Pein's voice was a dangerous whisper, barely audible. To the others near him it seemed like a good time to get away – his rage was uncontrollable. Tobi dropped the prisoner's arms and began to scoot back towards the earthy passage, fear was shining in his eye behind the mask.

"You will stay put!" Pein hissed without tearing his eyes away from the guilty immortals and their position on his torture equipment. Zetsu scanned the damage, the blood on the floor and walls, the discarded and ruined clothing.

"We told them not to make a mess" he said to himself and Pein's head whipped around. He shot daggers at the plant man,

"You knew they were in here all along?" he growled, "have I NO respect in this fucking organisation?" He threw the box down that he was carrying and glittering silver kunai spilled out over the broken tiles. Kakuzu licked his lips and grinned.

"You –you be in my office in 10 minutes!" Pein stuttered in fury and pointed at the steel bared door.

There was silence as Kakuzu slipped of the table and cut the ropes that bound Hidan's arms. He was shaking with laughter and tears of mirth gleamed in both of their eyes. With his arm over his partners shoulder they trudged out of the chamber, careful not to meet anyone's' eyes on the way past. Kisame turned to watch Hidan's naked butt disappear down the corridor and listen to their footsteps fading, he waited for Pein's outburst but none came. Instead there was a snigger.

"Tobi doesn't know why Kakuzu was torturing Hidan!" the idiot piped up, "Hidan is nice to Tobi! Hidan is a good boy too!"

Zetsu sighed and took the younger nin aside to explain in detail exactly why they found the two immortals taking liberties inside this forbidden room. Tobi's face was hidden but from the choking noises he was making, one could guess what expressions he was pulling.

"He does WHAT?!" the little ninja screeched and Kisame winced. He was probably guilty of much of the same thing, alone with Itachi...with this week's playboy aquarium magazine... A smile lit up his pale blue face and eyes. Pein stared.

"Ok enough, you jokers can sort this bastard out" he aimed a kick at the prisoner, whose Konoha headband slipped over his eyes, "I'm going to...have a little chat, yes...just a chat with those disrespectful...grr" His voice became inaudible again and his anger boiled just beneath the surface. He sloped off, orange hair waving wildly and his cloak flapped menacingly in the doorway. Kakuzu and Hidan were in trouble.

"Hidan, idiot you're supposed to sit this side of the desk!" Kakuzu complained mildly but was still watching his partner in amusement. The priest was lounging on Leader's chair dripping blood all over the place. His legs were spread wide and if the desk wasn't there Kakuzu would be getting an eyeful.

"Whatcha reckon he's gonna do, Kuzu?" though there was no trace of fear or trepidation in the immortals eyes he gave a fake shudder anyway.

"No idea. He's not a patch on me anyway" Kakuzu winked and put his hands behind his head, smiling broadly. His hood and mask had been left behind but he didn't give a toss. Everyone had seen him half naked now.

Footsteps signalled the approach of Pein. The door handle jerked and the door swung inwards and smacked the wall. Plaster fell down in clumps and landed in his spiked hair but he didn't even notice. The duo met his eyes, he looked slightly mad.

"Dude i'm seriously sorry about your torture room and that" began Hidan, but Pein barely noticed. He ran a tired hand through his hair and sat on the desk facing them. It looked like it cost him a lot to say this. He fixed them with his dizzy yellow eyes,

"I-" he began but Kakuzu interrupted

"Hey, I'm sorry we went and used the room without asking. But you never used it anyway..." he gave a quizzical stare and fell silent.

"Yeah and and If it's about the sex, Itachi and Kisame always-"

"Guys, ugh. This isn't about that" Pein sighed and tried to look anywhere but their eyes.

Two baleful stares met his, and he snapped.

"Ok...it's about Konan..." he muttered and turned away. Hidan looked as if he was about to laugh, Kakuzu just looked questioning.

"What has this got to do with us?" he began, but his brain did the maths and he figured a certain date was coming up very soon. A date that all women remember.

"Valentines day" they said with horror.

Hidan got up and started waving his hands saying it had nothing to do with him.

"Heathens festival" he spat and tried to get away but Pein stood by the door and refused to budge.

"What am I going to do guys? I mean I don't know who else to ask and..."

"Oh...You know, do the whole roses thing. Chicks dig that!" exclaimed Hidan getting swiftly into the swing of things, "yeah and you should do up her room with candles and fill her bed with teddies and all that shit"

Pein looked at him in despair, "I don't think that's her bag really..." his voice trailed off.

So as the prisoner was tortured and then killed a few floors beneath their feet, the Leader, the Priest and Kakuzu sat discussing Valentines plans until the break of dawn. Neither of them had any real idea what to do, but a plan was formed. A plan to end all valentines days, but who ever said Akatsuki had any conception of love.