Just Friends

Prologue

Sian: (Sy-ann).

I, Sian Amerie Masterson, had no family.

If there was any possible way you would call the people I live with a 'family', well then Elvis Presley was my best friend, God was an alien and Dumbledore was a woman. I hope you understand the seriousness of my statement, the people I live with cannot be called a family under any circumstances. I'm sure the definition of a family was not to be met with glares and hatred when you walked into a room, or having to live in the attic because you just so happen to be the youngest. In addition to that, I was a 'mistake', and reminded of this at every chance.

What sort of parents sit you down when you're ten, tell you that they need to have the talk, and there you are expecting to know the full details of the facts of life when they blurt out that you were a mistake and they didn't really expect to have you? Then pat you on the shoulder and ask you to move into the attic because Nina, your sister was born before you, needs my room for her dance class? No real parents, that's whom. For years I had just lay in bed while my 'family' had dinner, knowing for sure that I was adopted. I had to be, I didn't a look a thing like these people, I didn't have anything in common with these people, and I meant nothing to them. They didn't abuse me in anyway, and they didn't leave me undressed, it was just that they felt no affection towards me whatsoever. How you can walk into a room and not even be acknowledged by your own family? This was just another thing that confused me about my life.

The only thing I had to get me through the cold life I was living was my next-door neighbour, my best friend, and someone I would have given up my life for. Perhaps the reason I felt so strongly was because I never had anyone be that nice to me before, I was so used to being ignored, being liked was confusing, but something that made me happy.

James Potter was an angel. He really was, from the age of four, when I had somehow crept into his back garden and found him playing with his remote control car. We had been best friends since. We would sit in the shed for hours, making plans for me to run away from home, or how I could move in with James and live in his cupboard, and then he would tell my parents I had died in a jump rope accident. We were so close, and because of the fact that I was over his house so much, his parents began to accept me as an adopted daughter. I remember hearing them ask James where I was, because it was strange that they hadn't seen me for the past hour. We called ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend, at the time we thought it was real, and James demanded that his mum would call me his girlfriend instead of just plain friend.

'Mummy, you can't call my future wife my friend. It's just rude!'

And Mrs. Potter had smiled at him, and called me 'James's girlfriend' from then on. Mr. and Mrs. Potter knew about the way my own parents treated me, the way my family treated me, and although they could do nothing about it, they always made me feel like I was home at their house. They would take me along with them on trips, something I felt immensely guilty about. But they would insist, they'd even tell my parents, who didn't really care.

It was amazing, I started to think of them as my family, fro breakfast I'd creep into their house and it would be like that for most meals. Except the occasional time when my own parents would ask me if I would like to join them for dinner, and when I would, no one would talk and we'd just watch TV in silence. But I had James, and that always made things better. You can jut imagine my sadness when I found out I was going to be away from James. My Hogwarts letter was a miracle really, I was glad to not have to live with my 'family' anymore. Nina had just screamed, and Dave thought it was some cult boarding school, but my parents (after many refusals to believe it) decided that they didn't care much and said that I could go if I wanted to. And I had sat there on my cold bed, the dim light shining on my letter, trying to make a decision. James and me had gone to the same primary school, but now I was a witch, I didn't even know if James was a wizard! I told him I was going away to boarding school, and he said so was he. We were both devastated.

But I was met with relief when I saw him at the station, after I had been dropped off, standing at the same platform I was, there was James. We both jumped up and down and hugged each other, although James had pulled away after a minute saying he didn't want to seen hugging a girl on his first day. Mrs. Potter had helped us get our things on the train and hugged us tight, saying she would miss us. I kissed Mr. Potter on the cheek and told him to stay out of trouble, and he laughed and twirled me around. I loved the lot of them. The Potters were my family.

As we ran through the barrier one by one and saw the magnificent train, I held my hand out for James to hold, and we held on tight till walked onto the train. I remember another boy being in the compartment that James had found and beckoned for me to come into, the boy had dark hair and was quite handsome for an eleven year old. The boy had looked at me up and down and asked James, 'Who's that?' And I had felt myself glow when James had said proudly, 'My future wife of course!' And then the boy laughed, and I felt confused, for there was nothing funny about James' statement. At the time I believed that it was the most honest thing in the world. No one at our primary school had laughed, they had all been jealous at how close James and me were, how we did everything together. It wasn't like we didn't have other friends in school, but everyone knew, if you made friends with James, you got Sian as well, and vice versa.

'You cant have a fiancée! You're eleven!' the boy had exclaimed.

