Disclaimer: I don't own the TMNT; I wish though. They'd be so much fun to write for!

Author's Note: This is an Alternate Universe story for the TMNT. It's completely based on the "Same As It Never Was" episode 21, in Season 3. That story for Donnie was just so... O.O he sooooo got the short end of the stick on dimensions he was sent too. I felt so bad for him because he saw so much bad. But, being the slash author I am, I wanted to throw in some happy, so I started writing a SAINW AU story. It's the same episode and the same dimension that our Donnie was sent too; I'm just basically changing the ending a little. I watched the episode like forty-thousand times to make sure I'd be able to do what I have planned (and I'm pleasently surprised to say, my plan will be realitively simple to execute :) ) anyway; I wanted to give the SAINW universe turtles a little bit of happy in their lives before they die, so I'm going to tinker with the ending to make that possible. I hope you enjoy it.

Warning: And this is entirely Turtlecest too (I know. I'm whacked). There WILL BE smut if I post the next chapter, and there will be MAJOR moral issues later on. Even though i want to give the SAINW universe turtles happy; I know that realistically, it has to get worse before it gets better (at least for the SAINW!Donatello).

---This first part is a journal entry from Our!Donnie. It's just a mood setter so you get an idea of what our!Don encountered, and it also gives you an idea of what to expect as the story itself. :) enjoy!

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-Prelude-

By: Melissa the Damgel

He hugged me so tight. I don't think I've ever had Raphael hug me so tight in all my life. Granted; to them; it had been thirty years since I supposedly disappeared. It was like Raph was desperate to just feel me against him and know that I was real and there with him, standing in the ruins of the old City Hall. At the time, I had found it odd and even a little weird, but I hadn't thought anything of it – at least not till later.

Raphael watched me all evening as I laid out my idea to attack the Shredder with April and Mikey helping me to modify it. It was bizarre having Mikey be all responsible and wise. It just goes to show he really did have a hard life. No humor, no jokes, and no smiles; this grim reality that had become all he knew. And Leo was no better – he had no hope left. It was like Leo had allowed his depression to win over him and he was nothing more than an animal surviving day to day. He only vaguely said this or that as I explained my plan, and he would only grunt if he approved of this or that. Raphael was the enigma. He voiced his opinions, sure, but he mostly just stared at me, his one remaining eye watching me so closely and following all of my movements with it. I stumbled over my words several times. He had caused chills to run up my spine and I wasn't sure why.

After we had our plan worked out, I had started to work on the Tunneler to get it back into working order for what was to come. My brothers had hung around asking me questions. It seemed as though they couldn't understand that from my point of view, I had only been gone a matter of seconds, not years. Mikey had been the one to explain mostly everything to me. He and Raphael occasionally got into spats as they talked about the years that had passed, and Leo stayed quiet – only piping up when Splinter's death was mentioned; otherwise, his head was tilted and he was silent as he listened.

I finally asked him if he was blind. I couldn't help myself. All the scars, the way he moved, even his glasses hinted at such a fate.

Leo had smiled – I think it was the first real smile I had seen all evening. He said he was blind in one eye, and his other eye was light sensitive as well as color blind now after a flash grenade had gone off to the side of him during a battle just a few years after Splinter died.

I wanted to tell him how sorry I was; but I couldn't stomach it.

He had left us after that, saying it was time to sleep, but I secretly knew he just didn't want to answer anymore questions.

Mikey had stuck around for another hour or more as I had worked. Michelangelo hadn't babbled like – well; this afternoon. He talked now and then, explaining this or that, or answer questions I had. When he finally left, he had clapped me on the shoulder and offered a very grim and hard smile. It hurt to look at that smile. I think I really felt what true heartache was in that moment. It hurt to think Mikey could grow this hard. I know my brothers think of me as the kind and gentle one in the family; but Mikey is so much more fragile than I am. I know I could survive alone; I'm practically living isolated already. Michelangelo on the other hand… he needs us so much. Family is everything to him. He doesn't have the protectiveness that Leo has, but he has this core that holds family as the dearest and most precious thing to him. I think something broke in this older Michelangelo after everything happened. After I disappeared, after Splinter died, and then Leo and Raph split the three of them apart. I think… I think he killed his joy because he no longer had his family to share his love with. I think I need to give Mikey a hug now that I'm back in my time.

