AUTHORS NOTE: Alright this is my first fan-fiction that I've had the guts to put up so bear with me if it's a little off! I've done my best with it so far but I haven't had any time to edit it properly as I'm quite busy with university and basically write when I have the chance. I have most of the story wrote already and will update it depending on whether or not anyone actually reads it!

I would appreciate comments so please feel free to give me the hounest truth I can take it!

I will start each chapter by telling you all what I was listening to when I wrote that chapter and just to mention that more often than not the song can have no reflection on the chapter I just like he song!

Well that is all that I have to say for now so hopefully you will enjoy it, you can send me a PM if you want to ask me anything I don't mind and please do let me know in the comment section if I'm wasting my time or not!

It's not quite finished so I think that I might do a sequel otherwise this will be far too long, so it will probably end on Bella being changed and then I'll start another one.

Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine and never will be I've just borrowed Stephanie Meyer's brilliant characters for a little while:D

I was listening to- The Cranberries- Linger

Chapter One

For once the silver Volvo didn't speed down the road, instead it took a slower, steadier pace, hugging closely to the corners as it went. I smiled weakly up at the beautiful creature sitting beside me, only to get a dazzling smile in response.

"It will be alright Bella it's the thought of telling him which is the hardest part.." Edward smiled reassuringly at me and brushed my cheek with the back of his hand; which led to my hearts usual response of fluttering wildly in my chest. I was on my way, or I should say we were on our way to tell Charlie about our engagement. I could feel the slow rise of panic working its way through my body. My hands were clammy, my breathing was shallow and it felt like there was some kind of small animal doing back-flips in my stomach, who occasionally attempted to escape by trying to claw its way out. On that thought I reflexively cradled my arm around my stomach in an attempt to sedate the little monster.

I looked towards Edward to see him watching me carefully, again I smiled at him half-heartedly not actually trusting myself to speak, as I had suddenly become nauseous, at the sight of Charlie's police cruiser parked in the driveway. Edward slowly brought the silver Volvo to a stop at the end of the driveway and turned to face me. "Bella love…" Edward looked down at my hands which were still cradling the little monsters now increased efforts; before continuing to speak.

"Are you sure that you want to go through with this?….We could wait a while longer if you like maybe a few months..". Edwards voice trailed off at my horrified reaction. "No…..no I'll be fine…I ..I just need a minute…" I responded unconvincingly. "If it helps, Charlie is in a relatively calm mood…" Edward looked towards the house with an expression which to others would have exuded calm but to me I recognised the tension around his warm golden eyes. " Edward what's wrong!" I exclaimed his tone and expression not helping my already panicked mood. Edward just smiled at me, the corners of his mouth turned down; letting me know that whatever the matter was it wasn't something that I was going to be happy about. "Edward please tell me what is.." I trailed off as Edward silenced me by placing a finger to my lips.

"Bella it is nothing to worry about trust me!" Edward smiled my favourite crooked smile before continuing, whilst playing with a strand of my hair. "And Alice says that I overreact!" Edward exclaimed teasingly. I smirked at him not yet thoroughly convinced; "Edward……if its nothing to worry about then you won't mind telling me exactly what it is that had you not worried". Edward rolled his eyes and smiled that sad smile again. "Bella like I said there is nothing wrong …exactly.." Seeing my increasingly panicked expression Edward finished quickly. "It's just that Charlie was talking to Billy and he is worried about Jacob and how he's holding up". Of all the things I had expected to have heard him say this was the last thing that I had expected to hear. A small and quiet "Oh" was the only sound that my lips were able to form. Edward wore a pained expression at my reaction and pulled me into his arms and holding me tightly against his perfectly moulded, marble like chest.

The thought of Jacob's suffering gave me a sharp jolt of pain. I would never forgive myself for hurting Jacob; but already the immediate pain I had felt at having told Jacob that I couldn't be with him was starting to blur around the edges. The alternative choice of being with Jacob no matter how happy it would have made me it couldn't compare in contrast to the love I had for Edward; with Jacob I missed him when he was away, I worried about him everything you would associate with loving or caring about someone. But with Edward it was something different, of course the emotions were the same but they were magnified tenfold in comparison. Edward and I were one, if he hurt I hurt, if he was happy I was happy, if we were apart I wasn't even aware of anything but his absence, if Edward impossible as it was died or the equivalent to it….I would die too. It really was as simple as that; it was this that I clung to every time I thought of Jacob and the pain that I had caused him. For me to have chosen him over Edward would mean that he would have gained the shell of what he loved, he would never truly have me entirely; it wasn't fair to him. Jacob deserves better than me; sometimes I found myself wondering , almost hoping that Jacob would meet someone else and imprint on them, because if Jacob's feelings were as strong as he believed they were I couldn't see anything else overshadowing them. I wasn't being arrogant but I knew Jacob and I knew how stubborn he was, which I believed would make him hold onto the memory of me harder.

I inhaled deeply and released it, almost in an attempt to release the build up of emotions which were building up in me. Honestly I didn't know how much more I could take of the constant suffering my presence caused in peoples lives, it seemed to me that my innate clumsiness somehow had managed to work its way into my relationships. Every-time I tried to do something right I somehow would manage to mess it up spectacularly, Jacob being the prime example.

"Bella?" Edward called to me softly in his low musical voice. Then I realised that he must be panicked himself by my prolonged silence, I tended to forget that I was the only person immune to Edwards ability to read thoughts. I pushed myself up and back onto my seat and smiled at him, the best smile I could muster for myself at the time. It must have been a pretty pathetic attempt but Edward smiled back at me all the same, sensing I figured that I did not want to talk about Jacob.

"Alright….well I guess that now's as good a time as any…I mean Alice will probably be trying to fit Charlie for a tux or something by the end of the day since she already has my dress!…if we don't tell him he won't know what's going on!!" my attempt at humour made Edward chuckle, and judging by his expression I wasn't too far off it either. "Hmmmm your probably closer than you think.." Edward muttered ominously, clearly attempting to distract my thoughts from Jacob. I sighed and laughed despite myself at the thought of Alice bustling around Charlie trying to make him wear a tuxedo. "Let's go in we can't wait around here all day I suppose…otherwise Charlie's going to get suspicious!" I stated breathlessly. "Yes love, your right he's already wondering what's taking you so long already!" Edward replied with a small smile.

As I stood out of the car and looked up at the house I inhaled deeply and felt Edward grab my hand in support. This was going to be in a word hellish.