Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh nor do I own the majesty that is Floater, the band who DOES own the song. If you don't know Floater, they are a local band here in Oregon. BomberBrat (for you sasodei fans who know her work, maybe her stamp of approval is enough to get you interested if my stamp of approval isn't quite enough) and I have gone to a couple shows together . They are gods. Go to the Dizzler site right now and listen to them. Sorry for a really long disclaimer. I'm rambling because I'm trying to think of all I'm doing for this chapter.

Author's Note: I finally got depressed enough to feel like writing again so I started a one shot for my sasodei fics and someone asked me to update this story so here I am. Back in the game for the upteenth time. I really feel like I want to write but it's hard to get away from World of Warcraft and Plants vs. Zombies… Still trying to get that damn Envoy gun but I finally got a better bow from Ulduar… Erm.. Nerd talk, sorry… Now go read about your gay addicts. You know you love them. Admit it and review!

Chapter 03 An Apology

Seto was feeling rather exhilarated as he decided to walk to school this morning rather than drive. Nothing could bring him down today. Everything with Katsuya was perfect and the blonde was currently out of town visiting a sick family member nobody actually cared about. The only reason Katsuya actually went was to get out of class.

The young CEO was glad to have a little time away from Jou. He knew the two were spending far too much time with one another and they needed to get their heads clear. Seto found it hard to be around his pup constantly while being sober due to the fact that his littler star was so much brighter. When he was on something he could look past all the ugliness in the world. He didn't have to see Jou's sad eyes looking up at him. He saw orbs honey staring into him, asking him to bend to their will. When he looked into those eyes he felt washed over by pure light. He felt complete.

'So strip away all of my shadows
And light me up brighter than the sun'

Seto shook his head. It was time for him to get thoughts like that out of his head. He knew how selfish he was acting but he didn't want to believe it. He knew Jou was hurting inside but he wanted to look past it. All he wanted was for his puppy to be happy like he was.

A light sigh escaped from Seto's cracked lips. The hot air against the slightly peeled lips stung. He placed his fingers gently to his lips, furrowing his brow. The dirty finger which he was now sliding across his bottom lip sent more stinging pain. Seto quickly pulled his hand away and sighed once more. His hand found its way to his pocket and he dug out a small container of lip balm. After applying some of the cool gel to his lips he continued through the park towards school.

As Seto took a seat he looked amongst his classmates. He looked past the few smiles he was getting and looked up to the front of the room. There stood Nakamura-Sensei with a look of dread upon her face. He didn't envy her and her tedious life existing of nothing but bratty kids and an endless job which is only needed to feel secure and miserable. Seto paused and realized his live wasn't much to envy either. Sure things seemed glamorous with his corporation, wealth and fame but the boy would wager he was just as alone and miserable as Nakamura-Sensei.

'My hands are strong from building these gallows
Many will be left hanging before my time here is done'

Seto looked away from the aura of depression and found himself staring at an empty desk. He wondered what Jou was doing right now. He could imagine the blonde in the hospital room with his cousin, fast alseep in the corner on a chair. He chuckled slightly to the thought. He missed his puppy more than he thought he could. Three whole days without him felt more like three months. Seto muttered a curse to love under his breath while hastily breaking his stare from Katsuya's desk.

The rest of the day seemed like a complete blur to Seto. He began to instigate himself as to why every little insignificant detail reached out to him so deeply while everything else in the world were like the little things he would usually look over. His world felt topsy turvy and he was upset that he found himself somewhat enjoying it.

As the brunette strolled through the park he began wishing he didn't walk to school this morning. A frustrated grunt came from his throat as he pushed himself past a family walking slowly in front of him. He quickened his pace and his feet hit the ground hard. The clacking from his shoes entered his head as a steady and soothing beat. He began to count each clack he heard. When he found himself at his door step his counting stopped at 418. He chuckled to himself while thinking, 'it's almost time'.

Out of curiosity he checked his watch to see the time. He bit his lower lip and cringed at the pain, having forgotten how dry and cracked they were. Seto sighed. He'd been sober for a week now and didn't want to spoil anything. It didn't matter that Katsuya wasn't there he had to remain true to his word.

