Disclaimer: do not own Transformers

Summary: Oneshot. Bumblebee is afraid. Why is Bumblebee afraid? Because Bumblebee thinks that he's a monster, you see, and he's afraid that Sam will find out.

Bumblebee is Afraid

Why is Bumblebee afraid?
Because Bumblebee thinks that he's a monster, you see, and he's afraid that Sam will find out.

But why does Bumblebee think that he's a monster?
Because Bumblebee grew up in the war, you see. He was never really a child, never really a youngling.

But why was Bumblebee never a youngling?
Because, you see, he spent his most vulnerable, armour-less years as an energon-splattered metal ball of fear, being carried in the arms of equally energon-splattered warriors. And, you see, he often fell into recharge with the sounds of screams and the shadows of darkness and the hunger of flames separated from him only by a thin wall and the fragile, shaking arms of his current guardian. His guardians were always changing, you see.

But why didn't he have just one guardian?
Because they never came back from the outside, you see. When he was younger, he used to think that the dark monster outside devoured them, taking their sparks and spitting out the parts of their bodies it couldn't consume, leaving them there on jagged rocks and tongues of flame, empty and purposeless and forgotten. Now he's older, and he knows that that's true.

But why does he know that it's true?
Because he knows the monster's name, you see, and it is called war. And Bumblebee has been a part of it, you see; he's been at it even before he was in the army.

But why did he fight even before he was in the army?
Because he wanted to protect Optimus, you see. A Cassetticon snuck aboard the Autobot ship, making the mistake of sneaking through his quarters in order to get to Optimus. Bumblebee wasn't old enough yet, you see, so his cannons were not yet unlocked. He had used his bare hands and crushed the clawing, biting, struggling Cassette's optics before terminating the spark. And he'd do it again, you see, because Optimus and all his friends mean everything to Bumblebee.

But why do they mean everything to him?
Because they are his family, you see. They're his reason for existing in his world full of darkness.

But why is his world full of darkness?
Because there's war all around, you see. War is all that Bumblebee knows, you see. It's the air he's forced to breathe because it's everywhere, you see. And he feels it burning inside him as it goes in but he can't take it out and he's scared that it's already done its damage. He listens to the human news and he knows that it's already done its damage. That's why he stalls in the middle of the road, you see, because sometimes he just gets scared.

But why does the news frighten Bumblebee?
Because there is evil on the news, but it's not like the evil that Bumblebee knows, you see. There is talk of killings and terror and war on the news, you see, and Sam and Mikaela look horror-struck and say 'That's terrible,' and Bumblebee takes a moment to realize what they're talking about. Because Bumblebee's become kinda numb over the millions of years, you see; Bumblebee needed to live, you see, they all needed to live, so they had to leave behind their light, you see. And they don't have the light to show them all that's horrible, you see.

But why did they have to leave their light behind?
Because light can't live in war, you see. And Sam and Mikaela and them are light, so now they're all afraid. They're afraid of losing them, you see, but Bumblebee's afraid for a slightly different reason, because he doesn't want to lose Sam to fear, you see. He doesn't want Sam to be afraid of him, because Bumblebee thinks that Bumblebee's a monster, you see. And he's scared that Sam would agree. And Bumblebee is afraid, you see.

But why is Bumblebee afraid?
Because, you see, Bumblebee thinks that maybe Sam is the light that he left behind so long ago. And light is so fragile, you see, and he doesn't want the darkness within him and the darkness that follows him to destroy the light.