Yayz! Code Geass FTW!
Originally I'd planned to do a Code Geass fic at some point anyway, because Code Geass is just so f-cking good, but then AutumnDynasty demanded that I write a LelouchxSuzaku (or was it SuzakuxLelouch?), and today is her birthday, so I pulled this together for her. :)
For the record, it turned out a lot longer than I had originally intended, but that's okay. I like how it came out. And honestly, Lelouch might have a rather large choice of girls to pick from (CC, Shirley, Kallen), but he's quite clearly into Suzaku.
I rest my case.
(To Narroch: GO AWAY. This will spoil half the series for you.)
Survive
It wasn't a suggestion, Suzaku; it was an order.
Lelouch stifled a yawn as he gazed out of the classroom window, the teacher a dull drone in the background; it was a warm afternoon, which wasn't helping. He was having trouble keeping his eyes open, and he wasn't the only one.
Across from him, Shirley was drowsily braiding a strand of her auburn hair, sunk low in her chair; Kallen was resting her head in her hands, her azure eyes half-closed. Even the usually-alert Nina looked as though she was about to collapse sideways out of her chair onto the floor.
Averting his gaze from them, Lelouch glanced ahead, his violet eyes settled on Suzaku. Maybe it was just because he was in the army, but he was the only one in the class sitting bolt upright, green eyes focused and alert.
That had to be it. This class couldn't possibly interest him…
What was he to do about dear Suzaku, at any rate? Dear Suzaku, his childhood friend, the one he would choose to keep close as his friend even all these years later, closer still as Nunally's knight, even though he was an Eleven…
Not that that mattered to Lelouch – he cared little for the blood that coursed through Suzaku's veins, though was certain, if it came to that, it would run as red as anyone else's…
Besides, he was Zero, using CC's gift of utmost control over others to help and liberate the crushed and downtrodden Elevens, to help Suzaku's people though it was not really his business to—
No. Eleven. That wasn't right. It was the law, but it wasn't right. Suzaku wasn't a number; he was Japanese.
He was also the pilot of that damned white armour; that blasted Lancelot, the metal-flash of which sent Kallen's blood bubbling to near-boiling point…
Kallen knew now, too. She didn't know that Lelouch was Zero, but she sure as hell knew that Suzaku was the pilot of the Lancelot, which caused Lelouch himself to exercise caution in watching over her. Kallen had her wilder moments; she probably wouldn't think twice about plunging a knife through Suzaku's throat, had she only the opportunity.
Lelouch didn't want her doing that.
Class came to a close and everyone rose from their seats in a drowsy-yet-relieved manner, shoving books and pens into bags and clattering from the room, the chatter incessant and garbled due to so many voices talking at once.
Lelouch noticed Shirley loitering by the door, Nina close at hand, and hung back, not wanting to have to interact with her. It was hard to be around Shirley these days; he'd only wiped her memory to ease her pain, but even now the pangs of guilt were acute and sharp when he looked in her direction.
He hadn't meant to kill her father, after all.
Besides that, she seemed warier of him of late; her gaze often perplexed, even accusing, when she laid it upon him. Maybe she'd retained threads of memory that made it so she still knew, somehow, that he was involved with the things happening around her.
Eventually she got tired of waiting and turned on her heel, auburn hair swinging down her back as she stalked from the room, Nina scurrying behind her. Kallen had already left, too.
"What is it with you and Shirley these days, anyway?"
Lelouch started, hearing Suzaku address him from behind; looking over his shoulder at the other boy, whose head was tilted a little to one side, gold sunlight glimmering on the surface of his mahogany hair.
"Shirley?" Lelouch repeated; he turned away to close his bag and sling it over his shoulder.
"You don't speak to one another anymore," Suzaku said.
"Does that matter?" Lelouch asked coolly, starting to leave the classroom, Suzaku close behind him.
"You used to be such good friends."
"Girls, Suzaku." Lelouch shot him a look. "You know what they're like. They start hating you for something you apparently did, but you don't know what it is."
Suzaku blinked.
"I… I, uh, didn't think Shirley was like that."
"They're all like that."
And then there's CC…
Lelouch turned away from the other boy, starting to walk away.
"See you later."
"H-hey! Where are you going?" Suzaku called after him. "Milly called a Student Council meeting, remember?"
