I know, I know. I suck. I keep making oneshots and other stories when I haven't even finished the other ones. But I LOVE the song Apologize! I had to do a story for it. And plus, it's probably the only slight form of Zutara you will see from me. Um… okay you don't have to review for this one if you don't want to. After this back to my other stories! (Unless more plot bunnies pop up) Oh! By the way. Zuko's POV. Takes place sometime in the future (like I do anything else XD). Katara is like 18 in the flashbacks. (and there is math to be done)Words like this are flashbacks….
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Apologize
I should have seen this coming. I should have known that giving her that tower was a bad idea.
After the war ended, the Avatar had to travel the world, restoring the peace. The Watertribe woman stood teary-eyed as she watched the bison disappear on the horizon. A lemur rested on her shoulder and watched as well. As princess of the Southern Watertribe, it was her duty to show people that if their princess could live in peace with the Fire Lord, than maybe, just maybe, a treaty could be made and the rough past between the two opposing nations could begin to heal. As the last trace of the Avatar disappeared, Katara turned and stepped into the palanquin that would take her to the Palace.
I remembered the look on her face when she arrived at the palace. Her eyes were red and her hair looked windswept. She had requested to go to bed, blaming her appearance on her exhaustion. I was fool enough to believe her. During the time I had traveled with her and the Avatar, I had secretly fallen in love with her and her strong will. It was practically a dream come true when the ambassador of the Watertribe came with the news that the Southern Princess would be spending a time here at the Palace. Deep in my conscience I knew the real reason her eyes were puffy. I should have known when she spent an entire week crying in her quarters without as much as bread and water that she would much rather be free in the skies with him rather than here in the palace with me.
"Katara? May I come in?" She had been in that room all week. She had to eat something. She wouldn't survive going on like this. A mumbled response that sounded vaguely like "Go away…" came from her room, but I entered anyway.
"Katara, you need to eat something. You've been in here for five days without food! Come on, let's get you something to eat," I said taking her by the arm. I was a little surprised when she rose without resistance. From what I heard, whenever a servant entered and tried to give her something to eat or give her fresh sheets, etc. she would threw a fit and sent that poor servant running from the room.
We sat in silence in the banquet hall. She sat across from me nibbling at her food. Every now and then a sniffle would escape her and she would dab at her eyes. I dismissed this as homesickness. After all, the war had been over for only two years and that was barely enough time to spend with family when you had been separated for so long. Suddenly, I had an idea about how to cheer her up.
"I have an idea!" I exclaimed. Her gorgeous head popped up and looked at me with an expressionless gaze.
"And what would that be?" she asked without the slightest hint of interest.
"Here, come with me," I said rising from the table.
We made our way out to the gardens. I knew just the way to cheer her up. I remember, back when I was younger, that my mother had this tower deep in the heart of the gardens. After my grandfather died and she was banished the tower went neglected and trees sprung up around it, blocking it from view.
"Here we are," I said outside the tower door. For the first time since she'd been here, her face had the beginnings of a smile.
"What is this place?" she asked.
"It was my mother's tower. After she was banished though, it went neglected. I guess everyone just forgot about it. You can have it if you want. Just a place for you to be alone and… well do whatever you want. I won't bother you up there," I explained blushing for some stupid reason.
"Just what the doctor ordered," she joked before throwing her arms around me. "Thanks, Zuko. It's perfect." After giving me a peck on the cheek she opened the door and went to explore her new domain, leaving me to blush.
She would spend all of her time in that tower, and I noticed that her time there had done her some good. She no longer balled her eyes out every night, for one thing. She actually seemed happier. Later when I asked her about it she answered, "So we can be closer to him." Of course I had no idea whom she met when she said "we". My guess was that she meant herself and the little lemur that arrived with her that day long ago. Boy was I wrong.
"Zuko? Is it alright if I go out shopping today?" Katara's head popped into my study. Of course she really didn't need to ask. I would do anything for her. Besides, it would do her good to get out of the palace for a while. It had been at least three months since she arrived and not once had she been out to see the capital city.
"Be back soon though! We have important guests this evening!" I called after her. I had a bit of a surprise in store for her. Some old friends would be visiting soon.
"'Kay! Love you!" she called from the hallway. It still surprised me when those magical words left her mouth. Sure we had only kissed like once, but I was sure she meant it. Although after we kissed, well actually I kissed her, she wouldn't speak to me for a few days…
She didn't return for another five hours much to my displeasure. The guests would be arriving in another two. I had just walked in her door to inform her of the time when she bombarded me with her purchases. Things like silk slippers, coats, and robes passed before my eyes. Very small silk slippers, coats, and robes…. Tiny, baby-sized silk slippers, coats, and robes…
"Katara, what's all this?" I asked confused.
"Oh, Zuko it's wonderful! I'm having a baby!" she exclaimed launching herself at me. I blushed. We hadn't done that… although there was that one time… crap! I was in no position to become a father even though my advisers kept pushing me to produce an heir.
"T-that's great, Katara!" I stuttered. "If you'll excuse me," I said blushing even more. I needed some time to myself though to think this through.
