtation and I'm not interested in anyone else) and I am awesome. Practically the most awesome individual ever.

And I have pink hair. Now how many people do you know to have pink hair? (That is technically natural, but I'm sure my mother secretly dyes it when I'm asleep or something, because she wants me to become a ballerina or a beauty pageant queen.)

So that's basically all you need to know right now. Considering I will most probably be getting around to explaining the aspects of my life as I come to them.

(LIKE SASUKE-KUN. Well, I'm sure your other diary friends have already filled you in on Sasuke-kun, because he is a subject of debate a lot.

So much, in fact, I might have to hide this diary in case it is ever stolen.

You know who would do it?

INO-PIG WOULD DO IT. AND SHE WOULD ALSO SHOW IT TO SASUKE-KUN.

Because my theory is that she is secretly evil. Hence why I call her Ino-pig. Actually, I think that's a hangover from when she called me billboard brow and forehead girl. I remain convicted that it's not that freakin' big.)

AND, UM, I AM STILL VERY MUCH ANGRY AT NARUTO.

The Goss on Meeting Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke: Naruto and I 'bonded' at a young age when I gave him some of my ramen, because I didn't have my usual bento box. Yes, you heard me (read it) right.

I WAS THE ONE TO INTRODUCE HIM TO RAMEN.

…I think I'm really regretting that right now.

Seriously. Seriously.

Anyway, Sasuke-kun would always get jealous that I was sharing with Naruto, because people didn't like sharing things with him (he bit them if they gave him something he didn't like, and he practically only ate tomatoes). So he would always come over and sort of demand some of what I was eating. And the three of us had this sharing lunch thing (except that Sasuke-kun never offered us any of his––we had to steal it––and he mostly demanded my lunch).

Sasuke-kun was always kind of grumpy when he was a kid. Well, I mean, he still is now––but the moment I fell in love with him?

Was when he gave me his cake because it was my birthday. And we were six.

He said it was 'cause he didn't like sweets.

(BUT I KNOW BETTER. IT'S A SIGN, I TELL YOU.)

So yeah, I've kind of been good friends with the two of them. But then when I started hanging out with Ino when we were eight, I kinda drifted apart from them. Or Sasuke-kun, at least. (I think he felt betrayed. WHY DID I DO THAT AGAIN? Oh well.)

Wait.

I think mum's calling me.

(She probably set the stove on fire, or something…seriously.)

Love from your glorious and utterly beautiful master,
Haruno Sakura (slash the pretty princess)


Foxydemon: so sup sakura-chan?

The-Pretty-Princess: You are seriously deluded if you think I'm gonna talk to you, Uzumaki!

Foxydemon: wait what'd i do?

The-Pretty-Princess: Everything.

Foxydemon: is this 'bout the sasuke thing? i swear, no one told me! i was kidding!

The-Pretty-Princess: And pigs fly. (I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YEAH?) Sorry, but I kind of have to go (and prepare my murder weapon).

The-Pretty-Princess has signed off.

Foxydemon: wait no!

The message could not be received as the recipient is offline.


Sasuke-kun and I? We are destined.

AND NARUTO DIES.


A/N: So this is the first chapter of a completely random SasuSaku I started. I, like, really need humour right now. I hope you like! Yes, you will see Sasuke's jealousy in future chapters. Promise! indenial!Sasuke is fun, but jealous!Sasuke is funner. AND SASUSAKU IS MY OTP I SWEAR.