Pretence

"Ren, stop it!" yelled Horohoro one foggy morning, but before I begin this fanfiction, I must explain to you about the story of the Turkey Pot Pie and the Fern.

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One day, while trying to escape it's certain doom of being eaten, a turkey pot pie crossed the path of a fern.

"Please do move out of the way Fern, as I am too small to jump over you, and I must continue along this road, or I will meet certain doom!" the turkey pot pie explained to the lush green fern, that was inconveniently placed in the middle of the road that the turkey pot pie was being forced to travel on.

"But why can you not just go around me, as it would be very unfeasible for me to move, as I was planted here by a wizard who didn't want people to follow this road to his home," told the fern to the pie.

"I cannot go around you because I am also spelled. I'm not sure why I am animated, but if I leave this path, I will become inanimate, and I don't wish for that to happen, as I would defiantly then be consumed by the humans that are currently pursuing me," explicated the pie.

"Well then why don't you crawl through me, I don't mind, after all, you are in a life of death situation, and I don't mind if a few of my leaves are bent, because I was planted by a magician, they just straighten anyways," said the fern.

"Oh thank you Fern, I will be forever in your dept, if you need anything, I will help you, and if you are in trouble I will help you, just as you helped me. Thank you and au revoir Fern!" Then the turkey pot pie ascended over the ferns leaves, and then it was faced a great stone laneway, surrounded by a lush and vibrant garden. In the distance, there was a large stone castle (it know, it's too cliché, but it was all I could think of at the time so shuddap!)

The pie continued to roll its way to the castle, hoping to find refuge. Eventually it reached the gates, but despite the abundant surroundings, everything inside the gates, and even the gates themselves, was dead. The turkey pot pie rolled its way cautiously towards the gate, and once it decided the way was safe, the pie rolled into the black and grey coloured yard. There was a collection of dead trees, surrounded by dead grass, and there, right in front of the pie, there was an enormous stone staircase. There were two large guardian statues, one of a Chinese-type dragon, and the other of something that looked sort of like a prodigious snake with wings. As the pot pie rolled monotonously towards the stairway, the statues started to gain colour, and the claw of the Chinese dragon moved. The pie froze, and rolled as fast as it could towards the gate, but the flying snake moved more rapidly.

It surrounded the pie and spoke in a deep voice.

"Meat-flavoured one, we have awaited you for so many moons (one 'moon' is 35 days, 14 hours, 37 minutes, 52 seconds and 9 milliseconds) that we have turned to stone. You have finally come to free us from our eternal post. We succumb to you O Meaty One!" the flying snake declared, the dragon then landed beside the 'Meaty One' and bowed its head, as the flying snake did also.

"Well then, could you explain to me why you have been waiting for me?" the pie questioned.

"We are sorry Meaty-One, but we are not allowed to tell you, it will come to you in time," the dragon explained. "For the time being, we must take you to the top of the tower so you can rebuild you kingdom," and with that, the dragon gently picked up the pie and carried him to the top of the castle, where for many moons, the turkey pot pie rebuilt and watched over his resurrected kingdom (or should I say piedom?)

While the pie was walking through his garden, he started to hear petit voices.

"Your Highness, the one that helped you many moons ago, is finally in need of your help, help the fern, help the fern, you must help the fern, remember, remember, o to the fern…" the pie did not know where the voices were coming from, but because he was concerned about his own mental health, he went to talk to Dark (the dragon) and Wing (the snake with wings).

"Dark, Wing, I demand answers! Why was I hearing voices in the garden while I was out rolling?!" the Turkey Pot Pie shrieked.

"Well your Meatiness, would you happen to remember the day you came to us?" Dark asked.

"Well of course, when I was animated, I heard about the most devastating scheme. Where the humans planned to eat me, so of course, as any sane pie would do, I ran away. Then while I was rolling, I came across a large dead piece of land. So as any curious pie would do, I rolled onside to see why it was so dead. Then I met you, and you told me to come and rebuild my piedom, so I did." But because the pie had been so absorbed in his piedom, he became too selfish to remember the fern that had helped him.

"Well actually you Meatiness, there was another part that you seem to have forgotten. While you were trying to escape, you came across a fern, which was blocking the road you were travelling on, and that fern helped you escape the humans... and you said that you would do anything to help that fern, and now is your time to do so. You must go save the fern that helped you many moons ago, and fulfill your promise," Wing informed the pie.

"Well I guess I could take some time to go help this… fern… you're talking about, Wing, take me to the fern!" but little did 'His Meatiness' know, there would be some problems with helping Fern.

"This is as far as we can go Your Meatiness; the rest is yours to deal with. Good luck, and farewell!" and Wing flew away, after bidding adieu to his ex-master.

The turkey pot pie was devastated by his abandonment, so he walked away, sulking, until he came across the path of a magnificent looking fern.

"Well hello Fern, why might you be planted here, in this lonely place?" the pot pie asked the fern.

"Oh, hello Turkey Pot Pie, I am finally in need of your assistance, the humans are coming to destroy me, and they wish to clear the path, so they can make something called 'Road'. I need you to help me, as I helped you many moons ago." The fern told the pie.

"Well actually, don't remember you helping me, but I will help you anyways, as I have waited my entire life for this moment, and if I didn't help you, what would my life mean; an empty pie shell, with no fillings, a lonely piece of wasted turkey a…" and the pie continued with his monotonous metaphors.

"Well that's great," the fern commented about ten minutes later. "But we still need to save me. I don't know why the humans wish to make 'Road' and I don't know how to stop them, but I'm sure you will do a great job Pie."

"Well when the humans come, I will just have to confront them," decided the pie foolishly, forgetting that the humans wanted to eat it, and that it was the entire reason they were here (but you're not supposed to know that yet so be silent!)

When the humans came, only minutes later, the pie rolled up to the feet of the first one. She was much taller than the pie, and she was the owner of a company called 'Leeks and Liver' (how gross! Why would anyone call their company that? I would never buy anything from there). She had come to… retrieve her prototype pie! Mwuahahahaha!!!

"There it is, catch the rabid pie! We mustn't let it escape, or sure doom will befall us!" Then a whole bunch of people ran forwards to catch the pie. And soon after, the pie was stuffed in a sac, and was on its way to being examined and most likely eaten by a flock of vicious emus (you can never trust those emus, they're evil…)

"Stupid, foolish pie, it was too busy trying to fulfill a promise that it didn't even remember making, that it didn't even stop to think that the humans were coming to capture it, or that I was truly one of their allies… the world will be mine! Evil laughter, and all of its inhabitants will bow down to ME!" the malicious fern that had seemed to nice, had betrayed the pie, and continued with its evil plot to rule the world, manipulating everything, and everyone, until it's was ready to grow and make the world it's puppet. Which it eventually did, 3,586 moons later.