"Of course. I have to get ready for these 'special guests'. See you in a bit!" she said closing the door behind me as I exited.
I must say, that party was one to remember. There were so many hints that this was going to happen. If only I had listened when the spirits tried to warn me, I wouldn't feel so broken now.
"Katara, they will be here momentarily. Are you ready?" I called from outside her door.
"Almost! I just have to finish my hair!" came my response.
"I'll be in the Festival Hall then!" I called back. Suddenly the door flew open. Katara stood there with a smirk on her face. Her hair was half up while the other half was a wild jungle.
"These are some pretty special guests. We never go into town when one of your generals comes into town with captured rebels," she said referring to our usual guests. I just smiled and walked down the hall to go to my waiting palanquin.
"Meet you down there!" I called back to her.
---
Upon sighting the festival hall I could see the crowd gathered around three figures. These three people just happened to be the Avatar and his friends, Prince Sokka of the Southern Watertribe and General Toph Beifong. The people parted as their Fire Lord stepped out of the palanquin.
"Avatar! Welcome to our city!" Zuko announced formally. After shaking hands we burst out laughing at our formalities.
"Good to see you again, Zuko!" Aang said happily.
"Like wise, Aang," I replied smiling.
"Good to see you, Hot head," Toph said giving me a good-natured punch.
"Yeah, good to see you Zuko!" Sokka said next locking me in a headlock. Chuckles erupted in the crowd at the sight of their Fire Lord in such a state. I had to admit, it must be pretty funny.
"Where's Katara?" Aang asked, eying the crowd anxiously.
"Uhh… There is her palanquin now!" I said. But the palanquin wasn't even able to make it all the way to the hall because in a flash Katara jumped off of it and bolted straight into Aang's waiting arms.
"Aang! Oh spirits, I've MISSED YOU!" she exclaimed locking the Avatar in a bear hug. After the hug lasted for more than a minute I was starting to get uncomfortable with their closeness. After all, wasn't Katara my girl? Apparently Toph sensed my discomfort. She shot me a glare that said "ruin this moment and I ruin you…" But after that the Avatar and Katara broke up, each with tears in their eyes.
"I've missed you…" Katara said quietly never breaking her gaze with the Avatar's eyes.
"I know what you mean…" Aang said quietly before giving her a peck on the lips, which Katara accepted… hungrily? I had had enough. Clearing my throat I turned to the crowd.
"Let us adjourn to the Hall!" I exclaimed doing my best to hide my jealously.
I look back at that night with disgust. It wasn't fair. How could I have been so blind though? That night certainly opened my eyes. I remember observing Katara closely. Close enough to acknowledge the necklace she wore, which certainly wasn't her mother's but a necklace with different designs and patterns that swirled as the wind did on the mountains and flowed as the rivers did to the sea.
Things just got worst that night. Katara and Aang sat across the table from me, the Avatar at one end and I at the other. Katara sat at his right laughing and smiling more than I had ever seen her do during the time she had been here. It hurt me deeply. Weren't we having a child together? She was mine!
Katara pulled Aang away from the grand table just as the dessert was coming out. I had to see where they were going. As I excused myself, I saw the blind Earthbender raise her brow at me, but she continued eating. Apparently she knew something I didn't, but I dismissed my suspicions. They took the palanquin and headed back to the palace. I followed close behind on foot. I saw them enter the tower. Hiding in the surrounding bushes, I strained to hear their conversations. They spoke in hushed tones, catching up on what the other had been doing during the past few months. Then all was quiet. All of the sudden the Avatar's booming laughter flowed out of that tower. I could here them both now, laughing and rejoicing over some subject that came up. They were at the window now that overlooked the garden and I could see them. I would always remember the next exchanging of words no matter how softly they had been whispered…
"I love you, Katara…"
"I love you too…"
I turned away. It had been too much. Running back to Festival Hall I wouldn't look any one in the face while I tried to maintain my regal façade. Toph smirked at me, knowing I had learned my lesson about snooping. Moments later, the couple returned to the banquet, Aang smiling wider than ever.
I remember that during the months that followed Katara would spend even more time in her tower if that was even possible. From time to time the lemur would disappear only to return with a letter for Katara. Then the time came for "our" child to be born. It was a girl… a baby girl with gray eyes and a sneeze that could put a hurricane to shame. Once again I say I should have known.
Katara's daughter was born today. Fei she named her. I remember holding her. It took all I had to hold in my disgust. She didn't look an ounce like me. I remember her sneezing. That made me fly back a few yards. When she opened her eyes after that, her GRAY eyes, she immediately cried for her mother who came to the rescue. I snuck out of the room as the nurses came in to clean up the baby and do tests to make sure she was healthy. That child in there wasn't mine though. And neither was that woman.
A few days later the Avatar and his companions arrived in city to see the baby. He had that wide grin on his face as he took that little life into his arms. That is, until Sokka clapped him on the back a little to hard and congratulated him on becoming a father.