Seto's pale hand reached out for the doorknob but just before he could grasp it the door swung open. Seto swallowed hard and slowly looked up to see an agitated Bakura. "H-hello," came the nervous boy's greeting.

"Hello," Bakura replied calmly as he stepped to the side and motioned with his arm for Seto to enter. The boy did as invited and slowly walked into his home.

"What- what are you doing here?" Kaiba asked cautiously as he removed his shoes. He watched Bakura from the corner of his eyes and felt his heart race when he saw the mischievous grin growing on his face.

"Just came around to see an old friend. Should I not have come?" He asked in a snider manner. "I haven't seen you in quite a while, you had me… what's the word I'm looking for?"

"Broke?" Seto asked as he rudely pushed into Bakura, making his way to the kitchen. Bakura closely followed, the grin not leaving.

"I was thinking more… Bored," came the yami's tantalizing reply. Seto walked to the fridge and sighed. He knew what Bakura was implying and it was hard to refuse.

'Before my time is done
Before my time is done'

Seto watched as smoke rushed towards him and embraced his body before dissipating. He shyly looked to Bakura as the other boy quickly pressed his lips back to the clay pipe to take another hit. Bakura noticed the hungry eyes Seto laid upon him and removed the pipe from his lips. He watched as Seto's fingers began to play with each other, tangling up and falling back apart. He blew out his hit and stared as Seto's breath hitched and he sat completely still.

"You want?" Bakura asked as he held out the pipe to Seto. He could see the twisting in the boy's mind. Seto looked at the pipe with scared eyes. "It's just pot. It's not like some of the shit you've done with me. Do you remember last summer out at the lake with-"

"Stop," Seto demanded in a calm voice. He took the pipe and without question pressed his lips to the pipe watched as the dim glow of the still burning bowl became fierce. He listened to the slight crackle of the leaves burning and felt an odd sense of satisfaction. He released the carb and slowly brought the pipe away from his mouth. His face hid behind messy hair and all Bakura could see was a cloud of smoke slowly beginning to form around Seto's body as he exhaled.

Seto brought his head up and watched the smoke dance around the room. He could almost swear he saw Jounouchi's face hiding in the smoke.

'Well I could show you no merciful side again'

"Feel better?" Bakura asked as he took the pipe back from Seto. "I don't see why you let that kid control your life."

Seto sat in silence as he thought about what Bakura said. He knew that Jou wasn't controlling him; he was just trying to protect that which he holds dear. Seto knew about the pain Jou faced with his father and he knew that what he was doing to the blonde was unacceptable. "He's not controlling me," Seto finally said to break the silence.

"Oh really now?" Bakura scoffed. "Not the way I see it."

"I make the choice to quit. I do it for him to make him happy."

Nothing was heard but a gentle whimper. Seto and Bakura looked to each other, confused. Their locked eyes were broken from the bedroom door creaking open. "Well what a good job you're doing," Jou spoke as he pushed the door open.

"Ka- What are you doing back?" Seto asked not even attempting to hide any of the paraphernalia lying around.

"I came back early, obviously. How's it going? Having fun?" Katsuya walked up to the bed and looked down at the objects on the bed. "Needles?"

'I could just hold you, wouldn't that be nice?'

Seto looked up at the anguish on his lover's face. He could feel Jou's heart cracking. "Katsuya…"

"He only took one hit. I made him do it," Bakura informed as he began to clean up the bed and put things away.

"That's not what matters, Bakura. I'm not going to blame you. He made the choice," Jou said as he glared to Seto.

Those words rung in Seto's mind. Somehow he just knew that would come back to bite him in the ass.

'One thing I know by now is that in the end
You can never swim in the same river twice'

"I don't know why I even try," Jou said as tears began to form in his eyes. "You were doing so well. But the second I leave town you're doing this shit again. Do you really hate yourself that much? Do you really need to sit here and not exist within actual reality just to feel justified to live?"