Lelouch paused, though did not turn back.
"I'm not going," he said, starting to walk again. "I have things to do."
"Like what?" Suzaku aborted his own direction and started after Lelouch. "Come on, you know Milly will just get pissed at you if you don't show up…"
He caught the dark-haired boy up, catching his wrist; Lelouch whipped around to face him, pulling his arm loose as he did so, as though Suzaku's touch had burned him.
"Hey…" Suzaku gave him a half-smile, clearly bewildered by his behaviour.
"Don't, Suzaku. I said I'm not going." Lelouch gave a small toss of his head to sweep some of his hair from his amethyst eyes. "I don't care about Milly."
"Is this about Shirley?"
"No," Lelouch bit out. "I don't care about her either."
"Then… could you come for me?" Suzaku asked, his voice a little softer.
Lelouch blinked at him.
"Excuse me?"
"The cat," Suzaku explained; and then he gave an abashed little laugh. "I need someone to rescue me from Arthur."
Lelouch snorted, almost smiled himself; and then caught himself, recomposing his demeanour.
"I'm sorry, Suzaku, but I'm busy right now."
He knew Suzaku would never ask where he was going or what "things" he had to attend to; curious as he might have been, Suzaku had secrets of his own, so he respected other people's.
That in mind, Lelouch started off again, hoping Suzaku wasn't going to grab him a second time.
Suzaku did; grasping the back of his uniform this time so that he could turn him around to face him once more.
"Suzaku, what—?"
Lelouch cut himself off abruptly, shocked to find Suzaku's face so close to his own. What… what was he thinking? What was he going to do…?
His eye.
Both of Suzaku's jade eyes were fixed on Lelouch's left violet orb, his gaze very intent, as though he was…
…searching for something.
Lelouch barely dared to draw a breath. No doubt that Suzaku's attention was riveted to the very eye from which the power of Geass was unleashed – the violet that bled crimson under his will, forcing others to come under his will too.
He'd never wanted to use it on Suzaku; there were a lot of people he'd never wanted to use it on, though he'd been forced to – Shirley, hell, even himself…
But Suzaku most of all.
Yet he had. Last night, he'd used it on Suzaku, forced the boy to bend to his will and not his own…
And because of that – and only because of that – Suzaku now stood before him, staring into the eye that had enslaved him.
He felt the cool tips of Suzaku's slender fingers (pilot's fingers) touch his cheek, just beneath that eye, and shuddered a little at the touch. What was that? Fear? Revulsion? Anticipation?
And then, his own gaze fixated on his friend, he saw the brunette boy's lips move, forming a single word.
Two syllables; no sound.
Survive.
He shoved Suzaku away, thoroughly rattled.
Stumbling backwards a few paces, Suzaku seemed to snap out of whatever trance he'd been in; blinking at Lelouch a few times.
"What?" He asked.
Lelouch gave a shake of his head.
"I didn't say anything."
"I… I thought you did."
"No, I didn't say anything," Lelouch said again. He swung away, quickening his pace. "I have to go."
He left Suzaku standing in the middle of the corridor, breaking into a run as he got around the corner, bag banging against his hip; hoping against hope that the other boy wouldn't follow him.
Regardless of whether he had or not, Lelouch managed to escape him, getting to his room and slamming the door; leaning against it and taking a deep breath.
CC was sprawled on her stomach on his bed, head resting on her linked hands, her pale green hair a wild blanket over her back and the bedsheets. There was something of a glint in her amber eyes – a glint of anticipation, as though she'd been…
…waiting for him.
She knew he'd used Geass on Suzaku – he knew she knew, though how she knew was a mystery to him; and it wasn't like he could turn that eye on her and force the secret from her, since Geass didn't work on the one who'd been the bestower.
"What's the matter?" She asked of him, her voice detached and lazy.
She didn't care for the answer; he knew she didn't. It was hard to push CC from his mind, and he was grateful for the gift she'd given him, but he couldn't say that he liked her, particularly.
He neglected to answer her, throwing his bag down beside the bed and stomping off to the bathroom to take a shower.
"So moody," he heard CC sigh; she rolled over onto her back like a cat, twisting her head so that she could watch him, smile more apparent in her eyes than on her mouth.
