Title: a memory's tricks
Prompt: 03 - Pain
Summary: Set a few years post-show. ANGSTY.
AN: Thanks to Chris for the beta.

She still has his pillow.

It's feather.

She hates feather.

"How could you have left without saying goodbye?"

He brought his hand up to brush his thumb along her cheek. She closed her eyes and just focused on feeling the warmth from his palm on her neck, trying to drown out the words he spoke.

She's heard them all before, after all.

When she woke up the pillow was soaked.

He was still gone.

The glass is cold when she brings it to her lips. The amber liquid slides down easy. So easy.

Luke takes her home later.

And she lets him.

She lets his hands wrap around her waist to the zipper on the back of her dress. She lets the haziness surrounding her head pretend it's not his lips on hers.

She doesn't let herself cry until he leaves. The tears fall like battered soldiers, tired of the same old thing.

Some days she wonders. Mostly she doesn't.

It's easier like that.

Right?

He started smoking the third time he went to rehab. When she asked him why he wouldn't answer. Her fingers wrapped in the cloth of his shirt.

"- talk to me, Matthew."

She can't get the look on his face out of her head. The lines so pronounced. The gauntness of his cheeks.

She pulled him into a hug.

If she didn't see it, it wasn't there.

Later she thinks that she should have taken a closer look. If only she had just looked into his eyes.

Later she realizes he was already gone.

The eulogy was lovely. The rabbi spoke of his kindness and the love he had for his friends and family.

He didn't talk about the pills.

He didn't mention the note.

She still sleeps with his pillow.

It's feather.

She hates feather.