What surprised me the most was Raphael. He stuck around for hours, watching me, attempting to help, and we chatted lightly, trying to whittle the hours away as I desperately tried to fix the Tunneler. He joined me in the cockpit as I had started to fix the controls and the wiring as I added in a remote switch inside the control panel. Raph had stood right behind me, watching my every move from the way I would struggle stripping the hardened rubber around the wires, to the way I narrowed my eyes as I clipped and connected and soldered my way to completion.

After I had stood up and announced I was complete, Raphael had pulled me close to him abruptly. He touched me; felt my body and held onto me as though he were scared I would disappear. I fought against him after his hands grew insistent and stroked places I was so frightened to have him touch. He couldn't be dissuaded – at least not at first.

He had kissed me – and it was weird. I… I admit I had started to look at my brother in such a way; wondering what it was like to be in his arms, kissing him and him touching me, just as this older version of Raph was at that moment. But… It felt wrong somehow. I tried to push him away, begging him to stop, but he only forced himself onto me all the more, biting at my neck and backing me into the console while one hand forced it's way between my legs and tried to urge my cock out into the open. It wasn't till I started crying and screaming for him to stop the moment he had shoved a finger up my ass did he finally pull away with a frightened and amazed look on his face. He was panting hard and his one good eye stared at me in disbelief.

It was about that moment that we both realized something – I really wasn't their Donatello.

It was so surreal. An alternate dimension. It was enough to calm me down and ask him a few questions, wanting to know what just happened or what he had been doing.

The situation was hard on both of us – Raph just stood there and stared at me like I was the gift he had waited years for, only to find out it belonged to another. I became uncomfortable knowing this older version of my brother had wanted to do sexual things with me. I could tell he missed me – or I should say his Donatello – so much. He had hoped, yet now he was crushed and just a shadow of his former shell now. I felt bad somehow; I felt like I had broken the brother that I had always viewed as unbreakable.

I have to say though; at the time, I did feel a bit of a flutter in my stomach as he had kissed me. I still honestly hope that my Raphael feels the same.

But Raph only grew more distant even as he explained everything to me. It made me want to cry upon understanding his loss. He had cared so much and held out so much hope that I… he… would return, that he ignored my protests and made himself believe I was his Donnie. At the time, I had thought that I was helping my other-dimensional brothers by doing what I did later that night using a camcorder and several satellite signals; but I fear now that if this world's Donatello does return, I will only have made it worse for him. Raphael had really loved me… I mean him… and this world's Donatello may never even know just how much.

--Hamato Donatello

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I hope you enjoyed the prelude to my 'Rebuilding a Forgotten Future' series. (granted it's not supposed to be very long. But that's what I told myself about 'Vindicated' too . we'll see...) But i'm not even sure if I want to continue it... :/ i have mixed feelings about it. I like the idea, but I'm not sure... you'll have to tell me what you thought about this.

anyway; as a (at this point) short drabble goes; i tried really hard to capture these older versions of the turtles. I think that the SAINW episode didn't go as far outside of the box as they could have (though on Mikey they did. his character in that episode completely captures my imagination because he was so sweet, but now he's hard and no-nonsense.) Leo... i think they could have done more. I think he probably would have blamed himself for Splinter's death (even though he fought with Raph about that same issue in the building). He'd probably be more bitter and darker than they were letting on in that ep. and Raphael, ... he could go two ways, he'd either have stepped up as a leader and is leading his own resistence movement to fight the Shredder, or he would have collapsed completely into despair and is a wild card Vigilante that doesn't care about anyone because his brothers don't care about him (in his mind). I know Mikey said "Raph and Leo aren't with anyone." but I sorta hope for the former for him. Raph might be the sarcastic and pessimistic guy of the group, but I think that's just because he's the one who holds out the most hope for things. he doesn't like being dissapointed; and hoping for peace and his family to reunite one day; that would be the ultimate dissapointmnt.

All righty-then, thanks for reading; I hope my babbling didn't ruin this story XD I'd really like to know what you thought about this. I'm still uncertain if I want to continue it as a small series. I love the idea... but... -(Shrugs)-

thanks for reading :)

--Melissa the Damgel