Haley looked at her watch, realizing she had to be at the chapel in less than twenty minutes for the rehearsal. She had to make it quick. But she couldn't help feel like if she sped it up, it would be over too soon. The cemetery had its usual rows of graves, line after line. She had always found it strange how the dead lived together in this place.
"You're never alone, I'm always here." Nathan said with a smile. He kissed her and wrapped his arms tightly around her.
"I know." She curled into a small ball, letting him hold her.
It had all gone so fast. The doctors had given them four months, at the most. He had lived for a year. He died in her arms, happy but in pain. I'm always here. Those were his last words to her.
Haley took the piece of paper out of her pocket, unwrapping it like a candy. She was surprised she had forgotten where it was. After he died, she visited him almost every day, bringing their little Jamie with her. He was too young to understand, and ended up climbing on the graves as she sat on the grass and cried.
After she met Matt, her visits became shorter and less frequent. And then when he proposed, she stopped all together. It wasn't fair to Matt, or Jamie, who now called Matt, daddy. She took her wedding ring out of the golden chain around her neck, now leaving it in her underwear drawer.
When she finally found his grave, she was surprised to see fresh flowers leaning against the headstone. It was black granite, just like he had asked for "Hey Nate." She said kneeling down on the plush grass. She felt like digging a hole beneath her, climb into his casket, and sleep there with him "I know, it's been a long time."
"You'll survive." He dried her tears and kissed her on the forehead
"And you'll get married again, have lots of babies."
"Remember when I told you about Matt?" She could feel the tears start up, blurring her vision "He proposed...I said yes." Sometimes she wondered what kind of father Nathan would have grown to be. She had no doubt he would be amazing, she was sure of it "I don't want you to feel like I'm leaving you behind." She laughed a little, thinking back to the years they spent together. She closed her eyes and nodded "Always and Forever."
"The reason I came back, Nate," Haley said drying her face. She thought possibly a dry face would help her to think clearly "Is that, I wanted to say goodbye." It wasn't something she wanted to do. But if she wanted her marriage to Matt to work, she needed to let go of Nathan "Don't tell Matt, Nate...but you will always be my soul mate. Your the one God made just for me."
Haley thought back to the day Matt had proposed to her. He had gotten down on one knee, pulled the small box out from his back pocket "I love you so much." He had said, smiling so widely "Be my wife."
It had brought tears to her eyes, because this wasn't something she ever thought would have go through again. When she had married Nathan, she knew for a fact that he would be her first and last. That's the way she had always wanted it. American divorce statistics were a world away from her love for him. But then she met Matt. He was smart, cute, funny, and completely in love with her. And with time, she fell in love with him too. He was the one who had pulled her out of the depression, showing her how to live again.
"My love for you has never changed" She touched the headstone, running her fingers over the words; loving husband, amazing father, and perfect basketball player. She smiled at the last part. She supposed that was the upside to knowing your death before hand. He was there when they picked out the grave spot, the headstone, the casket, and the church. He took it one thing at a time, always finding something funny in each one of their outings. They went on a vacation to Greece, leaving Jamie with Lucas. They spent two weeks lying in bed, holding each other. And then another two weeks going on crazy tours, from standing on the tops of volcanoes to bungee jumping off bridges. It was just like in the movies, they made up for the time they would soon loose.
"What am I going to do when your gone?" Haley closed her eyes, listening to the chatter of people around them. She began to quietly cry "I don't know if I can do this on my own."
"Haley," Nathan squeezed her hand "I don't know how it feels to be dead but I think...I think it feels like a long vacation. And if you think about me when I'm gone, I promise, I'll be thinking about you too."
"I hope you kept your promise, Nate." She said taking her fingers of the headstone "I know, I did." It was almost winter, and the leaves were beginning to fall of the trees. It was beautiful, with the green grass in-between the yellow, red, and orange leaves. They had chosen this time on year for exactly this reason. Haley had wanted a wedding at a time when it would be warm but different, not summer. Summer was taken up in her mind by her wedding to Nathan.
"Jamie, he think Matt's his dad." She rubbed her eyes and closed them "I'm sorry, I guess that's my fault. Its just hard, you know, trying to explain to him when he doesn't remember." Jamie was now nearly eight, and was looking more and more like Nathan. His hair had gone from the sandy blonde Nathan had loved to a deep brown.
"Are you sure he isn't Lucas's kid?" Nathan would joke, using water to spike the little boy's hair "Cause he sure doesn't look like me."
"Well, he doesn't look like me either." Haley said poking Nathan in his side "Maybe our actual son was swapped at birth."
She knew some people would call her crazy if they saw her here, talking to her dead husband two days before her wedding but she didn't care. If Nathan had been right, about this being like a long vacation, that he was somewhere out there listening to every word. She could imagine him nodding, laughing and smiling with her. He would cry when she cried, try to comfort her from so far away. When people asked her how it felt to know she would never see him again, all she would do is smile and say someday. Someday she would see him again. It's just a long vacation.
"So I guess this is goodbye." She touched his name one last before kissing the top of the headstone "Don't forget to think about me." She made her way back to her car, looking back once to see the flowers leaning against his headstone, just like she had leaned on him all those years ago. He has been right, life goes on even when you don't think its possible. You don't forget about what happened to the people you love, you just learn to accept it.
Yeah, I know it was short but I hope you liked it!