And then James had grinned at him and shook his head, saying that you could, and told me to sit down next to him, the boy had grinned at me but I put on a blank front for him, mad that he had laughed. The train ride had gone all right after that, James and the boy, who was called Sirius, which in my opinion was a strange name, played some 'Exploding Snap' and I joined in a few times, my anger forgotten. We reached Hogwarts. The rest of it was a blur, I remember standing there, incredibly nervous, waiting for our names to be called out to put on the sorting hat, my fingers were crossed, and I wished again and again that I would be in the same house as James, I had looked up at him with one eye open and he smiled at me and held my hand as my name was called.

'Gryffindor!'

It was magic, James and me had been put into the same house. I was ecstatic, I was sure I'd be friends with James forever and ever seeing how we would be in the same house, same classes, and then go back to the same house, and then eventually grow older and get married. But things changed never remained the same after that,. I found myself hanging out with Dorcas Meadowes, and James had adopted three other friends, two being from our train ride, and another short and stocky boy called Peter. We drifted apart, and things didn't go as I had planned. I barely spent anytime with James, and the only time I did was the holidays, when I'd go back and spend every waking hour with him, discussing things about school. He no longer introduced me to people as his 'fiancee' anymore. That was gone. The summer before fourth year, I realised we nothing would be the same anymore. We would never be like we had been for all those years.

We were lying in his bed after a long day at the park, and his parents didn't mind for I was only Sian. It was so random and I was thrown off guard when he suddenly said to me: 'Sian, I think I'm in love.' I turned to James in shock, knowing full well he wasn't talking about me.

'Love?' I asked him, my eyebrows raised.

'Proper love,' he said nodding, and getting up, I got up too, and we sat on the bed, leaning against the wall. I felt like asking him if it was me, but I didn't, 'Who?' I asked instead. Half of a smile played on his face, and a dreamy expression had taken over him, 'Lily Evans,' he whispered.

I knew Lily Evans, I shared a dormitory with her, she was a perfectionist, you should have seen her side of the room, so neat and tidy you would want to puke. And I hated to say it, but she was a lovely person... and I didn't like her. Well, now I didn't like her, because she'd gotten the attention of my James. I felt like crying out to him, what about us? We're supposed to get married! Its what we've been saying for years! How can you throw that away for Lily Evans?

He'd looked at me then, 'You're like my sister Sian,' he said, 'You're the first person I'm telling.' And I tried to smile at him, but inside I was burning up, sister? What the hell happened to future wife? Or girlfriend?

'I know we always said we were boyfriend and girlfriend,' James had said, holding my hand, reading my mind, 'But we were kids back then. It wasn't real.'

I nodded and smiled falsely, 'Of course,' I said, 'I know that James.' James sighed in relief, 'Good,' he said, 'I thought that you really expected us to get married, at least that's what Sirius said I knew-'

'What did Sirius say?' I asked him angrily. James had cowered under my glare, 'Nothing, he just – thought, that you really thought we were going out or something,' he said hesitantly.

'That's not true!' I had exclaimed, but my insides were screaming, 'I'm not stupid James. We said that when we were seven, we're fourteen now! How can you even think that?' And tears built up in my eyes, but he couldn't see them because of the dark, and all I could think was. How could he not think that? Because I had believed every bit of it. It was as real to me as magic, he was my James, what was happening?

I felt stupid, it was exactly as Dorcas had told me for years, how could I still believe that we were together? That he'd keep himself for me? I remember going back to my house, and lying on my bed in the attic, tears pouring out of my eyes, because I felt like I had no family again. I had lost my James to Lily Evans.

Summers sort of changed after that, Sirius was always over at the Potters house, or sometimes all of his friends were, and I gradually drifted apart from James, although I stayed the same with Mrs. Potter, who now insisted I call her Sandra. I'd still come over and help out Sandra, but I would barely speak to James, I don't think he suspected that I fancied him like mad, he just thought I was going through 'girl things' as he had put it to Sandra.

The summer before our fifth year I was over at the Potter's house, helping Sandra cook some Chinese food without magic, and we were giggling a lot and it was then James and Sirius had walked into the kitchen. It was the first time I had seen Sirius at the Potter's house, or met him really, because I knew he was over, I just never saw him. And he had looked at me in shock, as he turned around to James his eyes wide, 'What is she doing here?' he had asked in an urgent whisper.

I had felt hurt inside, but I was not going to show that, I had shared a smirk with Sandra before saying, 'I think James may have forgotten to tell you that I live next door.' And something had clouded into James's eyes and I shrugged at him, and then they left, Sirius muttering to James.