He locked the door deliberately loudly, turning the shower on immediately so that it would drown out anything else she might call after him.
The last thing he needed right now was CC's gloating; she'd been quick to give him Geass, yet was always quicker still to take delight in his screw-ups.
Sometimes, despite his achievements as Zero, he felt that was really the only reason CC had given him the damn power:
Just for kicks.
—
The truth was, Suzaku was his enemy.
Before he'd known that the other boy was behind the controls of that very same white armour, his only thought had been for the destruction of both it and its pilot.
But now he knew – he knew it was Suzaku; he'd seen that it was Suzaku, his friend, his… well, Suzaku meant a lot to him, he always had… That was why, on seeing Suzaku, fists clenched on the Lancelot's controls, he'd forced Kallen to abort her attack on him.
No matter what it compromised, the price of it could never be Suzaku's life.
Lelouch was a good chess player – he knew that one wrong move could cost you the entire game, but… Where Suzaku was concerned, it didn't seem to matter. Ten wrong moves, if only they would protect Suzaku's life, were fine with him.
Who knew? Maybe if he'd only let Kallen destroy the Lancelot, that time when she'd had the chance to… Maybe they wouldn't even be fighting this battle any more. The Order of the Black Knights had faith in him, reasoned that there'd been cause for a greater good in his order to Kallen to cease attacking the Lancelot. At the end of the day, he was their brilliant and strategic leader, and he knew what he was doing.
…Though not when Suzaku fell into the equation, apparently.
Maybe that was why CC found this so amusing: Because she knew as well as he did that, no matter what it came down to, he would never kill Suzaku.
After all, that was why he'd ordered him to survive.
Lelouch knocked off the shower, towelling off quickly and pulling on more causal clothes that he'd brought in with him – jeans and a black high-necked T-shirt – before unlocking the bathroom door and heading back into the bedroom, rubbing his dark hair with the towel as he did so.
CC was still sprawled on the bed, glancing boredly at him as he came back.
"Have you stopped sulking?" She asked flatly.
"Shut up." He threw the towel over a chair and picked up a comb to run it through his hair; pausing at the mirror to get the parting straight. In the reflection, out of the corner of his eye, he saw CC roll over again, back onto her stomach.
"Hey," he bit out.
She blinked at him.
"What?"
"When you use Geass on someone, they don't remember the order you gave them, do they?" Lelouch didn't look at her as he voiced the question.
"They're not supposed to," CC answered.
"But can they?" Lelouch pressed, looking over his shoulder at her.
CC shrugged.
"I don't know. I told you, Geass works differently for different people. Your Geass is different to Mao's, and the Geass I possess is different to both of yours. Perhaps, with you…" Her amber eyes flashed again. "…There are people who can remember what you said to them."
Lelouch looked away again.
"He doesn't seem to know that he remembers it," he said blackly. "He seemed to go into some kind of… trance, or something."
In the mirror, he saw CC give another shrug, though she said nothing.
Lelouch flung down the comb, glaring at her; though she merely gazed impassively back at him. His silent tantrums never wavered a response from her.
He went back into the bathroom to put the towel back and open up the shower to let the steam out; CC was sitting up when he came back, legs folded up beneath her.
"Sometimes," she said, making him look sharply at her through strands of wet hair, "there are people that you regret using it on."
I know that, CC…
Lelouch gave a terse nod. Did he regret using it on Suzaku?
Well, no, because it was the only reason Suzaku hadn't allowed himself to be killed. But… he regretted that he'd had to use it on Suzaku.
"The usual reason for this regret," CC went on, "is because you used Geass for a selfish reason."
That made Lelouch look at her. He hadn't used it on Suzaku for a selfish reason – he'd done it because he hadn't wanted him to die. Surely that was incredibly unselfish?
"I think it was selfish," CC said, intercepting his thoughts. "The reason you used Geass on Suzaku Kururugi was a reason different to those for which you've used it on other people. With others, you've done it to get information from them or to make them surrender to you. With Suzaku, you used it deliberately to prevent him from fulfilling his own desire and instead fulfil yours. You didn't want him to die, so you forced him to live."
Lelouch stared at her, silent for a moment or two.
"But surely… that's a good thing?" He rubbed at his forehead. "I mean, he was just being noble and stupid! There was no reason for him to die like that…"
CC shrugged.
