The Meatloaf

-Team 10-

x x x

"I now understand why sensei usually takes us out to eat," Shikamaru said solemnly.

"But...w-what... is that?" Ino asked, voicing what they had all been wondering.

Ino, Shikamaru, and Chouji were standing in their sensei's kitchen, staring down at the grotesque culinary disaster that would likely be the death of them. For there, sitting on the counter in all it's horrid, pink, slimy glory, was a gigantic, raw pile of meat in a glass dish, just waiting to be cooked.

"I think it's supposed to be a meatloaf," answered Shikamaru finally.

Ino and Chouji both shuddered; the former looking revolted, the latter, deeply offended.

"You two do realize the significance of this, don't you?" Shikamaru gravely intoned.

"Yeah..."Chouji, due to some kind of morbid fascination, seemed unable to draw his eyes away from the lump of raw meat. "It's got little green bits in it..."

Rolling his eyes, Shikamaru whacked him upside the head.

"No. Even worse than that."

The two stared at him questioningly.

"That is what our trusted sensei plans on feeding us for dinner," he said, a doom-laden expression overtaking his features.

For Ino, the horror was too great: she clapped both hands to her mouth and gasped, staggering backwards. Chouji simply closed his eyes and shook his head.

"That's just sick," he whispered.

A steely, slightly maniac glint appeared in Ino's pale eyes as she pulled herself together, saying desperately, "We-we've got to get rid of it!"

Chouji nodded enthusiastically, while Shikamaru muttered, "Ugh, I knew this would be troublesome"

Ino went on, "Sensei's gone into the bathroom with the crossword puzzle, so we all know what that means. I'd say we have about fifteen minutes to get rid of this and destroy the evidence."

The two nodded curtly and Shikamaru picked up the meatloaf; his face turning a peculiar green color. He cautiously headed for the trashcan, but Ino's shrill voice cut him off.

"Not there! That's the first place he'll look! Besides, give it a few hours, and you'll be able to smell that from here to Suna!"

Sighing in irritation, Shikamaru then headed to the sink, but was once again stopped, this time by Chouji.

"No garbage disposal has the power to grind up something that gnarly."

Shikamaru just stared at them both incredulously, and slammed the meatloaf down on the table; the force of the impact making it jiggle disgustingly.

"Well you think of something then!"

"Oh, I already have..." said Ino softly.

Her two male teammates exchanged nervous glances.

x x x

"Oh, Kiba! There you are! Why don't you walk the dogs, it's not like you have a LIFE or anything!"

Kiba stalked angrily down the streets of Konoah, shrilly yelling in a horrible impression of his mother, with five dogs on a leash in front of him, and Shino in tow.

"I mean, honestly, who does she think she is? I'm fifteen now, I can do what I want! I have a job and everything, I shouldn't just have to- to submit to her will!"

His teammate raised an eyebrow. "'Submit to her will,' Kiba? Isn't that just a tad melodramatic?"

"Oh, you know what I mean!" Snapped Kiba, still obviously miffed. "She treats me like such a child!"

The Aburame sighed. "I would be careful, if I were you. You're just setting yourself up for something bad."

But Kiba. still muttering darkly under his breath, was clearly not paying attention.

x x x

"Are you sure about this, Ino?"

Chouji looked doubtfully out of the two-story window at the alleyway below. The three were now kneeling together on their sensei's bed; the current bane of their existence balanced precariously on the windowsill before them.

"Tell me honestly, Chouji: Do you want to eat this for dinner?"

His expression hardened.

"Let's do this shit."

"Right," said Shikamaru, "Help me lift it."

He and Ino both took hold of a handle of the glass dish and turned it on end. The mass of raw meat just sat there, glistening ominously in the evening sun, until with a stomach-churning squelching sound, it finally slipped out of the dish, and plopped onto the street below. The three shinobi simultaneously gagged.

"The dark deed is done," said Chouji with an air of finality.

Just then, an earsplitting chorus of howling erupted from a few streets away; rapidly growing nearer. The three simply stayed where they were for a few moments; waiting to see what would happen.

"Ugh, come on, guys, we don't wanna be caught at the scene of the crime," Shikamaru finally said, flinging the glass dish out of the window.

The three then made a mad dash for the living room and plopped down on the couch.

x x x

A few minutes had gone by, and Kiba and Shino were just rounding a corner when all of a sudden the dogs stopped dead; five black noses set aquiver.

"Huh, that's weir-" began Kiba, only to be cut off when, without warning, the dogs took off, careening across a few streets; dragging Kiba, who had been caught completely off his guard, after them. Shino followed all the way. Finally, the dogs emerged into a narrow alley, and jumped eagerly on a pile of raw meat.

Panting like crazy, Kiba couldn't help but smile.

"Of course, I don't know why I didn't smell it when they did."

"You were probably too busy griping to pay attention," Shino muttered.

Scratching his head, the Inuzuka straightened up. "What I don't get is why there's a random pile of meat in the middle of thi-"

He was silenced yet again; this time by a glass serving dish covered in meat juice which was flung from a two-story window- gleaming briefly in the bloody light of sunset- before smacking Kiba soundly on the head. Needless to say he was knocked out cold.

Shino simply shook his head, muttering,

"Karma."

x x x

The wet sound of a toilet flush brought Ino, Shikamaru, and Chouji out of the euphoria of their victory against the meatloaf, as Asuma finally emerged from the bathroom, a piece of toilet paper trailing from his shoe. He was scratching his head with the butt end of his pencil.

"Hey guys, what's a eight letter word for 'nasty'?"

His former students just grinned broadly at him and shrugged in answer- all thinking the exact same thing.

Meatloaf.

x x x