'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

~"Iris" By

The Goo Goo Dolls

    Why am I here? Why do I want to look again at my past? Is there a reason I'm doing this to myself? I ran because I could and now I'm going back because I have to.

     Oh I'm sorry. You must be confused by now. How do I begin? Well, my name is Harry James Potter, but no one's called me that for years. Four years to be exact, that's when I left. I guess I should start there…

     Four years ago I was seventeen. I was an adult, well at least that's what I thought. Four years ago I was going to get on the train and go back to the Dursleys. That didn't happen. The day before I was going to board the Hogwart's Express, I left—I left it all behind. I knew I was going to be the one that had to defeat Voldemort, something that hadn't happened yet, and I left. I haven't talked to those people, the people of my past, in four years. I didn't know at the time, but I left for a job. A job where people would need me but not hold me back, a job where I could fight. A job where people didn't know me. I smile thinking about it. No one knows that the person who is almost what you would call leading them, the person who they trust, is the famous Harry Potter, the boy who lived, the person who is now known as the boy who disappeared.

     I should explain about my job. Everyone knows about the Department of Mysteries in the Ministry. But what they don't know is that there is something within it that no one, not even the Minister of Magic, knows about.  An elite group of people much worse than Unspeakables and more trained than Aurors. They are part of the Merlin Project. People called Merlins. They are the strongest Wizards and Witches in the world, put together to stop the dark forces.  And I joined it. I wasn't asked. I hadn't known about it before I left, I just ran across it.

     I was in Ireland at the time. Before I joined the Project, I did freelance for a year. I was moderating Death Eaters in the area, sending information back to England when I could. It was a woman who drew me to it—a dark haired beauty. I couldn't place her. She wasn't a foe, and I didn't know if she was friend, so I followed her. She led me back to England, back to the Ministry, and right into the Project's hand. I was admitted right away. I was James Black, a Merlin, someone who was good at what they did and did what they were good at. It only took me two years to make my way up in the department. I was trusted with some of the hardest jobs our business got. Not many people know about the Project. They didn't know they got Merlins when they went to the Department of Mysteries.

       The day that I joined the Project was the day that Harry Potter died and James Black was born.

       Though in the year before I joined the Project, I had changed, and not just appearance wise. I had grown out my hair. I found that the more of it I had, the less unruly it was. I grew taller within that year, shot up the month after I left, and filled out too. I don't mean to brag, but I can take down anyone muggle style. I took as many classes in self-defense that I could. I found spells that could clear up my eyesight for a few months, conceal my scar, and change my eye color. I quite like having blue eyes. All in all, I don't look a thing like I did four years ago. And I can take care of myself now, not that I couldn't before.

     In everything I do and everywhere I go, there is a sense of something—a sense of guilt. I never told anyone, not even one person, that I was going. I just grabbed my stuff and left. At the time I needed it. A chance to be on my own and do what I was good at. I don't regret what I did, I just wish I had told someone. I miss everyone. But I can't dwell on that. I have a job to do.

     Okay let's get back to the point. Before, I was talking about going back. That thought makes me grimace. It all happened yesterday.

     I was called out of my office early in the morning. I was always in early. Merlin had called me into his office, which was odd in itself. But what was even more odd was that he came and got me himself.

    I guess I should explain about Merlin. He is the head of the Project. Merlin isn't his real name but by the time I came along that was the only thing he was called. He is an imposing man. Gruff and big. A person you really want on your side. He hadn't been out in the field for years, but you wouldn't have guessed it by looking at him.  He was always wearing a black suit, which went quite well with his shaved head.

     Well let's get back to that day. Merlin had appeared into my office, but we didn't stay there long. Not at all. We were at his office in a matter of minutes. And it was an even shorter time until we sat down in the plush, black, leather chairs. I faced him as he started to talk.

     "James," he sighed, "I have an odd job for you."

     That was odd at the time, he never said our jobs were odd, but boy was I in for a surprise. "What is it, Merlin?" I asked, genuinely curious.

     "We need you to find someone, a very special someone. But you will be under a context of a detective. Two people came to the Department of Mysteries asking if we would find an old friend of theirs. They said something about him being the only hope the light side had, and I have to agree. That's why I'm sending you."

       Okay, lets hold on for a moment. You have obviously figured out what this is about, but me? No, I was being an idiot at the time—I still didn't have a clue. Well let's continue.

     "I'd love to take this job, but who exactly I am going to have to find?" I still hadn't figured it out.

     He handed me a portfolio that was filled with papers. "Open it up to the third page, there's a picture."

     I did what he said and as I looked at the smiling picture, I could feel the blood draining out of my face. I looked up. "You have got to be kidding me."   

     "What's wrong James?"

     What's wrong? What's wrong? The man just sent me on a mission to find myself. Literally. I didn't have a clue how I was supposed to do this, so I figured I had better get as much information as I could.

     "You're sending me to find the Boy Who Lived? Why? He's just a kid who ran away because he couldn't take the pressure." It felt odd to be talking about myself like this. I could have laughed out loud at the oddness of the situation.

      Merlin glared at me, he actually glared at me. "That boy, as you call him, is our last chance. That boy is the most powerful wizard—ever. And that boy needs to be trained before he does something he might regret. Do you understand me?" He was red in the face.

       "Yes sir," I replied meekly. Though it wasn't because of his tone, it was because I was so shocked. Me, he was talking about me? I just couldn't comprehend that. I am the most powerful wizard, if that was true why hadn't anyone told me? If it was about me I had a right to know.

     Merlin must have seen something in me because he continued in a softer tone. "He hadn't known at the time,"—'No duh,' I thought—"He wouldn't have known until now anyway. The powers don't come until the 21^st year. And we need him to kill Voldemort. I need you to go to Hogwarts tomorrow and meet up with," he looked down at a piece of paper, "Ron and Hermione Weasley. You are to protect them as you find Harry. The information you need is in that envelope. Find him as soon as you can, after four years, Ron and Hermione are the only ones who believe he is still alive. You are dismissed."

     So that is why I'm here, that's why I'm going back. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know one thing. This time I'm not running away.

A/N: I know I should be working on "Days Gone By—Are They Really Gone?" but I am having major writer's block for that story. This one was stuck in my head and I decided to write it down. I know this chapter is short, but bare with me? Tell me if I should continue, or if I should just trash this one. I'm still working on my other story, so be expecting another part, just not too soon.

Thanks to Krazy Kris, Pumpkin Hatching, and Katrina Skyfrost. They are awesome beta readers and they told me to post this. So thank you!!!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything to do with those books; all I own is the plot and the things that came from my imagination. Nor do I own the song "Iris" which is by The Goo Goo Dolls.