"Regardless, it was not his desire to "survive"." Her eyes narrowed. "It was yours, because you couldn't bear to lose him."
Lelouch sank onto the edge of the dresser.
"And… do you think that's why he can… at least partially remember what I said?"
CC shrugged a third time.
"Maybe it wasn't that," she said. "Maybe it's because… subconsciously, you want him to know that you told him to survive."
"Why would I want that?!" Lelouch snapped.
"Because you want him to know that you were the one who saved his life." CC tilted her head a little. "You wanted him to survive for you. Deny it if you wish, but it's true. It makes sense that you'd want him to know that."
And as he stared at her, rendered speechless once more, she reached into his school bag and plucked out his phone, tossing it at him.
"Now order me some pizza," she said.
It was late when Lelouch's phone went off; dark, though he was working by the lamp at his desk. CC was in bed, so the other lights were out.
Putting his map of Tokyo aside, Lelouch picked up his phone and flipped it open.
Text message, from… Suzaku.
Frowning, Lelouch opened his inbox to read the message. It was sparse, containing only three words:
Student Council Room
Lelouch blinked. What? What about the Student Council room? Did Suzaku want him to go there or something? But when? Tomorrow? Or was this a backed-up message, sent earlier, and he was only receiving it now?
He checked the sending time and saw that it had only been a minute ago.
When? he sent back.
It was only a matter of a few seconds before he received a reply:
Now
So clearly Suzaku was waiting for him there. What the hell did he want at this time of night?
Lelouch was still rather wary of Suzaku after this afternoon, but thought it better to confront him. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe he just wanted to talk. They'd been friends for years, after all, and it was rare that they got a moment alone, what with school and Nunally and the Student Council and the whole Zero/Britannian army thing…
Lelouch got up, putting the map back into his desk drawer, and headed for the door. He'd just put his hand on the handle when the lamp across the room flicked on, making him look back.
CC was sitting up in bed, hand still at the lamp where she'd switched it on; her hair a wild and luminescent halo around her face.
Amethyst met amber across the room.
"Sometimes it works differently on different people," CC said, her voice expressionless, "depending on how you feel about that person."
Lelouch's large eyes narrowed.
"That's not what you told me before. You said it works on everyone the same, no matter who they are."
"I lied." CC brushed a strand of hair back over her shoulder. "I thought it would make it easier for you." She raised her chin a little. "Geass is about control. Human emotions mess it up."
"But I am human, CC," Lelouch spat.
"I know." She blinked once at him, very slowly. "So is he."
Lelouch's phone went off in his pocket again, signalling another text message; CC's gaze did not break from him.
"You should go to him," she said.
Lelouch said nothing, taking one final glance at her before pushing down the handle and leaving the room. Outside, closing the door, he checked the new message, again from Suzaku; and it made his blood run chill.
Survive
—
Suzaku was sitting in Milly's chair in the dark when Lelouch entered the room; the place illuminated by the chalky glow of moonlight filtering through the large, floor-to-ceiling windows that always remained open.
"Lelouch." Suzaku stood up, unwinding his legs gracefully; standing up so that Lelouch could see he was wearing his army uniform; rust-coloured fabric turned dark brown by the lack of light. "You came."
There was something weird about his voice; it was pleasant enough, but devoid of the familiarity it usually possessed. It was… huskier; a little unhinged, even…
Unsettled by both his tone and the outfit he'd chosen to wear to their little rendezvous, Lelouch went no closer to him.
"What do you want, Suzaku?" He asked warily.
But Suzaku's answer was stranger still;
"I don't know." Suzaku appeared confused now. "I… you're the one who told me to come here."
Lelouch blinked at him.
"No, I didn't. You sent me… you sent me a text message, look…"
Lelouch pulled out his phone, scrolling down until he found he message in question, holding it up to show Suzaku.
The young soldier blinked at it.
"I didn't send that."
"Then how did you know to come here?" Lelouch snapped. "Why were you waiting here for me?"
Suzaku's jade eyes were bewildered.
"Because you said you'd be here."
"No, I…" Lelouch trailed off, suddenly pulling Suzaku close so that he could look at his eyes.
They were glazed, touched with the pink tint of…
…a Geass victim.