'I think Sirius fancies you dear,' Sandra had said with a smile.

But I shook my head, 'People like Sirius don't fancy people like me,' I had said.

But I knew they could, I knew just how much attention I got from boys, well had suddenly gotten since our fourth year, when I had suddenly sprouted breasts, grown taller (5"8), and got curves. I was pretty, or as Dorcas put it 'stunning' and James on many occasions had called me beautiful. I suppose I was stunning, not meaning to be big headed or anything, but I liked my looks. I had dark long wavy locks that went down to my back, fair skin, and big, blue eyes. My eyes clashed with my skin, making them stand out, and the first thing people would say to me was that I had beautiful eyes. Which was the only thing I suppose I had inherited from my own mother.

Sandra shook her head, 'You know as well as I do that you are gorgeous,' she said, and I smiled and hugged her, glad to have her in my life. 'And I still think Sirius fancies you, he went bright red when he saw you.'

But I didn't want Sirius to fancy me; I wanted James, who had become extra good looking after hitting puberty, the years of Quidditch had given him muscles, making him fill out and not be the scrawny kid that he was once. His messy hair suited him, and I thought the glasses made him look like a hunk. I knew Sirius was good looking, he always had been, I never denied it. With his luscious hair, and mysterious gray eyes, his tanned skin, he was the same height as James, but much more handsome. And I knew this, but I didn't want him, I wanted James. And somewhere along the lines, maybe Sandra suspected this, though she never said a word, I made sure not to ever give him longing looks, I didn't want him to think I still liked him.

I did though; I was madly in love with the boy who had saved me from my hellhole. He was my angel. I would hear him go on for hours about Lily Evans, and sadness bubbled in me, as we would have dinner, me sitting in the middle of James and Sirius. Sandra and Harold sitting across us, laughing at the way James would describe Lily's hair, and Sirius would tease him for being hopelessly in love, and being such a 'poof' but I would sit there, trying to laugh, and block out the name Lily, trying to replace it with mine.

We would be a trio over Christmas, the only teenagers at the Potter residence. I always came home for Christmas, as did James, but after our fourth year Sirius started coming to The Potters' too, Sandra would write to all three of us each week, and she said Sirius had become part of the family. He ran away from home in his fifth year and the Potters had said that he could stay with them. Over Christmas, I'd open presents with my 'family' and keep up niceties, and then sneak over to the Potters, who were of course, my real family.

After a while though, how could you ignore two good looking boys when you were in the same house as them? Sandra always looked surprised when I would groan as Sirius would walk into a room, I felt like he was taking over my holidays. I had nothing against him, well I did really, I couldn't stand him to be honest. Always making sarcastic remarks. But I did feel bad for him, and when he spent the summer at the Potters, I would really try to get along with him. I sort of enjoyed having Sirius around, and it was funny watching James and Sirius talking about some insane things, or how Sirius would drop down on his knees and shout 'Mummy dearest!' every time he saw Sandra. I wasn't about to get jealous that Sirius took most of James's time, I understood that, it was a guy thing. Boys were better friends with their own gender, just as I was with Dorcas. I wasn't about to get angry over the fact that James needed to hang around with Sirius either, and this was probably one of the reasons I hung out with them, and it would actually be fun. James would be in the middle as Sirius and me argued over little things as we were prone to do, we'd both turn to James and ask him 'What do you think?' and he would raise his hands and shake his head saying he wouldn't get involved, 'I'm not going to side with either one of you, I would like both of my best friends please,' he would say. This made me happier though, at least James thought of me as one of his best friends. And sometimes when Sirius would be asleep, James would sneak into my room (attic) and we would talk until the morning light. We wouldn't hold hands, but I was glad we could still do this.

I would notice Sirius giving me suspicious looks when I'd wrestle with James or when we'd go into the phase where we'd say everything in unison or when I'd laugh at something James had said. I ignored them, hoping he wouldn't know what was going through my head. Sirius could me dark and mysterious like that, although altogether he was a laidback funny guy.

Sirius got his own place this summer, which meant James was never home, did he even care that we only saw each other a few times this summer? I spent my time with Sandra, and then I went over to Dorcas's house for a week, where James had sent me a letter asking me where the hell I was. Not caring that he had been at Sirius's apartment most of the time, but when I left I was suddenly betraying our summer tradition.

My seventh year is starting now. All I know is, that I, Sian Amerie Masterson, am seventeen years old, and completely determined to get James Potter back into my life. I just hope Sirius won't get in my way.

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