It's strange what suffering can do to someone. They begin to see things differently, and question beliefs that they had no doubt in before. Their way of life is even different from all others; still eating, sleeping, and talking yes, but within they are changed. They seldom show their pain beyond the body that sheilds their feelings, but when they do, even the others around them are filled with anguish.

Ridgestar sat on top of a small boulder that sat outside the RiverClan camp. The leader sat hunched aginst the chilling wind, his head bowed in greif. The sun was setting, the last rays of sunlight slipping past the horizon. Shadows stretched farther and the chorus of the forest becomes silent as the prey retreats to their burrows and nests. Ridgestar let a small wail escape, and then clamped his jaws shut, gently lowering himself to a laying position.

Through narrow eyes, he watched as the sky danced with color as the last of the burning light sunk below the horizon. The forest was shadowed with darkness, and Ridgestar could since dispear from the foliage, their energy force now gone for the day.

Ridgestar glanced behind him as a large orange cat leapt onto the rock beside the RiverClan leader. Silently, the tom sat down next to his leader and together lay watched the flickering shadows of the forest. Ridgestar knew that Orangetail had news for him, otherwise the orange tom would have left the leader to himself. Sighing, Ridgestar stood and stretched, his jaws opening into a gaping yawn. Orangetail stood also and both cats leapt down at the same time. They began to pad back towards the camp, but slowly.

"The patrol returned from the ShadowClan territory. They say that the damage from the fire is horridous. The scents are stale, the last markers from when the accedent..." Orangetail trailed off, his eyes straying away from his leader. Ridgestar pace slowed even more. His head was bowed as he walked and his tail dragged in the dust.

"Good," the RiverClan leader rasped as they entered the camp. Ridgestar narrowed sharply to one side, allowing his paws to quickly carry him away from Orangetail and into his den. A piece of fresh-prey had been left from him by his nest, but Ridgestar was not hungry. He stared at the prey however, and then snatched it up and returned to the camp outside. Not wanting to talk to anyone, the leader hurried into the medicine cat's den. He padded up to one of the occupied nests and dropped the fresh water vole at the paws of the cat that lay within.

Her cream head lifted at Ridgestar's approached and she stared at him with no recontion in her eyes. She glanced down at the fresh=prey at her paws however and then stood and quick ate it. Ridgestar watched silently as his mate licked her chops greedily and then begin to groom herself. She had just recently remember to take care of her own pelt and had spent plently of time doing it.

"She talked to me today."

Ridgestar glanced behind him to see the RiverClan medicine cat, Mousetail walk up to him. He quickly looked away, embarrased by how weak she knew he had become. A clan leader and medicine cat's relationship was always close. They knew and shared things with one another that no other cats in the clan did. Mousetail knew all about Ridgestar's hardships and suffering, and probably understood it more than he did himself, but it was still an embarrasment to have someone in the clan know just how weak he had become.

"She asked me if I knew when the next Gathering would be," Mousetail said, watcing as Ivoryclaw twisted her head around to lick her back. Ridgestar pricked his ears at this. Memory was slow to return to the RiverClan deputy and the small things came first. Eating, grooming, talking were just about the only things that Ivoryclaw remembered about her formal life. She had no idea what the clans were, let alone the warrior code. It was like nursing a kit in a warrior's body.

"Did you tell her when it was?" Ridgestar asked. Mousetail turne her head to look at him, symphathy in her eyes.

"Ridgestar, you know that she would have no idea..."

"But we must answer her anyways!" Ridgestar snapped, his fur bristling. "We had to encourage her to ask questions so that she can learn and remember. Maybe one of the answers will open the veil that hides her memory and she will remember everything and life will be back to normal!"

Mousetail stood, offended by Ridgestar's tone and hostility. With a swish of her tail, she headed towards the entrance of the den. Just before she left, she swivled her head around to stare cooly at Ridgestar.

"Just so you know, I told her that we had just had one and the next would be here in a little less than a moon."

With that, the RiverClan medicine cat exited her den. Ridgestar knew that he had offended her, and he felt bad for his outbreak. He silently vowed to appologizes later, but for now her turned back to his mate who circled in her nest. Ivoryclaw paid no attention to the RiverClan leader as she made herself comfortable. A soft purr emunated from her as she settled down and her eyes narrowed into slits as drosiness began to take her.