I'm still controlling you? But, even… even if that were so, if you were still under my influence, I told you to survive, not…
Lelouch let his friend go, pushing him away a little.
"Why are you wearing your army uniform?" He asked.
"I don't know."
Lelouch kneaded his forehead wearily.
"Go back to bed, Suzaku," he said finally, turning away from him.
CC had never, ever mentioned anything like this…
"You don't want me now?"
"What?" Lelouch blinked, looking back over his shoulder. "I… I never said that."
I never said I did want you either…
Suzaku stepped towards him.
"You need me," he said softly. "That's what you said, that was the reason for… stopping me from… Well, you said… it was a bargain. You asked me to survive not for myself, but for you."
Lelouch backed away, wide-eyed; it was exactly as CC had said, the Geass had produced a warped effect on Suzaku because Lelouch had used it more out of his own desire.
An effect so warped that Suzaku was even able to read the meaning behind it, thinking Lelouch had voiced things that he knew he hadn't…
But if that was true, then had the Geass manifested other things within Suzaku as well? Or were these his own feelings, hauled up by Lelouch's control over him? Was it Suzaku's own desire or Lelouch's will that was making the young soldier press up close to his friend, fingers ghosting on his pale cheek?
Had Lelouch told Suzaku to survive because… he loved him?
"Go back to bed, Suzaku," Lelouch said, his voice quivering a little as the other boy pushed him up against the desk.
Suzaku paid him no heed, as though he simply hadn't heard him, leaning in towards him—
"Go back to bed, Suzaku!"
Lelouch shrieked it at him, his left eye flaring up almost on its own; summoning forth the Geass he'd already wasted once on the soldier as he slammed him away.
Suzaku stumbled backwards as he had earlier that day, also from Lelouch's violent rebuking of him; green eyes wide, suddenly unseeing.
Suzaku took a deep, shuddering breath, grasping his own shoulders tightly; and then he collapsed to his knees at Lelouch's feet, head bowed and his entire body racked with shallow gasps, as though he suddenly couldn't breathe.
"Suzaku?" Lelouch's eye faded back to violet again as he looked down at the boy he'd managed to reduce to his knees.
Suzaku gave a few gasps, as though he was choking.
"I don't understand," he said softly, speaking to the floor. "I-I don't understand what you want, Lelouch… I keep… I keep hearing your voice in my head, you whisper things, you promise me things… You beg me to survive because you say you need me, that you can't live without me…" Suzaku's hands went to his skull, slender fingers threading in his mahogany tresses. "…I keep hearing your voice and it's driving me mad…"
He finally looked up at Lelouch, who was struck speechless by the sudden one-eighty in his demeanour. Was this how badly Suzaku reacted to Geass? Did it hurt him?
"What do you want, Lelouch?" He whispered hoarsely. "Why did you beg to me to survive…?"
Having no answer that he could give in words, Lelouch came down to his knees as well, wrapping his arms around Suzaku's shaking form, one of his own hands going to the back of the other boy's skull to tangle in the soft brown hair too. He rested his cheek on the crown of Suzaku's head, closing his eyes and holding him tightly.
"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I… I didn't mean for it to hurt you."
Suzaku swallowed, sounding as though he was suppressing tears.
"I was ready to die then," he said hollowly. "But you wouldn't let me."
Suzaku was still entranced, then; there was no way for him to know that Lelouch was Zero, yet he knew that Lelouch had been the one to stop his suicide.
Maybe CC was right – maybe it was because, somehow, Lelouch wanted Suzaku to know.
"Why would I have let you?" Lelouch asked softly, opening his violet eyes again.
Suzaku shrugged in his arms.
"Why does it matter so much to you, Lelouch? I chose to be a solider, I chose to be—"
"Why would that mean that I wouldn't?" Lelouch interrupted. "You matter to people, Suzaku. You can't just throw your life away when there's no need to."
Suzaku glanced up at him.
"Is that why you did it? Because I matter to you?"
"No, it's…" Lelouch's eyes slid closed once more. "It's because I need you."
That had answered nothing. They both knew that.
But even so, Suzaku lifted his head and pressed his mouth to Lelouch's; and this time the dark-haired boy did not push him away. He didn't even open his eyes, allowing Suzaku to push upwards against him, hands going to his shoulders, while Lelouch's own hands remained in Suzaku's brown hair and at his waist.
