"Okay… okay… I can do this. I know I can," Alistair said to himself in the mirror. Right now he was in the bathroom at the back of the Hearthome City Mall. He and his pokemon were going to play their first performance here. He stared at the mirror longer, making sure that he all ready for this. He was born as an albino so he had very pale skin, pure white hair that went down to his shoulders and crimson red eyes. "I can totally do this! I rock so friggin hard!"
"No you don't," the man who was washing his hands next to him said.
"Fuck you man! You haven't even heard me and my pokemon play yet!" The man scanned Alistair from head to toe.
"Yeah… I can tell just by looking at you you're gonna suck. And your fly is open," he added.
"God damn it…" Alistair said before zipping it back up. He always forgets to zip it. "Screw you! I'm gonna be the greatest musician/ trainer uh… thing ever! Just you wait!" He said before storming out of the bathroom and made his way to the center of the building where a stage was erected just for him and his pokemon. He climbed on top of it and looked out over the crowd. There had to be at least 3 dozen people. Okay… not a bad start for the world's future God of Rock…
"How are you doing people? My name is Alistair and I shall be the one making your ear pussies have an orgasm from sheer pleasure today! CAN YOU DIG IT?!" He shouted. No one made a sound. Alistair looked over them again. Some in the first few rows must have never seen an albino before because they kept giving him reproachful looks. Some small children even started crying…
"Ahem…" Alistair coughed. This wasn't turning out as well as he thought. "Let me introduce you to my band. With them, we are collectively known as Zeus on the Guitar Strings AKA Mr. Bitches and Friends AKA Numero Awesome AKA Dial S for Sexual Implosion. But just call us Zeus on the Guitar Strings. First is my backup singer, Fiona the Chatot!"
He tossed the pokeball high above his head. It opened up in midair and his Chatot came out in a burst of white light. Fiona had a white ribbon on her forehead so Alistair could tell her apart from other Chatots. She circled the entire room once before landing back on to Alistair's head. The appearance of a pokemon seemed to lighten up the crowd's mood. The little kids in the audience all clapped for Fiona and the older folk were smiling. Things were turning around.
"Next is a very good friend of mine. Please welcome both my guitarist and my drummer, Virtuoso the Ambipom!" He tossed the pokeball to the ground this time. When Virtuoso came out it did a handstand on one of its tails while waving at the audience with the other. This time the audience cheered for them. Alistair couldn't believe it. Actual applause!
"Great! Now lets get started with the first song, 'Why am I so Lyrical'. I hope you like it!" Virtuoso picked up the guitar laid out for it with its tails and Alistair gave it two drum sticks to hold in its hands. It then went over to the drum set behind Alistair. Fiona moved to Alistair's shoulder. When Virtuoso began drumming and playing the guitar simultaneously, Alistair began singing.
(The beat starts off slow)
…When I look into your eyes
All I see is awe
Your mouth is wide open
Spit drips from your maw
All of you look upon me
You all stop and stare
My crimson eyes don't stop you
Neither my snow white hair
So why…?
Why do you stare at me?
I know why…
IT'S BECAUSE OF MY LYRICALOSITY! (Fiona: Lyricalosity!)
If you ever ask me why I'm so lyrical
I'll always respond saying
Because my balls are spherical!
(Fiona: SPHERICAL!)
(The beat gets much louder and fast paced)
My balls are so supple and perfectly round
You could search the whole world over
There is not a pair to be found
LIKE MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!
(Fiona: LIKE MINE!)
If you ever ask me why I'm so lyrical
I'll always respond saying
Because my balls are spherical!
(Fiona: SPHERICAL!)
I was born to rock
From the day I was born
All of you suck my cock
Can't find a pair like mine
On internet porn
(Fiona: Porn!)
Porn!
(Porn)
Porn!
(Porn)
Porn!
(Together): POOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRNNNNN!
If you ever ask me why I'm so lyrical
I'll always respond saying
Because my balls are spherical!
(Fiona: SPHERICAL!)
Spherical!
(Spherical)
Spherical!
(Spherical)
Spherical
(Together): SPHERICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!
Alistair didn't realize it but the audience was less than pleased. Most were grimacing so hard their faces hurt, concerned parents had covered their children's ears and some even left. However, Alistair was to busy singing and head banging to notice this.
"Time for the guitar solo folks! Virtuoso! FUCK THAT GUITAR LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO GET IT PREGNANT! Yeah! Play that shit! BILILILILILILILILILILILILILILILILI- OW! Son of a bitch!" Alistair shrieked. A disgruntled audience member found a random tomato and tossed into Alistair's left eye. Other followed his lead and began tossing tomatoes at him too.
"AGH! OOF! AAH! WHERE ARE YOU PEOPLE GETTING THESE TOMATOES FROM?! AAAAAAAHHHHH! RETREAT YOU GUYS!" Alistair and his pokemon ran backstage. He wiped the tomato off his face and sighed. This did not go well…