Ridgestar's shoulders sagged and he turned away from the cream she-cat. Opalpaw lay asleep in another one of the nests. The soft cream fur on the apprentice's pelt rose and fell at her rasping breathing. Mousetail was able to fix Opalpaw's shoulder, but one of the young she-cat's cuts had become infected and a raging fever rested inside the young body. Ridgestar buried his nose in his daughter's fur and then turned and left the den.

Mousetail was waiting outside but before the RiverClan leader could say a word, she scampered into her den. Ridgestar sighed and walked slowly towards his den, unaware of the clan cats that were gathered in the camp. Mutterings followed where he walked and fear was fresh in each cat's eyes. Orangetail looked up from his meal in hopes that the RiverClan leader might join them, but lashed his tail in frustration as Ridgestar continued on to his den.

The brown tom pushed his way into his den and then froze as he saw Beechheart approach him. Ridgestar could have ignored just about any other cat, but he could not walk away from an elder who might need his help. The older light brown tom drew closer and Ridgestar could see his yellow eyes filled with anger.

"You!" Beechheart hissed, his hackles rising. Ridgestar stared at the elder in confusion, wondering what was going on. "You call yourself a leader!"

"But...but, Beechheart what are you talking about?" Ridgestar whispered, glancing longingly at his den. Beechheart spat at Ridgestar' paws and drew closer, baring his fangs.

"You are of my kin, my lineage, but I am ashamed to have you! Ha how proud I was for my sister's son to become leader, but now I curse the very day that great Minnowstar named you deputy! You hae no right to sleep in the leader's den, no right to own the future of the clan in your paws!"

Beechheart was now nose to nose with Ridgestar, his angry gaze scorching the RiverClan leader. Ridgestar knew that this was no way to talk to the leader of any clan. He could have punished Beechheart, banished him even, but Ridgestar simply bowed his head. He had no more energy to rebuke the outspoken elder and if Beechheart wished to think ill of his nephew, that was his decision. Beechheart snarled, his tail fluffing up.

"Here you stand, in submittion to an elder!" Beechheart mocked. "Bow your head to me, bow your head to all of the cats here who you have betrayed. You have down nothing but feel sorry for yourself and mope within your den!"

Ridgestar flinched as the elder's harsh words, knowing that they were true. The leader should have been mad but all feeling execpt pain and sorrow were hidden inside of him. The feeling of shame however returned, writhering within him like a snake.

"What's going on here?"

Both cats turned their heads to see Orangetail approaching, the look on the orange tom's face showing that he had heard the conversation. Beechheart hissed at the approaching tom, glaring through his slitted eyes.

"Stay out of this!" he snapped. Orangetail paused, and then padded calmly up to Ridgestar, sitting down beside his leader. He held his head high, never flinching under the elder's deathly stare.

"Look!" Beechheart jeered. "Even Orangetail knows how to show some class, but you, you, have no right to be called a warrior!"

"Enough!" Ridgestar hissed, leaping to his paws, every fur on his body bristled. Beechheart toppled backwards with surprise, his eyes widing. The RiverClan leader advanced slowly, his tail erect and his eyes once more bright. So many emotions flowed through him that Ridgestar could hardly control himself. Anger, rage, and pride is what drove him now. Orangetail now stood, glancing from the cowering elder to his leader, unsure of what to do.

Ridgestar bared his fangs and was about to lung when he heard a yowl and found himself face to face with Mousetail. The smallw gray she-cat looked furious as she stood over Beechheart.

"Ridgestar! You should be ashamed of yourself! Beechheart is not only an elder but your uncle! This is not how a clan leader should be acting," she hissed. Ridgestar snorted.

"And yet does an elder have the right to mock and taunt a leader?!" Ridgestar fired back. Mousetail's eyes narrowed dangerously and she took a threatening step foward.

"Ridgestar can't you see that all Beechheart is trying to do is help you?" she said. "Look inside yourself, feel the energy in your veins. All you have been doing lately is wallowing in your pain and you have forgotten what it means to be a leader, you have forgotten your clan. We all know how much the accident hurt you, but you can't turn your back on us now."

Ridgestar allowed the fur along his spine to lay down and his muscles to relax. Mousetail was right, even now, with anger pouring from his very blood, Ridgestar felt free once more. The pain was still there, but it no longer controled him. He looked around realizing that the clan had gathered around, all watching him. He held up his head, meeting Beechheart's eyes.

"Beechheart is right," Ridgestar said. "Never again will I let my own feelings get in the way of my responsibilties to the clan. Ridgestar will rule once more!"