"I don't understand," Suzaku said again, on breaking the kiss breathlessly.
Lelouch stood, taking Suzaku's wrist and pulling him out of the Student Council room.
"Then I'll show you."
—
Suzaku kissed him against the door of the room; it was breathy and desperate, and Lelouch wasn't sure if this was the Geass or simply hormones now as he contended with the other boy, one hand running down his back as the other felt behind him for the door handle.
Whilst, at this given moment, little else mattered to him but Suzaku, he still wanted to get out of the corridor and into the bedroom.
He was spared having to wrestle with the handle when the door opened by itself; Lelouch almost fell backwards in through the door, saved only by Suzaku, who grabbed hold of him around his back and pulled him upright again.
Lelouch broke his lips away from Suzaku's as he glanced at CC, who had opened the door; she was fully dressed again, a deceptive, beauteous angel in white.
Suzaku apparently didn't notice her, pawing at Lelouch again, though the dark-haired boy pushed him away for a moment, his violet eyes locking with CC's gold ones.
Her face was expressionless, and she said nothing; and after a moment stepped past them, walking away.
It was probably CC's way of saying "Told you so", so Lelouch ignored it, letting her go; why chase her when he had another angel in his arms, one in rust-coloured military clothes?
Far braver and far more beautiful than CC, perhaps.
Lelouch took Suzaku's hand and led him into the room, shutting the door behind them.
Am I making you do this, Suzaku? Are you doing this because you want to?
Lelouch just didn't know anymore, turning his head to the side as Suzaku pushed him up against the other side of the door and began to devour his throat. The young soldier's hands pushed against his chest, trailing over the fabric of his black shirt, then down lower, fingertips tracing over his abdomen, reaching his belt.
Determined not to stand there and have Suzaku do all the work, Lelouch brought his own hands up, tugging Suzaku's tie out from being tucked neatly into his military jacket and working on loosening it. He slid it out from under his shirt collar, twisting undone the first few buttons to bare the other boy's throat and collarbone.
Suzaku's mouth met with his again, pressing upwards, as Lelouch unfastened his heavy uniform jacket and slipped it off over his shoulders, letting it fall to the carpet. The amethyst-eyed boy broke the kiss, starting a trail of kisses of his own down Suzaku's throat and onto his chest as he deftly unbuttoned the rest of his shirt, feeling the solider work his belt loose.
Is this what you want, Suzaku…?
Lelouch pushed away from the door, breaking right away from Suzaku; taking his hand again to pull him across the room. They reached the bed, sank down onto it, Lelouch dragging Suzaku down with him onto its surface; sinking into both it and the brunette's touch. Their lips locked again, Suzaku shrugged off his own shirt, tossing it onto the floor; then reached down beneath him, taking the hem of Lelouch's black T-shirt and peeling it away from his body. Lelouch arched upwards off the sheets into his touch as the soldier went back to his belt, finishing unbuckling it and pulling it undone; kissing the dark-haired boy's flat belly as he worked on the button and zip of his jeans.
Had CC predicted this? Had CC known about this? She'd been waiting, ready… Known it was inevitable. Was it the Geass itself that had drawn he and Suzaku together like this, in the most terrible and beautiful of ways, or was it the other way around – Geass had pushed them together because it was what they both wanted?
Was this nothing to do with the Geass at all?
Even when Suzaku leaned down close to him, chocolate tresses brushing Lelouch's pale forehead, and whispered "I love you, Lelouch" in his ear… he didn't know if that was just the Geass talking. Was Suzaku only saying it because it was Lelouch's desire?
Did Suzaku only love him because Lelouch wanted him to?
Suzaku pulled Lelouch's jeans down and off, throwing them to the floor; kneeling over him, jade eyes hazed with desire, making it so that Lelouch could no longer tell if he was still under the influence of Geass. Instead he could only look up at him – at the face of his friend, changed by adolescence, though still similar enough to the way it had been when he was a child that Lelouch could look up at him and, despite the coldness he felt towards most other people, feel his heart quite literally ache with how much he fucking loved him.