Seto looked up at Jou and frowned. He wasn't sure what to think about what he had been asked. "I don't know."

"Of course you don't," Jou said and his eyebrows drew down.

'Trying, you're wasting your time'

Seto could feel his eyes becoming damp and looked away from Katsuya. He really wished he didn't, because at that moment the blonde turned and left. Seto didn't say anything, just reached his hand out.

He felt three things drop into his palm and he lightly clenched so he wouldn't drop them. He brought his hand near his face and looked down. He looked at a small gel tab with a glint in his eyes. He carefully picked it up with his other hand and popped it in his mouth. He waited for a few moments and cleared his throat. He looked down to the pipe and lighter still resting in his hand. He took a hit and cringed as he passed the pipe to Bakura.

'And I don't know why god made me this way
(And I'm so sorry)'

Two hours later Seto and Bakura were lying out in the grass. Bakura was giggling as he played around with a ladybug he found on a rock. Seto watched him and smiled. It reminded him of Jou and his playful innocence. He felt like a hole was slowly growing in the back of his brain. He could feel his essence draining out of him like a water cooler. He felt the bubbling and swooshing running through his brain only to funnel out and splatter to the ground.

"I need tape," Seto said as he stood up.

"Huh? For what?" Bakura laughed.

"I'm draining from this hole. Soon I'll just be deflated skin decomposing in the grass. That doesn't sound like an encounter I would enjoy so if I tape over the hole I can't escape from myself," he explained while he placed his hand over the back of his head.

"If you don't want to escape yourself then be alive," Bakura said as he took the ladybug he was playing with in his hand. "Stop running away from your life." He tightly clenched his fist and made a satisfied face as he could feel the bug popping in his hand.

"You got some sort of sick sexual pleasure out of that," Seto said as he looked to the hand with a slaughtered lady bug in it.

"So what if I did? At least I can accept myself."

"You do the same as I do," Seto defended.

"No. I do this for fun. You do it to hide."

'I don't know how much more I can take
(And I'm so sorry)'

"Shut up," Seto growled as he grabbed a crushed pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He grabbed one and light it and angrily took a drag.

"You're only mad because you know that I'm right. You know those things will kill you right?" Seto blinked a couple of times as he gave Bakura a dumfounded look. "I know, I know such a cliché thing to say but I felt like I just had to. It's pretty ironic anyways."

"Don't talk to me about irony," Seto sighed. He watched the paper slowly burning itself on his cigarette. He watched the cherry glowing and seemed to get lost in it.

'You know it's always my mistake
(And I'm so sorry)
And I'll be sorry when I break you'

"Thinking about Jounouchi?" Bakura asked as he ran his fingers through the blades of grass. Seto had to think about that question for a while. He wasn't really sure if he was thinking about Jou in particular; everything just made him think of the boy.

"In a way, I suppose." Seto slowly finished his cigarette and crushed it down into the grass when he was done. "Let's not worry about that. Let's try to have some fun."

Bakura instantly perked up and looked to Seto with an excited smile. "Can do."

'So take high, fly me over the mountains
Cry of the raven and the scream of the dove
And I'll be gone on the wings of the eagles'

Seto had no idea how long had passed since Jou left. He wasn't sure if it was hours or days, all he knew was Bakura was there. The two had made their way to the bedroom and laid side by side on the bed. "So how do you feel?" Bakura asked.

"Like my fingers are sewn to his hair." Seto looked down and could see the blonde tresses winding up his fingers. It felt warm and safe.

"Well, that's a little creepy," Bakura laughed. He scooted closer to Seto and rested his head down on the other boy's shoulder. "If you love him so much why are you right here with me?"

"Because god can only imagine how much he hates me right now."

'High road behind me, left everything that I loved
All of the things I loved'

Jounouchi stared down at his homework, tapping his pencil against the desk. He sighed as he tried his best to concentrate but the thoughts of how Seto betrayed him were haunting. He wished he could forgive but he knew it would only bring to disappointment. Funny how those things didn't matter when they were apart. Katsuya felt like he was losing his mind. The ideal of love was so controlling and suffocating. He couldn't understand why he would dare be with someone who made him unhappy.