The following week I would walk by the garden and hear the new family in that tower laughing and having a good time without me. From time to time I would have to hold Fei or help with her she would scream as if the demons of the underworld were on her tail but she would immediately lighten up as one of her parents claimed her back, especially her father. They left at the end of the week to "give me a break from her crying and visit the grandparents." The moment they left for the South Pole I went to my room burn all that I had that she had given me. Her letters she had written me while I was away on business, the portraits we had gotten together, the clothes she had bought for me. I couldn't bear all of the anger, jealousy, and hate that I had contained for so long. It was time I faced the music… she wasn't mine.
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Six years have passed now. All of this time I have felt numb; I have felt cold. How ironic… I firebender feeling cold. The feeling only got worse when the Avatar visited every now and then to visit his family; after all they were still trapped here while he was running around the world doing his job by restoring the peace. As I walked through the halls I passed Fei. She seemed to shrink back into the wall as I glared at her.
"Ignorant child," I growled at her as I continued on. She didn't understand how her very existence had ruined me. I hated her truly. She had to look exactly like her mother but at the same time with a copied version of her father's personality. Of course, Katara picked up on my hatred and returned it ten-fold. Of course I wouldn't lay a hand on Fei. That threat Katara once made long ago resurfaced with a new passion. Although, tonight, that wouldn't stop me.
I had finally had enough. I had passed the turtleduck pond when I saw her just sitting there all alone feeding the ducklings bread like I had done with my mother when I was a child. Her mother was off in the town and she insisted on staying behind. Foolish child… Later that night, I crept to Fei's quarters. She would never see it coming. Of course I was wrong. Stupid Airbender hearing… Fei awoke with a start and stared wide-eyed at me. Once I created a dagger of flames in my hand she understood: she knew that I wanted to kill her. Before she had time to react I launch a wave of flames at her. At the last second she leapt out of the way landing delicately on her desk that was nearby. By now the bed was on fire. I fired again and she dodged by floating mid air on an orb of wind. In time the room was on fire. In a last attempt to save herself, Fei grabbed her glider and jumped out of the window, after all, her room was on the second floor.
"Mama!" she called on her way down. Katara, who had gone for a night walk, looked up to see her daughter falling out of the sky. I sent another torrent of fire after the girl unleashing all of my fury now. But Katara had grabbed her daughter and moved out of the way just in time. What happened next I couldn't describe. I remember seeing Katara's furious face, although "furious" would be an understatement. After that, it seemed like I had no control over my own body, for I was down in front of Katara within seconds. I could see Fei cowering and crying behind her as the little girl clutched her foot.
"What have you done!" Katara exclaimed furiously. And I stood there silently like a fool while Katara attacked me. "Now you've done it, Zuko. All you wanted was Katara's love and you attacked her daughter"I thought to myself. It was time I faced the music… she wasn't mine.
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A week later the Avatar arrived in the city to take his family away from here for good. I watched from the now empty tower as the family reunited. I seethed anger and jealousy as I watched Katara run forward to the Avatar with her daughter in her arms. I cringed as Katara's face twisted with hatred as she told her husband of my actions, although I got satisfaction watching the Avatar's face contort also. This was his entire fault, I keep reminding myself. If it weren't for him, Katara and I would be happy now with our own daughter. Yet my conscious attacked me, scolding me for being so selfish. In the end I knew it was right. I didn't deserve Katara.
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That night I sat by the turtleduck pond in the dark when I heard someone walk up behind me. I jumped around. It was Katara.
"What are you doing here?" I asked turning back around.
"I came here to talk to you," she replied before sitting down beside me. We sat in silence after that. She decided to break the silence.
"What is going on with you? Ever since Fei was born, you've been… different…"
I turned and looked at her incredulously. "You really don't get it, do you?" Katara raised a brow waiting for me to continue.
"All of these years you have been here, I've been trying to impress you. To make you fall in love with me. When you told me you were having a baby, I though you meant both of us were having a baby. When you said you loved me I thought you meant it. But all of this time you loved Aang. I can't believe you," I said angrily leaping up.
"Zuko when I said I loved you I meant it! But in the way a sister loves a brother. And just how would Fei be your child?" Katara replied.
"Well…" I blushed. Katara interrupted me.
"If I remember correctly we were drunk that time and we kept our under garments on," Katara said frowning at the memory. Remembering back I found that her words were true and I blushed which made me even angrier.
"I love you Katara! Can't you just see that? And yet you still choose the Avatar over me! Me, who shared my palace with you in peace while you were here!" I exclaimed.
"I remember sobbing for a whole week when Aang dropped me off here at my father's wishes. Right after our honeymoon at Ember Island too. I didn't exactly accept my father's wishes with open arms, Zuko! And how can you say you allowed me to live here in peace? You hurt my daughter! And don't think I've missed all of the angry glares you have given her!" Katara yelled jumping to her feet. My face fell at the mention of her daughter. Katara turned angrily.
"I'm sorry, Zuko. I'm not yours."
And with that she left.
It was time I faced the music… she wasn't mine.
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It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-
I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet... off the ground...
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Yay! Done! I didn't have school today and I'm happy now that I got this out.