I don't care if you cost me the entire damn war, Suzaku; just survive…
Suzaku kissed him again, then broke away and trailed his way down with tiny, chaste, stardust kisses, reaching to the waistband of his shorts and sliding them down. Lelouch could read his desire by now, shuddering this time in a way that was clearly in anticipation. Geass or not, did Suzaku truly love him so much that he would—?
Ah. Yes. Suzaku did.
"…Suzaku!" Lelouch heaved himself up into a sitting position, gripping at Suzaku's silky hair; he rocked forward, it being all he could do to stop himself thrashing around with how wonderful it felt. "Uhn… Suzak… Suzaku…"
Lelouch opened his eyes, looking down with blurred vision at the other boy, hand still firm in his brown hair; his vision blurred only because it was already beginning to bleach itself pure white, but—
No, this wasn't enough. This – even this – couldn't satisfy him. Just as Geass possessed a person's will, Lelouch felt now that he must possess Suzaku wholly, in every way that he could, and…
If I've marked you with Geass, you are mine.
He pushed Suzaku away, lamenting the loss of that wonderful heat; but pulling the other boy close, kissing him deeply, and then using his weight to switch their positions, pushing Suzaku down against the sheets.
Suzaku didn't seem to protest, particularly. Maybe he'd been expecting this – Lelouch had always been the more controlling of them both, after all.
The amethyst-eyed boy unbuckled Suzaku's belt, pulling the rust-coloured trousers off, the shorts with them.
Now, with the positions reversed, and Suzaku on his back looking up at Lelouch, the brunette boy smiled.
"You grew up… so beautiful, Lelouch," he said softly, reaching up with a trembling hand to trace along Lelouch's cheek.
Lelouch took his wrist and twisted it towards himself, kissing it and the palm of Suzaku's hand.
"So did you," he murmured. Then he paused, looking directly down at Suzaku. "Um, I… I don't…"
"It's okay." Suzaku took Lelouch's elbows. "Just do it. I'm ready."
Despite his words, Lelouch knew he'd hurt Suzaku anyway; his green eyes widened and he took a sharp, gasping breath.
"I'm sorry…" Lelouch panted.
Suzaku breathlessly shook his head.
"N-no, keep… keep going…" He managed to look up at him. "I know… you'd never… never hurt me… on purpose…"
Lelouch wasn't sure how long Suzaku's pain lasted; he hated that each of his thrusts made him gasp in a way that didn't sound good, but…
His name was threaded in those breathy gasps too, and after a while he felt Suzaku start to move with him, moans tossed in with the cries of "Lelouch", and the jade eyes closed completely, shutting out Geass or whatever else it was that made Suzaku want him this way—
Maybe your love is only a Geass-induced lie, Suzaku; but that's not true for me. If I'm making you do this against your will, I'm sorry, but it's not a lie on my part. I love you, and I want you to survive.
Much later, Lelouch opened his eyes on hearing the door open.
CC was back, the outline of her hair making her a wraithlike creature in the doorway.
Lelouch himself was intertwined beneath the sheets with Suzaku, the brunette boy asleep with his head on his friend's shoulder.
He thought at first he might just pretend to still be asleep, but something about CC's presence made him want to confront her like this – naked, with another boy in his arms.
CC knew, anyway. It was no challenge to show CC what he'd shared with Suzaku. She'd seen them kissing outside the bedroom door – opened the door for them, no doubt knowing they'd head straight for the bed.
That, and the fact that CC didn't give a damn.
CC closed the door and crossed the room, flopping down on the opposite bed with her back to him, her hair trailing over the edge of the mattress.
"CC," Lelouch said.
"What?" She didn't look at him.
"When you enslave people under Geass, they don't remember what you said to them, right? At least… not if the reason wasn't a selfish one."
CC shrugged.
"Right."
She said nothing more, and neither did he; snuggling down again beneath the sheets with Suzaku.
I don't think your reason was selfish, CC – even if mine was. And for the record, Suzaku, when I told you to survive…
Lelouch kissed his sleeping friend on the forehead, feeling his breath against him.
It wasn't a suggestion; it was an order.
END
Ooh, how ambiguous…
Eh, CC was in it a whole lot considering it was a LelouchxSuzaku fic, but I really like her, so…
AutumnDynasty, hope you liked it! Happy 19th Birthday, duuuuuuuuuude!