The boy ruffled his hair in frustration and threw his pencil to the desk. He wondered if he was just comfortable and familiar with Seto. He questioned if the saying 'out of sight, out of mind' was really all it was cracked up to be. He knew he could find the way to get over Seto, but he knew it wasn't what he wanted. Why? Why did love have to be a blender of shit? Sure, sprinkle some rose petals on the top and people might think it's pretty at first but the disgust will reach everyone soon enough.

'Oh I don't know why god made me this way
(And I'm so sorry)'

Jou looked back down to his homework and twitched slightly. "Why did I not do this when I was bored and half asleep in the hospital? Ugh, it's due tomorrow…" The blonde grabbed his pencil and hung his head over the paper. "Okay, time to get Seto out of my head and focus for once. He's not here to distract me, so I shouldn't be so damn sidetracked."

Jou slowly began to make a few scribbles on the paper as he read the first question for the sixteenth time. How was he supposed to write five paragraphs concerning the The Civil War and The Reconstruction when all he could think about was Seto standing behind him gently massaging his shoulders?

'I don't know how much more I can take
(And I'm so sorry)'

"Okay, third time's a charm," Jou told himself as once again he attempted to work. Just as he was about to start writing the doorbell rang. Jou thanked any god that was looking down at him and ran to get the door, knocking his chair over in the process.

'You know it's always my mistake
(And I'm so sorry)'

Seto stood at Jou's door, shaking. He just rung the doorbell and could feel fear eating his heart. He asked himself why he was here. He knew Jou would just slam the door in his face.

As the door open Seto's eyes immediately locked to Jou's. He could see the anguish but what made him happy was he could also see the love and lust. Seto took a small step forward and reached his hand out to touch Katsuya's face. He was relieved when the blonde didn't pull away.

"Your lips… Do you need lip balm?" Jou asked as he reached out and placed a couple fingers just below Seto's lower lip.

Seto shook his head. "I have some, thank you. Are you busy?"

"Just trying to do some homework. Not going so well, I just can't concentrate at all," Jou sighed.

"I know what you mean."

The two then stood in silence. Jou's dim eyes fell and his gaze was redirected to the vomit colored welcome mat Seto stood on. "You're not wearing shoes," Jou commented.

"Neither are you,' Seto replied, wiggling his toes.

"I'm inside," Jou said as he gave a tiny smile.

Seto's eyes light up to the sight of his puppy smiling. A large grin appeared on his face and he cautiously went in for a kiss. Jou didn't reject him, but he made no movements. Seto pulled away feeling dejected. Jou looked away and took a step back. Seto removed his hand from the warm cheek and sighed.

'And I'll be sorry when I see that you're gone

Gone away
Like a god gone astray'

The two boys looked into each other's eyes and Seto could read Jou's face. He frowned and watched as Jou's eye swelled with tears.

'Not a word
will be spoken'

Katsuya sniffled and wiped his face against his sleeve. He looked up to Seto with a quivering lip. Seto cringed and hastily took a hold of Jou and pulled him into his chest. As he was about to wrap his arm around the boy, he put his palms up to Seto's chest and pushed away. Seto looked down to the couple of tears that soaked into his shirt and looked back up to Jou, biting his lower lip hard. He grunted to the pain and watched as Katsuya had tears cascading down his face.

'Of how it broke me when I saw you broken'

Seto began to cry with his lover, letting go of his lip to cough a little. He fell to his knees and looked up to the blonde, holding onto his pants to keep himself up.

'Broken'

Jou pulled his pants from Seto's grip and held out a hand. Seto took the offer and was helped back to his feet. Jou leaned in and kissed Seto. He could feel their tears mixing together and rubbing against one another's cheeks. He would never forget that feeling.

'Broken'

Jounouchi pulled away from the somber kiss and looked at Seto a last time before slowly closing the door.

'When I broke you'

(TBC)

Hah. I did it. I finally did it. Please review, I'll give you nakie men.

Song: An Apology by Floater